Well, I gone an' did it. I've started recording all the WWE shows I see, starting with the 3/15/04 RAW (after WrestleMania). What a hobby. It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
John Cena, US Champion: Cena makes Beantown represent. He insults the Yankees, which is probably why Paul Heyman came out. Oh, no wait. Heyman is here to announce that Brock Lesnar has left WWE! He's pissed that the SmackDown! Roster betrayed him, and he wants the entire roster gone. He slaps Cena, causing Cena to attack him, but Rhyno attcks Cena while he's distracted!
Cena vs. Rhyno: Pound-and-ground galore! Cena hits the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM for the pin (Pump up shoes/bounce off ropes/dust off shoulder/Million Dollar Fistdrop/F-U).
EDGE: He's coming.
Cell-Tech & Nitro-Tech: Um, guys? Lesnar's gone.
Backstage: The A.P.A. laughs at Heyman, so Heyman tells them that if they don't win the titles tonight, THEY'RE FIIIIRRRREEED!!!
Ass Worm vs. A.P.A.: LAST CALL by Bradshaw! TORTURE RACK by Bradshaw! TORNADO DDT by Scotty! The WORM is foiled by Faarooq. Rikishi wins via RIKISHIKICK! A.P.A. is GONE!
YJ Stinger: Shilled by Fozzy.
Top Model: Shilled by Cole and Tazz.
GM's Office: Whoops, misconception! Heyman is only gonna fire Faarooq. Bradshaw crys.
On RAW: Mr. McMahon's Lottery announcement.
Locker Room: Heyman tells the World's Greatest Tag Team, Billy Gunn, and Rey Mysterio that they will run the gauntlet, and the winner will face Eddie Guerrero for the title TONIGHT!
Gauntlet Match: Benjamin vs. Haas: Handshake. Mat wrestling. Barely audible "BORING" chant. Look at the fans! They're yawning. One's even talking on his cellphone! Sarcastic Golf Claps! The "BORING" chant grows louder and louder. Shelton continues to piss off Charlie. This match makes my job so easy. Oh wait, the action's picking up now! GERMAN SUPLEX PIN by Haas, but Benjamin kicks out! Benjamin wins via Dragon Whip. Afterwards, Haas and Benjamin hug. Let's go to commercial break!
John Cena: Word Life: What's next, the Paul London DVD?
Backstage: Faarooq's depressed becaus Bradshaw wants to stay in WWE and manage his portfolio.
Gauntlet Match: Benjamin vs. Gunn: Brawling. The crowd is dead again! CAMEL CLUTCH by Benjamin. Ewww, I can see Billy's wad of gum in his mouth! NECKBREAKER by Gunn! BIG SLAM by Gunn! Shelton counters the Fameasser and wins via rollup w/ropes. BUTWAIT! Out comes the Big Show and... let's go to commercial break!
Big Show: He's out to bemoan his loss at WrestleMania. He announces that he's the LAST competitor in the gauntlet! Let's go to commercial break!
NOW That's What I Call Music Vol. 15: What?! FIFTEEN?! Holy Crap!
WrestleMania 21: In Los Angeles.
Gauntlet Match: Benjamin vs. Mysterio: INCREDIBLE LEGSCISSORS by Mysterio! HELICOPTER INTO SUPLEX by Benjamin! Shelton works on Rey-Rey's shoulder. Mysterio wins via... "Dropping The Dime?!" Eh?!
Nike: Screw you, Marion Jones. Screw you and your "Yorchenko Half-On Pike Front Half-Off."
WWE Hall of Fame: "I said Good Evening, you maggots!"
Gauntlet Match: Mysterio vs. Big Show: BIG THROW by Big Show! BIG KICK! THE "WALK-ON-YOU" MOVE! BIG LEG! Big Show throws Rey-Rey out of the ring to catch his breath. GORILLA PRESS! BUTWAIT! John Cena is out to taunt the Big Show with the title. BELTSHOT! Mysterio wins via count-out. It's Mysterio vs. Guerrero for the title! Big Show crys.
Mysterio vs. Guerrero: Handshake. Cruiserweight moves galore! MONKEY FLIP by Mysterio, which Eddie sells beautifully. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT by Mysterio! Both men are down! Let's go to commercial break!
Mysterio vs. Guerrero (cont.): SUPERPLEX by Guerrero! QUEBRADOR CON HILO by Guerrero! GUERRERO SPECIAL! Eddie works on Rey's shoulder. NASTY ARMWRENCH by Guerrero! 3 VERTICAL SUPLEXES...no, wait, 2! Eddie misses the Frog Splash! 6-1-9! Rey misses "Dropping the Dime!" Eddie wins via rollup. Heyman's out to tell Eddie and Rey that there's not a man alive who can break his vision, so here's a Dead Man (with a Fat Man)! TOMBSTONE to Heyman! And... we're out!
That's it for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and get ready for next week's Draft Lottery! Rejoice! Or pray, depending on your point of view.
