Before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to honor the memory of Paul Bearer, one of the all-time great wrestling managers. Farewell, Fat Man. We will never forget the legacy you left behind.
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Mr. Angle: Mr. Angle says that he corrected a grave injustice at the Eddie/JBL title match at the Great American Bash. Lying, cheating, and stealing was never a match for Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. With that, here is your new champion, John Bradshaw Layfield!
John Bradshaw Layfield: He shakes hands and kisses babies on the way to the ring. The ring has red, white and blue decorations. JBL says it's the dawn of a new era. JBL promises to become the most popular champion ever. He will sanitize his hands before shaking hands with others, and will only kiss non-smelly babies. Since Ronald Reagan passed away, America needs a champion. He talked to Mr. Angle today, and he gets to defend his title against an opponent of his choosing tonight. He promises to be a champion America can be proud of!
RVD vs. Duprée vs. Booker T: Duprée is tossed over the top rope. FLYING KICK by RVD! ROLLING THUNDER to Duprée! Booker and Duprée team up on RVD, but RVD comes back! Duprée is tied up in the ropes, so RVD delivers a dropkick to his gut! Booker T comes in swinging a chair, but RVD dodges and hits the VAN DAMINATOR! Duprée escapes, but RVD tosses him over the top rope! RVD climbs the turnbuckle, and hits a FLYING CROSSBODY to Duprée on the outside! Let's go to commercial break!
RVD vs. Duprée vs. Booker T (cont.): Booker goes wild on Duprée, but Duprée hits a POWERSLAM, then does the FRENCH TICKLER! Booker T makes a comeback, but Duprée hits a LOW BLOW! RVD is back in, but Duprée throws him into the chair mounted on the turnbuckle! Booker T knocks Duprée down... SPINAROONIE! But Booker is hit with a SPIN-KICK! RVD hits the FIVE-STAR FROGSPLASH on Booker T! FROGSPLASH to Duprée! But Booker breaks the pin! Booker covers Duprée! 1.. 2.. 3! Booker T is your #1 Contender for the US Title!
Locker Room: We see Luther Reigns reprimanding referee Charles Robinson for a bad call during the Torrie/Sable match at the Great American Bash. Tonight, there will be a rematch. And if Robinson screws up, the consequences will be severe!
Meanwhile: A bunch of superstars are at another room. Bradshaw walks in, and asks which superstar will he defend his title against tonight. It will be... "A Dudley"! Yes, it's Spike. John Cena and Rey Mysterio laugh at the Dudley Boyz getting fooled. Bubba and D-Von are visibly pissed.
Mysterio vs. Mordecai: Rey Mysterio takes off his mask and gives it to a kid in the crowd. Yes, there was another mask underneath. Mordecai is chubby. Legdrop by Mordecai misses! Mordecai applies a full-nelson, then RAMS Mysterio into the turnbuckle! More submission holds. MISSLE DROPKICK by Mysterio! CROSSBODY! SPRINGBOARD DDT! 6-1-9! WEST COAST POP is caught! BIG BOOT by Mordecai! Mordecai tries to go for a CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB, but Mysterio reverses it into a HURRACANRANA! 1.. 2.. 3! Mysterio wins! Mordecai is shocked!
AT THE BASH: OMG! PAUL BEARER IS NOT DEAD! He just had severe lung injuries! Here's footage of how Paul Bearer suffered those lung injuries.
Back at SmackDown!: Heyman says that now, without a conscience, Undertaker is truly unstoppable. And he has no one but Paul Heyman to thank. But all of a sudden, lightning strikes the turnbuckles, and Undertaker appears on the Titantron. He tells Heyman that Paul Bearer was Undertaker's weakness, so Taker had to get rid of that weakness. And if Taker did that to the one person he cared about, imagine what Taker's gonna do to Heyman. Rest in peace. Heyman is visibly shaken.
Sable vs. Torrie: Nice outfit, Sable! Way better than Torrie's ugly lime-green fishnet outfit. Charles Robinson is the ref. But you already knew that. Stuff happens. Torrie hits a DDT for the win. Afterwards, Mr. Angle appears on the Titantron. He says that Charles Robinson still needs to be taught a lesson. In order to know how the referee's decisions affect the WWE superstars, Charles needs to become one himself. Charles reluctantly takes off his shirt. His opponent is Luther Reigns! And it's NEXT!
Robinson vs. Reigns: Charles tries to run away, but doesn't get far. KNEE TO THE GUT by Luther! But CHARLIE HAAS rushes in, attacks Luther, and rescues Charles Robinson! Luther yells at Haas.
RAW Rebound: Eugene is a special referee in the HHH/Regal match. Regal gets DQ'd. Eugene goes berserk on Regal. Kane loses the match against Benoit, and nearly kills his offspring.
Locker Room: Spike gets ready for his match. Bubba and D-Von walk in. They tell him that they have his back, since if Spike wins the title, Bubba and D-Von can be first in line for a title shot. Spike turns down his brother's offer for help, saying if he's gonna win the title, he's going to do it on his own.
SummerSlam: Eugene and Regal light the Olympic torch, while Tajiri is a discus thrower.
Kenzo Suzuki: He says... stuff in Japanese. John Cena comes out. He provides us with a helpful translation of Suzuki's words: "My name is Kenzo Suzuki. I am constipated, my throne is a portable toilet, Hiroko is my hermaphrodite proctologist, and I frequent local gay beaches!" Cena says "You can't see me!" Cena leaves, and Hiroko translates Cena's English to Kenzo. Hiroko doing the "you can't see me" gesture is adorable. Kenzo is angry now.
