Thursday after Backlash! It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
OH MY GOD!: We see the Big Show using Rey Mysterio as a whifflebat. Ow.
Los Guerreros vs. Hardy V.1/Boyband Man: "Matt Hardy invented Mattitude." He's finally run out of Matt Facts. Eddie wins via Frog Splash. Afterwards, Team Angle tries to get back their stolen tag titles, but fail miserably.
Stacker 2: "You know, Kenny, thanks to you and Stacker 2, I killed Rey Mysterio!"
Stephie: Even she doesn't know who Mr. America is! Team Angle want their titles back. Stephie says Los Guerreros will return them, but they must defend the titles at Judgement Day... in a ladder match!
Big Show vs. Funaki: Big Show says he picked an opponent who's bigger than Rey Mysterio. Anyways, SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH!
Stephie: She's visibly distressed. Some fat guy asks her if she's okay.
Big Show: He is WALKING! Jeez, even BILL FREAKIN' DEMOTT won't even look at him! Hypocrite. A-Train, however, DOES approves of Show's actions.
John Cena: He says he was robbed at Backlash. Here comes Spanky, dressed like... oy vey. He looks like B-Rad! Even with a giant clock around his neck. He says he has a rap for Cena. He even asks Some Random Referee to give us a beat. Random Ref does a really good beatbox! Spanky raps out his verbal abuse of Cena, who's had enough. He hits Spanky with the F-U, thus regaining his heat. YESSSS!
F.B.I.: They do some gambling with Generic Fat Guy.
Benoit vs. Stamboli: Benoit hits the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! The F.B.I. tries to interfere, but Rhyno makes the save! The ref declares this is now a tag match! Let's go to commercial break!
Benoit/Rhyno vs. Stamboli/Palumbo: Nunzio's been left for dead by the GORE! Palumbo wins via rollup with help from Nunzio.
Stephie: She is outside, trying to convince her dad not to come to the arena tonight. Brock Lesnar arrives and says he has unfinished business to take care of.
Kurt Angle: Life's True Champion: A video package detailing his amateur wrestling highlights, and how he's recovering from his recent surgery. It's True!
Brock Lesnar: He has beef with Big Show for what he did to Mysterio. He calls him out! Weeeeeeel, it's the BIG SHOW! He says he won't fight Brock without the title on the line. Let's go to commercial break!
Mr. America: He's coming, brother!
Team Angle vs. Walters/Stevens:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Afterwards, they demand that Los Guerreros return the titles. Here they come with the belts! They apologise and lay down the belts. Team Angle got the belts back, but Los Guerreros steal Kurt Angle's gold medals! OH NOES!
Torrie et Sable: Torrie tells Sable she doesn't trust her, after the lies she told her friend Stacy Kiebler. Sable says she better trust her, because tonight, they play for the same team.
Nidia/Dawn Marie vs. Torrie/Sable: Nidia and Dawn Marie work on Torrie's leg. Torrie tries to tag to Sable, but Sable walks out on her. Dawn Marie wins via Boston Crab. Now I get it! Sable is making Torrie lose matches! Now I like Sable even more! YESSSS!
Stephie et Vince: Vince wants to see Mr. America, but Stephie REALLY doesn't want him to see him.
Piper's Pit: He rags on Jericho and praises o'Haire. He introduces Mr. America. "Real American" hits the speaker! Here he is! Nice outfit. He does the air guitar, the poses, all the Hogan mannerisms. Piper accuses Mr. American of being Hulk Hogan. Mr. America denies it. Here comes Mr. McMahon! He is pissed! He tells Mr. America that he will hit him with a lawsuit. Again, Mr. America says he is not Hogan. He says he signed an iron clad contract with Stephanie and can't be fired or suspended. McMahon tries to unmask Mr. America, but gets punched out. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and lemme just say, I already love Mr. America!
So are we back to having Smackdowns with non-wrestling main-events again? Great.
