Big news! On March 15, WWE SmackDown! comes down here to Miami, Florida, where Benoit will take on Angle for the title! With that said, it's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Mr. McMahon: Obviously, The Rock has left SmackDown! for RAW. McMahon wants to broadcast the No Way Out screwjob footage later tonight, and introduces us to "McMahon-amania!"
Torrie/Funaki vs. Nidia/Noble: GOOD GOSH, Nidia has some damn huge breasts! Torrie wins. Torrie always wins. Here comes Stephie! She's making my pants tight with her breast fondling. Ahem. Anyway, Stephie announces that the Playboy Diva will be... Torrie! We knew it all along. Torrie's father dies and she's excited to pose nude on Playboy?! PFFFFFT!
The Osbournes DVD: Now you can see Ozzy's hit TV show anytime you want! Or not.
Stephie et Torrie: Torrie's also gonna be on Girls Gone Wild?! Again, PFFFFFT! Spanky wants to fight Angle, so Stephie gives him a 5-minute challenge; If Spanky can last 5 minutes against Angle he becomes a SmackDown! regular.
Nunzio vs. Guerrero The Elder: What? No Cheech and Chong skit tonight? Booooooo. We hear an "EDDIE" chant, so he must be a face tonight. Eddie wins via powerslam. Afterwards, F.B.I. gives Los Guerreros a beatdown, but Rikishi makes the save.
Spawn: With John Leguizamo and Martin Sheen!
Stephie et Heyman: Any member of Team Angle in a steel cage if Brock wins?! What a freakin' stupid stipulation!
Willard: Hmmmm... I'll let someone else judge this one.
Hardy V.1/Boy Band Man vs. Benoit/Rhyno: Now I know what size pants to buy Matt if the need arises! Welcome back, Rhyno! SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Rhyno wins via The Gore.
Undertaker: He calls out A-Train. Thus begins a new feud. Heyman comes out, and announces that he is now the new agent for A-Train. Out comes Big Show, and as everyone knows, A-Train & Big Show = RATINGS! They start a beatdown, but NATHAN JONES MAKES THE SAVE?! WTF?!!!
U.S. Army: Uncle Sam wants YOU! to kill Saddam!
John Cena: The rapping Internet nerd!
Spanky vs. Angle: My gosh. Even the ring announcer doesn't know Spanky's weight. Man, that's pathetic. SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Angle wins with 2 seconds left. Afterwards, Angle beats the living hell out of Spanky, and gives him an F-5! So long, Spanky. Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out!
Sylvan Grenier: A new evil referee will NOT stop the fans from telling Earl Hebner that he screwed Bret. He introduces the Montreal Screwjob II broadcast.
Heyman: He rallies Team Angle.
The Main Event: Superman comebacks galore! Lesnar wins F-5. We're gonna have a Wrestlemania main event next week! No, wait. It's Lesnar vs. Heyman next week! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and I promise, I'll get started on Kingdom Hearts after I beat Ocarina of Time! That is all.
Papa Shango Sightings: 0
With Triple H knocked out, Booker runs over and pins him causing the crowd to erupt and banners and confetti to float down from the sky in celebration.
-Raw Satire 2/18, New Yuna
Does anyone think they're gonna sell t-shirts with "Evolution" on them? What, are they gonna have a picture of a hunched-over ape slowly evolving into Hunter?
"Brock, I sit here glued to the screen, punchin these keys, watchin everything you do on live internet feeds! I download at high speed - all the files I need - to make your harddrive crash and to make your face bleed! You can't erase me, I'm gonna make you taste me! I'm a virus - I kill you next time you face me. You're jealous - you stole my shot at the brass ring. Everybody knows I'm the next big thing. You're all bark and no bite - you stole my spotlight! I'm the great white hope, you're the great white HYPE! If you're an animal then I'm goin on safari. I'm rockin Playstation 2, you can't figure out Atari! Look in these eyes, Brock, don't think I won't shoot you. I'll leave you worthless like a nerd with no computer. Show the world that you can't even walk in my shoes. Your finish is the F5? Well mine's the F-U!"
Not to be a contrarian TGT but the two matches you called squashes were my favorites of the show.
Great to have Rhyno back and equally great to hear the strong "E-C-Dub!" chant. It always warms my heart to know ECW still isn't forgotten.
Also, I loved the Kurt/Kendrick match. I thought it would be rather text book and predictable but I really liked the offense Kendrick pulled off. For a few seconds I actually thought he was gonna pull it off which means the match succeeded.
And I'm so happy they're calling them the F.B.I. I just hope they aren't totally played off as a joke. Please make them something of a serious threat. They have the talent, I'm just hoping they're used properly.
