Less than 3 days to WrestleMania! It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Mysterio/Spanky vs. Hardy V.1/Boyband Man: Yes, ma'am. Mysterio is still jerkin' curtains. High spots galore! Matt hits the NIAGRA DRIVER! Hardy wins via Twist of Fate. Afterwards, Rey-Rey hits Boyband Man with the 619, then Hardy hits Rey-Rey with the Twist of Fate.
Hogan: He enters the arena with his son, and JIMMY HART!
Rowdy Roddy Piper: He gives his opinion on the Hogan/Mcmahon match.
DragonBall Z: Ultimate Battle 22: Who on Earth would make Majin Buu toilet paper?!
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: The ovation is taking forever... anyway, he rags on McMahon, and says he will leave him laying in a pool of his own blood.
FMF-1 Driving Shoe: Buy Funk Master Flex's shoes, or play as him in Def Jam Vendetta!
The Accidental Spy: Starring Jackie Chan!
Guerrero The Elder vs. Haas: This will be Team Angle's first WrestleMania. They've only been here, how many months? Eddie sells his injured arm like a mofo. Eddie wins via Sunset Flip.
John Cena: He is HERE! And he's gonna call out Brock Lesnar.
F.B.I.: They take some not-paying fink on a ride.
Reebok Classics: Endorsed by Fabolous!
Jones vs. Palumbo: Sorry, folks, Nathan already clobbered Chuck backstage! No debut match tonight!
Mr. McMahon: Shane helps him train for his Street Fight with Hogan.
Nidia et Noble: Nidia's in Insane Latina Mode. She's still jealous of Torrie's Playboy.
WrestleMania Moment: Rowdy Roddy Piper blasts John Gotti with the fire extinguisher.
Torrie vs. Nidia: I wish Tazz sang more often. Torrie wins. Torrie always wins.
Sean o'Haire: Don't eat that low-fat crap if you don't want to. Eat what you want!
Big Show/A-Train vs. Benoit/Rhyno: We start off with a "SHAVE YOUR BACK!" chant. Big Show/A-Train win via DQ when Nathan Jones does a run in. Afterwards, Big Show and A-Train do a beatdown on Jones, but Undertaker makes the save.
Angle: He looks for Brock Lesnar.
Angle et Lesnar: They talk about WrestleMania and how the match will raise the standard for the industry.
Morely/Storm vs. Kane/RVD: They will wrestle for the tag titles on Heat! Kane & RVD, buried? Naaaaah...
Mr. McMahon: He continues his training with Shane
Mean Gene Okerlund: He gives his opinion of the Hogan/McMahon match.
Miller Catfight Girls: Please... no...
Benjamin vs. Guerrero The Younger: AMAZING Spinning Leg Scissors by Chavo! Shelton works on Chavo's leg. Chavo wins via rollup. Afterwards, Team Angle does a beatdown, but Benoit and Rhyno make the save.
WWE Flex-Ems: I'll avoid the obvious Flex Kavana joke...
The Main Event: Cena vs. Rikishi: STINKFACE to Cena! Rikishi no-sells the chain to the face! Cena wins via DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! HOLY SHIT! Afterwards, Cena calls out Brock, but no one comes out, so he goes backstage... let's go to commercial break!
America at War: Holy shit! A U.S. plane was shot down!
Arnold Schwarzenegger: He gives his opinion on the Hogan/McMahon match.
Cena et Lesnar: Cena attacks Brock, and Angle Smashes Brock with the 2x4. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and let's see a WrestleMania betting game!
Rocky, Edge, and Mark Henry are still in the opening.
...and a Fashion Report, too.
Rey, in white/red mask and "619" trunks and Kendrick, in black/green full-cuts and matching boots, vs. Matt and Shannon, both in black "V1" tshirts and (varied) red/black funny pants. Wow - a good match. But can Matt NOT go over the top rope correctly?
Holy crap - Jimmy Hart!
Ooo - they add the "Psycho"-style stabbing effects to the FOOTAGE!
Hogan, in red "What Cha Gonna Do" tshirt, red/yellow boa, red headband, black jeans, and shades, plays a mean air guitar. And talks. He said "damn" eight times - he just likes to swear, I guess.
Those dang Lugz Driving Shoes continue to taunt me. Why, oh why, Funk Master Flex, can't you just explain them to us?
Eddie, in red trunks, with Chavo, in black "Cheat 2 Win" tshirt and red trunks, vs. Charlie, in blue warmup and blue singlet, with Shelton, in blue warmup and wearing the Tag Team Title Belt. Charlie would look more evil with some facial hair. Nice match - where the heck did THAT finish come from?
Whitey raps his evil plan...about masturbation?
FBI's little bit is just SO cool.
Nathan sits under Taker's learning tree. I say this leads to a student-turns-on-master storyline.
Tazz, in tan suit with yellow tie, and Cole, in green shirt, show us FOOTAGE! Wait - why is Shane there?
Torrie, still distraught over her father's death, in yellow boob-o-vision top, skimpy bottom and legwraps, vs. Nidia, in glossy pink top and Daisy Dukes, with Jamie. Yeah, leg wraps are not a good choice for in-ring gear. Nice match, considering who was involved.
Sean tells me it's time for supper.
(and Paul), in one-strap black singlet, and Albert, in black undies and hair, vs. Ben-wa, in red trunks and black "Toothless Aggression" tshirt, and Rhyno, in black "Rhyno" singlet. I think Show's puting on weight again. It looks like Ben-wa's hair is thinning. The pacing of this match is deliberate. Now Nathan, in black undies, can only throw rights. Then Taker, in blue jeans and black tank top, is out, too. Um, way to make the team of Ben-wa/Rhyno look weak. Poor match.
