For a short while, I used to own one of those plasma monitors that allowed you to watch TV and surf the web at the same time. Oh, man, do you realize how easy writing recaps could have been if I still had that? It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
[R.I.P. James Dudley]
LAST WEEK: The Dudleys made an impact on that OTHER Paul.
Booker T: He tells us that he had nothing to do with the abduction of Paul Bearer last week. He says that Taker faked Paul's abduction so he could chicken out of his match. John Cena comes out for some reason. Cena tells Booker he almost cost Cena the title last week. Booker tells Cena he derived his "You Can't See Me" gimmick from Booker's HAND~! Cena then says he isn't a Booker T imitation because he doesn't have "the look". He then proceeds to make a pretty humorous Booker T imitation, suggesting that Booker's face is from crapping his pants. But before the two can come to blows, Mr. Angle is wheeled out by Luthor to tell Cena that the Board of Directors and the President of UPN has been breathing down his neck because of Cena's unpredictable actions. Booker attacks Cena from behind. The fighting spills out into the outside, and Cena falls on Mr. Angle, knocking him off his wheelchair. Booker T swings a chair, but misses Cena and hits Mr. Angle in the broken leg! Mr. Angle cries, then tells Cena that the Board of Directors will strip him of his US Title!
Guerrero vs. Danny Basham: Eddie signed that liability waiver. Now the dream match of Guerrero vs. Basham can finally happen! Danny tosses Eddie out of the ring, where Doug Basham cheapshots him. Eddie tosses Doug a chair, and the referee catches him, and throws Doug out of the match! Headscissors by Eddie. THREE AMIGOS... no, Danny throws him into the referee by two suplexes. Danny grabs the title, but Eddie gives him a low blow, followed by a BELTSHOT! He then falls down, but before the ref can count to ten, Eddie jumps back to his feet and hits the FROGSPLASH for the win!
Summerslam: "Ladies and gentlemen, Toronto will host Summerslam 2004!"
Funaki vs. Chavo Classic: Classic asks New Chavo to hold the ropes open for him and take off his robe. New Chavo does Guest Commentary and sings his praises. Chavo Classic hits a GUTWRENCH SUPLEX, followed by the STRATUSFACTION! ...or some variation of it. Funaki starts to get the upper hand, however, but before he can hit a top-rope move, New Chavo pushes Funaki off the turnbuckle, and Chavo Classic pins Funaki for the win! Afterwards, a bunch of girls run into the ring and celebrate with Classic.
Backstage: New Chavo congratulates his dad, and walks off. Then, Chavo Classic pays off the "groupies". He also gives a little extra to some old chick.
Summer Breakout Bikini Contest: Jamie Noble is the MC for the contest! Torrie Wilson is out first, followed by Miss Jackie, Dawn Marie and (THE RETURN OF) Sable. Let's go to commercial break!
Summer Breakout Bikini Contest (cont.): Noble explains the rules: each Diva has to dance with a beach toy. Torrie's first. She plays in the sandbox. Dawn Marie's next, her item is the beach chair. She gives Noble a lapdance. Next is Sable and the beach towel. She does some grinding. Finally, Miss Jackie gets the bucket of water, which she dumps all over herself. The final verdict by the fans: MISS JACKIE WINS! Her prize: She gets to kiss Jamie Noble! Jackie tells Jamie to close his eyes, and he obliges. The Divas dump buckets of water all over him! "This tuxedo is a rental! It cost me $29.99! I'm gonna have to buy it!" The Divas then throw him into the sandbox!
WWE Hall of Fame 2004 DVD: Available now!
Kenzo Suzuki: Coming Next Thursday! "I WILL BE... VICTORIOUS!"
Duprée vs. Mysterio: Mysterio kicks Duprée's leg. BONSOIR by Duprée! Mysterio dances the FRENCH TICKLER! Duprée knocks Mysterio down and does his own FRENCH TICKLER! Mysterio counters Duprée's Powerbomb into a Sunset Flip and wins the match. Afterwards, Mysterio dances the French Tickler some more! René is angry.
