Finally... The Great Thomas has come back... to Wienerboard! Yes, friends, it's time for the return of The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Paul Heyman's SmackDown!: Heyman announces that he will announce tonight who the #1 contender for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania XX. He then starts a match for the Tag Titles!
Rikishi/Scotty vs. Basham Bros.: Damn, Shaniqua's been bathing in baby oil! Scotty plays the face-in-peril. Shaniqua stops Scotty from hitting the WORM, but escapes Rikishi's Rump Shaker. Rikishi wins via Samoan Drop. NEW TAG CHAMPS!
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The inclusion of Malboro automatically makes this commercial great.
Tazz et Cole: WTF?! Tazz isn't wearing orange?! Shit. We see footage of Eddie Guerrero winning the SmackDown! Royal Rumble.
Dawn Marie & Heyman: They come into John Cena's locker room to try to censor Cena's foul mouth in fear of the FCC. Cena's been benched!
Big Show vs. Gunn: Did Big Show just call Billy a "bitch"? Punches and chops galore! Let's go to commercial break!
Commercials: Ugh. Horrible. During my hiatus, I found out why The Next Mideon hates these.
Big Show vs. Gunn (cont.): Big Show applies a COBRA CLUTCH! BIG CHOP by Show! Big Show gets to squashin' and sweatin'. COBRA CLUTCH again! Big Show kicks out of the FAMEASSER! Big Show wins via countering anothe Fameasser into a BIG SLAM!
Los Chavos: Chavo Jr. is pissed that Rey Mysterio's on the cover of SmackDown! Magazine. He wants to unmask Rey in their title match at No Way Out. But tonight, it will be Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Sr.!
Michael Cole: He's in the ring to interview Eddie, who comes out in a rather lackluster lowrider. I mean, he's always been riding in lowriders that look like monster trucks. Before Eddie can get a word in, Brock Lesnar is out. He runs off his accomplishments, then calls out Goldberg to sit in the front row. He's not afraid of Eddie. But Eddie replies by nearly reaching Foley levels of madness. He only sees Brock as an obstacle, and at No Way Out, Brock will be facing "Latino Heat!" Brock only laughs it off, causing Eddie to attack! Brock flees the ring, while Eddie tries on Brock's title.
Monday Night RAW: Why is SmackDown! covering something that happened on RAW? Anyway, it's footage of the Kane vs. Goldberg match, in which lighning struck the turnbuckle.
Noble vs. Kidman: Roll-ups galore! Nidia (no longer blind) appears with Jamie's wallet, and throws the money at the crowd! Jamie's distracted, allowing Kidman to hit the Sky High for the win.
Confidential: Tazz Tours McMahon's Corporate Jet.
Smack Your TV: Vince McMahon lets you watch wrestling at work, but at the cost of your hands.
Jamie Noble: He goes to Paul Heyman, and demands a match against Nidia, and Heyman gives it to him at No Way Out!
Crossing Borders: Rey Mysterio's music video. Asses and lowriders galore!
Monday Night RAW: Stone Cold gives Goldberg his No Way Out ticket.
Rue: She announces the Playboy duo: Torrie and Sable. We see footage of the photo shoot and... OH MY GOD!!! Is that Sable?! She looks frickin' HOT! Those Playboy makeup artists are geniuses!
Mysterio vs. Chavo The Elder: Chavo Sr. goes on the offensive. Some fool keeps screaming "CHAVOOOOOOO!!!" every 10 seconds. Mysterio wins via 619. Afterwards, Chavo Jr. does a beatdown, and the two Chavos leave the ring. Stop screaming, you moron!
Wrestlemania Recall: Hogan slams Andre.
Angle vs. Holly: Angle wrestles, Holly brawls. Kurt launches himself into the turnbuckle shoulderfirst! Ouch! Let's go to commercial break!
Quiznos Sub: Holy shit.
Angle vs. Holly (cont.): DROPKICK by Holly! Angle's got a busted mouth. 2 GERMAN SUPLEXES by Angle! TOP-ROPE CLOTHESLINE by Holly! ALABAMASLAM! But Kurt's foot is on the rope! ANGLE SLAM! But Holly kicks out! ANKLELOCK! Holly powers out. ANOTHER ANKLELOCK! Holly taps! Angle wins! Now Heyman's out, and is about to announce the #1 Contender, but Big Show comes out! He pleads his case to Heyman. Angle challenges Big Show to a match. Heyman announces a match between the two at No Way Out for the #1 contender spot. Cena's out to insult the two contenders, causing Heyman to add Cena to the match, making it a Triple Threat Match! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and if you were wondering what I was up to during my absence... I spent it beating Final Fantasy X-2. 100% COMPLETION, BABY!!!
