Did you know that at Office Max, they sell Skittles in these 7.8 oz. travel cups? Can you believe it? I'll never go hungry during SmackDown! again!
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
GM Long: Teddy Long promises to make SmackDown! more exciting. He makes a #1 Contender's match for the US Title... RIGHT NOW!
Cena vs. RVD: Mat wrestling. Standoff. And another! Cena knocks RVD out of the ring. Cena gets hung up on the barricade, but he flees from the LEGDROP! Cena suplexes RVD over the rope and out of the ring! Let's go to commercial break!
Quentin Tarantino Presents: Kill Bill 3: Iron Monkey.
Truth: Why do people keep going to Crazyworld?
Cena vs. RVD (cont.): The crowd is suddenly dead. What's that about? SUPLEX by Cena! Van Dam gets to punching. Booker T looks on in the locker room. RVD kicks Cena in the throat. SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! ROLLING THUNDER! Booker screams "FINISH HIM!" RVD hits a TOP-ROPE LEGDROP! DDT by Cena! HUGE CLOTHESLINE! SPINNING SLAM! FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena climbs to the top rope... but RVD catches him! SUPERPLEX by RVD! But Cena counters with an inside cradle! 1.. 2.. 3! Cena is the new #1 Contender for the US Title. Afterwards, Cena gives RVD a high five, and they hug. Aaawwww...
Meanwhile...: Back at the Locker Room, Mr. Long confronts Booker T, and tells him that at Summerslam, it will be Booker T vs. John Cena in a "Best of 5 Series!"
Eddie Guerrero: Eddie's got the Divas riding with him. In the ring, is Kurt's stuff. The auction ends tonight. So, Eddie's got the Divas to help him raise the value. Eddie puts the cast on Torrie. Sable, Dawn Marie, and Torrie sign it. Next, the wheelchair. Then, the "I Suck Kurt Angle" Portrait. The girls sign the portrait. Then, they show us the Championship box. We're in Houston, so we see footage from Eddie's WrestleMania win over Kurt in Houston. Then, Eddie shows us a commercial for Summerslam, starring him...
Summerslam: Eddie glued the runners to their starting boxes.
Back in the ring: In conclusion, orale, and viva his raza. He drives off, without the Divas, who mysteriouly dissappeared during the WrestleMania footage.
Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie: Rated PG for SCARY IMAGES and MONSTER FIGHTING.
Duprée vs. Jordan: Jordan gets bounced on the STEEL STEPS. Duprée dances the FRENCH TICKLER, but he doesn't notice Jordan climbing the top rope. Jordan hits the FLYING CROSSBODY! 1.. 2.. 3! René can't even beat a Velocity jobber. How the mighty have fallen.
Parking Lot: JBL's limo arrives. Josh Matthews runs up to interview him. JBL's not afraid of the Undertaker. Tonight, JBL will call out the Undertaker!
Angle vs. Haas: Chain wrestling. Standoff. Arm wrench by Angle. Haas reverses it. ARMDRAG by Haas! HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN by Angle! Haas delivers HIPTOSSES GALORE! Angle runs out of the ring, and Luther gives Kurt a pep talk. Let's go to commercial break!
Angle vs. Haas (cont.): Front headlock by Kurt. Kurt delivers HARD RIGHT HANDS. Haas hits a SUPLEX! Tazz claims there's no ring rust on Kurt. BELLY TO BELLY by Kurt! SNAP SUPLEX! KNEE TO THE GUT! CHESTLOCK! Haas tosses Kurt out of the ring! DROPKICK by Haas! T-BONE SUPLEX by Haas! TOP-ROPE CROSSBODY! Kurt locks in the ANKLELOCK! But Haas breaks free! But Kurt hits the ANGLE SLAM! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle locks in the ANKLELOCK again! Haas taps!
RAW Rebound: Kane makes the "Till Death Do Us Part" Match, Triple H brutalizes William Regal, and ORTON BEATS BENOIT! OMG!
London/Kidman vs. Basham Bros.: London and Kidman have matching ring gear, so now they are officially A TRUE TAG TEAM! DOUBLE HIPTOSS by London and Kidman! DOUBLE DROPKICK! The Bashams go to town on Kidman. Kidman now plays the face in peril, but hits a DROPKICK and gets the HOT TAG to London! London is a HOUSE O' FIRE! DROPSAULTS GALORE! London hits the 450 SPLASH for the win!