Smackdown was awesome, too bad the fans didn't understand the Haas/Benjamin match. I think there was some "bullshit" in with the "boring"....and wtf was the "USA" chant for during Gunn/Benjamin? Great Show though, Cowboy Taker is seeming more normal to me now lol.
The only talent fierce enough to survive her heat stealing attack.
They didn't even give Taker his old hat, he is wearing more of a cowboy hat now which is different from his old deadman hat. He really just looks like the bad ass Taker with longer hair and less grunting.
Man, SD *SO* smoked Raw this week, it isn't even funny. Everything from the start of the Gauntlet up to Taker's appearance was fantastic.
Benjamin looked great. And fuck whoever was chanting "boring" during Haas/Benjamin. A bunch of nice holds & reversals, along with Benjamin acting more & more heelish. Hopefully they don't put these guys on separate shows, because a feud between them would rule.
I know it was a hometown crowd for Cena, but the US title never looked like it meant that much to anyone. Good to see.
With two thirds of the upper card gone, the mid card boys sure had a chance to shine tonight, and that they did.
I personally want to thank Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin for reminding us what "wrestling" looks like, and by two guys who do it extremely well. The Gauntlet was a nice angle that we don't see much on WWE TV. It's a strong thread that ties the whole show together. Too bad it limits the amount of talent we see on TV.
The injured Kurt Angle was conspicuous by his absence, and they didn't really explain why he wasn't there, and this being the first SD after Mania, you'd think they'd want to tie-up the major matches. I found that kind of odd, since Heyman at least came out and told the crowd about Lesnar.
Heyman: "And there's not a man alive who can stand in my way...."
Okay, cue the Dead Man. I guess I was still a teenager when the Undertaker first appeared in WWE. I marked then, I mark now. I like the new hat. If they're going with the old-west Undertaker spiel, I think they should give him the old measuring tape, too. He could measure his opponents for their casket before he wrestles them. Good on Taker for putting the bandana back on under the hat; now we don't have to look at his hairline anymore. Good love him.
So sayeth Randy Stilton, the real Stinky Cheese Man!
I found it funny how Vince gave the message that new stars would be pushed on the RAW show this week, where the Smackdown show this week is where they actually DID push new stars. Nobody who doesn't usually get alot of time on Raw had a substantial role except for maybe Dupree getting beat up. I heart Smackdown. Don't fuck with it too much, WWE.
I'm also liking the WesternTaker so far. Ya know, just because they said "The Deadman is Returning" doesn't mean he will dress the same. Same character, different garb. I think it works, because he doesn't look ridiculous this way, but can still have the whole 'undead' appeal. I wonder how long Paul Bearer will stick around?
(edited by samoflange on 18.3.04 2352) snoogans.... BONG
I was blown away by that Taker pop. They just went nuts for the guy. I'm glad they didn't ruin it with an actual wrestling match. No, really.
Here's another reason to be thankful for Taker's entrance...When Paul said "And there's not a man alive who can stand in my way..." She Who Resides In My Avatar said "Oh great. They're bringing back Stephanie."
Sign of the week: "There Goes The Pain"
Mysterio and Guerrero get the main event for...the WWE Title. Not the US Title, not the Cruiserweight Title...for the WWE Title.
Originally posted by samoflangeI found it funny how Vince gave the message that new stars would be pushed on the RAW show this week, where the Smackdown show this week is where they actually DID push new stars.
Don't give them too much credit. With all the injuries, firings, departures, and such, there's only about eight workers to work with. They had to push new stars because that's all they have.
So sayeth Randy Stilton, the real Stinky Cheese Man!
Originally posted by thatdude21601....and wtf was the "USA" chant for during Gunn/Benjamin?
That Australian group who were all at Wrestlemania in their yellow "Australia" shirts and Aussie flag were also seen on camera at the Smackdown taping. They may have been getting a little rowdy in the audience and some fans were doing the "USA" chant just to put them in their place.
"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought this on" - Tony Soprano
Ahhh, the Haas & Benjamin singlets. Mmmmm. I pretty much don't care what colours they are, so long as they continue to fit like that. I even had a friend over to watch WM with me -- her main motivation was to see those yummy real-wrestler-looking guys in the singlets. And she was pretty happy with Kurt in his singlet, too. You're just not the target audience. :-)
Oh, & wrestling, too! Shelton definitely did a lovely job, & Tazz helping to put him over by pointing out the different styles of the opponents & Charlie's adaptations was great. I'm thinking Charlie & Shelton are getting split up in the draft. Rey & Eddie, too. For some reason, both of those matches felt like "We always wanted to do this, hadn't had the chance yet, & probably won't again anytime soon." That did make them fun though. We'll see about that on Monday.
-Cena vs. Rhyno- This is more of a bunch of promos and interviews with a 2-minute match at the conclusion. Cena goes for the cheapo pop kissing Sox fans by saying Yankees suck(not a fan of either team but if NYY sux and they keep beating the BoSox what does that make Boston, hmm). Heyman says Brock is not on the WWE roster (I'm still calling it a work brother, but then again I called the Bret/Montreal thing a work until 2002)... Oh the match, the BigShow didn't just transfer the U.S title to Cena but all his squashing superpowers as makes quick work out of Rhyno.
