Yes, ladies and gents, I'M BACK! The Great Thomas is back, and I'm here to stay! It's time for the return of The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Kurt Angle: OMG HE WON THE TITLE! He comes out to a huge pop. He says that he's proud of coming back after a broken neck and still winning the title. Here comes Brock! He says the WWE Title means a lot to the both of them, and challenges Angle to a rematch! Angle accepts! Now, Mr. McMahon comes out! He says Angle begged him not to have a rematch against Brock, and that Angle is a treacherous competitor would stab Brock in the back. So to test their friendship, he teams Angle and Brock in a tag match against a team of McMahon's choosing.
Mysterio vs. Benjamin: Man, I forgot just how tiny Rey-Rey was! Counters galore! Mysterio wins via a victory roll.
Jamie Noble: He gets ready for Torrie's arrival. Nice Joe Boxers, Jamie! Torrie arrives, so Jamie brings her in. WHACHOO GOT IN DAT CAAAASE? Sex toys, that's what! Torrie runs to the bathroom for a nice barf.
Benoit vs. Rhyno: Rhyno appears on the Titantron and says that he wants Benoit to have a warm-up match first. So he brings out... wait for it... DOINK THE CLOWN! He gives everyone balloon animals and spraying silly string around. Benoit gets pissed and attacks Doink. KILL THE CLOWN!
Benoit vs. Doink: Stiff chops! Back suplex off the top rope! Benoit hits the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! Benoity wins via Crossface. Afterwards, Benoit calls out Rhyno, but Rhyno says the joke's on Benoit, and leaves the arena.
Jamie Noble (cont.): He's ready for Torrie, but there's a knockin' at the door! It's Nidia, in lingerie! She makes sweet love to Jamie, while Torrie looks on. I wish I was making that up.
Have More More Money NOW: Bradshaw sells his stock market secrets! Buy it! BUY IT, SHEEP!
Guerrero the Elder vs. Tajiri: Eddie comes out in a MULLET! Oh, and a nice new lowrider too. He's pissed that he can't make it bounce. He checks the trunk... and Tajiri's inside! FUEGO VERDE to Eddie's face! Eddie claims he's blinded and can't wrestle, but the ref says if Eddie doesn't wrestle, he will forfeit the U.S. Title! Eddie reluctantly returns to the ring and... let's go to commercial break!
Guerrero the Elder vs. Tajiri (cont.): Wrestling and highspots galore! SUPERPLEX! Kicks galore! More highspots! TORNADO DDT! TARANTULA! Low blow to Tajiri! FUEGO VERDE to the referee! Guerrero hits Tajiri with the belt, flushes the ref's eyes, and hits the Frog Splash. 1.. 2.. 3. Call my momma, this one's over!
Zach's Story: From Confidential. How he became a one-legged wrestling sensation.
Reebok's WHODUNIT?: Heh. "Clowned". I love that word.
Gowen vs. Boy Band Man: First time I seen this kid wrestle, and everyone has a point. Seeing Zach wrestle is bizarre to watch. Anyways, after interference from Hardy V.1, Boy Band Man wins via schoolboy. Afterwards, Hardy does a beatdown on Zach, and hits the Twist of Fate. Wait... is the crowd... cheering Hardy?
Cena vs. Jordan: Thugonomics! Cena demands a rematch against Taker next week, and rips on Orlando Jordan. Jordan's out, and it's on! Punches galore! Cena wins via F-U.
Jamie Noble (cont.): Torrie's getting piss drunk. Noble and Nidia just finished showering, and now want a menage a trois with Torrie. But Billy Gunn busts in, and Noble and Nidia run off-camera to have more sex, while Torrie and Billy look on. What a happy, happy ending!
McMahon et Lesnar: Lesnar challenges McMahon next week. McMahon says he'll take it under consideration.
Jamie Noble (epilogue): All four nuts are in bed together. I'm not kidding.
Sable: She comes out to show the footage of how A-Train helped Sable win against Stephanie. She introduces A-Train as one of Angle and Lesnar's opponents. But who's his partner? Big Show, that's who! Let's go to commercial break!