Lastly, although nothing hit, I was surprised by Nathan Jones' agility. His kicks looked mighty impressive.
Why exactly were Dawn Marie and Nidia so dissapointed to not be in Playboy? "Oh damn, lonely teenage boys won't be jerking it to pictures of me! What shall I ever do?" That said, the match was pretty decent mostly due to the men. Nidia probably wouldn't look too lost lost working in the Raw women's division. She's definitely shown a lot of progress as she's come along.
If they're going to reprise the FBI gimmick, why did they even bother calling Maritato Nunzio instead of Little Guido? I can live with a Guererros/Rikishi vs FBI 6-man
Benoit/Rhyno vs. Team Mattitude was fun. Matt and Shannon are such great bump machines that they instantly make anyone they face look monstrous. I'd love to see a Matt/Benoit matchup get some time. It'd be fun as hell.
I LOVED Spanky/Angle. The innate drama of the countdown was great. When Spanky kicked Angle in the head and started throwing those forearms it was wonderful. This match was great because it managed to accomplish two things: Get Angle over as a badass yet dickish heel, and get Kendrick over as a face. Judging from the heat on that match, they managed to accomplish both.
Team Angle vs. Brock was great, as Brock continues to show why he is easily the best big man in the WWE. That Haas clothesline over the top rope bump was awe-inspiring. The match could have used some matwork, as Team Angle is known more for that then they are for their brawling. It would've also been good to illustrate that Brock can work the mat just as well as Angle can.
For all the hype about Nathan Jones appearing, he didn't really do too much. But then again, the second he gets in a wrestling match with someone like A-Train or Big Show he's going to get exposed, so not having him wrestle yet probably makes sense.
A pretty good show that could've used some more wrestling.
In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.
I liked nearly everything they threw at us tonight, but especially Benoit/Rhyno - Mattitude/Moore. Great to see Rhyno back, and great to see those guys work.
Kendrick/Angle was well played in every way. Angle was brilliant. Kendrick was a hoot, especially having to whisper to Chimel his hometown and weight. And Angle at the end of the show responding to Brock's choice was gold. The whole segment after the match was gold. Heyman and Angle played that wonderfully.
It aint the FBI without Wildfire Tommy Rich, I tell ya. (Okay so I liked the comedic angle of the past.) And I agree...Just call him Little Guido.
I don't care for Taker/A-Train, and I don't care for Jones. Even knowing who he was, even knowing he was coming out, even knowing how badly he screwed up from the spoilers, I still caught myself saying "uh, who is that?" when Nathan Jones finally hit the ring.
I'm sure somebody's been waiting for this to happen for years, but I just can't get into McMahon/Hogan. This just doesn't have the big, long-awaited event feel to it that it should. It just feels like novelty to me.
But I have to love a show where Tazz gets to cheap-pop Waffle House. Good show. Again.
this post brought to you by the wholesome goodness of deep fried clam strips
Good show (not as fun as RAW, but...). My favorite bit was of course, Spanky and Angle. Did you see the graphic for the 5 min. match? Man, I hate the WWE sometimes, but that was the reason I put up with the crap. The STUDS, the STUDS!!! Sorry. Anyway, that was enjoyable stuff, and may I say that that was the best supposed squash I've seen since probably HHH-TAKA. I felt so sorry for Brian when he came so close, he looked so cute when he's sad... Kurt continued the work Rock did on RAW with putting over the future. Now, if HHH does so, everything will be okay. Not much else to look back on, I missed Nathan Jones unforunately. Matt Hardy is continuing to be the male version of me (especially the sweet potato thing), and as geeky as she still looks, Steph had the same color bra I had on!!!!! Black for all you pervs out there. Why couldn't they just do that whole Playboy like this?
"THE NEXT DIVA TO BE ON THE COVER OF PLAYBOY ISSS...TORRIE WILSON!" Torrie: OH, MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS FOR YOU, DADDY!
Wait, it kinda was. But my version's better.
