It's 10:00 PM, EST. You could have seen "Patton" on AMC, but you opted to watch "SmackDown!". It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Cena vs. Rhyno: We actually start off with a match tonight?! Inconceivable! Cena makes fun of Big Show, and Rhyno comes out. Rhyno on SmackDown?! Inconceivable! Cena hits a VERTICAL SUPLEX! You rarely see THOSE on WWE these days. Cena pumps up, MILLION DOLLAR FISTDROP! Cena wins via F-U. An F-U with gusto, according to Cole. Cena pumps up some fan's shoe.
Backstage: Dawn Marie calls all the SmackDown! talent to the GM's office. Rikishi says "Oh, you didn't know?" to Billy Gunn. Hee hee.
GM's Office: Heyman tells the talent that he fought Guerrero because he has a vision for SmackDown! However, Stone Cold threatens the job security of all the talent. He wants the talent to protect Brock Lesnar from Stone Cold. Meanwhile, Stone Cold's pickup is in the parking lot.
Hall of Fame: You can see Pete Rose mouthing off the words "City of Losers!"
Mysterio vs. Noble: Los Chavos provide Guest Commentary. Armbars and Hammerlocks galore! MOONSAULT by Mysterio! 6-1-9 is foiled by Tajiri & Friends. They do a beatdown, but Billy Kidman, Ultimo Dragon, and Sho Funaki. The ref restarts the match as an 8-man tag! Let's go to commercial break!
Commercials: C'mon! Gimme something to work with, here!
Mysterio/Kidman/Ultimo/Funaki vs. Noble/Tajiri/Akio/Sakoda: HOTT JAP-ON-JAP ACTION! Tazz sucks up to Los Chavos. The Weekly Visitor is gonna have a field day with this. Oh yeah, Funaki has been the face in peril this whole time. Chavo Sr. does Spanish Announcing. Awesome. HOT TAG to Mysterio! 6-1-9 to Noble! Mysterio wins via Hurricanrana. Afterwards, Mysterio and Chavo Jr. exchange words, but Shannon Moore and Nunzio attck both men. Chavo Sr. goes into "Crazy Old Man" mode.
Backstage: Heyman talks to the F.B.I., then gets the word that Stone Cold is at the beer stand, so he goes off to find him.
Final Fantasy XI: I ain't got no money, ese! Maybe if they came out with a "Not-Online" version...
Last Week: Angle beat the shit out of Eddie.
Eddie Guerrero: Eddie tells Kurt that he doesn't believe Angle's at home, and calls him out. But Kurt doesn't show up. Instead, out comes Benjamin. On with the match!
Guerrero vs. Benjamin: Suplexes galore! Charlie Haas interferes a lot, so the ref sends him to the back. Let's go to commercial break!
Guerrero vs. Benjamin (cont.): More suplexes and slams galore! Eddie's fiery Latin temper freaks out Shelton. Benjamin fucks up an ATOMIC DROP, knocking out the ref. Charlie Haas botches interference, allowing Eddie to K.O. both Haas and Benjamin, then he plays possum to confound the ref. Eddie wins via Frog Splash. KURT ANGLE APPEARS! He makes the universal "I want the belt" signal, and leaves as suddenly as he appeared.
Playboy 50th Anniversary Special: Bleh.
Backstage: Heyman searches for Austin, then scolds Orlando Jordan for respecting Stone Cold.
Big Show vs. Jobber/Jobber:SQUAAAACH MAAAATCH! Afterwards, John Cena jumps Big Show, knocks him out of the ring, and runs off. Big Show is visibly pissed.
Backstage: Heyman searches for Austin, then praises the A.P.A. for guarding the door from Stone Cold.
Ass Worm vs. Basham Bros.: Scotty plays the face in peril. Cena's new DVD has OVER 80 RAPS! Rikishi thwarts the BASHAM SWITCH and wins via RIKISHIKICK!
WrestleMania: Video package hyping the Lesnar vs. Goldberg match.
Parking Lot: OMG! Austin's pickup is gone!
