2 weeks to WrestleMania! It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Paul Heyman's SmackDown!: Eddie got arrested, and Angle won't be appearing tonight. Heyman demands a public apology from Eddie... live, TONIGHT!
WHAT DA HELL?!: Brock Lesnar comes out in Stone Cold's ATV. He's the one who took the 4-wheeler! He shows us the footage of him F-5ing Austin. Lesnar's says that Goldberg is NEXT! But before he can finish, Hardcore Holly runs out! We gots a match on our hands!
Lesnar vs. Holly. Holly gets the early advantage. But Lesnar makes the comeback. DROPKICK by Holly! Lesnar wins via F-5. Afterwards, Lesnar drinks beers and drives off into the sunset.
Nike Commercial: Stupid. Stupid and long.
Danny Basham vs. Scotty: MOONWALK by Scotty! Armbar by Danny. Scotty's WORM is foiled by a BASHAM SWITCH! Doug wins via rollup.
YJ Stinger: Eddie got arrested last week, and yet he can STILL plug the drink? Wow, the folks at Stacker 2 are incredibly forgiving people!
Kurt Angle: He gets ready for his interview. Meanwhile, here's footage from the last two weeks!
TEH INTERVIEW: Atheletes are mired in scandal. Kurt feared that Eddie would get arrested. Eddie is teaching children it's okay to lie, cheat, and steal. Eddie is bringing shame and ruin to the title, so at WrestleMania, Angle will fight for the future of the company!
Funaki vs. Chavo the Younger: Funaki flies all over the place! Chavo Sr. does Guest Commentary. FLYING CROSSBODY by Funaki! Chavo Sr. distracts the ref, allowing Chavo Jr. to win via neckbreaker.
Game Over: Okay, I'll give it a chance.
Passport to Pain: The WWE visits South Africa.
Eddie Guerrero's Public Apology: Heyman calls out Eddie, and he comes out... with new entrance music! Just replace "we" with "me". Eddie apologizes... no, he LIEEEEEES! He's proud to be a WWE Champion and to be going to WrestleMania! Heyman ain't happy. He wants to beat Eddie into the ground. Eddie says Heyman can't beat him with BOTH HANDS tied behind his back. Heyman calls Eddie's bluff, and challenges him to and match... TONIGHT! And Eddie's hands will be HANDCUFFED behind his back! Thus ends the first hour.
John Cena: Word Life: Oh, look! Proto's got a new DVD out!
Kidman/Ultimo/Mysterio vs. Tajiri/Akio/Sakoda: Cruiserweight moves galore! TRIPLETEAM DROPKICK by Tajiri and The Boys! Hot tag to Mysterio, who becomes a HOUSE O' FIRE! Mysterio wins via HUGE DDT!
Burger King Commercial: Stupid. Stupid and long.
Paul Heyman: He hypes himself up for his match.
"A.P.A.": Actually, it's the World's Greatest Tag Team in bad wigs. They sing for my enjoyment. The REAL A.P.A. show up and attack Haas and Benjamin, but the Bashams make the save! They beatdown the A.P.A., but Scotty and Rikishi make the save. The Bashams, Haas and Benjamin flee the ring. Benjamin has a hoedown.
WrestleMania Recall: The Rock beats Hogan at WrestleMania XVIII
Cena vs. A-Train: Georgia represents. The crowd gives pretty weak pops for Cena's rap. Cena works on A-Train's arm. A-Train gets tossed out of the ring... let's go to commercial break!
Ninja Gaiden: Ryu Hayabusa doesn't really use sausage links as weapons... does he?
Cena vs. A-Train (cont.): It's still back and forth now. Michael Cole sounds very, very bored. Pump up the sneakers, MILLION DOLLAR FISTDROP! Cena wins via F-U! Afterwards, Big Show comes out... IN A SUIT! He tells Cena he squashed famous Superstars at MSG, and he will do the same to John Cena!
WrestleMania XX: HOLY CRAP! Rock's tattoo is getting bigger and bigger with every comeback!
Smack Your TV: Sable rubs some fat dude's man-tits.
YJ Stinger: I gotta say this right now: SINFUL CITRUS TASTES LIKE CRAP! There, I said it.
UPN 33 News at 11: Miami's news show keeps hyping up Pete Rose's induction into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Speaking Of Which: We see the inductees for the Hall of Fame.
Heyman vs. Guerrero: The Ref handcuffs Eddie, and it's on! Kicks by Eddie! More kicks by Eddie! And more kicks! Heyman flees, and Eddie pursues, BUTWAIT! Kurt Angle appears! Eddie screams for the key, but Heyman has 'em! Kurt approaches the ring cautiously. Kurt begins to whup Eddie's kiester. Kurt grabs the title belt... Eddie spits in Kurt's face, so Kurt delivers the BELTSHOT! And... we're out!