Spike vs. JBL: More hand shakery. JBL beats down Spike for a while. "BRADSHAW SUCKS!" chant. Dropkick by Spike, but JBL comes back with a BIG BOOT! BIG CHOP! Spike is whipped into the STEEL STEPS! TORTURE RACK by JBL! Spike does a 10-PUNCH COUNTALONG! DUDLEY DOG! But JBL comes back with a SPINEBUSTER! POWERBOMB! 1.. 2.. 3. Eddie Guerrero appears! He runs in, and the two come to blows. LOW BLOW by Eddie! DDT! JBL flees the ring. Eddie says that he still has a rematch clause in his contract! And he gets to choose the match that he wants! 2 weeks from now, it's gonna be Eddie vs. JBL for the title in a steel cage! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and this was a good SmackDown! I thought there was going to be doom and gloom when JBL became the champ! But this SmackDown! was good! What happened?!
(edited by The Great Thomas on 1.7.04 1900) FIRST EVER "W of the Day"! (4/12/04)
I wouldn't call this a "good" SmackDown!... but this one was an improvement.
I think Mr. Angle was being a little too severe with good ol' Charles Robinson. Sure, he screwed up. But it WAS the women's match, so nobody really cares anyway.
Speaking of which, there's been some discussion as to when exactly Charlie Haas became such good friends with John Cena. Well, I want to know when Haas became the defender of referees. Or is this an impromptu feud between him and Reigns? Either way, I don't care.
If one wanted to make us think Mordecai is a true threat, I don't think the best way to accomplish that is by having him lose to Rey Mysterio.
I really, really, really liked John Cena's interpreting. Unfortunately, I think this is a sign that I'm immeasurably immature.
All in all, there was a lot of stuff on this show that I for one didn't care about. I still watched it, though, so I guess Vince is doing something right.
Former President and First Lady Clinton honor President Reagan by catching some Z's (drudgereport.com)
I enjoyed the show tonight. It wasn't a great show, but it had some fun moments.
I thought it was a brilliant heel move on Bradshaw's part to have to stop in the middle of his promo to ask somebody what town they were in before going for the cheap pop. That was awesome.
Cena's stuff with Suzuki was pretty funny, but his character really does seem to be going the way of camp fodder. Suzuki didn't exactly come out of that looking like anything more than a goof either. Having said that, I wouldn't mind seeing Suzuki out doing a Japanese promo next week, and then have Mysterio come out and rebut in Spanish. Let the crowd chant "WHAT?" and, for once, mean it. And let Cena and Booker T build a nice feud. They both are capable, and they both are due.
Speaking of goofs, thanks for coming, Mordecai!
Yes. We see. You want Sable to marry you. Thank you. Put the sign down. Now.
Originally posted by Mr Heel II I thought it was a brilliant heel move on Bradshaw's part to have to stop in the middle of his promo to ask somebody what town they were in before going for the cheap pop. That was awesome.
I always thought a run to the world title should at least in spirit resemble a political campaign, but not literally.
JBL if nothing else tonight was doing the little things well, from the anti-cheap pop to the germaphobia to going back and kissing the same baby twice to channeling Eric Stratton: Rush Chairman in the backstage segment.
Bradshaw really really needs a campaign manager. Maybe Lamont could do it.
"Hi, John Bradshaw Leyfield, WWE Champion. Damn glad to meet ya. Whoa, nice tie. Check this Lamont....90% rayon."
Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-ought three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all 60 of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five point palm exploding heart technique.
I'd call this SD fair at best. The only match that was really enjoyable was the IC contenders' three-way, and even that wasn't great. It was nice seeing Rey get the win over Mordechai but the match wasn't anything special.
I did like the Bradshaw "what town in this" spot. The Cena "translation" was a good idea terribly executed. Try to crank the humor level up from third to sixth or so, John! More riffing on doo-doo than I need, thank you!
I missed the Charles Robinson match entirely, coming back late from commercials. I'm sure I didn't miss much, but what I found funny was that, since "Lil Naitch" did some in-ring work when he was aligned with Flair in WCW, he probably has had more televided matches than Luther at this point.
It's going to be hard to get me to like any SD as long as Bradshaw is the champ, I suppose.
Or is this an impromptu feud between him and Reigns?
I didn`t see the G.A.B., but one of the recaps said that Angle put those two together as his former protege (Haas) vs. his new one (Reigns)...which I guess is a more valid reason for a match than a Mordacai/Holly backstage brawl...
(edited by Spiraling_Shape on 2.7.04 1501) "I've had more ups and down than a whore's drawers."
Originally posted by Tenken347Does anyone know what part of Japan Suzuki is from? He had an accent on his Japanese that's different from the way I normally hear Japanese being spoken.
His bio's says he's from Hekinan City, Aichi. Which I think it's around Nagoyo.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is raised to YELLOW alert - Elevated (JBL is the new WWE champion, good gawd hide under the desk. But Benoit is World Champion allowing some safety in the IWC)- 6/28
Originally posted by MrBlingMordecai has been shipped back to OVW, most likely due to immense suckage. So no need to worry about him for the forseeable future. :)
"Immense suckage"? The guy only had two jobber squashes, a PPV fight with Bob Holly, and SmackDown's Mysterio match, which had Mysterio on offense most of the time. I'd like to know where you came up with the conclusion that he sucks.
Reports from fans who attended Raw are all saying that as soon as ads for "The Scorpion King" appeared on the Titantron, the crowd erupted into chants of "Rocky Sucks". That can't be a good thing. So that poses this question.