The Main Event: The baldies start it off. Tazz sings the praises of Mr. McMahon. Angle does a good job playing the face in peril. F-5 TO THE BIG SHOW! But Angle blind tags Brock, and pins Show for the win! Afterwards, Lesnar hits the F-5 on Angle! And, we're out...
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and don't worry, this year, I've got PLENTY of free time for writing SmackDown! Reports. Give mad props.
Hey, a slightly different opening. It's my life, my time, my rights, my rhyme, it's Ssssmackdown!, from scenic Colorado Springs. And a Fashion Report, too!
I LOVE the "Noble Sleep Over" graphic.
FOOTAGE! of Eddie's "heel turn".
Angle, in red "Team Angle" warmup, with gold medals, wearing the WWE Title, to much fanfare, is out to talk. Brocky, in black muscle shirt with white horned skull and black warmups with white vertical stripes down the legs, comes out, feeling he's deserving of a rematch. Couldn't Brock have shaved? Vince, in white shirt (top three buttons undone) and grey slacks, gets the hat-trick by coming out to blab. Vince sews doubt and breeds dissension with his words. Oh, and he also books a match.
Summerslam ad: Brock defeats shark.
Rey, in blue/gold mask and "619" pants, with black tshirt around his hips, wearing the Cruiserweight Title, with Kidman, in white "619 Rey" wifebeater and black pants, vs. SHelton Benjamin, with Charlie Haas, both in maroon singlets with silver trim, wearing the Tag Team Titles. Hebner the Younger officiates. Haas unceasingly interferes. A nice match.
Tazz, in beige suit with white shirt, yellow tie, and light blue hanky, and Cole, in yellow shirt, commentate. FOOTAGE! of the Noble/Gunn match segues to Noble, in white fullcut undies and black cowboy hat, in a hotel room. Torrie, in white ruffled top and highwater jeans, shows up to see Noble's wide assortment of...accessories. Ooo, mood music.
On UPN this fall: utter crap (except for Smackdown!, of course).
Benoit, in red "Wolverine" tights with black splats, vs. Rhyno (on the screen, explaining his actions, kinda). Um, no. Benoit vs. Doink, in...well, Doink-gear. Squash. What's up with putting guys under jobber-hoods (or wigs and paint)? Well, it's probably to get some guys experience without exposing them to the crowd.
In Noble's Chateau of Love, no-one's naked yet. Noble, don't wear boots in bed! Nidia, in genuine imitation mock mink coat, walks in. Under the coat is some HOT black lingere. Torrie looks on, doing a poor job of acting disgusted (in a totally failed effort to hide her arousal at the scene).
Bradshaw has a book. Yeah, trust a drunk Texan with your money.
Angle slums in the B-level face locker room, letting Funaki and Spanky gaze upon the title they'll NEVER hold. Brock comes in and he and Angle discuss. Angle has an idea.
A red convertable...no, Eddie, in black "Cheat 2 Win" tshirt and grey "Latino" tights with yellow/black flames, wearing the US Title, having car trouble, vs. Tajiri, out of the trunk, in black pants with dragons (red, yellow, and white), vs. Adbreak. Chioda ALWAYS makes those "or the title will be forfeit" on-the-spot stipulations. Match is JIP'ed. I think it's gonna take Eddie NOT cheating for him to finally get over as a heel (I mean, cheating is the thing the FACE-Eddie did, so the HEEL-Eddie, obviously, must abide by the rules). Great announcing - Tazz even mentions how the elevation may be affecting the wrestlers' endurance. A good match. But what was up with those spots on Eddie's back?
The Zach Gowen story.
This has just been pissing me off: granite does not "decompose" like that dumbass dad in the bike commercial says.
Zach, in black shorts and full-leg sock, vs. Shannon, in silver pants with black pockets, with Mattitude. Hebner the Younger, again. Watching Zach bump is disturbing. Hey - Shannon has music? Average match. Post-match, Mattitude with the beatdown.