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and when are we gonna see Stone Cold's ATV on Shopzone? Oh right, Shopzone never sells anything good. Obey Giant.
Two displays of intensity tonight really worked for me. First, Angle's as he came down to the ring. There's a tension builder for you. Second, Dawn Marie in the opening segment. YOW!
If everything else had sucked tonight, it would have been worth it for the cruiserweight six-man. Ultimo looked better than I've seen so far on Smackdown (which has been...what...about a half dozen appearences?!?) And I know Kidman is a cruiserweight, but could he have looked any more the odd man out?
Lesnar is FAR more entertaining with the four-wheeler than Austin ever was. I keep having to remind myself that Lesnar is fighting Goldberg, not Austin, and WM, but I'll give WWE credit for creatively working around the lack of Goldberg to promote the match.
Didn't Haas actually look more like Bradshaw after the beatdown began than either Benjamin OR Bradshaw?
Originally posted by The Great ThomasJohn Cena: Word Life: Oh, look! Proto's got a new DVD out!
I know he's crazy over with the fans, but isn't it too early for a DVD for Cena? Seems to me like the thing's probably padded all to hell. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a talent, I just don't think he's got enough true highlights (yet) for a very good DVD (compared to, say, Taker or even Flair).
That final segment between Guerrero and Angle was even better then Angle's heel turn beatdown. From Guerrero's realization that Heyman had the keys to his look of desperation to his final act of defiance in spitting in Kurt Angle's face, it was all good.
This is the Kurt Angle I've been waiting for! A cold, ruthless, evil son of a bitch who can back up everything he believes in because he's an Olympic Gold Medalist and you're not.
The best part about Angle's obsession over taking the gold from Eddie Guerrero is that it opens the door for a LONG feud even if Guerrero goes over relatively clean at WrestleMania. Angle can lose but that'll just drive him more and more over the edge in his mission.
So they're having the Cruiserweight Spotfest at WrestleMania and perhaps their most spectacular spot machine, Paul London, can't even get into that match! Why did they even bother signing him?
-Lesner vs. BobHolly- The Royal Rumble WWE title rematch, On Free TV! Get your VCR's ready. *runs to get tape* F5 1-2-3 Pin, *Press Record* Oooh *stop*. What a match, makes me want to see the PPV outing so bad with that free TV taste. Can't wait for the Royal Rumble DVD. But this match might have been better on the sole purpose of Brock wrestling with the largest piece of toilet paper stuck on his boot. Ohh that was breakaway pants, thought it was TP... Brock Lesner driving that ATV out of control was a total highlight, well except for the image that looked like Brock was riding it bareback when he first appeared, that was somewhat disturbing. But speeding off up the ramp totally out of control speed. HAHAHA
-Danny Basham vs. Scotty2Hottie- Well I did kinda mark for the Worm backfiring as Scotty is hopping the Bashams did a switch.
-Chavo vs. Funaki- Okay Chavo Sr. rocks the house and makes a claim for Line of the Night by calling "shenanigans", that old man rules all!. That hairpull into a neckbreaker by Chavo seems like a uncomfortable move to take *ouch*... So is the Cruiserweight open just open to 10 guys?
-Heyman/Dawm/Eddie interview- But Dawn doesn't last long as she told to go to the back. Heyman orders Eddie to apologize and he does to Heyman's surprise but he forgets Eddie lies! Ha at Eddie making Paul's shocked face... Somehow Eddie brings up that he can beat Heyman with both hands tied behind his back which Paul asks if he's willing to put his money where his mouth is. Hands behind your back match later on tonight.
-Mysterio/Kidman/Ultimo vs. Akio/Sakoda/Tajiri- Very quick and exciting match with Rey really shinning on the babyface side. What an great looking exaggerated headscissor by Rey. Nice exclamation point DDT for the win by the babyface side.
-WGTT/APA/Basham interaction- WGTT comes out dressed as APA but not who you'd expect to play each part. Benj-Shaw claims Bradshaw can love & make a sweaters with the same partner(that's a shoot!). Simm-Haas keeps saying "Damn Dammity Damn" as BenjShaw is very impressed with his Florida State vocabulary(Oh My). Now we are going to get a tribute to the West Texas Rednecks "We like nascar racing, Richard Petty still the king"(HAHA there's a fan in the background bobbing his head & tapping his toe, HE LIKES NASCAR & Petty, he's my Fan of the month)... APA is crap! Finally APA comes out(the sheep comment didn't trigger a run in, but being called crap did LoL). Wow they actually did a wonderful job making me interested in WGTT/APA (interested in APA bite my tongue). Err Bashams and dancing fools are here too.