Brocky and Angle are more alike than they know. Man, now EVERYONE is using that line. They talk, intensely. Brocky says "damn" three times and "you know somethin'" another three times, too.
More FOOTAGE! Apparently Shane and Vince have made-up after that whole "put-you-out-of-business" thing.
Shelton, with Charlie, vs. Chavo, with Eddie (all in the same thing as before, except this time Eddie's wearing the tshirt). Nice match.
Whitey, in yellow stockingcap, Hawks jersey, baggy blue jeans, with lock and chain, vs. TheAss, in black manskirt with red star/white dragon. Nice match.
Oh no, the Exploding 2x4!
Overall: Good show with plenty of buildup for WrestleMania and sowing the seeds of future storylines (or at least possibilities for future storylines).
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Do you know where your Chainmail, +1 vs. Cruiserweights is?
Originally posted by Eddie FamousWahddya mean no? Please yes!
Fine, but as long as they're in the ring with John Cena, Fabolous, and Fred Durst AT THE SAME TIME! Then, maybe I'll feign some interest...
I guess I'm not the only one who could care less about the beer fight girls. I don't see the big deal, it's not like they're gonna get naked and do Caporeia to each other in a jello match. Maybe 3 Minute Warning, Austin, and other women beaters will jump them when they come out. That would be sweet......
Gaiters. Torrie Wilson was wearing freaking gaiters. Good gaiters will have some elastic ant the ankle and the top that will keep them from slipping, and they keep snow and mud from getting into the top of your boots. Why is this necessary in a WWE ring? Well, unless you're filling the ring with shit, they aren't.
Strangely, not much shit in the ring for this match. Torrie is improving... but WHO CARES?! There's nothing for the women on Smackdown to wrestle for. I'm not advocating the a second women's title. I'm saying AGAIN to further the brand extension and not have the SD women wrestle AT ALL. If Torrie wants to wrestle she can try to keep up with the Raw girls. (Good luck).
With her streak, Torrie's going to be shouting "Who's Next?" pretty soon.
I guess since nobody else has mentioned it, it was just the Phoenix UPN affiliate having "technical difficulties" through the entire show, making great whacking hunks of it pretty close to unwatchable. The oddest thing about it was that the problem was the worst during actual matches -- I kept thinking they'd gotten it corrected during promos & commercials, then the next match would go back to a/v dropouts & flashing chartreuse/magenta. sigh.
Mattitude Fact of the Week: "Matt is very humble."
Uncle Taker is so cute! "Walk with me. We've gotta discuss what's bad & what's good about what you just did." I loved that. :-) (Nice, snappy punches on B.S. & A.T. too. That vacation was wonderful for Undertaker.)
I miss Paul Heyman. (Having Michael Cole remind us of the Heyman Stable connection between Train/Show & Team Angle is just not as effective as having him simply show up.)
Disappointing Sean O'Haire, after all this wait.
Who was that lurking in the background of the Shane Helping Vince Train piece? Looked to me like Bob Holly!
Holy Shit move of the night (at least that I could see around my UPN affiliate's problems): the spinning leg scissors that Chavo threw on Shelton -- damn close to fully twice around.
They got Arnold Schwarzenegger to do a Wrestlemania spot?? I'm not sure what to think about that.
-Matt Hardy/Moore vs. Kendrick/Mysterio- Nice action packed way to start an evening. So much stuff going on to even to call out all the cool stuff but one standout had to be the giant swing and a dropkick to the head. Very cool spot, lots of great spots. Super match.
-Hogan interview- Hogan actually cut a very good intense and real promo. Well as real as Hogan can get LoL
-Eddie Guererro vs. Haas- I don't really mind moves that aren't perfectly executed. Which a few times it happened in this match but they recovered mid move to save it on the most part. I like the match Eddie G is so great in selling I thought he was legit hurt there for awhile until Haas started working the arm. I enjoyed this match as well.
-Torrie vs. Nidia-TorrieBerg wins, with even less selling then usual. Even Noble constant interference allowed Nidia only to get 15% of the offense in. Not a nice match. This match sucked. Chops to the back? Poor Nidia, she actually seems to care
-A-Trian/Bigshow vs. Benoit/Rhyno-Haha funny seeing O'Haire talk about Eat Whatever You want and have Bigshow come out right after LoL. Not much bout this match, I like the how will Benoit work against a huge man like Bigshow aspect, but the match as a whole was pretty boring.
-Chavo Guerrero vs. Benjamin- I couldn't really get into this match. I think it might be because the last 2 matches were really bad that it took me out of this one a bit.
-Cena vs. Rikishi- Man I was cheering for Cena hard on this match, the match might not have been very good but my interest was certainly up for that match because of my rooting for Cena and hating Rikishi so much.
other stuff- Very strange having a 2 minute final segment... Vince working out it looked like Bret Hart in the background, but I think Bob Holly is more logical... I liked the Angle/Lesner locker room talk.... Still find it funny that O'Haire did a promo about "eat what you want" and BigShow comes out 2 seconds later
First 45 minutes was really entertaining, but it took a nose dive then. But the main event match I was really into and glad with the outcome
cause there's limits to our liberties. 'Least I hope and pray that there are, cause those liberal freaks go too far.
I'll crush all opposition to me And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay
So on Smackdown they tease announcer Tazz in the ring only to be replaced by Undertaker, on RAW they tease announcer Ross in the ring only to be replaced by Orton....and all that goes through my head is "why is Jim Ross wearing a tuxedo shirt?