RAW Rebound: La Resistance wins the tag titles, and Eugene beats Kane.
Backstage: Booker T is WALKING!
John Bradshaw Layfield: He comes out with a bullrope. More talk about how he won the match at Judgement Day, and how Eddie Guerrero is a liar. Bradshaw has chosen the stipulation for The Great American Bash. It will be... THE TEXAS BULLROPE MATCH!!! The winner is decided by either by hog-tying your opponent, or dragging him around the ring and touching the four corners. Bradshaw promises to humiliate Eddie Guerrero at the Great American Bash and win the WWE Title!
Booker T vs. Undertaker: Booker cheapshots the Deadman early into the match, but Taker comes back, and knocks Booker around for a bit. OLD SCHOOL is foiled, but Taker hits the BIG BOOT, and the LEGDROP! Taker wrenches Booker's arm. ARMWRENCH LIFT! More arm wrenching. Taker tries to go OLD SCHOOL, but Booker kicks Taker, and Taker falls off the rope and onto the outside floor! Let's go to commercial break!
Booker T vs. Undertaker (cont.): MISSLE DROPKICK by Booker! Taker powers out of Booker's chinlock, but is met with the LEG LARIAT! SUPLEX by Taker! HARD SHOULDERBLOCK by Taker! CHOKESLAM! But Paul Heyman appears, and comes down to the ring. Before Undertaker can chokeslam Paul Bearer, the Dudleys appear on the Titantron, and tells him to let Heyman go, or else they'll harm Paul Bearer. Undertaker lets Heyman. Heyman tells Undertaker to join him, and he better make that desicion by next week! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and this week's SmackDown! was pretty good! I still wish I had that plasma monitor, though...
I'd have to say that this SmackDown! was a lot better than we've had lately. I was actually able to sit through the whole thing.
A few thoughts...
- I thought Cena's Booker T impression was pretty damn funny. It had me laughing out loud. "Now ya start shaking like you've got a problem with your nervous system. Whoa, it's collllld in here." (<------ probably went a lot different than that, I just have a bad memory).
- Anyone have any idea how uncomfortable it was to be a 16 year old kid watching the bikini contest with his mom and grandparents in the room?
Shawn Michaels explains that he was never actually deactivated, because he wasn’t the droid Eric were looking for.
Cena made me laugh for the first 2 minutes but after that i got bored. The WWE Championship match should have taken place in the nine o' clock hour instead of the bikini stuff. I missed the Chavo Classic match but i heard it was good. My favorite part was the cliffhanger ending with Taker. Good show.
I just got around to watching the tape and the show was just so blah again.
There were some highlights though. The Chavos continue to be very entertaining. Diet Chavo's insincere support of his father and Chavo Classic playing his son at the same time is great.
Girls in bikinis, can't complain about that except that a week ago Torrie and Dawn Marie hated each other again, now they're buddies again?
God bless Paul Heyman for trying his damndest to make a program between The Duds and The Undertaker interesting. The angle is good but I'm not looking forward to the match at GAB at all so it's hard to care.
A little fantasy (ACK!) booking. If they had some balls they would have Undertaker start doing Heyman's bidding to keep Paul Bearer safe. Heyman can sick Undertaker on Eddie Guerrero for a PPV. They can do some sort of screwy finish and have Guerrero go over then Taker can somehow get Bearer back. Not that I'd like to see the match or UT in a Main Event but I think Heyman's mic work would make it a compelling angle.
I'll fall in with the camp that thought Cena's act was just dumb....fart noises? Joy.
I liked the Booker T/UT match though. Someone said it was an extended squash and I couldn't disagree more. The match got to effectively highlight Booker's style...finally.
I also cheered when he kicked 'Taker off of the ropes. I understand it's one of his "signature spots", but just never bought it. I would have been even happier if Book had just yanked him off of the top rope.
The only other highlight for me was wondering whether or not Dupree was going to poke Mysterio in the eye with that thing.
Having heard plenty of stories of Chavo Classic in his heyday, I wasn't surprised to see him put up a decent match against Funaki. Classic is Mexico's version of Ric Flair.