Are there any viable cruiserweights left for Matt Hardy to feud with? I guess Tajiri counts, but the booking team doesn't seem to like using him too much. The tag match was sweet, and it was cool to see Hardy and Moore bust out samoan drop/neckbreaker combo. The last time I remember seeing that was when Lance Storm and Hurricane were a tag team during the Invasion.
Big Show is getting pushed again. Woo-hoo. Man, Judgement Day is so dead if they're planning on Brock/Big Show, HHH/Nash and Goldberg/Jericho(?) to draw.
I'm not sure if Benoit should be jobbing to Palumbo, but I can live with it. The tag match was decent, but the FBI just aren't very exciting in the ring right now.
The Cena/Spanky segment was about eighteen kinds of AWESOME. Kendrick is easily the most fun new superstar the WWE has had in years. He's just so far ahead of everybody else at his level that it's not even funny. It's a pity he's so small, because he really is the complete package. Cena is also full of potential, so their feud is definitely exciting.
Brock actually suprised me by cutting a decent intense promo. He should still be kept far away from the mic, though. He has waaay too high of a voice for a monster.
The Mr. America schtick was cute tonight, but can they keep it fresh? And will Hogan job for O'Haire?
(edited by Underwater on 1.5.03 2233)
In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.
For those of you who didn't see it on Sunday, here's BigShow nearly killing Rey (from many angles in many speeds many times).
...and a Fashion Report, too.
Tazz, in black suit with orange tie and hanky, and Cole, in white shirt (no tie) commentate.
ThievingMexicans, in green trunks (Eddie's have a red "Latino" on the butt) vs. Mattitude, in open black silk shirt and red funnypants with black pockets, and Shannon, in black "V1" tshirt and red/silver/black funnypants, with Crash. Is Tazz trying to insinuate something about Crash's sexual preference in the commentary here? Nice match.
Steph, in black top and yellow skirt, makes a deal with Team Angle, in grey "Team Angle" tshirts (go figure). But, Team Angle doesn't do ladder matches!
Steph, all distraught, comes out of Mr. America's door. I say he's GOTTA be a heel.
BigSHow, in one-strap black singlet, on the stick, vs. Funaki, in blue "Put a little Smackdown! on it" tshirt and blue "Smackdown!" fullcuts. A nice match - it exemplifies just how sadistic BigShow can be.
Steph, in a daze, plays on her computer (of course, checking-out the Wienerboard) when "Jason", in grey polo and bluejeans, with headset and pass, brings tidings of Vince. Lucky you, "Jason" - you made the Fashion Report.
Albert, the last guy to injure Rey, congratulates BigShow, while all the other superstars give him evil stares.
John Cena, in New York Mets jersey (#18), lock and chain, and red bandana, raps-out a soliloquy. Now Kendrick, ikn blue warmup, wall-clock on a chain, and a HUGE hat, is out. He's even got a gold tooth. Spanky-dog gets a beat from Brian Hebner, in blue ref shirt. Funny stuff, then the beating.
Benoit, in black "TOothless Aggression" tshirt and blue trunks of the same, vs. Stamboli, in red baggy pants (with red "FBI" undies underneath) and black hat, with Nunzio and Pulambo. Man, that younger Hebner has balls - rapping and booking his own matches all in one night. Rhyno, in black "Rhyno" singlet and Pulambo, in wife beater and bluejeans, are now in the match. These "not seeing the tag" spots are getting gratuitious now. Good match - the screwy ending menas more in store.
Steph, in anguish, goes outside to make a call. Then Brock show up - he's got "something to do." And Steph's cool with that. But she's still worried.
Kurt Angle gets a faux-NFL-films bit. (just like Randy Orton did about half a year ago)
Brocky, in black "Unleashed F5 Fury" tshirt, wearing the belt, does a little happy dance into the ring. I like Happy Brock - it'll be that much more compelling when he changes. And he calls out his former nemesis - BigShow. He's actually not too bad on the mic. So BigShow, still in his singlet (what, does he walk around in that thing all day?) accepts, for the title - sometime.
