Why is it that even though it's now "Gamespot.com," I still type in "Funcoland.com?" It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Lesnar et Angle: Dang, Kurt's got one hell of a shiner on him, eh?
Team Angle vs. Mysterio/Kidman: Why is Mysterio still curtain-jerking? Rey-Rey hits a great looking hurricanrana. Team Angle works on Kidman's arm like mofos. High spots galore! Haas wins via German Suplex Pin.
Stephie et Spanky: He gives Stephie flowers. Thanks for coming, Spanky!
Noble: What's he doing in the Playboy Mansion? Shilling the Girls Gone Wild PPV, that's what!
Rikishi vs. Palumbo: Los Guerreros keep the F.B.I. busy. Rikishi wins via Rump-Shaker.
Undertaker et Jones: Taker coaches Nathan in the dark. No, wait...
Big Show/A-Train vs. Tajiri/Funaki: Big Show does guest commentary on the side. SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH!
Who Will Win?: WWE Fans are asked who will win tonight's Main Event. And I quote: "BROCK LESNAR OH MY GOD WOOOOOOO! KURT SUCKS! KURT SUCKS! KURT SUCKS!"
Dawn Marie et o'Haire: He thinks Dawn Marie should flash the audience.
Torrie Wilson: She uncovers her Playboy cover. w00t.
Dawn Marie: She flashes Tazz and Cole. Seriously! She did it!
WrestleMania 3rd Degree: Ummmmm... help! I don't know what this is!!!
John Cena: Look! More Thug-o-nomics!
Los Guerreros vs. Benoit/Rhyno: Sign of the Night: "Missing Mullet". I'll bet DEAN's jumping for joy at this match. And so are many other Wieners! Counters galore! Rhyno is in the ring for only 2 minutes! Let's go to commercial break!
Los Guerreros vs. Benoit/Rhyno (cont.): CROSSFACE by... Chavo! Rhyno FINALLY tags in! But he tags back to Benoit after one minute. High spots galore! Team Angle interfere in the match, forcing the referee to ring the bell. PFFFFFT!
Last Thursday: Hogan et McMahon's semi-shoot. Still my favorite promo.
Stephie et Team Angle: Now, it's a Triple-Threat Tag Match for the Tag Team Title at WrestleMania!
Mr. McMahon: We see a Hogan montage. Afterwards, Mr. McMahon threatens to kill Hulkamania at WrestleMania. Next week, Hogan and McMahon sign the contract!
Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven: Oh, hell yeah! I LOVE the Tenchu series! You KNOW I'm getting this one!
MAD TV: Trish Stratus will be on this Saturday!
Matt Hardy's Cruiserweight Challenge!: Who will it be? The Pittsburgh Penguin, that's who! Jeez, Spanky, that's a HORRIBLE mask! I almost thought that was La Parka!
Hardy V.1 vs. Not Spanky:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Hardy unmasks the Penguin... well, whaddya know, it IS Spanky! Holy shit, Spanky hits the SHIRANUI! Boy Band Man drags Hardy out of the ring. Spanky wins via count-out.
Tale of the Tape: My finishing move is "None." Well, actually it's the Niagra Driver, but I never use it...
WrestleMania Moment: Hogan beats Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III.
WrestleMania Main Event: F-5 to... Eric Angle! Kurt wins via rollup. Afterwards, Lesnar breaks Eric's fucking leg. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and If I have the chance, maybe I'll buy Tenchu 3 this weekend. That is all...
What the heck are people doing at the arena at 11:04?
...and a Fashion Report, too.
Team Angle, in blue warmup suits, with blue (Charlie) and red/blue (Shelton) "Team Angle" singlets under, vs. Rey, in red/green mask and trunks, and Billy, in grey fullcuts with red highlights. Wow - they worked-in both technical AND cruiserweight styles. Good match.
Steph, in straight, highlight hair, open white shirt and suit, gets flowers from cute lil' Kendrick.
I swear, what's so special about Lugz's "Driving Shoes"? Are they designed for driving automatic or manual transmission? Do they breathe well?
Hey, Noble pulls an Eddie and gets roughed-up by security at the Playboy Mansion.
TheAss, in black manskirt with red star/gold dragon, vs. Chuch, in black undies, with Nunzio, in black dead cow jacket, and Johny, in black shirt and hat. Eddie, in green tights, and Chavo, in blue tights, jump from heights. Okay match.
Tazz, in black suit and orange shirt, and Cole, in black shirt, are the Greek Chorus.
Nathan, who wasn't held enough as a child, and Taker confer. (and Paul) and Hairy...are...walking!
Parrok the Ratcatcher could SO kick Willard's butt.
(and Paul), in one-strap black singlet (with orange undies peeking out the bottom), and Hairy, in black undies, vs. Funaki, in blue "Smackdown!" shirt and fullcuts, and Tajiri, in black trunks with silver dragons. Footage reveals their evil plot, spoken in Japanese so we can't understand it. Squishy-squash.