When I saw that Big Show was *finally* defending his title and that it was against Billy Gunn, I laughed and laughed and laughed. And then when I saw that Big Show had to slow down so that Billy Gunn could keep up, I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Eddie's promo almost made me cry, though. But I didn't because there weren't any chicks around to impress with a display of emotions.
And then I saw that Bob Holly was not only in the main event, but that he was in a commercial broken match in the same night that Billy Gunn was in a commercial broken match and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Rey Mysterio's video sure did suck. His actual rapping wasn't horrible, but the song itself was horrendous and the video looked like it was made by a wrestling company. Which, of course, it was, but it looks like it was made by one of those other wrestling companies that doesn't have one of the best production crews on Earth. And I don't understand Spanish, so I very easily could have misunderstood the meaning, but wasn't the entire song about how much better the US was than Mexico? I'm surprised Bradshaw didn't make an appearance.
Also, I would like to be the first to demand an appearance by Gory Guerrero. Not a match, just an appearance, though maybe coming out and camel clutching someone after a Chavo2 beatdown. Of course, with my knowledge of lucha libre, Gory Guerrero could be dead. If so, I would prefer he not make an appearance.
That being said, this is probably the greatest Smackdown to ever have Bob Holly *and* Billy Gunn on screen for half an hour.
Originally posted by geemoneyI was upset with J.R. and King on RAW when there was no mention of Benoit being with the Horsemen when Flair came out during his interview.
But JR and Lawler weren't watching WCW back then, so they might not even know Benoit was in the Horsemen. There is, however, absolutely no excuse for passing up an opportunity to reference Double Trouble Crap On A Stick.
So, I'm guessing Goldberg is gonna interfere at No Way Out in the No Way Out No.1 Contender's match...
I thought that Tazz(or maybe Cole) called Hardcore "Hollywood" during the match. But maybe, that's just me.
"Huard, gonna go back to throw the ball. Sets up, looks, throws towards the corner of the endzone...it is INTERCEPTED INTERCEPTED, THE DUCKS HAVE THE BALL! Down to the 35, the 40. Kenny Wheaton's gonna score! Kenny Wheaton is gonna score! 20, the 10, Touchdown! Kenny Wheaton on the interception, the most incredible finish to the football game!" www.eatmyassbeavernation.com
Speaking of returns, I have returned to writing my views. Right now, I got Duke-UNC on Score 670, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge on Spike TV (don't know why, but it is downright hilarious), and ready to write.
Here we go...from Cleveland. I remember being on the grounds of the Gund, waiting to get into Jacobs Field a couple of years ago. Hard to believe a few years ago the WWE had a match that ended up on that very street between the stadiums. Oh, yeah, Smackdown.
1) Heyman in ring...is this what it is going to be every week? Heyman in the ring to start? Oh yeah, he will announce the #1 contender for WM XX. OK, we'll see how it goes within the next few weeks.
2) Rikishi/Scotty vs Bashams...nice match, nice to see a title change.
3) Heyman/Cena...all these terms that we have heard in the last few months with the same meaning...not wrestling (benched, deactivated).
4) Show/Gunn...Big Show needs new music, please. Match was a little slow.
5) Chavo and Chavo show disgrace for Rey, sets up match for No Way out vs Chavo and tonight against Chavo Sr. I remember Sr. in the Mid South days, like the mid 1980's, when JR was being a serious broadcaster, not a obnoxious shill.
6) Eddie/Lesnar interview...at least we got this started for this storyline.
7) Noble/Kidman...OK. Hey, Nidia does the Andre the Giant act at WM I!!! Then, it is Noble/Nidia at NWO. Glad I'm not watching.
8) Rey Mysterio music video...fast forward, why do I care?
9) Playboy thing...Rue = another wow!!! Now I know where Sable and Torrie have been since Christmas.
10) Mysterio/Chavo Sr....It makes me laugh when Chimel announces Chavo Sr. as Chavo Guerrero SENIOR. How would Michael Buffer announce it? See above of what I think of Sr. in the ring. I don't want wrestlers I have seen 20-25 years ago in the ring, with a few exceptions.