TeamAngle, in blue warmups, with Kurt's picture, Charlie in blue singlet with "Russ" tape, Shelton in red/blue singlet, vs. Eric Stevens, in pink/black trunks, and John Walters, in red trunks with black zigzags. You guessed it - squash. The the ThievingMexicans steal Kurt's medals (at least Chavo didn't put them down his trunks - he knows where they've been).
Torrie, in green, and MatureLady, in black, vs. Nidia, in baggy shirt and Daisy Dukes, with Noble, and Mrs. Wilson, in black. Dawn wrestles? Fuck this all. This was a hot-poker-up-the-ass match. I am sick of Torrie. Every week we get a craptacular segment with her. And there's NEVER a payoff to her never-ending storylines that could be worth it (unless Al comes back from dead for some necro-incest). Again, fuck it.
Stephanie is WORRIED, talking to daddy. I have a feeling she doesn't want Vince to see Mr. America.
Hot Rod, in black leather jacket, "Piper's Pit!" tshirt, and kilt, with Sean, in evil, long black coat and red spider crotch, blue web butt, black undies. Oh no - deuling talk show hosts when Piper and Jericho meet next. Anyway, "Mr. America" to "Real American", with red/white/blue boas, Hogan-esque handlebar mustache, Hogan mannerisms, in blue trunks with red/white stripes and white stars, blue mask with white star in the forehead, "Mr. America" belt with an eagle, and red/white boots with eagles (wow - that's a lot), is out. Hey - YOU guess who he is now. Now Vince, in grey suit, looking irate, is out. No, you can't pull the mask off, sillies.
Overall: Except for the tripe that is the World of Torrie (and all the crap that it encompases) it was a good show. I was wondering why we don't have more "mystery" wrestlers. The greatest thing is that Mr. America will NEVER admit who he is, even though EVERYONE knows who he is. Great stuff.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Wisdom is learning from one's mistakes. Greater wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others.
I am somewhat disturbed when someone who registered a month ago has nearly as many posts as me. I am less disturbed when I relize it means I actually have more of a life than some people.
Funny that "Matt Hardy invented Mattitude" was the best they could come up with on Smackdown when they did one of his best facts last Saturday on Velocity ("Matt Hardy dominates Putt-Putt Golf".)
I almost wish I didn't already know who Mr. America was, because it would have been that much funnier. That segment was so stupid, it ruled. Oh MAN did it rule. Even the build-up through the show ruled, especially the look on Steph's face as she walked out of Mr. America's locker room.
Excellent Angle video package. I like how Team Angle brings his portrait to ringside.
Spanky was great. Cena was great. Baby Hebner was great.
I'd chant "Big Show Sucks", but that might indicate I actually care enough to acknowledge Big Show.
Unless Sable pulls an Undertaker and takes on the Phenom role with a zombiefied Al Wilson in tow ("Guess what, Torrie...I'm your STEPMOTHER!"), just let those two catfight and get it over with. And make it a dark match.
some things are classic. some things are just old.
Before I start my Smackdown rant, Elizabeth, we will really miss you. Luger, hope this flies through so you could get back in the ring.
Anyway, I just got done finishing Smackdown. This is going to be shorter than I originally planned because I was not in a real good mood today. We Tivo'd it passed through the commercials. Let's begin...
1) Seeing Big Show use Mysterio as an axe...OUCH!!! He landed on his face.
2) Hardy/Moore vs. Guerreros -> I could visualize this after a while...a few more Matt. Followers, I could see all 8-10 behind Hardy with the V1 signal like saluting a dictator. Everytime I hear the Guerrero's music, it reminded me of a Robert Palmer song (not Simply Irresistable, or Addicted to Love). If you hear the first few notes, that is what I am talking about. The match was a good one.
3) Big Show/Funaki -> Boring. Nuff said.
3) A-Train...did he actually shave? But not his back.