Dear Taco Bell, advertising "a year's worth of gas" is a bad idea, especially considering the kind of food you serve. This is almost as bad an idea as your "freaky-deaky big, crazy butt-pumping big" nachos from the Summer of '00.
Cena, in red "Spirits Stratus" (?) #13 (Malone), jean shorts and lock'n chain raps-out his demand for a rematch. And pickin' on Orlando Jordon. Samuel L. Jackson, no - Orlando Jordon comes out for a match. Cena vs. Jordon. Average match - almost a squash, but not quite.
Torrie, by now good 'n drunk, feeling left-out, is relieved when Noble and Nidia, in towels, return. Again a knock on the door, and Gunn shows-up. Now Gunn and Torrie watch together - and they act horribly.
In some locker room/office in the back, Vince and Brock meet. Book a match for next week, and (again) Vince sews doubt.
Noble, Nidia, Torrie, and Gunn, all (presumably naked) in bed together. Ewww! That does it - I'm swearing off any sexual thoughts for a week.
Sable, in zippered-up black latex top, black latex short shorts, and high black boots, is out. And she talks. And has FOOTAGE! of the Vengeance match. And she announces Albert, in black undies with matching crotch/butt crests.
Albert and, well, it's the BigShow, in black one-strap singlet, vs. Adbreak vs. Lesnar, in black undies with butt-ribs, and Angle, in blue "Team Angle" singlet with gold medals and wearing the WWE Title. A nice match. Post-match, tension on the face side boils over and Brock F-5's Angle. Then Vince comes out and makes next week's match a cage match, and appoints Angle (still writhing) as the special guest referree.
Overall: A nice show, but I didn't watch the Zach bit. Idunno, but if I wanted that kind of information, I'd be watching Confidential (which I don't). None of the matches really disappointed. And, best of all, it makes me look forward to next week.
Edit: OMEGA has shown us the way. Doink for all of us!
Here is my problem with Smackdown and I guess WWE:
Since the brand split it doesn't seem to be that many different wrestlers on tv anymore. It just feels to me that we see the same few wrestlers week after week do the same thing. Tonight was a perfect example. The main event was Lesner/Angle vs a team of McMahon's choosing. Now normally you might not know who he will choose. Yet, Vince choose Show and A-Train. Now who didn't see that coming? And why would Vinnie Mac choose them time after time when they just fail, just like tonight? Do you get what I mean?
Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute.
I thought Smackdown was an ok show but one thing bothered me. Remember when WWE used to have gimmicks ready and made before the wrestlers came on tv? These days it seems they put them on tv without a gimmick, which is needed in today's wrestling world, and they wonder why they are not getting over. Randy Orton and John Cena have great gimmicks now but when they debuted they seemed to have the same gimmick: New guy trying to prove himself. Now they are doing that with Orlando Jordon.
Originally posted by ScreamingHeadGuyOMEGA has shown us the way. Doink for all of us!
Indeed. My only complaint is that, if they're gonna' use him as a heel, they really should have used the AWESOME old heel music (complete with screams and evil laughter) instead of the horrible babyface, happy clown music.
Oh well. Bottom line is; Doink is back (for two matches, anyway), and that's enough to make me happy. (of course, an awesome Tajiri/Guerrero match doesn't hurt, either)
Okay, enough already. Big Show has been in the main event for the last EIGHT Smackdowns. Every Smackdown since 6/12/03. ENOUGH. You just KNOW the writers are busy right now thinking of ways to book Show into next week's Vince/Brock steel cage match that won't even be a match but a Brock heel turn and two-on-one Angle beatdown anyway.
Doink was the reason I stopped watching wrestling for a number of years. My sole fond memory of Doink was when Heyman got to say "The walls of DOINK" when Jericho used the clown costume as a ruse. Having said that, if Rhyno is going to send somebody silly out to be killed by Benoit, why couldn't he send the Easter Bunny from the barroom brawl? Benoit beating the crap out of a big bunny would have ruled.
Guerrero and Tajiri equals quality television viewing.
I actually found the Noble/Torrie segments funny.
Ever notice that Tazz has a little gimmick going where, when he first gets on TV, he adjusts his tie?