Right down to the entertainment value! The chemistry between Chavo Classic and New Chavo is unmatched and these two are a great comedy duo. Does anyone REALLY care about the Cruiserweight title at this point? It was dead in the water anyway. As long as we continue to get good entertainment from Los Chavos, I won't cry for the Cruiserweight belt. If the rumors of a Haas of Style/Los Chavos tag title match at the PPV are true, the buildup has the potential for hilarity.
The rest of the show was ok, but I wonder why Rey was put over Dupree cleanly? Maybe this was an effort to build Rey back up after feeding him to Bradshaw a few weeks ago.
(edited by It's False on 4.6.04 1234)
Maybe if I pawn this thing, I can finally pay off that damn collection agency!
The Booker/Cena segment just didn't click. Fart jokes? C'mon, Cena's better than that....Why is the champion fighting an opening contest?....Mordecai's interview was all-right, but I think the gimmick was already DOA....Chavo Classic is DA MAN....The bikini contest was the usual. Same as pretty much every other bikini contest....Dupree/Rey Rey was too short....'Taker/Booker was nothing too. Why are we supposed to get interested in these matches when they're either too short or don't even have a finish?
Originally posted by fuelinjectedGirls in bikinis, can't complain about that except that a week ago Torrie and Dawn Marie hated each other again, now they're buddies again?
Yes, the female species is a strange one indeed. We'll be enemies one week and then friends the next.
I missed the first two matches of the show, but from what I saw, there were only three people that made this show entertaining: Chavo Classic, Jaime Knoble, and Paul Heyman. I'm sure if Haas and Rico (who have my favorite part of the show week after week) had more TV time, I'd add them to the list too. I have no idea why I like Classic so much, but the guy gets a laugh or two out of me. And Knoble was the only highlight of the bikini segment. I think the segment would have been unbearable if anyone else was the emcee (well, maybe except Rico). And then Heyman continues to be the great mouthpiece he is and could make this Undertaker/Bearer angle interesting.
Originally posted by cranlsnI liked the Booker T/UT match though. Someone said it was an extended squash and I couldn't disagree more. The match got to effectively highlight Booker's style...finally.
I've never understood or agreed with the notion that because a match is good it can't be ruined by a bad finish. If you're banging this girl, and it's going great and she's grinding into it and moaning and saying it's the best ever...and then you sneeze on her boobs and go soft out of nowhere, you can consider that door closed. It was a good match which showcased Booker as he needed to be showcased, but all it effectively highlighted at the end was Book's ability to completely dematerialize from existence.
I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I don't want to get it infected.
Just for giggles, let's have Excel do some arithmetic for us, shall we? (Match times from CubsFan's site, by CubsFan, Feely & ScottChrist.)
6:43 FBI vs. Kidman/London 4:58 Jindrak vs. Shannon Moore 5:10 Gunn vs. Sakoda 16:51 total: Velocity 5/29 (thecubsfan.com)
8:27 Rhyno vs. Val Venis 4:32 Matt Hardy vs. jobber 5:53 Trish vs. Nidia 18:52 total: Heat 5/30 (thecubsfan.com)
8:51 Benoit/Edge vs. La Res 4:12 Victoria vs. Jazz 4:03 Orton vs. Benjamin 3:43 Hardy vs. Cade 6:47 Kane vs. Eugene 27:36:00 total: Raw 5/31 (thecubsfan.com)
5:26 Eddie vs. Danny Basham 2:21 Chavo Classic vs. Funaki 3:03 Dupree vs. Mysterio 3:59 Booker vs. Taker 14:49 total: SmackDown 6/03 (thecubsfan.com)
Ooooh-kay -- so SmackDown is a 2 hour show, & had less actual, new wrestling material than either of the one-hour recap shows? It had just barely more than half the wrestling of Raw. I'm thinking we need to apply the old adage of "Get back to basics" here.
Mordecai looks, to me, like a mix between a bloated Jeff Hardy and an anime villain. How could I have ever FF'ed past this guy a few weeks ago?
