Um, okay. A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that this week's SmackDown! was gonna be very, VERY boring. Also, the dream had a wrestler who looked like a cross between Hulk Hogan and Lex Luger. And he was wearing an eyepatch.What could this mean? It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Kurt Angle: There's something under a blanket behind Angle. Kurt's looking for someone who will be a role model for the fans. He unveils the "Kurt Angle Great American Award." Whoever wins the award becomes the #1 contender for the WWE Title. The first Great American nominee match begins NOW!
Great American Award Nominee Match: Big Show vs. Rikishi: Cole quickly points out Rikishi is American-Samoan. BIG SLAP by Show! Big Show stupidly dizzies himself with a headbutt. Big Show thwarts the STINKFACE! Big Show wins via AAAAHTHE CHOKESLAAAAM!
Earlier Tonight: A nice limo (w/horns) pulls up. John "Bradshaw" Layfield is not pleased with the chauffeur's driving. The chauffeur no habla ingles. Bradshaw tells him to learn some English if he wants to succeed.
"Walking Tall" Premiere: Marc Loyd interviews the stars of the movie. Hi, Mrs. The Rock!
Mysterio/Spike vs. Los Chavos: Has Spike been working out? New music for Los Chavos. I miss the old LWO music. DOUBLEARM SUPLEX by Senior! BIG STOMP by Spike! LEGSCISSORS! Spike wins via DUDLEY DOG! Afterwards, Bradshaw attacks Spike and Rey-Rey. POWERBOMB for Mysterio! Bradshaw celebrates while the Spike and Mysterio are left laying in the ring.
Great American Award Nominee Match: RVD vs. Haas: Haas's new trunks are ugly. RVD tosses Haas out of the ring. Haas gets so angry he kicks the steel steps. Haas works on RVD's leg. SINGLE LEG CRAB by Haas! Kicks galore! Back suplex. More kicks. ROLLING THUNDER by Van Dam! RVD misses the FIVE STAR FROGSPLASH! RVD dives outside the ring and KO's himself and Haas on a steel chair! The referee counts to 10! Double Countout Finish! According to Amateur Wrestling rules, GM Angle declares Haas the winner! Michael Cole nearly has a fucking coronary.
I'm Still Alive!: New series by UPN. Bah, "Game Over" is still more interesting.
Last Week: Bradshaw squashed Eddie.
GM Room: Booker T still can't get no respect. Angle gives Booker a Great American match against Bob Holly, TONIGHT!
Last Week: The WWE won a USO award.
Great American Award Nominee Match: Booker T vs. Holly: Hey, Booker got his old music back! HEEL KICK by Booker! VERTICAL SUPLEX by Holly! Armbar by Holly. BIG HIPTOSS by Holly! Stiff shots galore! SIDEWALK SLAM by Booker! BIG KNEEDROP! More stiff shots by Holly! Cole and Tazz argue. Holly clotheslines Booker out of the ring... let's go to commercial break!
Great American Award Nominee Match: Booker T vs. Holly (cont.): Now Booker kicks Holly out of the ring, and the two brawl outside. Holly suplexes Booker on the outside! HUGE BACK SUPLEX by Holly! Holly hits the BEST DROPKICK IN THE BUSINESS! Booker hits the BOOK END! FLYING CLOTHESLINE by Holly! Booker wins via rollup w/tights!
Dudley Boyz vs. Akio/Sakoda: GIANT CLOTHESLINE by Bubba! Akio accidentaly kicks Sakoda out of the ring. 3-D to Akio! 1.. 2.. 3, and Gogo's your sister.
UPN 33 News at 10: Why do these guys have such a hard-on for The Rock? Oh, right, he's from Miami.
Locker Room: The Dudleys attend to their Spike. Theodore R. Long gives the Dudleys some Playas' Cards.
RAW Action: Jericho calls Trish a ho. Also, Shelton Benjamin defeats the World's Greatest Wrestler, Triple H!