Hey, why do all the women think Brocky will win?
DMW and Satan talk about, well, evil. Torrie, so distraught over her father's death, shills photos of her nude body.
DMW, in half-open, furred-top pink shirt and black pants (high heels, of course), doesn't wear a bra. Hey, great placement of the ring ropes! Okay, we get it, GirlsGoneWild. Sheesh.
Cena, in yellow hanky, gold chain, and blue warmup suit, raps out his evil plot. Of course, none of us can understand it (but he said something aobut masturbation).
Guerreros, with new music, in the same stuff as before, vs. Ben-wa, in black "Toothless Aggression" shirt and red trunks, and the Man-Beast Rhyno, in black "Rhyno" singlet. Hey, Rhyno's looking pretty slim and trim. Damn you, ad break! What? Oh, son of a.... Good match, but the ending left something to be desired.
Hogan/McMahon footage, then Vinnie speaks. I love it - the greatest heel is the one who's convinced the OTHER guy is evil. Awesome close-up camera work!
Matt, in black "V1" shirt and funny pants, with Shannon, in like, vs. "The Pittsburg Penguin" in a mask and black/white vertical striped pants. Um, where was the counting for that "count out"? Nice match anyways.
Angle, in red warmup top, wearing the belt and gold medals, vs. Brocky, in black undies with matching boots, kneepads, and elbowpads. WTF? Ah-ha, the "younger brother" switch-a-roo!
Overall: A good show.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Do you know where your Chainmail, +1 vs. Cruiserweights is?
Did anybody else see that on Torrie's Playboy cover it said something like China Syndrome 2003? I find that oddly funny.
Team Angle/Filthy Animals was great. Team Angle manages to show progress every week. The WWE has 2 future superstars on their hands, and they're doing a great job preparing them by having them constantly have matches with great wrestlers. That SSP did look pretty nasty.
Jaime Noble is brilliant, and everything he said was TRUE, dammit.
I hope they pull the trigger on a big push for Cena, he's just too good at his role on a show soon to be lacking strong heels not to be.
I actually kinda like the UT/Nathan Jones build. The cagey veteran reining in the out-of-control rookie works.
You know, it's cool and all that O'Haire was actually on the show this week, but couldn't they have him, you know, wrestle? He is definetely developing some promo skills. And WHERE'S KANYON?
Rhyno/Benoit vs. Los Guerreros was pretty much everything you would expect it to be. It was kinda cool to see Rhyno do some mat-wrestling. The finish sucked, and it's really stupid booking to roll out the same finish twice in a week. I did notice, however, that Stephanie immediately made the match a 3-way, wheras it'll probably only be anounced while JR is shilling the PPV that the women's match is a 3-Way.
I LOVED Hardy/Kendrick. I demand that these two wrestle eachother again in the near future. With Angle's injury, Matt Hardy has beome my favorite wrestler. How can you not love him? The bizarre charisma, the awesome gimmick, the best entrance in the WWE with the most balls-out entrance music. Oh yeah, and he's a pretty darn good worker too.
The main event was kind of a crappy way to end a good show, but I can understand the situation they were in.
(edited by Underwater on 13.3.03 2227)
In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.
Originally posted by UnderwaterAnd WHERE'S KANYON?
I'll tell you where Kanyon was - being managed by Jackie Gayda in a dark match against the shockingly-over Shark Boy. (If you listened really closely, you could hear a We Want Shark Boy chant when Matt Hardy challenged any cruiserweight. That kinda went on all night.
"It's like you lost your keys in the garage, but you look for them in the living room because the light is better." -Bill Maher, on the impending war in Iraq
Sean O'Haire has the coolest gig in the world. He just stands around, acts cocky, and persuades people to get nekkid on TV. SWAVE!
Excellent "Austin Powers" camera shot on the flashing Dawn Marie.
Who needs a PPV when you give matches like the two-segment tag on for free?
Matt Hardy/Kendrick was excellent, even if I would have preferred to see Shark Boy over the Pittsburgh Penguin.
You just KNOW Cena will continue to do these awesome promos, show up at the Smackdown after Wrestlemania, and get squashed with one boot by Brock, and that'll be the end of it, right?
Okay, since the big match is back on for Wrestlemania anyway, I might as well throw out my dream scenario...Angle and Heyman continue doing things to outsmart Lesnar on the rest of the shows leading up to the PPV with the last thing Heyman says to Lesnar being "Next time, use your brain." Then Lesnar shows up at Wrestlemania with...Bobby Heenan, who gets a token chairshot at a cheating Heyman at the end saving the match. I would pop harder than I did when I heard Elizabeth Smart was found alive and well yesterday.