4) Cena/Kendrick confrontation -> Very funny stuff coming out of it. I had to laugh after Kendrick finished and did the folded arms pose...clothesline. I wish Cena used that clock to bop Kendrick in the head.
5) Benoit/Stamboli to Benoit/Rhyno vs FBI -> Good matches, except for the screwy ending.
6) Kurt Angle...OK, ok, can't wait for him to return, not as much fun watching without him. We need a true #1 heel.
7) Lesner interview -> Can't believe we have a champion that sounds a little like Mike Tyson. Lesner/Big Show at Judgement Day...that will fill seats. Didn't we see that, like last November.
8) Team Angle vs Stevens/Walters -> Where's Vince/Bruno or Gorilla/Brain to commentate this match. At least the jobbers got an intro.
9) Sable/Torrie vs. Dawn Marie/Nidia -> So, this was our wrestling "Main event?" We knew what was going to happen. The only surprise, Dawn Marie did an actual move to win the match. Good job!
10) Piper/O'Haire/Vince/Mr. America -> I laughed the whole time. I thought it was so hokey. It was so bad, but it was so funny. Piper's reactions were priceless.
Was it just me or did the referee for the opening match get all confused by the Guerreros cheating in the beginning? I think he ACTUALLY forgot who was the legal man for a few seconds and then Eddy reminded him.
Big Show's repush against Brock is incredibly stupid to me after Brock went over in such a dominating fashion at the Rumble.
Mr. America was so dumb it was funny but I just don't see this leading to anything that I want to see.
Does the thought of building people up elude this creative team? I mean shouldn't The FBI be able to beat someone lower then Benoit before they get a win over him? It makes the FBI's push look forced and unnatural and does nothing for Benoit and Rhyno.
The whole Cena/Spanky thing was great because WWE actually seemed up to date with their demographic for once. Two fresh characters given time to go out there and show what they've got. That's what we need more of.
I went into this Smackdown with a sad heart because of the news of Miss Elizabeth.
-Guerreros vs. Hardy/Moore- Pretty good opener. But what's the deal with Tazz questioning the heels not named Hardy's sexual preference.
-Big Show vs. Funaki- Didn't they just do this angle with DeMott? Funaki's tornado DDT was okay but mostly lame stuff.
-Cena/Kendrick interview- This feud really grabs my interest. These are two guys who seem so in tune with their characters and could pull off a great feud. Kendrick is a new comer that I'm really taking notice, the "ahh shucks" character is hard to pull off but he's making it work. And Cena is great at what he does. This could very well be my spring/summer feud of choice for Smackdown.
-Stamboli v. Benoit- First part was kind of forgettable, run in city...-Palumbo/Stamboli v. Benoit/Rhyno- second part was a bit better, but the ending was lame. Just not buying this feud at all. Even though FBI skits are funny at times.
-Brock interview- Okay promo by Brock, but Brock's promos probably will never be the deciding factor of me getting into a feud. Brock vs. Big Show again, I don't like it but I honestly can't think of a good feud for Brock right now anyway.
-Team Angle vs. Jobbers- Is this Saturday Night Velocity no it's Smackdown. What are jobbers doing on SD, strange. I did find it funny that The Guerreros stole the medals, I thought they were going to steal the entire portrait so I was looking for that but the medals totally slipped my vision until the Guerreros started showing it off.
-Dawn/Nidia vs. Torrie/Sable- Stop the presses Torrie lost. And I should be happy but yikes was this match lame. Torrie & Sable are two of the most porcelain wrestlers I've ever seen. Dawn's finishing leg move looked more like something you pay a therapist to do to loosen up your hamstring with then a submission hold. I did notice TorrieBerg's hit her first move on Nidia with neckbreaker o' doom and Nidia was down for the count and Dawn had to save her LoL... I'm a huge fan of the two girls in the heel team but they even seemed a little off, as for the face team well they were what I expected them to be.
-Pipers Pit- What's with Piper and Jericho taking digs at each other, I wonder if they are doing in on their own, I got a feeling it is!. The Hogan thing did make me chuckle a bit, but at times it was way over the top cheesy.