-Cena vs. Albert- I'm more impressed in Cena's attention to more detail in his selling this year. Ah I would say average match, Cena showed some power getting Albert up for the F-U... BigShow comes out and calls Cena a dreamer but he will have a wakeup call at Wrestlemania.
-Eddie vs. Heyman- Eddie's hands are tied behind his back. The match didn't last long as Eddie used his feet to get Heyman down. Heyman runs away but out comes Angle, he's looking very cold faced. Eddie doing a good job with the "Oh no I'm screwed" look. Kurt lashes out a beating, dropping Eddie stomach first on the top rope with Eddie's his hands still behind his back. Nice real intense building here for your REAL Wrestlemania Main Event.
-OtherStuff- Mr. Righteous Kurt Angle is saving us not from just Eddie Guererro but from society DAMMIT!... When Dawn was scared to go to the ring did Paul reassured her not to worry that nothing will happen to HIM(Paul) LoL. Lots of other Dawn with Paul backstage stuff... Greg Valentine Hall of Famer? Then again you have Pete Rose, should I even question anyone else... They are advertising Raw only brand wrestlers on Smackdown, oh well.
-Line of the Night- Benjamin "We like Nascar racing, Richard Petty is still the king, they might call me a redneck, but I think that's a beautiful thing, but one thing I do hate cause APA is crap. A.P.A is crap!" -Sign of the Night- "Brush Your Teeth" - Very weak effort from the Savannah folks -3Stars of the Night- 1)Benjamin. 2)Mysterio. 3)Chavo Sr.
The show was okay, but really getting a special feeling just for the WWE title, I think mostly is because the Cruiser and tag feuds is centered on multi-guys/teams matches so it's hard to build any storyline between them though they did a good job with APA/WGTT... Seeing Lesner drive around was funny, and the 6 cruiserman match was good, all in all I'd say slightly above average SD.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is lowered to BLUE alert - Guarded (Due to Eddie being WWE champ and facing Angle at WM, Benoit winning the Rumble in World title match in mania BUT Kliq members is still a threat - Vince you can save us from these threats) 2/17
Honors for Smartest thing ever written, 5th Horseman "When Victoria, Trish, Molly, and Lilian were in the ring.. I commented to my friends that all of the 4 ladies in the ring were hotter than the all 4 that are fighting over who is the hottest in the WWE"
As far as the Cena DVD, didn't they use to do this kind of thing all the time? I seem to remember a Stone Cold VHS well before he had made any real impact, as well as a HHH one when he was just stepping up to the upper card.
John Cena's obviously popular so why not put out a DVD? They're incredibly cheap to produce, especially one like his which is all pre-existing footage. Plus, the commercial was so good that it almost made me want to buy it.
Doing an Undertaker DVD is going to require a lot of blurring. Plus, I'm sure they probably want to wait a few months and get his last hurrah as the Deadman on it.
Whoever that guy was that WWE hired to make money with their tape libraries is doing a good job. Look at all the anticipation for the next DVDs. You can't just release everything at once.
Call me crazy, but I'm getting a "they're FINALLY going to do something with Ultimo" vibe from the build-up to the cruiserweight match at Mania. They're either going to have Chavo retain or a totally fresh face pick up the strap, and whichever option they choose they're going to be making a new c/w star. Plus, Ultimo's weathered the cuts, which seems to suggest they're keeping him around for something.
"You're A Big Hunk Of Hero Sandwich, And You Wanna Save The Girl!"
Originally posted by StiltonI just don't think he's got enough true highlights (yet) for a very good DVD (compared to, say, Taker or even Flair).
"Taker or even Flair?" Are you telling me Undertaker has more highlights for a DVD than Flair? I'm not arguing the worth of the Undertaker with you, but really now.
No no. That's not what I meant at all. Just wanted to emphasize Flair. Probably the wrong choice of word.
Originally posted by oldschoolheroCall me crazy, but I'm getting a "they're FINALLY going to do something with Ultimo" vibe from the build-up to the cruiserweight match at Mania. They're either going to have Chavo retain or a totally fresh face pick up the strap, and whichever option they choose they're going to be making a new c/w star.
A friend of mine was just saying the other day that he had a feeling that Ultimo was going to really shine in the CW Open. I'm not sure he'll emerge with the strap, but he's got a chance to really put his goods on display for the fans who might have missed his half dozen or so appearances on SD. I really hope they give him a push. He's incredible.
The latest: WWE Hall of Famer Jake Roberts is awake and communicating with friends and family. He's fighting double pneumonia and while doctors ran tests, they found a mass in his skull, which they are currently trying to diagnose.