Parking Lot: Eddie Guerrero rides in on his lowrider and has some idle chit-chat with "Charlie" Bradshaw's chauffeur.
René Dupreé: He walks Fifi down to the ring. Let's go to commercial break!
Great American Award Nominee Match: Cena vs. Nunzio/Stamboli: René does Guest Commentary. Tazz tries to interview Fifi, but she refuses to comment. Cena throws a bag of nuts at Fifi. ANIMAL CRUELTY! Cena squashes the F.B.I. Cena hits the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM for the win. René is flustered. "Get away from my dog, you freak!"
GM Room: Angle tells Random Backstage Guy to have Eddie Guerrero meet him in the ring for a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT.
Quiznos Sub: Hey, what happened to the Rathergood Hamsters?
Kurt Angle: Kurt announces that the fans can vote on WWE.com for the winner of the Great American Award. The winner will be announced next week. Eddie rides in, and stares down Kurt. Kurt introduces someone who America can be proud of, and the fifth nominee for the Great American Award: John "Bradshaw" Layfield! Bradshaw rides in on his limo. He says he's a shoe-in for the Award. Bradshaw lists all of his successes. He's a self-made man! He even has a Saturday morning show on Fox News! He says his attacks on Eddie and Rey-Rey were his way of making an impact. He says he wants the title! Eddie rushes Bradshaw, but only succeeds in stealing his hat. Eddie wipes his ass with Bradshaw's $1,000 dollar hat. All the fans pour beer and spit in it. Then he smashes it. Bradshaw declares Eddie a black mark on America. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and thankfully, while this show wasn't thoroughly entertaining, it wasn't as boring as my dream described. I still can't figure out what it means, though...
Big Show/Rikishi was what you'd expect from two 350+ pound guys....The cruiserweight tag was all-right, but why are they pushing Spike so hard all of a sudden?....Haas/RVD was a pretty good match too, with an interesting finish....Booker T/Holly was okay. The thing with main-event style is that there's not alot that distinguishes one 6 minute match from another. They're all "good", or "okay".....The Dudleyz are STILL stale, and did they REALLY need to win this match?....
I understand that WWE wants more people to watch both brands, but this thing with showing the highlights is not really helping the "brand split" concept, IMO....Wow, Cena squashed two guys. Pretty big bump off the top for Nunzio, though....Angle was off tonight with his promos. They didn't seem real energized....Oh boy, Bradshaw and Eddy are fighting over a hat....Totally vanilla episode tonight.
Let's see here...Five segments featuring or involving Bradshaw (counting Eddie arriving and talking to his limo driver), including the "main event" with a five-minute promo. Even his logo on the limo reminded me of the HHH logo.
Speaking of which, can't JBL (the audio company) claim trademark infringement?
The "Great American" matches were okay, though each of them featured at least one "who cares" performer. The Chavo/Mysterio-Spike match didn't even exactly deliver in spades. Chavo's new music was pretty cool though.
Poor Fifi just looks FREAKED OUT.
Was it just my TV that Angle's jacket was producing a "technicolor dreamcoat" effect on in that last backstage segment?
All right...I finally got to watch this on Thursday night, via 2 hour delay due to TiVo. Here we go with my thoughts.
1) Angle introduces the Great American Award -> I have a hunch that at some point in the next couple of weeks, this large trophy will be in pieces. So, he sets up a series of matches for this, and the winners become nominee for this, and the #1 contendership.
2) Big Show/Rikishi -> actually a great match to start off the wrestling portion. Hmmm, my theory could be this about the Big Show. This week, he won. Next week, some smaller guy would make him look like an idiot. Just wait.
3) JB Layfield limo enters -> I did not have a chance to write this last week, but my dad and I love this gimmick. Finally, a change after several years of being a card playing, beer drinking, man beating roughneck.
