My, my. Last week's SmackDown! was borderline atrocious. I almost wish Dusty Rhodes HAD become the Interim Manager. It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
LAST WEEK: Paul E. gave us Eddie Guerrero vs. "The Dudley", because we knew that the match was Eddie vs. D-Von, the fans would have left the arena in droves.
OMG KURT ANGLE!: He's in a wheelchair, with his leg in a cast. Tazz is in shock. Some Guy helps Kurt into the ring. Kurt's fights back tears, then he says that he will NEVER WRESTLE AGAIN! He says "it's all over", then he crys. He says that the fans are to blame for all this. The fans are all a pack of bloodthirsty animals! Blatant plug for UPN's "I'm Still Alive!" He calls out Torrie Wilson, then tells her that SHE'S the one who's truly to blame! He tells "Luther" to drag her in front of Kurt. Kurt verbally UNLOADS on her! He makes the Torrie/Dupreé match No Disqualification! And it's NEXT!
Torrie vs. Dupreé: Fifi's jet black this week. Cole bashes the French Army. SLAM by Dupreé! FRENCH TICKLER! John Cena runs in to save Torrie, because Cena hates me. René flees. I hope Torrie sucks all your heat out, Cena.
GM Room: René and Kurt are pissed. Kurt makes René vs. Cena for the US Title at Judgement Day!
Nunzio vs. Chavo the Younger: BONG. Everything goes blue, and smoke fills the ring. The lights go back on, and Chavo enters. HIPTOSS by Nunzio! "EDDIE" chant. Chavo wins via GORYBOMB! Afterwards, Chavo cuts a promo, saying that he's the greatest Cruiserweight of all time. He issues an open challenge to ANY Cruiserweight around the world for his title next week!
Last Week: The Dudleys attacked RVD. Speaking of which...
Rob Van Dam: He walks towards the ring. Let's go to commercial break!
Rob Van Dam (cont.): He calls out the Dudleys. But Paul Heyman's out. He says he's just visiting this week. The Dudleys merely took the initiative. If RVD wants to call out the Dudleys, he's gonna get Heyman's Dudleys! The Dudleys run in through the crowd and do a beatdown on RVD. Eddie Guerrero runs in for the save! The Dudleys and Heyman flee.
Backstage: Backstage interview with Booker T. He says he's not afraid of the Undertaker.
MicroTouch: Well, it just so happens that I saw this little gadget at Walgreen's, so I gave in and bought it for $15.00. After trying it out, I found out that it's excellent in dealing with any kind of hair except heavy stubble (Sorry, Benoit!). So if you look like A-Train, I suggest you run out and buy one of these. I give this (***1/2). Perfectly Acceptable Grooming.
Mordecai: Mordecai says that all perverts will drown in a lake of fire. Don't read porn, sinners!
Backstage: Heyman says that tonight, it will be Eddie Guerrero vs. "The Dudley", AGAIN!
Booker T. vs. Gunn: Brawling. THE ONE AND ONLY by Gunn! FAMEASSER is foiled by Booker T. BOOK END is foiled! Booker T. wins via SCISSORS KICK! Afterwards, BONG. Out come the Undertaker and Paul Bearer! Cole has an orgasm. Booker tells Taker that he's leaving, but snags the urn and NAILS Taker with it! But Taker does the ZOMBIE SIT-UP! Booker flees through the crowd!
Backstage: Kurt tells Josh that he will now be known as Mr. Angle. He makes Booker T. vs. Undertaker in a squash match at Judgement Day! Also, Undertaker will be in action next week!
RAW Rebound: Rob Conway challenges Eugene. Triple H gets revenge on Tajiri. Kane smooches Lita. Randy Orton spits in Harley Race's face. Benoit attacks Shawn Michaels.
Locker Room: Charlie Haas is missing his regular ring gear, so Rico loaned him a pair of his tights! However, Haas is embarrassed to wear them. Rico and Jackie then go out to the ring.
Fort Hood, TX: Shawn Michaels, Coach, and Lynyrd Skynyrd (sp?) welcome the troops who caught Saddam.
Rico/Haas vs. Basham Bros.: Haas is wearing multicolored leopard-print tights with... tassels? Rico smacks Danny's butt. And now he spanks Doug. Haas and the Bashams are freaked out. Tag to Haas. "CHARLIE" chant. Haas plays the face in peril, so he tags in Rico. JUMPING KICK by Rico! FRENCH KISS to Danny! GERMAN SUPLEX PIN by Haas! 1.. 2.. 3! Rico and Haas "celebrate."
Velocity: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble.
John Bradshaw Layfield: He's in front of the Statue of Liberty, to tell us about how illegal immigrants are destroying America, since people like Bradshaw have to pay to support them, since they can't support themselves. When Bradshaw becomes WWE champion, he's gonna clean up America.
Guerrero vs. "The Dudley": Mr. Angle is at ringside. Eddie goes towards Mr. Angle, but Luther stands in his way. This time, "The Dudley" is Bubba. HEADSCISSORS by Eddie! Bubba puts Eddie in the Tree of Woe, and unloads on him. PLANCHA to the Dudleys on the outside! Let's go to commercial break!
Guerrero vs. "The Dudley" (cont.): Sleeper Hold by Bubba. NECKBREAKER by Bubba! LEG CHOKE! SENTON SPLASH misses, as always! Eddie FIRES UP! THREE AMIGOS by Eddie, but Bubba foils the third suplex! BUBBA BOMB! A second Bubba Bomb is countered into a DDT! DUDLEY DOOMSDAY DEVICE misses! Eddie wins via rollup! Conclusion: D-Von > Bubba. Afterwards, the Dudleys do a beatdown, but RVD runs in for the save! LOW BLOW to D-Von! DOUBLE FROG SPLASH! Angle vows that someone's gonna pay for this. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and now I'm off to see why my computer keeps making this weird grinding noise...
I can still see the Horshu hair cut on Luther Rains....I thought Angle's facial reactions throughout the night were great, and even his promo was better than in recent weeks....I love how No-DQ matches just end with no winner, but someone's music playing. That whole match, not to mention the ending, made no sense....Of course, the c'weight match gets less than 3 minutes. And this Chavo challenge better not be accepted by Rey Misterio....Mordecai looked a bit like Matt Cappotelli after the hood came off....Booker squashes Billy. Well, better than having to be treated to a Gunn/Holly tag match on Velocity (where, sadly, they have been dominating in recent weeks)....
When the eyes of a ranger are upon you; Any wrong you do he's gonna see; When you're in Texas look behind you; 'Cause that's where the Taker's, gonna be.
....Once again, I find the antics of Rico and Haas pretty entertaining. I can't wait for next week, where Rico will put face-paint on Haas while he's sleeping, and he'll unknowingly wear it to the ring....Bradshaw's video package was so over-the-top, it worked. Hey, I took Spanish in High School!....Okay, the Dudleyz are still stale but hey, they're angry now!
If Book doesn't somehow go over Taker at JD (either clean or by cheating), then creative really is that bad. Book should be next on Eddie's plate, and to have Taker go over Book, much less squash him, would kill any momentum Book has going for him.
-Angle/Torrie interview- First thing I noticed is why does Kurt have a cast over his pant leg? Plus the red white blue stripes on the back of his wheel chair looks more France then USA... I actually felt really bad for Kurt when he cried and was talking about never retiring, then he gets all heel on us and blames the fans, heck I still feel bad for him. He calls out Torrie, and screams to cut her music. He yells at her saying it's her fault that he's injured. Kurt once again plays his character amazingly, what an actor.
-Dupree vs. Torrie- Hmm something about Fifi looks different, can't put my finger on it. Why on earth did they make this match No DQ. OMG I GOT IT! Cena interfering and attack Dupree would mean a DQ loss to Torrie & end her 6835 straight winning streak, god gawd we can't have that! So we get a Cena attack on Dupree but TorrieBerg still doesn't need to take a lose of any kind, I think she has Triple H bloodlines or something. And what in gawds name is Michael Cole talking about. Dupree pushes Torrie into Cena, Cole says "Hiding behind a woman and pushing her into his harms way, JUST LIKE THE FRENCH ARMY!" WHAT the phuck is he talking about LoL... Dupree complaining backstage to Kurt about Torrie & Cena actions was funny
-Chavo vs. Nunzio - Chavo Sr. is still the coolest man on the planet. There was not much to this match to talk about... After Chavo Jr. wants a match with anyone in the WORLD even the amazing cruisers in Bolivia. WWE wants anyone in the World as long as once they get over they are announced from USA USA USA(sorry had to do it). My prediction, El Gran Luchador(he's the champ of Mexico you know!)
-RVD/Eddie/Dudleyz confrontation- RVD is out and he's not very happy at all. Heyman walks out and says it's nothing personal "wrong place, wrong time"(that line is being said alot these days in The E). Speaking of Wrong place, sneak through the crowd by Dudleyz(two for two on things that happened on Raw in one segment)... But Eddie comes to save the day and helps RVD fight off the Dudleyz.