-other stuff- I just noticed BigShow just dropping Mysterio unprotected to the floor face first, what an idiot... All the wrestlers backstage saying BigShow went too far was cheesy especially with Bully Bill DeMott acting all shocked for BigSHow bullying smaller guys, maybe he's just pissed that BigShow stole his soon to get monster over gimmick...I think Steph did a good job all night building Mr. America and her fathers arrival... Angle's Randy Orton-esq tribute was good too see, can't believe he's coming back so soon!.
Not a good show, with the exception of the first match the matches were bad. There was 3 in ring interview segments on a positive note at least 2 of them were pretty entertaining (rappers/PiperPit).
cause there's limits to our liberties. 'Least I hope and pray that there are, cause those liberal freaks go too far.
I'll crush all opposition to me And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay
Now if they wanted to do an angle about the 'boys in the back' being angry at a guy for not caring about injuring someone, they should've used Goldberg. Tee hee.
Here's my theory: Steph's signing of Mr. America leads to Vince punishing her by announcing a co-GM for Smackdown. My first guess would be Piper.
Over 1150 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day!
Really, if they told you that SARS was being pumped through the ventilation system into every theatre in which this was being shown, would you be any less likely to go see it?-- review of 'Daddy Day Care' at fametracker.com
Cena and Kendrick segment was one of the best Sports Entertainment segments ever, to me at least. It's up there with the DX/Nation parody, and Foley/Rock "This is Your Life". Cena gets big New England heat for wearing a Mets shirt (does he have unlimited sports jerseys, or what?) and a Bill Buckner reference (yes, a sore spot 16 years later. I'm a Sox fan). Kendrick comes out looking ridiculous, complete with gold tooth and clock. He calls himself Spanky which I thought was an Internet nickname for him. "I say Cena, you say Sucks" and gets the crowd to wave their hands. The best part was Cena bullying the ref to give him a beat, and suddenly he transforms into the Human Beat Box---and does a good job! Okay maybe not the best ever, but very, very entertaining. You could tell the crowd was having fun.
-Why does Brian Kendrick have to try out for Smackdown, when two random jobbers can show up and face Team Angle? -O'Haire is OK with Piper but he doesn't fit well with him. I saw Hogan, Vince, Piper, and O'Haire and sang "One of these things is not like the other". Why not put him back with Palumbo? They were one of the few things I liked about WCW . -Speaking of Chuck Palumbo. Has this guy transformed himself or what? The FBI guy barely resembles the Billy and Chuck guy. You forget they're the same. Kind of like RTC Steven Richards vs. Victoria's Steven Richards. -Benoit needs to lose the "Toothless Agression" shirt. Funny the first time, not so funny now. Especially since "Ruthless Agression" is not being used as a slogan now. Besides, I don't really look to Chris Benoit for my comedy, you know? -What's with the ref changing a singles match into tag match midway through a match? I don't think I have ever seen this in wrestling. -Is Sable and Torrie going to come to any sort of conclusion, or are they going to drag it out week after week? I think getting Steph involved would help this angle. -I'll take Tazz's "dumb guy" schtick over Lawler's "horny guy" any day. -Mr. America. I know it was supposed be "so stupid it's funny" but it seemed more stupid than funny to me. It would have been funnier if Hogan tried more to change his speech and keep slipping, like, "What'cha gon'--oh, um I mean...." and "Take that, brot---I mean, Vince". I did like how on the the entrance ramp, when the crowd recognized him, he put his finger to his lips, like "Shhhhh, Ok it's me but this is our little secret" Let's see where this goes, though right now it's teetering on the border of campy funny and Wrestlecrap.