3a) Another "Walking Tall" promo -> just start it please...oh yeah, it's tomorrow.
4) Spike & Mysterio/Chavos -> Nap time. Once Mysterio jumped up, Dad's response..."Arggh." We just can't stand him. Anyway, what is Chavo's music? I thought it was so amusing with the Spike/Rey double-team (Rey doing the bronco on one Chavo and Spike doing the stomp on the other). How should I say this in a clean way? Peculiarly weird...I think you know what I mean (Please see the Steiner/HHH posedown last year). Spike actually got the pin? Second surprise this week. And then Layfield destroys both men, gets his hat on and leaves. All that for no reason. Maybe he should do that for every match. That's impact!
5) RVD/Haas -> Maybe the new tights will help Charlie tonight. It's different, but at least get another color than lime green. Yeah, you could add Haas to the list of wrestlers who ended up showing a little blood because of the educated feet of RVD (see Angle, Regal, etc.). A little blood in the mouth does not matter to him. Good match, even though it was dampered by a double countout, and then darkened by the "win by points." For a moment, Cole was acting like JR after the match.
6) Booker/Holly -> Every time I see the Great American Nomination match logo, I'm starting to get Lee Greenwood in my head. Not much in my book with this match, because the Cole/Tazz lack of commentary and more talk about Tazz rooting for Booker made me crack up.
6a) A shot of the Nationwide Arena, where just a couple of weeks ago, many NCAA tournament pools went Kaput (mine included), thanks to Kentucky's loss.
7) Dudleys/Akio & Sakoda -> Not much to say except this equation: Akio + Sakoda - Tajiri = Jobbers...All that's left about this match is someone showing a sign for the "619". Um, wrong match, unless you just want to be seen. Well, you've been seen. And then we see the nominees...oh boy.
7a) Theodore Long -> Funny
8) Cena/FBI (what's left of them), with Dupree & poodle at ringside -> I'm sorry, I just can't boo someone who brings a dog to ringside. Anyway, short match, and Nunzio does not get a tag into the ring.
Local ad: Raw to Allstate Arena 4/12, which means something big will happen that night.
9) Angle/Trophy in ring -> Angle will let fans decide on winner on WWE.com. Guerrero comes in, then Bradshaw. Usual promo for the many non-ring items for John. I had to laugh of the "interactive" action for the fans filling the "$1,000 10 gallon hat". I see beer, pop, popcorn, spit, a beer bottle, nachos, and who knows what else. Then, it was something I wanted to see before it got filled up. SMASH!!!! Then, Eddy just throws the hat away as we leave.
I'm not in the mood to go to work tomorrow. So much stuff and I could be in trouble for a lack of envelopes. I don't want to go to work, but I have to.
Have a good weekend. I don't know what's next for me, because I will be watching the NCAA final on the big screen while Raw is on tape. Then my grandma is coming over until Easter Sunday, which means I might not have the big screen until after Easter.
Be back soon...hopefully. You could still respond anytime you want.
Why did Rene Dupree have to go and grow on me tonight? It wasn't supposed to happen I tell you. Man, that Fifi does indeed work wonders, he should given to other boring rookies in need of some, um, unboringness. Maybe he'll make Randy watchable. Nah, Randy's probably beyond even miracles by now.
Now if Fifi could teach Dupree how to wrestle, I might end up liking him. Hey, anything can happen in the...gah, I hate that phrase.
Originally posted by Mr Heel IIPoor Fifi just looks FREAKED OUT.
I noticed this, too. I don't think Fifi is a real show-biz dog. I feel a little bad for him. Imagine being walked out in front of ten thousand people and not knowing what the hell is going on. Poor little guy. He must be scared shitless.
So sayeth Randy Stilton, the real Stinky Cheese Man!
(I'm told that, in the UK, my name is actually hilarious.)