Originally posted by shinstrifeDamn great to see The Great Thomas Smackdown! Report Back. Ahh, how it compliments the great Dean's Workrate Report just so well.
Wow. With Great Thomas back, my friend and I were wondering about the joys of having Smackdown announced by a 3-man team of GT on play-by-play, Dean on color/p-b-p (the kinda thing Taz does...), and ScreamingHeadGuy on color...
This was the first Smackdown! I'd watched in about three years. The place I'd been living until now didn't have a UPN station. So I probably enjoyed it more than most simply for the novelty of seeing people I hadn't really seen much of directly. To me, pretty much everything but the opening promo was good. Eddie Guerrero is, I'm glad to see, still God. Zach Gowen was neat to finally see, and I already knew I'd adore V.1.0 since I rented No Way Out earlier this year. John Cena really came off as a bad ass and my wife, who'd never heard of him, immediately thought he'd utterly kicked UT's ass, so maybe the loss at Vengeance didn't damage him in the long term. And the Noble/Torrie skits were actually quite amusing.
On the whole, great show in my opinion. Eddy/Tajiri was easily match of the week (if you don't count Vengeance as part of this week). I'm psyched for Cena/UT next week...
"All I ever asked for in life is an unfair advantage." Microchip, Punisher Annual #2
On Thursday I caught the last half hour or so and this weekend I caught Afterburn... Didn't bother taping it because what I heard it being filled with Torrie garbage I thought I'd just wait for the matches to show on the weekend
-Angle/Lesner/Vince interview- Angle brags, Lesner wants a rematch. Vince comes out and plays his mindgames
-Mysterio vs. Benjamin- Pretty good fast match. Kidman threw Haas right into Chimmel, he could have thrown him anywhere but why into Chimmel LoL.
-Benoit vs. Doink- Benoit gets a squash... What was Rhyno's explanation again? I'd much rather see a turn come from a mile away then an out of the blue ~swerve~.
-Eddie vs. Tajiri-Tajiri is soo sneaky, hiding in the back of the car. mist mist mist Eddie actually has a good excuse he's got mist in his eyes. He can't see! *wink* oh he's winking cause it stings!... Fantastic match, very quick. Nice ending and Eddie *stealing* Tazz's water.
-Gowen vs. Moore- This is when I started watching on Thursday, Gowen still impresses me, I liked this match, Zach going for a tornado DDT and Moore catching him and suplexing him was impressive also liked his moonsault... What was really impressive was how Zach ate the Twist of Faith, it looked devastating.
-Cena vs. Jordan- Cena disses Taker with Jordan, Jordan comes just to get allow Cena to get all thug-life on him. What exactly is the purpose of Orlando Jordan.
-Angle/Lesner vs. BigShow/A-Train- SD ending up and no Sable sighting oh spoke too soon there she is, well at least no A-Train oh there he is as well. PPV comes and goes and why are we still having these same three pairings can, oh yeah adding Albert isn't a big upside. Match was nothing especially such an amazing PPV match there's very little going forward, hopefully we won't see the heel side in main events as much but I doubt it... Lesner sure likes listening to his music play, why get so emotional over Angle tagging himself in and getting the win.
other stuff- The Torrie/Noble thing I guess could be worse but it wasn't really funny or entertaining to me... Angle talks to Funaki & Kendrick when Lesner comes in and tells the kids to scram the go to the background and play Go Fish (that's what it looks like)
Line of the Night: Tazz "Eddie just stole my water" 3Stars of the Night: 1)Eddie. 2)Gowen 3)Tajiri
The U.S title match was fantastic, the Mysterio/Benjamin match was very good. And Zach still impresses me... The rest was take it or leave it, the main event was kind of a let down bore.
cause there's limits to our liberties. 'Least I hope and pray that there are, cause those liberal freaks go too far.
I'll crush all opposition to me And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay
Hmm. I can only come up with two that might be close. Late 1999: (11/14 - 12/12) WWF Champ: Big Show IC Champ: Chyna (hey, I thought she was great, but since everyone else hates her I figured I'd go with popular opinion here). Euro Champ: