Hello, friends! I haven't had ANY sleep whatsoever last night, and I've nodded off at this computer three times already! Needless to say, I'm extremely drowsy, and it's only because of responsibility to my fans that I'm written up this report now! Don't you feel special knowing that?
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
LAST WEEK: Cena was stripped of the US Title. Hallelujah!
Booker T: Booker T says that since he did not lose last week's title match to Cena, so the title should be given to him. He asks that Mr. Angle come out and present the title to him. But René Duprée comes out and says that the next US Champion needs class and culture. Specifically, the next champ needs to be the French Phenom! Kenzo Suzuki is out to offer a rebuttal. Hiroko translates: "Kenzo should be the new US Champ!" In Kenzo's own words: "CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKAAAAA!" Aw, crap, now Cena is out. I was hoping losing the US Title would shame him from the WWE forever. Cena makes a ton of Wizard of Oz references, then heads off to the GM's Room. He breaks down the door. Before he can lay a hand on Mr. Angle, Luther tries to stop Cena, but Cena quickly disposes of him and THROWS HIM THROUGH THE WALL! "This is MY house! Next time, WIPE YOUR FEET before you come here!" Security drags Cena away, and Mr. Angle tells him that this will be a night that Cena will never forget.
Mysterio/Spike vs. Chavo/Noble: SPINEBUSTER by Chavo! FLYING CROSSBODY by Mysterio! DOUBLE BULLDOG by Mysterio! LEGSCISSORS buy Spike! STOMP! BACKBREAKER by Chavo! 6-1-9 by Mysterio! Spike hits the DUDLEY DOG! Noble hits the WHITE TRASH COMPACTOR, but D-Von Dudley distracts the ref, and Bubba kicks Noble in the nootz! Spike pins Noble: 1.. 2.. 3. Afterwards, Spike sees his brothers and puts two and two together. Spike is visibly pissed. "Leave me alone!"
RAW Rebound: The Saga of Eugene continues. This week's chapter: Evolution murderizes Eugene.
The Saga of Bradshaw et Eddie: How Bradshaw won the title. Also, El Gran Luchadore's shenanigans.
GM Room: The trainers check on Luther. Angle tells Luther that tonight, Cena will fight Booker T, René Duprée, and Kenzo Suzuki in a Handicap Elimination Match!
Red Bull: I don't think William Tell ever used a crossbow.
Duprée/Booker T/Suzuki vs. Cena: Duprée takes the offensive early, but Cena, as always, makes a comeback. Let's go to bathroom break!
Duprée/Booker T/Suzuki vs. Cena (cont.): More squashing by Cena. Tag to Suzuki. HUGE CHOP by Suzuki! SHINING WIZARD by Suzuki! Tree of Woe, then he rips off a sash from Hiroko and chokes Cena with it. The ref disqualifies Suzuki. René goes on the offensive, but Cena rolls him up for the 1.. 2.. 3! That... was short. Booker's up next. KNEEDROP by Booker! SPINEBUSTER! Booker hits a THRUST KICK! Cena makes the SUPERMAN COMEBACK! ...again. FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena pumps up, but gets tossed out of the ring. Luther appears, attacks Cena, and throws him back in the ring, where Booker hits the SCISSORS KICK! 1.. 2.. 3!
UPN 33 News at 10: Ha, ha! We got Shaq and you don't! Ha, ha!
Heidenreich: No one ever gave him a chance. But that all changed when he met a certain bulbous gentleman by the name of Paul Heyman...
Backstage: Josh Matthews interviews Eddie Guerrero. Eddie says that he and El Gran Luchadore are close friends. El Gran Luchadore is such a great wrestler, JBL ran from him! But JBL has nowhere to run in tonight's cage match!
LAST WEEK: London and Kidman won the titles in what Tazz calls "a fluke".
D-Von vs. London: The tag champs get new music. It's much better than Kidman's "WHOOOOAAA YEEEEAAAH" music, but then again, anything is! POWERSLAM by D-Von! DROPKICK by London! London gets tossed out of the ring, where Bubba whips him and Kidman with his belt. Back in the ring, London wins with a bridging pin.
GM Room: Mr. Angle tells Luther that he will face Cena next week. Luther threatens to end John Cena's career. Mr. Angle promises that tonight will be a night that no one will ever forget. Then, the two watch the cage come down...
JBL vs. Guerrero: JBL shakes the children's hands. He walks down to the ring with a concerned look on his face. Let's go to commercial break!
Summerslam: Chavo Classic's attempt at cheating in the rings is foiled when New Chavo is distracted by an attractive young gymnast.
JBL vs. Guerrero (cont.): Eddie comes in the cage, and the ref chains the door shut. The two get to brawling. BACKDROP by Guerrero! JBL tosses Eddie into the cage wall then tries to climb out, but Eddie grabs his tights, and JBL gives us a full moon tonight! Another climb out attempt, but JBL is foiled again! FROGSPLASH misses! Eddie hits the THREE AMIGOS! Eddie and JBL climb up top... SUPERPLEX by JBL! Let's go to commercial break!
Enzyte: Did I mention Smiling Bob's wife is ugly? I did? Well, I'll say it again. Smiling Bob's wife is UGLY.
JBL vs. Guerrero (cont.): Eddie counters the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL with a DROPKICK! GROIN KICK by Eddie! SPINEBUSTER by JBL! JBL climbs the cage again, but again is foiled! TOP-ROPE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP by Eddie! SLEEPER HOLD by JBL! But Eddie escapes! Eddie plants JBL's face into the cage wall! JBL tosses Eddie into the cage wall! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! but Eddie kicks out! Let's go to commercial break!
JBL vs. Guerrero (cont.): JBL tries to climb out again, but again is foiled. DDT by Eddie! Eddie climbs the cage, but JBL catches him. POWERBOMB by JBL! Pin! But Eddie kicks out! JBL tries to climb again, but Eddie stops him yet again! Eddie climbs to the top of the cage... and hits the BIGGEST FROGSPLASH EVER! Just like El Gran Luchadore foretold! 1.. 2.. NO! Kickout! Both men struggle to their feet! JBL hits a DDT! JBL tries to climb the cage again... Eddie climbs as well... BUT WAIT! El Gran Luchadore appears... and yanks down Eddie! JBL climbs over the top! JBL WINS! El Gran Luchadore tries to leave the cage, but the door is chained shut! He tries to climb out, but Eddie catches him! Eddie removes Luchadore's mask, revealing... OMG KURT ANGLE!!! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and now I can finally go to bed!
Hey, a Spike Dudley push. Color me apathetic. I'm LOVING Knoble's Tiger Driver, and if you look close enough, he changed up his General Lee trunks.
Cena/Dupree/Book/Suzuki was kinda dragging until it got down to Cena/Book. Those 2 have some good chemistry in there, and have been producing some very entertaining matches. I'm LOVING Book's sloooooow kneedrop.
Heidenreich's coming back! Polish up a turd all you want, but it's still a turd. Gimme a Haas push, or some more cruisers, not this lunk.
Very good cage match. At least they've been protecting Eddie in all these losses to JBL.
Not a bad show. Maybe (hopefully) they're turning things around.
While I'm not a fan of Booker T's overall effort since he moved to SD, he joins Kenzo and Dupree as a damn entertaning triumvirate of evil. Each cracks me up and the opening bit was fun, especially Kenzo and She-Whose-Name-I-Never-Remember.
The cruiser tag match was snappy, until the lousy ending. Smae goes for the London/D-Von match. Maybe the Dudleys are just so old hat that they sap the goodness out of all they are connected with.
The main event did not light my fire. It felt to me like climb-stop-spot-climb-stop-spot. JBL won me over last week and Eddy's still Eddy, but this was mighty slow. Thirty minutes of airtime for a match that could have been cut in half since the ending was all that mattered, and JBL became the tertiary figure even though he won.
Having written that, however, WELL DONE on El Gran falling to the floor without the mask but with his head covered.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
When JBL was looking up towards the cage with the concerned expression on his face, I couldn't help but wonder if he was looking past the cage at a clock on the arena wall and thinking "HOW long is this match going to be?"
How many wrestlers can come out in a masked disguise but be instantly recognizable by the size and shape of their neck? Man, he really DOES look like a thumb.
So you get kicked in the groin and you suddenly have this surge of pain and you're hopping all over the place but yet can still remain perfectly still in a roll-up?
So I'm looking at his trunks and wondering...has Noble nicknamed his nuts "The Duke Boys"?
London has quite the Ricky Steamboat haircut going on there.
I enjoyed Smackdown. But, I usualy do. More performers irritate me on Raw, anyway. I was getting ill watching the John Heidenreich promo until I saw Heyman.
If the WWE is going to shove Big John down my throat Heyman should make the blow softer.
I agree with whoever said Bradshaw's match was the best he's had in years.
And, the continued tv exposure Kidman and Londan got was refreshing, too.
I'm still waiting for Charlie Haas' big singles push. I've met this guy and he was very respectful.
I believe Haas has great ring talent and is coming around in the personality department. Does anybody else think Charlie Haas could handle a big singles push? Better heel or face ? Could use help on the mic ? And, he could keep Jackie around during Rico's recoup time, right? It never hurts to have a valet/diva in your corner.
Originally posted by Spaceman SpiffHeidenreich's coming back! Polish up a turd all you want, but it's still a turd. Gimme a Haas push, or some more cruisers, not this lunk.
Hey, look at is this way: At least The Undertaker has someone to squash back to the stone-age on his way to getting Paul Heyman now. If they're going to kill off someone quickly, I'd prefer it to be someone with little entertainment potential than someone that's on the brink of either making it or failing (like Haas).
Originally posted by Juggalo101Voila, Kurt's tattoo in a blurry pic. It's supposed to be a golden eagle in wrestling gear. http://www.kehoe73.freeserve.co.uk/tatangle.jpg The picture is from the infamous Smackdown with Kurt and Stephanie.
Golden eagle? All this time I thought it was the Notre Dame mascot... YEESH, was I ever off. >_<
DEAN's Nuggets of Wisdom:
"I don't want him to die. I just want him to NEED my PEE." (as seen here)
I haven't watched in a while, and this next statement is said a lot, but I have to say that Tazz is so good now as a commentator. His call during the main event was awesome, and he kills Lawler dead every week (and I don't mind Lawler as much as some people here).
Overall, the show had very good pacing and the storylines are at least finally watchable.
And damn you JBL for starting to win me over. HOW DARE YOU!
Joe Wilson (looking at Interocitor manual)- Hey, here's something my wife could use in the house... Crow T. Robot- A man? Joe Wilson- An interocitor incorporating an electron sorter. Cal Meechum- Oh, she'd probably gain 20 pounds while it did all the work for her. Tom Servo- Cal, you bitch!
I dont mind Lawler much at all. The only thing that bothers me is when he has to go to the NTH level of horniness. If you ever had a chance to hear him in Memphis, he is a capable commentator. Shame they dont realise it and make his a quasi-comedy guy.
Oh, and its an EAGLE on Angel's back?????? I mean, hes a millionare now, cant he get that crap covered?
Originally posted by drjayphd Originally posted by Juggalo101Voila, Kurt's tattoo in a blurry pic. It's supposed to be a golden eagle in wrestling gear. http://www.kehoe73.freeserve.co.uk/tatangle.jpg The picture is from the infamous Smackdown with Kurt and Stephanie.
Golden eagle? All this time I thought it was the Notre Dame mascot... YEESH, was I ever off.
Originally posted by StaggerLeeOh, and its an EAGLE on Angel's back?????? I mean, hes a millionare now, cant he get that crap covered?
Isn't it his college mascot?
(deleted by Whitebacon on 16.7.04 0356)
(resurrected by Whitebacon on 16.7.04 0356)
//edit: quoted wrong post.
(edited by Whitebacon on 16.7.04 0358)
(Not Bob Kohm)
In the context of baseball, the use of drugs hurts only the player. In the context of baseball, the use of alcohol hurts only the player. In the context of baseball, womanizing hurts whom? Maybe the wife of the player? In the context of baseball, felonies are crimes against society, not against baseball. In the context of baseball, gambling is the only crime against baseball.
Gambling, in the context of baseball, is a capital offense and Rose has richly earned-- hell, he agreed to-- his death sentence. Let him hang.
Bob Kohm, co-owner of Rotojunkies.com (rotojunkies.com) , and a large market kind of guy.