11) Angle/Holly...a good hard-hitting match. I know this is old news, but my dad were talking about Crash during the match. Don't get me for this, I know he died, but forgot how he died. I need to find out. Remember, when sole hits mouth, sole is likely to win. Then, we get a #1 contenders match for NWO w/Angle, Show, & Cena. Whoopee.
Other thoughts: I haven't been writing much in a while, just had 2 parties (one Super Bowl Sunday) at the house. Also, was sick for a few days. First off, enough with the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident. I can't go through a newscast, or better yet, anything without seeing it. Yes, we were one of the many who Tivo'd it and rewound it after it happened. Wrestling thoughts: Heyman, put your baseball cap back on, please. You look like a pencil with the eraser chewed off. That is all for that.
Sorry I don't have much else, just writing this at the spur of the moment. I leave you with a thought I had about the WWE originals. This looks like one of those Christmas albums when you get those "non-singers" to sing. From what I've heard, some good, some bad, some shouldn't sing again.
Originally posted by The Great ThomasWTF?! Tazz isn't wearing orange?!
We were saying the exact same thing. But he still looked snazzy.
While we're bringing up missing references, how about Show and Angle pleading their case to Heymen for the #1 Contender status and Show not bringing up that Heyman always claimed he was his favorite client?
The only thing I can say about Rikishi and Scotty winning the tag titles is that they beat the one team I care less about than them.
Could we never see Bob Holly do a low-blow kick like he did to Angle in the ropes (even if it techically wasn't) again? That was just SICK.
Mysterio's music video couldn't have sucked more if Billy Gunn had a cameo in it.
Weird show tonight. Lotta filler, lotta recapping, lotta missing wrestlers. By my count, I have about 30 regular wrestlers (proper) on the SD roster -- we saw 15 of them tonight. And Brock & Cena were both just there to talk. That better be one hell of a Velocity this weekend!
"Another GM -- say Eric Bischoff -- would stay out here all night, talking & talking & talking & talking, but I..." I like Heyman!
Tag Team titles to Scotty & Rikishi?? Odd.
Oddly, I also kind of like Dawn Marie as Paul's assistant -- not even revolting! She gets to play with the boys; we don't have to watch her slaver all over Paul; & occasionally she gets a cute line. "I hope you're not naked.", while walking in on Cena. Meanwhile, Paul tosses the FCC, the interests of American children & the Sword of Damacles (Must be a Rocky Horror fan.) all into the same sentence!
Big Show was trying to sell for Billy. Did Billy have a problem? (Or was that just the best match he could pull out?)
I thought it would fade with time, but I still think of Cheech Marin every time we see Chavo Sr. ("From Dusk to Dawn" is his finest work. :-) )
Is it just me who thinks that those Cena T-shirts (shopzone.wwe.com) (with the 2 hands with pinkies extended) look like bras drawn onto T-shirts? Especially on fans across the ring?
Eddie's promo was excellent, but maybe a tiny bit overwrought for TV. (There was that one moment when it looked like he had just a bit of a brain anuerism.) Bet it was killer there live.
Noble / Kidman was fine. That first spot where Kidman got his knee hung up on the top rope looked wicked.
Jamie paid $5000 for the genuine imitation mock mink coat? Those must have been some premium mock minks!
I sorta figured that they were heading to hook up Rey with Nidia. He's going to be busy at NWO if that's the case.
Who OK'd the cockroaches as a PPV theme??
Oh, joy -- the Playboy photo shoot. a) What is this, freakin' Confidential?? b) Yawn. c) Need more wrestling!!!
Cole & Tazz singing a duet of "Who Are You?" ("Doo-doo, doo-doo.") Hilarious.
Tazz had his heel commentator level turned up a bit too much tonight. I like it when he occasionally supports the heel, but he was too heavy on the pro-Noble and anti-Rey/pro-Chavito fronts.
Paul to Dawn: "Please try not to have a wardrobe malfuntion on my show." Line of the night!!!! Refers to Janet, & also refers to Miss Jackie's legitimate wardrobe malfunction. "And don't mess up my hair."
Bob with Kurt just kept making me too nervous to get into.
Closing segment was OK, for non-wrestling. Kurt to BS: "You eat pieces of crap for breakfast? Sicko." BS's interruption of Paul: "Woh-woh-woh-woh-woh." Cena's interruption of Paul: "Yo-yo-yo-yo-yo." Pity it wasn't Christmastime.
Originally posted by Mayhem Was I the only waiting to see Gerardo pop up in the Rey Mysterio video?