Backstage: Spike and Mysterio are WALKING!
Public Service Announcement: John Cena reminds us to SmackDown your vote.
Heidenreich: I already forgot most of what they said. Eh.
Mysterio/Spike vs. The Dudleys: Mysterio throws a pitch at a ballgame. A friar laughs at him. Bubba shoves Spike into the corner. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! C'MON, BRO!" SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT by Mysterio! Spike tries to hit THE STOMP, but fails and fucks up his knee! BEARHUG by D-Von! CLOTHESLINE! "6-1-9?! HERE'S THE 3-2-5!" ELBOWDROP by Bubba! SPRINGBOARD SENTON by Mysterio! 6-1-9 is foiled by D-Von! The Dudleys hit the 3-D for the win! Afterwards, Spike helps Mysterio up, but then kicks him in the nootz! OMG HEEL TURN! Family group hug! Spike calls for the tables! The Dudleys put Rey on the table, drape the belt on Rey, then Spike does THE STOMP on Rey through the table! Now the reunited Dudley brothers celebrate!
UPN News at 10: The Rock does a new movie.
JBL Calls Out the Undertaker: JBL's already in the ring. He ain't shaking hands or kissing babies. He calls out Undertaker. And here he comes! My, Taker looks a lot shorter than I remember! "You don't scare me, Undertaker!" Off comes the trenchcoat and hat! JBL stares Taker in the eye (he has to kneel first). JBL makes short jokes. He's about to deliver a TOMBSTONE to Taker, But the lights go out, and the REAL Taker appears! Taker beats on JBL, but Orlando Jordan saves JBL! Virgil Part 2. JBL and Jordan flee the ring. Taker kneels, but so does Mini-Taker. Taker's doesn't take too kindly to that. CHOKESLAM TO MINI-TAKER! Now that was uncalled for. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and that Schoolgirl Hiroko dream I had last week? It was part of a Kenzo Suzuki gimmick change! Yep. He's a snobby college kid now. Christopher Nowinski Part 2.
Life sure has been good around here the last few days. We got Nomar, and it sure has helped. Actually got to watch it on a "1 and a half hour delay" tonight, so here it goes.
1) Cena/RVD -> First off, I love the Astros rainbows, even though I'm in the minority. RVD has to get a makeover, he's had the same look for as long as I can remember, which is in the ECW days. Nice match, the way it ended surprised me a little.
2) Eddie/Divas -> um...wouldn't it be nice to get a leg cast. At least it's worth it to whoever it ends up with it, or any other item. I was thinking while this was going on, weren't they in a match against each other a few weeks ago, and now they're in the lowrider together...weird.
3) Jordan/Dupree -> short, surprising, that's all I can say.
4) Angle/Haas -> Angle sure does look good for being out for so long, compared to other wrestlers in recent times (yeah, Regal). Actually a good match, did not see much ring rust on Angle's part tonight.
5) Kidman/London vs Bashams -> I was talking about the new wardrobe for Kidman/London, all I could say is, ugh. And then I hear Tazz commenting on it a few seconds later. Dad said that we were on the same wavelength. I say, give the tag team a few months, and then they'll split up, making the tights useless. OK match, 450 splash was great, and the Bashams should be on Velocity.
6) Mysterio/Spike vs Dudleys, or what it ended up being Mysterio vs Spike/Dudleys -> when I saw the "tweaking" of the knee, I knew something was up. Bubba talking loud in the ring...priceless. You see the difference between Cole/Tazz and JR/King.
Cole/Tazz -> act so stupid on why Spike turned JR/King -> yells and screams till they're blue to the face and talk about it non-stop until we have to tell them to shut up (See 3H-Regal last Monday)
Last thing about the Spike turn, guess we need the new black pants for him, and maybe get a new shirt for him too.