Cell-Tech & Nitro-Tech: "It's the fuel you need to help build more muscle for the NFL!"
On RAW: Some stuff involving an urn. Undertaker's Ghost levitates the ring.
Paul Heyman: He comes out with the SmackDown! roster. Let's go to commercial break!
Paul Heyman (cont.): Paul E. summons Brock, who comes out in the Drunkmobile. Brock calls out Stone Cold, and Austin obliges. All the SmackDown Superstars... step aside. Even Big Show! The Superstars all leave, Austin takes the ATV, then he and Lesnar come to blows! Long story short, Austin busts Lesnar open, and Lesnar flees. Burial complete. Stone Cold loads his ATV into his pickup, drinks beers, and... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and go see WrestleMania in 3 days on PPV!
Cena v.s Rhyno was pretty vanilla.....Good Heyman promo with the whole locker room (minus Angle and Guerrero..and Lesnar I believe)....Longer than anticipated cruiser match/tag was fun. I hope these guys don't get just 8 minutes at WM....Good Shelton/Eddie match, thanks in part to the acting by Eddie. He is on a roll lately....Angle has that scary-dude scare don't pat....
JOHN WOLF!! NICK FEELY!! SMELL THE RATINGS!! (actually, I've missed jobber matches)....The usual from the two tag teams. I'm not really looking forward to this match (or the RAW tag match) at WM, which is one of the few matches I can say that for....Poetic justice with the wrestlers walking out on Lesnar in the final segment, I thought....Decent Smackdown!, but I thought RAW was better this week.
DAMNIT!!! ... stupid SEC basketball tournament pre-empted Smackdown so I was forced to watch "Extreme Makeover" (did I admit that aloud?) ... now it's gonna be shown at 4:30 on Saturday, my nap time ...
Overall, acceptable pre-WM show. Some fun stuff, but also some stuff I wasn't wild about.
Hey, the crowd remembered from last week that they're supposed to answer "Damn straight!" to Cena. Good job, Joisey!
I'm very happy to notice that Cena's being more careful about his mechanics doing the FU. He's corrected his technique, & is getting his lower body turned more so his leg (notably the bad knee) is out of the way as the guy comes down. Dropping a Big Show on the outside of your knee is not the way to let an MCL injury heal.
Fine little match with Rhyno. Made Cena look "ready" for Big Show, but didn't buyr Rhyno.
The tiny thing that I thought was funny, going into the meeting: Dawn is walking with all these big guys, they're filing into the room, & Rey is the only one gentlemanly enough to show Dawn through ahead of him. "Thank you."
Paul is excellent at this stuff. I do have to admit that he's good for SmackDown.
Hey, they called Matt Morgan back up from OVW.
Have I just missed them calling it "the new celebrity wing" at the Hall of Fame? Pete gets his very own wing -- ooooh.
Since when does Rey's tummy say "Mexican"? Have I just missed it, or is that a brand new tattoo?
Los Chavos with Tazz & Cole were funny. I particularly liked the concept of the 4-5 Japanese wrestlers working together, as they're on oppposite teams as Chavo speaks. I love how Tazz can slime in with the heels without sounding slimy. Good to see that Shannon & Nunzio got in on the brawl at the end -- wouldn't want them to feel left out.
Note that both Chavos at this point are spontaneously saying, "If SCSA shows up here ... if he wants to come up to our turf, my ring, & think we're gonna let him just waltz in here -- he's got another thing coming." "This is our barrio, man."
Rey & Jamie were working pretty carefully for their first half, but that's cool just before WM. The cruisers should be really fun on Sunday. I'm unclear on which rules we're using for that -- it's an elimination (I think) but don't we have several different rulesets for those? Have I just missed it?
So when Paul checks in with Palumbo & Stamboli, Stamboli spontaneously says, "Nunzio's just proving the FBI's fully comitted. We have your (points to Heyman) back tonight."
Eddie nice promo on Kurt. Kurt, nice response.
