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The W - Random - The House Of The Dead
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Altoshaam
Weisswurst








Since: 22.4.02
From: Toronto

Since last post: 3810 days
Last activity: 1620 days
#1 Posted on
Has anybody else seen this yet? BEST MOVIE EVER! ... no, wait... it was actually the WORST movie ever. Sorry, I get confused sometimes. I’m sure nobody went to see this expecting good acting, stunning cinematography, or insightful social commentary, just some good ol’ fashioned zombie goodness. Hey, slow motion bullet-time zombie shooting set to DMX? sounds good to me! ....god, I must have been drunk, thinking that. (I was)
I saw the movie on Friday night, and I’m still angry at it. Nothing about this movie was right. At times, it was sooooo close to being “so bad, it’s good” but then went straight to being just plain bad again. Let’s start with the zombies. A good third of the zombies weren’t even wearing zombie makeup. Just a bunch of extras running around wearing dirty clothes. I can forgive that, though. The zombies that mattered did look like zombies... only they don’t act like zombies... they’re like undead olympic athletes, running, swimming, and jumping,sometimes with wire work! Wheee!
For a zombie movie, the gore levels were ridiculously low.... We never got to see a zombie chomping down on any of our “heroes”... it’s all done off screen... leaving the horrors of “Isla de la Muerte” to your imagination. I DIDN’T PAY FIFTEEN DOLLARS TO USE MY IMAGINATION. The only gore in the movie is courtesy of the zombies taking bullets in the movie’s horribly drawn-out “action sequence” Each character gets their own leisurely bullet-time sequence, where we get to see every character, one by one, swirl around in slow motion, and finally shoot a zombie. Just like we’ve watched them do for 15 minutes already. Nothing cool or creative. Just shooting a zombie. In bullet time. Because if there’s one thing North America can’t get enough of, it’s pointless, gratuitous bullet time. God bless you, House of the Dead. IN BULLET TIME.
Also, they kept splicing in footage of the actual House of the Dead video game. Sometimes to shift from scene to scene, and sometimes for no reason at all. Maybe because it’s cheaper to show a video game zombie getting shot than shelling out the extra hundred bucks to actually film it, in bullet time, no doubt. There’s so much more I’d like to complain about, but I’d have to “spoil” the movie to delve into it.
Don’t get me wrong... the movie did have some redeeming qualities... you couldn’t help but laugh at the awful horror dialogue... and for some reason, Clint Howard as the crazy fisherman Salish really cracked me up. And yeah, since it’s a horror movie, there were plenty of breasts.. but never the ones you really wanted to see. C’mon... how much would it cost to get Ona Grauer topless? About half of the audience walked out on this film, and I don’t blame them. Still, I’m going to recommend this movie to all my friends. Mostly because I’m a jerk.



mmmm..... beer and pie.
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Tenken347
Boudin blanc








Since: 27.2.03
From: Parts Unknown

Since last post: 8 hours
Last activity: 45 min.
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.57
I had actually seen the early trailers for this, way back like a year ago. Those trailers showed you just how bad the movie was going to be. The new trailers, the ones they've been showing for the last month, those trailers lie to you. They've been carefully crafted to fool people into thinking the movie might be any good. That, my friends, goes past good marketing and into unfair territory.
Mystic Gohan 2003
Chipolata








Since: 18.10.02
From: Tulsa Oklahoma

Since last post: 116 days
Last activity: 76 days
AIM:  
#3 Posted on
No i think the new trailer do show you how bad this movie was. it had (c)rap music, and was just horrid. There is too much to say about how bad this was. The good thing was the villian stabbing the girl that i hated. then of course, when the ending credits came on...



Go ahead, do it
You have sexual needs (needs), desires (desires)
You want to, you need to, do it for you
When was the last time you did something, for you? (indulge)
We all know this is a physical thing, it's not like you're going to leave your wife (physical)
Look at it this way, it will make your relationship stronger in the end
What she doesn't know, wont hurt her (bliss)
You'll apprecriate your wife more (appreciation)
You play your cards right, you might even learn a few things (A+)
And believe me, your wife will thank you later (thanks)
I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.
wordlife
Head cheese








Since: 4.4.03

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2582 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.76
Can someone please explain to me why Hollywood allows dogshit like this but won't give George Romero $15 million to make "Dead Reckoning"? :*(*
ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 3637 days
Last activity: 3296 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.10
    Originally posted by wordlife
    Can someone please explain to me why Hollywood allows dogshit like this but won't give George Romero $15 million to make "Dead Reckoning"? :*(*


Because he won't make tripe that looks/feels/hypes just like Resident Evil, 28 Days Later, or any other new hip and/or trendy slasher flicks.