-Booker vs. Gunn- Billy Gunn looks exhausted in there in just a 4-minute match... Undertaker makes an appearance but Booker shows no fear! Booker smacks Undertaker with an urn (cool didn't see that coming) but Undertaker sits up as Booker runs through the crowd.
-Haas/Rico vs. Bashams- Rico is creepy backstage, he gives his whole Rocky Horror Picture Show feel to him... Was it The Score in Canada or UPN the pixeled some of the action, which of course makes it seem 1000times worse probably because it got my imagination going(Did someone whip it out!!). Last week worked, this week didn't. They really need to pick and choose when to "play it up" last week was a good mix, this week was a bit over the top. But Haas really wrestled a good match & Rico was funny but need to tone it down a bit from this week. Still one of the best things on this sad show.
-Eddie vs. Bubba- Bubba is certainly a better singles wrestler then D'von as this was a better match then last week. Nice ending of the reverse of the Doomsday Device to a rolling pin by Eddie. But Eddie certainly not having memorable exciting matches building to the PPV. D'von attacks Eddie afterwards but RVD runs out to return Eddie run in earlier as they hit a double frogsplash on the Dudleyz... Kurt Angle kind of reminds me of Professor X in that wheel chair and bald head, again at times he's the most interesting person in the segment with his cold stare.
-OtherStuff- I thought Booker confident happy interview with Josh was the best he's done... Heyman says we get a repeat of Eddie vs. The Dudley... Kurt Angle wants to be known as Mr. Angle thank you very much... Layfield promotional ad is certainly interesting, depending on what side of society outlook you are, it can be heel or face LoL. I like the character, but I think it's damaging even for Bradshaw for being forced as a main eventer with it in an instant.
-Line of the Night: Cole ""Hiding behind a woman and pushing her into his harms way, JUST LIKE THE FRENCH ARMY!" -Sign of the Night: "Taker, Texas Ranger" Okay I admit I missed it but dammit it was there LoL -3Stars of the Night: 1)Angle. 2)Haas. 3)Rico.
I guess it was a mildly better show then the previous weeks as they seem to be going more on focus of what they will do for the PPV... But it's still a show that I watch once and said whew okay that's enough LoL.
Did Booker keep the urn, or did he drop it? I could not tell. Speaking of Booker T, his interview was hilarious. He was asked about the smoke being in the ring last week and him subsequently leaving the ring. Booker was talking about how the ring was on fire, so of course he would've left the ring!
The show kept me entertained this time around, but thinking about it, the matches were still low quality. (Compared to shows of the past) Weird how if Smackdown is doing really good, RAW suffers and if RAW is doing really good, Smackdown isn't.
I believe Booker dropped the urn. When he hopped over the railing to escape through the crowd, he didn't have it in his hands.
What scares me about JBL's new character is the possibility that some racist ass is sitting at home saying, "Hell yeah, this guy makes sense!" Shudder! And double shudder!
Dear Michael Cole, about the France bashing. I'm not sure I get it anymore. Why are we (I mean, the US fans, at least), supposed to hate the French? Because they didn't go to Iraq? Like, oh, well, almost every other country in the world! Why pick on France? Poor France. Didn't they give the US the Statue of Liberty? Sell the Lousiana territory to the US? Didn't France join the US in defeating the British in the American revolutionary war? Anyway, Dupree is still the man, even if it is cheap heat. I wonder what colour Fifi will be next week.
Actually, isn't it kind of strange that bashing Mexico makes Bradshaw a heel, but bashing France makes Cena a face? Selective racism at the WWE?
I'm not is this was done in every market, but quite a few of Rico's antics were blurred-out on the Smackdown broadcast I was watching. I remember Haas and the Basham's nether regions were blurred-out when Rico pushed Haas onto the Basham's backside, and when when Rico was sliding the Basham's arm between his legs, that was blurred-out, too. Was it blurred out everywhere?
Originally posted by StiltonI remember Haas and the Basham's nether regions were blurred-out when Rico pushed Haas onto the Basham's backside, and when when Rico was sliding the Basham's arm between his legs, that was blurred-out, too. Was it blurred out everywhere?
I'm not convinced about the two tag matches you've got being set in stone. I'd fancy we might see a turn from one of Kane, RVD, and Rhyno before WM time. Other than that I'd say you've got the big five pretty much in the right order.