Uggh... for the past 3 days, I've been feeling horrible. If I ever eat Popcorn Chicken from KFC again it'll be too soon!
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
JBL: He's out with Orlando Jordan, who looks good in a suit. Hey, a Hogan cosplayer! JBL and Jordan share the hand sanitizer. JBL says he's still not intimidated by the Undertaker, even though Taker's squashed everyone who ever existed. JBL guarantees that he will defeat Undertaker in 3 days at Summerslam. He has appointed Orlando Jordan as his "Chief of Staff". Jordan tells us that he's expected someone to give him his big break all his life, but JBL taught him he had to seize his opportunity for a big break. Jordan seized the opportunity when he saved JBL last week. JBL says that Jordan will face the Undertaker... TONIGHT! Jordan looks perturbed.
Spike vs. London: Before the match, Spike's brothers march down to the ring. Outside the ring, Kidman and the Dudleys argue. DUDLEYDOG is countered! DROPSAULT by London! Kicks galore! Bubba pulls Spike out the way, and London's 450 SPLASH misses! Spike rolls up London for the 1-2-3. Afterwards, all three Dudleys do a beatdown on London and Kidman. DUDLEY DOG to London! 3-D to Kidman! Bubba yells at Cole and Tazz
Heidenreich: "I wonder who I'll victimize next? Hey! Isn't Summerslam three days away?"
Backstage: Scotty tells Spike that he's changed. Spike says that he's returned to his family. Spike slaps Scotty, and tells him Scotty won't retaliate as long as he has his brothers with him.
GM Room: Kurt Angle bursts in, and tells Theodore that he's pissed that Eddie Guerrero pawned all his stuff on WWE's Auction. Theodore tells Kurt that tonight, Kurt will get a chance to go out to the ring and tell everybody what he thinks of Eddie.
Chavo vs. Nunzio: HEADSCISSORS by Nunzio! Stamboli yells at Chavo, so Chavo slaps the Guccis off his face. Weak Headscissors by Nunzio. The crowd is dead. NASTY T-BONE SUPLEX by Chavo! Chavo goes for the GORYBOMB, but Nunzio counters into a rollup for the win.
Van Halen: The Best of Both Worlds: Remeber when "Right Now" was the theme for Crystal Pepsi?
Jordan vs. Undertaker: JBL instills confidence in Jordan. The bell rings. Squashing. JBL runs in and hits the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL, and that's a DQ for Jordan.
Hurricane Charley: OMG IT'S HEADING FOR CUBA! STOCK UP ON BOTTLED WATER NOW, FLORIDA!
Theodore Long: He's in the ring. He brings in Kurt Angle. Now here comes Eddie Guerrero! Eddie says that if Kurt has anything to say, to say to his face. The two have some angry words among them. Kurt says that Eddie can't beat Kurt, since he always has to cheat to win. Eddie says Kurt was always hiding behind his GM position, because he's not sure if he can beat Eddie even if he wasn't cheating. Teddy quickly interjects himself, and says that in the spirit of the Summer Games, he wants Eddie and Kurt to shake hands. They do, and stare each other down nose-to-nose.
Summerslam: A certain 7'2", 500 pound diver makes a big splash at the indoor pool.
Summer Games Relay Match: Team Cena vs. Team Booker: Cena raps. Booker T scares Fifi with his pyro. ANIMAL CRUELTY! The match will start after commercial break!
Dance 360: With your host, Kel Mitchell. You mean Kel Mitchell from "Kenan and Kel"? Aw, man, I LOVE that show!
Summer Games Relay Match: Team Cena vs. Team Booker (cont.): RVD and Booker T start it off. 5 minutes on the clock. If time runs out, Booker T will relay the next member of his team. Then, if the next five minutes runs out, a member of Team Cena relays in. This goes on until someone gets a pin. BIG KICK by Booker! And one by RVD! RVD goes up top... FIVE STAR FROGSPLASH! But time runs out, and Luther Reigns comes in! Let's go to commercial break!
Summer Games Relay Match: Team Cena vs. Team Booker (cont.): One minute left. ROLLING THUNDER by RVD! SPINEBUSTER by Luther! KNEEDROP misses, time runs out, and Haas is in! INDIAN DEATHLOCK by Haas! ANKLELOCK! Luther is in pain. But Luther powers out... DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SUPLEX by Luther! and I've been interrupted by a...
UPN WEATHER ALERT: There's a Tornado Warning in the Florida Keys until 10:45. Back to the show!
Summer Games Relay Match: Team Cena vs. Team Booker (cont.): New Trojan Warm Sensations Condom has a warming lubricant that activates on contact... wait, this is commercial! Sorry about that.