Eddie / Shelton with Charlie was good. Shelton & Charlie cheat, but not nearly as skillfully as the master. Somebody needs to explain to boh Charlie & Test that there are no timeouts in wrestling. :-)
Big Show squashing a pair of jobbers -- good way to give him something to do, without squashing any of the regular roster. Big Show quivering with rage after Cena beats him -- nice. (Did he get that from Eddie?)
Scotty's slowly backing away from the cartoon gimmick, isn't he? That's a good thing, as long as he/they have something else to give him a distinctive personality. With the small amount of visibility that the cruisers get, they need all the personality & recognition factor they can get.
Rey standing between Palumbo & Morgan in the wrestler lineup down the aisle -- tee-hee.
I like the way Brock drives Austin's toy -- if you're gonna do it, careen around, hit things, pop it up on 2 wheels. t was good that he managed not to actually run over any of the other wrestlers.
Then I had a problem. I didn't like the whole SCSA parting the wrestlers' lineup one little bit. He just walked out & stared at them. He didn't say anything convincing to sway them in his favour. The Chavos had specifically made anti-Austin comments earlier, & the FBI went out of their way to support pro-Heyman. (Orlando & the APA were at least non-committal.) It wasn't even like we had some pro-Austin types at the head of the line to set a peer-pressure precident -- the first ones up were Palumbo & Mr Ass. I get the undercurrent that everybody is justified in being sick of Paul being manipulative. But all the way down the line the message I got was that Austin's mere presence, authority & staredown was enough to back off each & every guy there. The guys weren't stepping back with any intent of their own -- they were just cowing to the great Austin. They didn't even let us in on the persuasive words that Steve used to convince Big Show that he should change his mind. I hated the whole thing.
Sooooo, I wasn't too happy with the ending. I'm sure they're going someplace, but I wasn't left thinking too highly of any of the involved SD wrestlers. Bad.
1) Cena/Rhyno -> Good news for me, at least Heyman or Mysterio was not the first one out. Bad news, didn't we see this match a couple of months ago? Anyway, nice match.
2) Heyman speech -> how many times did he say "your Smackdown?" I lost count around 10.
3) Hall of Fame -> You could tell that you're getting old if you remember watching these guys. I remember all of them.
4) Mysterio/Noble which turned into an 8 man tag match -> Too long.
5) Guerrero/Benjamin -> Good match. I was dead on with the ref bump. I could tell because of where the referee is standing. Angle with the cold stare...scary. When I get to the predictions thread, I will tell you that this is the toughest match to predict.
6) Playboy 50th -> That's why we got TiVo, for these things. FF X 2 = Next
7) Big Show/Likely 2 local independent jobbers -> Shades of Superstars 1980's. Cena comes in after the match and attacks. Hey, at least Big Show is flexible in one way. He could be so dominating one minute, and then he ends up looking like a goof the next. Still, he needs a makeover and new music.
8) Scotty/Rikishi vs Bashams -> My dad said that the Bashams are just as boring as Rey Mysterio. OK match.
9) Now, it is time for "Smackdown on Parade." Almost all stars come out and to the ramp. Brock comes in. Here comes Austin and it is the "parting of the Smackdown sea" as all stars move out of the way. Big Show gets his first cheer in about 2 years by letting Austin past him. And everything breaks down. Interesting sequence as we leave.
Like I said, I will have my predictions out ASAP. I'll be setting up my NCAA chart to put in my room while looking at the Play by Play. As for next week, I'll be giving my opinions on Raw, but we won't be looking at Smackdown until early next week. We will be pre-empted by the NCAA tournament. I'll be taking those two days off from work, so I can see it all. I hope they scatter my local teams (Illinois, UIC, DePaul, Southern Illinois) this year. Last year we happened to get all 4 Indianapolis games on Thursday.
Enough basketball, I'll be back with my WM Predictions ASAP.
-Cena vs. Rhyno- This match was alright, one of the few times that keeping it short is a good thing. Cena showed some quick’s.