Aww, he was fine until Cena went and threw his nuts at him. Who wouldn't be afraid after having to endure another's nuts being tossed at them? Screw you Cena, heel of the night! You're above Earthquake now for the worst case of Animal Cruelty in wrestling. Fifi will bounce back.
-Angle interview- Kurt comes out with a surprise, it's a trophy, Kurt has a thing for trophies. It's the great American Trophy(good thing this isn't Raw where half the roster is Canadian, well up until the win the World title then their American), And whoever gets the prestigious one day old trophy gets to be the number 1 contender... --BigShow vs. Rikishi-- is first up, representing the obesity of America. A couple of minute match, side kick to the chest by Rikishi. Headbutt by BigShow that which had no effect, hey cheesy 80s wrestling. Stinkface(I hate that move so much) but BigShow no sells the might force of stank and chokeslams Rikishi for the win.
-Spike/Rey vs. The Chavo's- Chavo got some new music, it's a Mexican theme with a girl saying "ooh Chavo"(Is it the same girl who keeps saying "Ooooh Shaawn" for HBK music? Damn groupies) Rey set's Sr. for a 619 but Jr. has it well scouted and clotheslines Rey over the ropes as he's running to set it up(that was smart by Jr.). But it leaves Sr. alone with Spike. Jr. runs in just to get meet with the Dudley Dog and get pinned... Bradshaw runs in and beats up Spike and Rey. For no real reason just because he's big and there small, therefore he's important and their not even thought their(especially Rey) are more over then him. Stuff like that doesn't matter.
-Haas vs. RVD- Haas wearing some gawd awful tights. Looks like Victoria's first pair when she debut with neon pink tights with "Victoria" on the back. This is neon green with "Haas" at the back. Looks so indy league. Maybe next week he'll wear Victoria's current style? huh eww... I think the IWC has soiled my image of RVD. I used to enjoy RVD now I can't stop looking at little things about him that I used to ignore/not care about before. Damn you IWC! I did like the flying spinning kick by RVD. Bloodied the mouth of Haas as he joins the list that includes ah shucks just check out the Raw superstar page. pretty much everyone LoL. Plancha by RVD on Haas who has a damn chair. They are both knocked out trying to reach the ring by the 10 count but can't. Double Countout. Angle comes & awards Haas the winner by points, Haas should have lost points for wearing those tights.
-Booker vs. BobHolly- I'll be honest, I was watching SD repeat and at the exact same time as this match The Rock was on Letterman, I tried to flip back and forth but Rock is Rock so I focused more on him... 15 minutes seem like a long time for this match, I saw alot of armbars in those 15 minutes. Tazz commentated that its' a strange game plan for the angry "hardcore" Holly.
-Dudleyz vs. Akio/Sakoda- Bubba looks like a chubby guy in boxer shorts, not a pretty sight... Paint by numbers Dudley match, Akio and Sakoda seemed to lost all reasoning now that Tajiri is gone.
-Cena vs. Stamboli/Nunzio- Rene comes with his awesome dog. I love this dog! The best valet on Smackdown. Fifi won't do interview unless it's middle of the ring 15-minute one like HHH, already full of herself, but she's got talent they aren't going to let her go. Cena comes out & does a decent rap on the 3 winners of the Great American competition but gets lazy & goes for the town cheap pop(works great arenas on TV not so much) then asks what side of the fence Cole & Dupree are on. Okay... Cenataker squashes Stamboli/Nunzio in 2-minutes. Nunzio takes a SICK forward roll bump from the top to the floor. Nunzio I appreciate the effort, I do but, don't waste it on a lame 2on1 squash match like this. Cena throws a bag of nuts at Fifi(how didn't the ref find that, DQ him he had nuts in his shorts). This better end with Fifi playing Puffy the dog & Cena playing Stiller & re-enact the nuts biting scene from Something about Mary.