This one seems only to have been made to ride the wave caused by some half-way decent flicks (see mentioned above).

It's like when they released Deep Impact, Armageddon, and Volcano. The era of disaster flicks.



I would like to congatulate Al Snow on his contact with La-Z-Boy. Because we all know Al doesn't sell chairs. - Mick Foley




Make sure to check out ThreepMe's Website of Fun
MonteCarl
Potato korv








Since: 21.1.02
From: Saginaw, MI

Since last post: 173 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.22
Sorry, I have to interject here. 28 Days Later was anything but a "new, hip, trendy slasher flick". That movie was fabulous and was basically an indie shot on digital video in England (at least I think that's where it was shot) over a year ago. It built a following there, so it got a release in the States. It was completely non-traditional and I'm surprised it got released by a major studio at all. That is all. Carry on.

--Monte N
ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 3637 days
Last activity: 3296 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.10
    Originally posted by MonteCarl
    Sorry, I have to interject here. 28 Days Later was anything but a "new, hip, trendy slasher flick". That movie was fabulous and was basically an indie shot on digital video in England (at least I think that's where it was shot) over a year ago. It built a following there, so it got a release in the States. It was completely non-traditional and I'm surprised it got released by a major studio at all. That is all. Carry on.

    --Monte N


Not saying that it was trendy before and that's why it got released.

I'm just saying that with 28 Days Later and Resident Evil (both being zombie flicks) have set a precident to allow movies like House of the Dead to be made and released.

It has since become new, hip and trendy. But only by it's own accolades.

Now here come the clones.



I would like to congatulate Al Snow on his contact with La-Z-Boy. Because we all know Al doesn't sell chairs. - Mick Foley




Make sure to check out ThreepMe's Website of Fun
wordlife
Head cheese








Since: 4.4.03

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2582 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.76
I personally hated Resident Evil, if you read Romero's script it was 1000x better than that POS that we saw, and I thought 28 days later was pretty good but it was kinda overhyped (it was like your buddy getting you psyched up to meet one of his g/f's buds who he thinks is a total babe but when you meet her, she is pretty cute, but the whole thing was overbuilt)....I personally believe that cabin fever was the best horror movie of 2003 so far, I digress.

But you are right about the whole repeat thing, I just feel it's sad that there is no room for the originator of this genre and probably the greatest SFX guy of all time (Tom Savini) to have their chance to make the last movie.

The clone that pisses me off the most is that piece of crap Dawn of the Dead and that fuck-up James "Scooby Doo" Gunn at the helm. *Fuck you for defecating on probably the best horror film of all time, you hack!*, please excuse me
oldschoolhero
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: nWo Country

Since last post: 1923 days
Last activity: 1857 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.47
Cabin Fever was rocking early on but just totally fudged any goodwill with the overly jokey last ten minutes. ESPECIALLY the closing joke...if they'd slipped that bad boy earlier in the film, they could've got away with it. MAYBE.

Also-but don't quote me on this-Romero's got a halfway decent budget slapped together and is currently scouting, from what I hear. Dead Reckoning's looking at late 2005/early 2006 opening date.

Also part two, 28 Days Later was 2002. Released over here in the Uck last Novemeber. That counts! And while we're on the subject of UK releases, you should really try to hunt down My LIttle Eye. A discerning horror fan couldn't do finer.



And Lo, The Urine Shall Flow Freely In The Aisles, As Small Children And Frail Old Ladies Flee Before The Brutality, The Might, The Sheer Viciousness...Of ~EVIL COACH~!

wordlife
Head cheese








Since: 4.4.03

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2582 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.76
Thanks oldschool for the tip I will try to do that.

I have heard some of the same rumors myself (some actually coming from a horror website which is pretty on target usually), I hope Romero gets it b/c he really deserves the chance to make his last one

As for Cabin Fever, I agree they should have got the racial joke over with quicker, I was in a theatre with 25% African-Americans and I thought these 2 women were gonna go kick in the screen....I thought the joke with the policeman at the end was hilarious when Shawn Hunter came up to the cop's party asking him about the tow and the he was like ohhhh yeah I forgot partyboy sorry, his face was classic (Honestly, I wouldn't mind that director (Eli Roth) being given another chance to make a horror movie (I think he will learn from his mistakes)
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I actually have a good one I get regularly w/o sugar, but a nice boost. Plus, it tastes WAY better than the cough syrup that is Red Bull.
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