7) JBL/UT -> just what we need, another midget imitator. Funny, but overused jokes in this kind of situation. Then, the actual UT comes, they fight, then JBL saved by Orlando Jordan??? Who's writing this script anyway??? What could be more embarrasing than a 150 pound heel? Maybe a midget giving a groin shot. Didn't get that, and we get the usual UT pose, followed by a mini-UT pose, then the UT gives Mini-UT the chokeslam.
Overall, good start, but the end, it was strange and embarrasing to say the least.
As for next week, I have decided to hold off watching Raw & Smackdown until we get back from vacation. We will be on vacation the next week, and then we will get back to it when we return. All I could say is, this was a good way to get to a two or three week break, depending on how fast we get through the programs. Meet ya on the other side of the month.
Originally posted by Spiraling_ShapeThe returning OJ as Virgil 2.0 however...I hope that doesn`t mean Jordan will be hanging out at every single comic con a decade from now selling his 8x10`s.
Virgil makes a surprising amount of money doing that. Of course, all his 8x10"s have Andre or Hulk on them.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
My $.02 Cena vs. RVD: I don't know- the whole thing seemed off, in slow motion, especially with Cena's drawn-out 5-knuckle shuffle. First off, RVD's standoff doesn't really work if there isn't some nice counter-laden sequence before it. The superplex/cradle ending seemed sloppy (especially when a Benoit-Malenko version immediately springs to mind. Yes I know I can't do any better.) The mutual respect at the end would've made me felt something if I'd actually cared for the match, like if it was a built-up main event. And just to be mean: RVD should lay off the Olestra.
On the best-of-five series: It seems like a potential for another Benoit-Booker series, but with the first match being at SummerGames(funny slip-up by Long), the ppv match will barely mean anything. It won't be a payoff.
Jordan-Dupree: Jordan had family problems? That's nice of WWE to air his dirty laundry. Then Jordan wins...hmm. Does this a push for Jordan or no more push for Dupree?
Angle vs. Haas: Angle doesn't miss a step but the ending out of nowhere(Angle slam, straps down, ankle-lock, tap) makes me side with those who criticize Angle's psychology.
London/Kidman vs. Basham Bros.: London & Kidman raid AJ Styles' closet. Don't remember anything bad about the match, except London not using the SSP.
Mysterio/Spike vs. The Dudleys: Did Patrick put up the X "legit injury" signal? If that's a work, that doesn't seem right. Mysterio vs. the Dudleys is cool. I love Bubba talking smack. So Spike wasn't hurt? I feel lied to. I missed the table stomp all 3 times due to tv malfunctions. D'oh. Is there enough time to make a Rey/London/Kidman vs. Dudleys TLC match for SS?
JBL/UT: As soon as I saw the midget, I couldn't wait for UT to chokeslam him. The look on JBL's face mid-Tombstone was priceless. They're not gonna pull a "JBL helps poor black guy with family problems Jordan" angle, are they? Ugh?
Last week I mentioned how I haven't been entertained or finding the Eddie Guerrero character funny at all. I don't know how to fix it, my suggestion is NOT to bring out the likes of Torrie and Sable with you. This was unwatchable (literally as I flipped away from it on record number of times during it). I am not exaggerating, Divasearch crap is better than Eddie Guerrero recently. Kurt Angle could be my favorite wrestler & him returning should have me jacked but I think one of the reasons I'm not is because he's wrestling IMO a very stale Eddie Guerrero... Oh well marked out for Kidman/London Strike Force 2000. They just need a theme song singing about Girls in Cars.
Cena vs. RVD match was good, face-face match can be difficult but seems Cena took more of a lead face here... Dupree is really losing all kinds recently, Jordan does have a nice strong looking crossbody that actually seems to have impact.
Interesting heel turn by Spike. I could see him as a littel brat, it could work well... Did Cole scream out "Whaa whaa whaaaaaaat" when Undertaker came out. Last year I thought Cole was getting much better but now he's pretty much stinks again. I have a theory of that depending on how good the TV makes the announcers seem better or worse.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is raised to YELLOW alert - Elevated (JBL is the new WWE champion, good gawd hide under the desk. But Benoit is World Champion allowing some safety in the IWC)- 6/28
Holy shit. Yes, stick him in the Shane match. It's logical, based on the brand split, and it solves two problems at once. Plus, you can make it an overbooked clusterfuck, which does a lot to cover up for both guys.