Not a good show? So-so Smackdown? Were we watching the same show? This was one of the best Smackdowns I have seen in a long while. There was so much good stuff happening (both intentionally and unintentionally) that it far outweighed the bad. Really, the only bad things I saw were the Big Show/Funaki match (which I made tea for my sore throat during) and the plastic women who can't wrestle match (which I read EGM during). Both of them were pretty short anyway. And I thought the rest of the wrestling, even Team Angle vs. The Jobbers, was good.
And as much as I don't want to see Brock vs. Big Show, there really isn't anyone else for Brock to fight until Angle comes back. He could keep feuding with Cena, but then we won't have Cena vs. Spanky, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Also, I really enjoyed Brock's promo. He's not so much a bad actor (ala Benoit or RVD) as he is just strangely awkward on the mic and it provides for a lot of unintentional comedy. Did anyone else hear him say "I think Big Show is a bully, that's what I think!" What, is he dubbing Speed Racer now?
The Angle video was pure gold. I was dying during it, and just when I thought I couldn't laugh any harder, out comes Mr. America! I don't think they can get too campy or over the top with this. It's not like wrestling is the most realistic thing on television to begin with- they might as well go full force with the silliness. I think I need my wallpaper to be Hogan posing with the American flag down his pants.
Line of the night: "I am not Hulk Hogan.......brother!"
I agree with Toast, Smackdown was great (my brother to the rescue again). Hell, even Mr. America was fun. The only drawbacks were indeed Show (who really should've been fired or suspended or fined or something), and of course the plastic women (except Nidia, who wasn't bad despite the other three). One word of advice to Steph, however: Black lace and yellow cotton don't mix, okay? You should stick to the pants for this particular top to work.
Man, I thought this show just started good and kept getting better. First the Guerreros stealing the belts and cheating to win. That's how you book that team! Then Cena and Spanky, which can't help but be great, then Kurt Angle, one of Life's True Champions, which killed me. Then the Guerreros again. They're Olympic Gold Medalists, you know. And Mr. America was everything that I'd hoped for. "You're Hulk Hogan!" "That's ridiculous, BROTHER!" Not to mention that he has a specially designed mask so that you can clearly see his moustache. This was the best wrestling show I've seen in as long as I can remember.
Thank you Mr. President! I don't know if anyone else had SD! pre-empted for the president's speech, but I have to hand it to the man for keeping it brief. Based on what I've read, it sounds like I missed:
1) The (screwy) ending to the Benoit+Rhyno/FBI match. 2) A Big Show/Lesnar promo 3) A Team Angle jobber match (!!)
And SD! was back just in time to see Los Guerreros claim to be Olympic Gold Medalists. Most importantly, he didn't talk over the debut of Mr. America! How patriotic!
I take it all back, he did talk over a real American Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Oh well, I suppose I'll be able to catch a replay of that segment Saturday night.
"A true champion knows how to deal with adversity."-- Kurt Angle
i seen only two faults in this show. team angle fdighting the jobbers... no need for that...im atending smackdown next week and id liekthe jobber matches to be kept on velocity.
i like the hogan stuff in spite of myself. form hating him so much in wcw i cant belive i actually have grown to him. but thhe angle is good, but he should have been covered up in the mask more or shaved the trademark stash
besides that , good stuff
unrelated, i just watched tna thisd week , who thinks sharkboy should get to raw asap and form a team with hurricane. i think it be over huge
That Mr. America segment has got to be my favorite segment in a long long time. I was howling with laughter the whole time. Hulk Hogan in the Red White and Blue, with his mustaches sticking out is hilarious. I need to check out the shopzone to see if they are selling Mr. America merchandise. With Mr. America doing the Hogan poses, and "Real American" pumping out of the loud speakers, and Piper just flipping out with the 'NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" it was priceless. I hope they don't kill this off too soon.
What 'cha gonna do? When the 24 inch PATRIOTS run wild on you!!!!
U S A!!! U S A!!!
'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer
I look forward to the weekly forced chuckles from Cole, Lawler, and JBL, when they review their favorite "RKO outta nowhere" Vines live on Raw. Speaking of Vines ... whatever happened to the in-house video social media WWE was pushing?