Summer Games Relay Match: Team Cena vs. Team Booker (cont.): Now it's Haas and Duprée. GERMAN SUPLEX PIN by Haas! STF by Duprée! 10 seconds left... and time's up! Cena's in! NECKBREAKER by Duprée! CAMEL CLUTCH! Cena counters the NINJA CHOKEOUT! Duprée knocks Cena down, and dances the FRENCH TICKLER! Idiot. Cena gets up, and hits the FIVE_KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena tries to go for the F-U, but Duprée hangs on, and time runs out. Now Booker's in. Booker goes on a fierce offensive, but Cena rolls up Booker... 1.. 2.. 3! TEAM CENA WINS! This means that Booker will win at Summerslam. I'm right, aren't I? And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and maybe I should stick to eating chicken from McDonald's from now on...
I thought the show had a better PPV buildup than RAW ...
I was surprised to see that Orlando Jordan had some decent mic skills ... I like the role he's been given. This leads me to wonder if they will add someone else to JBL's posse and make a stable out of it ...
Tonight's show made the Eddie/Kurt match my most anticipated one ...
Spike is a great heel ... glad he's getting a chance to prove it.
Here's to hoping we get to see Charlie Haas involved in a U.S. title feud sometime this year.
(edited by Mayhem on 12.8.04 2143) You're a jive soul bro, a jive soul bro And you're always lyin' to you friends You're a jive soul bro, a jive soul bro And you'll never get nothin' in the end
Chavo v Nunzio has Velocity written all over it in big glowing green lettering. And Chavo's de-push must be getting pretty serious if he's jobbing the man who's most recently been THE cruiserweight jobber. I'm not sure what this match was meant to mean or where they're going with the booking of it. Did they just need to kill 3 minutes of air-time?
Missed the first hour, but after reading the results, I guess it would be alright have to Heidenreich join JBL and Orlando at Summerslam. Smackdown hasn't had a stable since Team Angle and Matt Hardy's V1 group, so I it could be effective if done right. Three guys that can't get over...
They should bring A-Train into the mix and announce him as JBL's Secretary of Transportation.
Not a bad edition of Smackdown. Orlando Jordan is finally doing something, and the Summer Games relay match wasn't that bad at all. Nunzio going over Chavo Guerrero, Jr. via interference really doesn't bother me as much as it does other people. If anything, I think it's a positive step, in that it shows they're going to do something with the cruiserweight division as a whole, rather than just having a champion, a challenger, and six guys who just float around aimlessly until they decide to push them into a title shot.
The Chavo vs. Nunzio match was... sloppy. With the flying head scissors whip, Chavo should have gone to the left instead of the right... and I thought that the T-Bone suplex looked kinda like a sloppy back suplex, but thats just me.
I'd like to share a...revelation I had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to...classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but...you humans do not. You move to an area...and you multiply...until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to... spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is?
A virus. Humans beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet...and we...are the cure.
Damn, only 5 SD replies so far? Fwiw, I actually found SD to be better than Raw, AND I'm finally starting to see some improvement...though it might be because the Randy Orton God push and HHH being booked like its 2000 except against a RETARD instead of The Rock and the Diva Shitfest manage to barely outbalance Bradshaw champ reign...especially with the cruiserweights' air time and Eddie-Kurt providing an antithesis to Bradshaw's reign. Raw's best luxury is pretty much the stuff with Jericho and Edge and even that's dragged down by Batista and the fact that they haven't pulled the plug on Edge's heel turn like I'd hoped. They NEED to turn him, seriously...Jericho will never lose his face heat whereas Edge slowly already is. But I suppose I should save this for a more appropiate thread.
I really liked the main event relay match. Really SD is coming up with some very innovated and new concepts for their matches this one is probably the best. I've always been a fan of these gimmicked imaginative matches, one of my favorite WCW gimmick attractions was the Lethal Lottery... JBL says he'll quote Nixon and say "I am not a midget" uh that was the most unfunny thing I've heard in a long time. "Unlike cars build in Detriot, Bradshaw is build to last" well that's better lol.
Spike/London cruiser match was good. Nunzio/Chavo wasn't. Neither was Undertaker/Jones... I did like the Kurt/Eddie promo and Heyman lies to us about being at Summerslam *insert ECW paycheck joke here*
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is raised to YELLOW alert - Elevated (JBL is the new WWE champion, good gawd hide under the desk. But Benoit is World Champion allowing some safety in the IWC)- 6/28
Two things Meltzer ain't are a legal expert and a master of the English language. By the same token, when Brock was renaming his finisher I'm sure "The Settlement That Worked Out In My Favor" didn't occur to him.