From the first time I heard a clip of that song all I could think was Rico......Mysterio (or possibly Ray....Suave' - I like to mix it up).
Originally posted by emma Eddie's promo was excellent, but maybe a tiny bit overwrought for TV. (There was that one moment when it looked like he had just a bit of a brain anuerism.) Bet it was killer there live.
I bet Eddie would be a killer stage actor.
Man, between the playboy stuff last night and the Jackie/Stacy stuff on RAW I just feel downright uncomfortable. I know wrestling is watched mostly by men, and I can deal with a little T and A like the bikini matches and whatnot, but this week made me embarrassed to be a female wrestling fan.
-Heyman interview- Heyman says everyone on Smackdown gets an opportunity and goes straight to a tag title match with... -Rikishi/Scotty2Hottie vs. Basham Brothers- You know I'd take the cartoon annoying team over the bland boring team so Rikish/Scotty is the lesser of two evils IMO. Fans seem to be into the cartoon team at least.
-BigShow vs. Gunn- This match was like the song that never ends, keeps going on and on my friend some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they will keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends... This match seemed to never end, 12-minutes Gawd. It's like a cruel joke for all the people who talked about BigShow not defending his title. The thing was BigShow actually looked okay in there, Billy Gunn did nothing in there and didn't even bump well for BigShow. I can't believe this match took up an entire quarter of an hour with so little substance.
-Eddie/Brock interview- Brock tells Eddie how people like him are never good enough to make it to the top of a wrestling company. Eddie talks about not fighting against the odds but will take Brocks belt. Aren't they doing the same thing with Benoit on Raw. Well comes off alot better then Benoit did on Raw and looks like he has a legit championship run in him.
-Kidman vs. Noble- Wow can a winner of a match be made any more less important then Kidman did here... Wait I think I was at a SD where Noble wrestled Nidia, don't know what were the circumstances. I just remember it was bad. But now you get to see it on Pay Per View.
-Mysterio vs. Chavo Sr.- Is Chavo Sr. a full time roster member? Rey beat him up for 2-minutes. Hit the 619 on Chavo Sr. Thought better of going for a Westcoast Pop and just went for the pin.
-Angle vs. BobHolly- I thought this was going to be a PPV match, guess not. Match was 15-minuts long and it wasn't that bad. Best match of a pretty bad show. Bob showed some newer unexpected moves, Kurt was his usual great self. Kurt wins with an anklelock... Out comes Heyman with an announcement of who's main eventing WMXX. BigShow quickly comes to the ring (well as quickly as BigShow can waddle to the ring) and gets in Kurt's face and wants to be in the WMXX WWETitle match. Heyman has an idea but before he can finalize it Cena comes out and insults both BigShow and Angle and ready to insult Heyman before Heyman adds him to a 3-way match at No Mercy for a chance to get a WWETitle at Wrestlemania. Quickly give me a mic, I want in!
-OtherStuff- I agree with you Emma, I don't mind Paul with Dawn. They certainly are better then Vince/Sable. Ditzy Dawn has some charm to her and her interaction with Heyman is good. I like the ECW connection of the two as well... Speaking of women of SD, I like Rue alot. I was ignoring the Playboy covers and checking out Rue... Wow that Rey Mysterio video was BAD. Cut and paste every Latin visual stereotype and it's right there in one messy package. The song is one of the more obnoxious songs on the CD, which on the most part I enjoyed... With so many Raw highlights I thought I was watching BottomLine.
-Line of the Night: Noble "I bought her a $5000 mink coat. $5000 for a JACKET PAUL!" -3Stars of the Night: 1)Kurt. 2)Eddie. 3)BobHolly. - Not much to choose from at all tonight.
Last week I said it was one of the best Raw/SD combo shows in memory. This week the opposite. Much poorer showings by both shows. SD drop was a little less then Raw's. But Billy Gunn/BigShow getting 12-minutes is insane.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is lowered to YELLOW alert - Elevated (Due to Lesner still being champ, Benoit winning the Rumble, but HHH as champ is still a threat) 1/27
Get your WWE CD copy autographed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, Chris Jericho, Trish Stratus and Lilian Garcia after Raw... Oh MY! Christmas has come late. Can't get better then that.
Yeah, that's WWE all over: Practice each and every entrance with stand-ins for the press conference, so technical and talent are on the same page-- but paying customers, at an actual, you know, performance? Venis, jobber, it's all the same!