-Noble vs. Mysterio- Cole says EDDIE is at the main event of Wrestlemania. Told you guys, both brands are going in thinking they are the main event of Wrestlemania... Some good work building up in the 4-minuts but ended in a bunch of cruiser run ins. Which the ref calls for an 8-man tag. Can he do that? He just did!
-Mysterio/Ultimo/Funaki/Kidman v. Noble/Tajiri/Akio/Sakoda- Tazz and the Chavo's are busting on Cole big time. Of course Cole being a man's man he sulks at the corner. Chavo Sr. does commentary in Spanish with Tazz support and that ruled. It felt back when I used to get AAA on my Latino Network, where's Latin Lover, Mascara Sagrada and Perro Aguayo crying as he's selling his arm. I really need AAA TV style of cutting to the same fans, having the same reactions multiple times in the same match, wow I'm way off track... They gave them 7-minutes and they filled that time perfectly, fast exciting action. Must say the WM cruiser match I wasn't really feeling it but after watching this it jumped the list a bit. This is a good example of hyping a match. Interesting enough the two guys who started this match ended the match and pretty much stole the show.
-Eddie vs. Benjamin- But first Eddie is begging for Kurt to come out and face him right now, no response as Benjamin walks out with Haas. Monkey flip from the corner by Eddie as Benjamin lands on his feet! Haas keeps interfering and gets caught one too many times and gets ejected out of ringside... Backdrop by Eddie on Benjamin as he falls really high on his body(ouch). They seem a little shaky in there but the skill level is certainly there. Haas returns with the WWE title but Eddie intercepts, hit's Sheldon with it, plays hurt then hits the frogsplash for the victory. Kurt finally comes out just to stare at the immoral SOB.
-BigShow vs. 2 real life jobbers- Big Show wins in 60 seconds, naaaa kidding me... Cena runs out and thugs out BigShow from behind.
-Rikishi/Scotty vs. Basham Bros- Shaniqua is still on their entrance video. For me this match is Team Annoying vs. Team Boring. I found myself at the end actually cheering for the Boring Brothers as they did a switch pre stinkface but didn't work as Rikishi saw it and kicked one down and got the pin.
-Heyman/Lesner/Austin interview- Didn't like the set up at all. My dislike for it went back to Raw when Austin said he can kick anyone from SD ass then they all back off? Give me a break. It's stupid. Austin and Brock fight, where's Goldberg? What?
-OtherStuff- Emma, Emma, Emma, so naive. Gentleman Mysterio! I don't think so. Noble is right all along Rey is a little masked pervert. He just wants a better view of Dawn in her tiny dress, her butt is pretty much on eye level with him LoL. Maybe I'm just too cynical... Heyman sure gives some fabulous Kool-Aid drinking speeches, he actually singled out some of the most worthless people on the show and talked to them as important... Ha got a kick of Paul running around with an oversized walkie-talkie... OMG Borrie and Lameo are at the Playboy party, guys think their hotz, there are girls fans who like them Oh my, oh my. Do you think!! Whatever... Video package after video package hyping Wrestlemania.
-Line of the Night: Heyman "Lesner is our lockerroom leader" -3Stars of the Night: 1)Mysterio. 2)Noble. 3)Benjamin.
I think Smackdown did a decent job tonight much better then Raw. SD actually sold me on a match where I wasn't that sold before (CW title match)
smark/net attack wienerville advisory is lowered to BLUE alert - Guarded (Due to Eddie being WWE champ and facing Angle at WM, Benoit winning the Rumble in World title match in mania BUT Kliq members is still a threat - Vince you can save us from these threats) 2/17
Honors for Smartest thing ever written, 5th Horseman "When Victoria, Trish, Molly, and Lilian were in the ring.. I commented to my friends that all of the 4 ladies in the ring were hotter than the all 4 that are fighting over who is the hottest in the WWE"
It's like the best and worst possible creations possible, all in one Hollywood Report. Jingle All The Way 2 + Larry the Cable Guy + WWE's Santino Marella is such a perfect trifecta, it seems more 30 Rock joke than real movie.