-Rikishi/Scotty vs. APA- But first backstage the APA snickered at Heyman as he walked by, he asked if something funny as Faarooq said "Actually Yeah", Heyman makes a match if APA loses he's gone. Onto the match as Bradshaw pulls out all the stocks by going into his Lex Luger library and breaks out the torture rack. I cheer for anyone who stops either of the dancing fools signature move as Faarooq stopped the worm on W-O-"R". But a kick gets Bradshaw down for the pinfall lose... They go back to Heyman's office to try to talk themselves back in the job as Heyman says only Simmons is fired, Bradshaw could stay. Simmons says "Let's Go" as Bradshaw his gave this "I'm sorry look". I don't give APA credit like ever but they did portray some nice emotion here, I mean Bradshaw actually had some normal human emotion there that wasn't about getting drunk "I'll be Dammed"
-Benjamin vs. Haas- Ha Benjamin is acting like a prick as he messes around with Haas, Haas doesn't like the games Benjamin plays "Come on man stop THAT". I like the storytelling here playing Haas up as more of the serious competitor as Benjamin as more of the "sport". Benjamin hits a great looking spin kick that might be my favorite kick in wrestling for the finish. They shake hands.
-Benjamin vs. Gunn - Benjamin rolls up Gunn and holds the ropes for the all important leverage.
-BigShow interview- BigShow is really peee'od that he lost the U.S title but he'll join this Gauntlet Match as the crowd gives some mild heat and BigShow replies "I thought you'd like that" (HAHAAHA). But he's going to go last and make us wait for the BigShow wrestling goodness.
-Mysterio vs. Benjamin- Benjamin got his little rest and he's out for Match 3. A pretty quick victory for Rey but it's forgivable due to Benjamin wrestling 2 previous matches.
-Mysterio vs. BigShow- Really like the early gameplan by both guys. Rey goes to the floor and taunts BigShow to chase him. BigShow just stands in the middle of the ring not falling for it at all(Smart play by both guys). Rey tries to take the action to the BigShow by dropkicking Bigshow's knee but BigShow quickly get the advantage by throwing Mysterio around. Cue Cena's music as he taunts BigShow. BigShow goes out to the floor to get a better look at Cena(I suppose) as Rey comes flying with a 619. Cena hits BigShow from behind with the U.S title as BigShow bumps into the ringpost and staggers outside for the countout lose.
-Eddie vs. Mysterio- What a great match. Rey goes for the Asai moonsault to a standing Eddie who catches up just for Rey to reverse it to a spinning DDT. Eddie goes for the triple suplex but after the second Rey reverse it to a cradle for a TWO. Eddie hits another suplex and goes for the frogsplash and misses! Rey hits the 619 goes for the springboard legdrop but Eddie moves, cradles Rey up for the pin. WOW super 18-minute match... But Heyman doesn't agree (come on Paul, don't be hating) as he says neither of these guys are in his future vision of Smackdown. DONG out comes The Undertaker who I still chuckle in seeing now, 5 months and all he did was exchange his bike for a hat. Eddie & Rey push Heyman into Undertaker who tombstones him. Heyman from the neckdown looks like Bearer.
-OtherStuff- WGTT, Gunn, and Rey get yelled at backstage by Heyman for turning on him the week before. He puts them all in a Gauntlet Match... Bradshaw tries to explain to Faarooq why he couldn't leave. Come on I got a job at Fox News". Good point Bradshaw out of the two jobs you have WWE wrestling is ALOT more credible then working for Faux news.
-Line of the Night: HEYMAN "Do you think I'm funny?".. FAAROOQ "Well, yeah" -Sign of the Night: "There Goes the Pain" -3Stars of the Night: 1)Mysterio. 2)Eddie. 3)Benjamin.
I finally got a chance to watch SD, after watching Raw, wrestling hasn't been on my "Must see urgent" list. But I shouldn't hold it against SD for the sins of Raw because this SD rocked. Even if it was somewhat of a throw away show because of the lottery they guys came out and were great. Eddie and Rey was so enjoyable and the build up to it was good too which really shows no matter about circumstances people can step up and really produce a good show as SD did on this night. Too bad it all ends on Monday. Speaking of ending, strange seeing Faarooq leave in that manner. Must give credit pretty nice emotional interaction between the APA, Bradshaw actually seemed human in those segments.
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 22.3.04 0343) smark/net attack wienerville advisory stays at BLUE alert - Guarded (With Benoit & Eddie being World & WWE champions you'd expect the alert to be Green but couldn't do it due to Trish heel turn & brands re-draft)- 3/16
Honors for Smartest thing ever written, 5th Horseman "When Victoria, Trish, Molly, and Lilian were in the ring.. I commented to my friends that all of the 4 ladies in the ring were hotter than the all 4 that are fighting over who is the hottest in the WWE"
Ho ho, Vince and his incestutuous dirty old man fantasies equal RATINGS! So the storyline canon is that Vince has fucked pretty much every one of his female employees? Does anyone really give a shit about this whole storyline?