Originally posted by emma Ooooh-kay -- so SmackDown is a 2 hour show, & had less actual, new wrestling material than either of the one-hour recap shows? It had just barely more than half the wrestling of Raw. I'm thinking we need to apply the old adage of "Get back to basics" here.
So THAT'S why I was able to make it through the show in one hour!?! (Mind you, my mind kinda wandered off into a book and I didn't FF through commercials, so that bumped the time up.) If you watch Smackdown! when it's broadcast, you're a sucker (sorry, The Great Thomas).
Don't get me wrong - the wrestling is still good, but it's all the non-wrestling crap that just has got to go for me to be really entertained by Smackdown! again.
"ScreamingHeadGuy, don't fear the wang. Know the wang. Embrace the wang. BE the wang....." - heed the wisdom of DEAN
-Booker/Cena/Angle interview- I thought the beginning of this interview was really good. Booker accusing Undertaker of being behind the Paul Bearer abduction. Booker calling Cena "You can't see me" a 5time wannabe. Cena coming back with "If I want to be like Booker T I'd have to make my voice like I'm eating out of an ashtray. Get my leg back here. Now ya start shaking like you've got a problem with your nervous system" It was great. It was entertaining exchange up to the gas noises. Of course Booker through out one of my favorite lines afterwards by saying "You didn't just say that!"... No Kurt-in-a-box this week Damn customs!
-Eddie vs. Danny Basham- This match was better the watching it on TV for whatever reason. It was a decent enough match.
-Mordecai interview- This guy just doesn't have the presence to pull this off. Undertaker had/has it. Even a slug like Nathan Jones had a certain amount of presence. Heck dare I saw miss kick Tyson Tomko has a scary looking image. Mordecai looks like a chubby kind dressed in a cheap halloween costume... He damn's this city to hell! Cole ask "What right does he have to do that!". Leafs haven't won the cup since 67, we are in hell LoL
-ChavoClassic vs. Funaki- Chavo Classic has the funniest/ lamest video-entrance I've seen, it's just him outside the ring doing facial expressions LoL C.Classic holds is own but gets some help from Junior. Chavo Junior was really good at commentary, C.Classic has the speed of a Rey Mysterio, the strength of the Undertaker, and the style of a John Cena" ... Women jumped in the ring because C.Classic appeal crosses no boundaries. But then we see him paying off the girls (in American bills)! They didn't show Chavo Jr catching him.
-bikini stuff- Urg who cares about this. Tazz is funny wondering why is Noble yelling?... Torrie Wilson lost a bikini contest! It's going to start raining grasshoppers!
-Mysterio vs. Dupree- Dupree needs to start wearing black tights full time as black masks umm stuff. The purple tights just forces you look. The match was actually good, a little short but I wouldn't mind to see it again for another 5 minutes added on to it.
-Layfield interview- This Layfield interview was awful, totally heatless and boring. The crowd was silent and the only one's that were awake were "whating" Bradshaw (which they edit on TV)
-Undertaker vs. Booker- Wow from all people UNDERTAKER took the bump of the night as he bumped off walking the ropes... No Finish as Booker disappears as Undertaker talks to Bearer. Lame
-Other Stuff- With the exception of Chavo Classic with the women was there any backstage stuff at all? That's strange... Summerslam is in Toronto in case you didn't know.
-Line of the Night: Chavo Jr "My dad has the speed of a Rey Mysterio, the strength of The Undertaker and the style of a John Cena" -Sign of the Night: The huge front row "French Phenom" -3Stars of the Night: 1)Dupree. 2)Cena. 3)Undertaker.
Dare I say second straight week Smackdown is better then Raw. I don't think SD had a huge jump in improvement but it is a little better but it's more due to Raw being really bad the last two weeks IMO.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory stays at BLUE alert - Guarded (With Benoit & Eddie being World & WWE champions you'd expect all's be right but couldn't do it due to Trish/Y2J character switches & whats the deal with JBL PPV main event)- 5/6
Obviously something is wrong with me because 1) I thought Vickie was looking slimmer than usual. 2) I like Koslov in the same way I like Mark Henry. They just project that "ass kicker" aura in an authentic way.