Yeah I know, out of nowhere, but what the heck...
this post brought to you by the wholesome goodness of deep fried clam strips
during the match where they won the titles against Los Guerrerros, there was a spot where Eddy had been working him over for about three minutes. Then, BAM, out of nowhere, Charlie just stands up and irish whips him and tags. I didn't like that at all. I'm in agreement with Excalibur05 about him too. He's already gone past really fricking annoying for me.
Also, I heard some dork saying how innovative their leapfrog/jump on the guy's back combo is. The Orient Express used to bust that move out all of the time.
Another thing about Charlie that bugs me is that he seems to make Shelton do all the work. As my friend Hurricane would say...WASSUPWITDAT?
Get well soon Kurt, Batista, Randy, Edge, Kevin, Scotty, Bubba, Regal....
Man, that's depressing...and I know there's people I've forgotten!
I could do without Rikishi/Palumbo, but I liked everything else in this show.
McMahon did a great promo with the Hulk video. This is how to build a feud, not the last weeks "You testified me in a trial for my life" (Did Connecticut even have the death penalty?) or the "This is your first REAL fight." (Way to piss on all your company's history Vince.)
You know the Tag Team Hoss match at Mania is gonna suck when Taker is the guy expected to carry the other three.
Rey and Kidman make a great tag team. That shooting star is a difficult move, especially when the victim is so close to the ropes. Kidman is lucky. When he botched that move in WCW he hit the back of his head off the turnbuckle Greg Lougainis style.
Shelton has the star quality.
Tajiri got his kicks in so the match wasn't half bad. I want more Tajiri.
Dawn Marie should become Sean O'Hare's valet. Not the other way around.
Understandable finish with Eric Angle taking Kurt's place. I'd say they could only do that finish once, but this is the second time and it still worked.
I was swerved by the finish despite the efforts of countless reckless posters and shameless websites going out of their way to Spoil it for me.
The F-5 to the pole is this decade's response to the figure four around the ringpost, I guess. I cringe whenever I see it.
Wonder what Angle's reaction to that will be next Smackdown....
Professional wrestling is the only sport where participants are just thrown right into the audience, and no one in the crowd thinks anything unusual is happening. If you're watching a golf tournament and Jack Nicklaus goes flying over your head--first of all, I would say you're watching a very competitive sport. -- Jerry Seinfeld
I like the F-5 to the post but nothing compares to the figure four on the post(well that's my opinion). The bad thing about the F-5 to the post is that it's looks kinda sloppy, especially the latest one on Eric Angle.
(edited by YAKUZAKICK91 on 14.3.03 1953)
After Wrestlemania we might never see one of these again.
-Team Angle vs. Kidman/Mysterio- What an amazing way to start off the show, it was over 7 minutes. Very cool
-Rikishi vs. Pulumbo- From one end of the spectrum to the other now. Boring I do not care about any of these guys. Why are the Gurreros stuck here.
-Albert/Big Show vs. Funaki/Tajiri- Boy Tajiri used correctly could be really interesting and over. He's not and he isn't.
-Dawn Flash- I remember when I was excited about O'Hare character, when he did his promos it was interesting and it looks like it might have some depth to it. So far twice he's done the "Hey get naked" hehehe. Whatever.
-Los Guerreros vs. Benoit/Rhyno- A double DQ. The same way as was done on Monday for the women. Well with the exception of this was 20 minutes and the women were 20 seconds. Good match but the ending left a bitter taste.
-Kendrick vs. Matt Hardy- A count out finish? Errr. The 5 minutes were really good. Kendrick is really becoming one of my favorites in a hurry, I really like his Aw Shucks character.
-Angle vs. Lesner- I knew something was up when I checked the watch and it was 5 to the hour. Quick squash or screw job, Screw job. An ingenious screw job and well done under the circumstances. But they are really pushing the baiting and switching method even before Angle's injury.
-other stuff- Torrie cut an interview about playboy. Unfortunately I can't remember a damn thing she said, I never remember what Torrie says, it's strange... I remember Cena and this week wasn't one of his best rap promo, it really wasn't as good as some of his recent ones... Noble @ Playboy, I'm I the only one who finds it strange when WWE has their wrestlers being able to be bullied around... Vince promo was pretty repetitive, not interested in this feud... Taker & Jones had a decent backstage skit
Smackdown just seemed really lame this week. The continuous pushing of GGW took away from the show. The first match was great but the rest of the hour was worthless. And then the second hour had good matches but screwy finishes. A pretty bad week overall for WWE, after some real strong efforts.
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 15.3.03 0311) Was mentioned Three times, 3X, 3X. In the "Great Wieners" thread!
Here are my thoughts: (Is it safe to post here now?): 1) Brock curtain jerking on Smackdown. HHH's title matches at the midway point on Raw. SPOILER: Molly in Heat (whew-yeah, what a pervetedly wholesome thought!! I meant Molly ON Heat). :...