-Angle/Eddie/Layfield interview- All the Great American Bashers umm Wrestlers will be voted on by YOU the great geeky wrestlers with computers, to find out who the Greatest American(I predict Torrie, she always wins). Eddie comes out & says "I wanna fight you Kurt". Kurt asks if SD was pre-emptied last week where Eddie lives because Kurt's a GM now not a wrestler, sorry... Out comes Bradshaw with his hook n horns limo. Talks about how great he is for about 5-minutes finally notices Eddie is in the ring(ha that's heel goodness on Layfields part). I'm getting antsy this trophy is there & NOT getting destroyed. But Eddie is going to damage something, he steals Layfields hat & tells fans to throw stuff in there, some are spitting in there. Yuck not a good visual. Eddie smashes the hat & throws it into the crowd(thanks Eddie). Layfield is selling his "My Hat My Hat" as I wonder what decade are we in.
-OtherStuff- Layfield bigass limo pulls into the arena, there's a Spanish speaking driver that annoys Bradshaw but learn the language & you'll be fine... Eddie comes in and sees said limo driver as Eddie a man of the people he treated him respectful... Booker feeling kind of down, Kurt makes a match to face Bob Holly, that would cheer anyone up... Walking tall premier is shown. Marc Loyd is like the geeky friend you want to go away... Teddy Long is recruiting the Dudley Boyz to join him but not Spike. Why would the Dudleyz even listen, I don't really know... More footage from Raw, why? Heat & Bottomline isn’t' enough.
-Line of the Night: TAZZ "What can be under that cover?".. COLE "A Surprise?".. TAZZ "Duh" -Sign of the Night: Akio equals ratings -3Stars of the Night: 1)Fifi. 2)Nunzio. 3)Dupree.
Yeah not really much to choose from this night. It wasn't a bad show, it was just very uneventful. They mostly focused on the Great American Bashing Wrestler but then Layfield just gets thrown in there and it's all done by voting from WWE.com, huh? I'm guessing we'll see some ballet stuffing from good ol Layfield... The show was kind of dull, no match really stood out, nothing really funny happened backstage, or anything interesting on stage. I guess it's just one of those down shows, last week Smackdown was much more entertaining. Raw was certainly the better show this week, even with that one segment/angle that will go nameless.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory stays at BLUE alert - Guarded (With Benoit & Eddie being World & WWE champions you'd expect the alert to be Green but couldn't do it due to Trish/Y2J character switches)- 3/16
Honors for Smartest thing ever written, 5th Horseman "When Victoria, Trish, Molly, and Lilian were in the ring.. I commented to my friends that all of the 4 ladies in the ring were hotter than the all 4 that are fighting over who is the hottest in the WWE"
Originally posted by Net Hack SlasherBradshaw runs in and beats up Spike and Rey. For no real reason just because he's big and there small, therefore he's important and their not even thought their(especially Rey) are more over then him. Stuff like that doesn't matter.
But I thought that was the whole point. They are trying to get Bradshaw over as a heel as quickly as possible, and Rey is very very over, so Bradshaw beating on him can only INCREASE his heel heat. Rey, on the other hand, is over enough to not be hurt at all by this. Plus Rey is buddies with Eddie which is who Bradshaw is currently at odds with.
(edited by MollyFan2K2 on 2.4.04 1524) A shark on whiskey is mighty risky, a shark on bear is a bear engineer.
Man, Haas's new neon-green "Haas" undies were attrocious. It seemed like he and Rob were trying to coordinate colors tonight, though.
Actually, Net Hack Slasher, I always thought it was Sensational Sherry who did the "Oh Shawn!" bit. Or at least that's what I remember hearing on a Saturday morning all those years ago (before I grew hair where there was no hair before).
I fastforwarded through the Bradshaw stuff, and found myself shocked when I saw the end "WW" logo. As is, this was a pretty boring show and I'm glad I didn't waste a Thursday night on it (although I want my 1.5 Friday evening hours back).
I was Wiener of the Day. Once. A long time ago. Really.