Proper planning prevents piss poor performance" William Regal
This fascination Vince has had recently with wrestlers using handcuffs and blackout matches makes me wonder if Vince is watching World Class Championship Wrestling tapes from late '87/early '88. Then again, one of the participants in the blackout match stole much of his material from Iceman King Parsons, so it would be appropriate. Nice to see the Kanyon push continue. I must keep saying this: Something is morally wrong when Eddie is a face. And then sticking him with Rikishi? It makes me start wondering if Eddie only signed a one-year contract when he returned last year after Mania and hasn't re-upped yet. With each week, Angle moves closer and closer to Flair in his prime territory. Its really difficult for the show not to be good when Angle has a match. Eventually, either Angle is going to read the dictionary for a classic promo, or bring back Moppy and carry it to a good match. Rhyno/Benoit vs. Hardy/Moore was a nice little match. The Benoit promo before the match leads me to believe he is going to be the one to turn eventually, setting him up to face Lesnar in the spring. Taker, Albert, Big Slug, and Nathan Jones in one ring. That the universe survived that black hole of suck is amazing. I wonder if Nathan has the Mark Henry 10 year contract as well.
Ole Anderson booking is a weapon of self inflicted mass destruction.
Here comes Stephie! She's making my pants tight with her breast fondling. Ahem. Anyway, Stephie announces that the Playboy Diva will be... Torrie! We knew it all along. Torrie's father dies and she's excited to pose nude on Playboy?! PFFFFFT!
Y'know, this brings an idea into my mind...if the whole Torrie/Dawn Marie feud had been about which one gets the Playboy contract, rather than about how one of them is sleeping with the other's father for some never-defined but presumably nefarious reason, not only would we have been spared an increedibly sucky load of suckitude, but the feud would have been over in a huge way. Torrie wins a match so that YOU get to see her nekked? The pop would have been heard three states away. Even if they didn't know about this when they put that feud together, they could have done the feud-for-skin thing this month with Torrie against Nidia or someone. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
When Kendrick leaned over to whisper his home city to the ring announcer, was anyone besides me thinking that they were re-starting the he's-always-from-the-city-we're-in angle from when he was wearing a mask on Velocity? ("We don't watch Velocity, we actually do things on Saturday nights", I hear you say...)
They didn't give the name of the city, did they forget where they were. We are In Canada. What is this a South Park vision of Canada.
-Vince interview- Everytime I see Vince he gets more and more repetitive. After Rock's amazing opening show promo on Raw. This was no where in the same league as the Rocks.
-Torrie/Funaki vs. Nidia/Noble- Atleast it's nice to see Funaki on the A show. Funakui and Noble was fun. Seeing Nidia double stomp Funaki was fun as well. Hot tag to Torrie and clotheslines and weak slaps a galore. Nice slide & plancha but Funaki. Torrie takes care of both heels by herself again and wins Whooopee... Steph comes out looking like her clothes can just burst apart ala Incerdible Hulk. Teasing herself (what). Then saying it will be the most beautiful diva to pose for Playboy (who Trish? Stacy? Lil? Dawn? Nidia? Vicki? Ivory? makeup girl Jen?) Oh it's Torrie. What was the deal with Torrie's reaction? It was the strangest thing, she was jumping around like she accomplished something great, Yeaaa I'm allowed to pose naked, I'm so Lucky. LoL
-Eddie Guerrero vs. Nunzio- I just can't get into another Italian mob faction, especially one with Johnny The Bull and Pulumbo. Couldn't get into this match at all even with Eddie G.
-Rhyno/Benoit vs. Matt/Moore- It's great to see Rhyno back, and the crowd loved him. He overshadowed Benoit in his own country. Rhyno's one of my favorite bigger men, and his intensity was way up. Major props to Tazz for pointing it out and actually putting it over saying when he came back he himself was cautious (Tazz is getting so good). Good return match for Rhyno.
-Taker/Jones/Albert/Show talk- We had the gore the last segment now we have the bore. Bore-ing! Well I'm sure they are setting something up but with the people involved (especially the heels) I have little interest.
-Angle vs. Kendrick- Match of the night, I didn't read the spoilers, so I didn't know how this played off. I went from not caring about Kendrick to really rooting for the kid, and it looked like the live crowd had the exact same reaction. Angle again was amazing, Kendrick looked good and portrayed a lot of personality along with some decent skill. Like I said best segment easily.
-frenchie ref talk- Do all french Canadians sound like Jacque Rougeau when speaking english?
-Brock vs. Benjamin/Haas- I hate the idea of handicap match, I really HATE them when the tag champs are in it. I can't be a hypocrite I hated Taker doing them vs. E&C and even though I like Brock I don't like the idea of him doing it with Benjamin & Hass. Saying that, the match was very good with some power from Brock and some cool double teaming by the heels like the German superkick and the hard clothes line knocking Brock over the ropes... Is it just me or does it really look like they are playing up Heymans swan song for next week, maybe it's the story that came out this past weekend but the way the team all turned away from Heyman, it looks strange.
-other stuff- More laughable Torrie stuff, backstage she's relieved that her playboy shoot won't interfere in her hosting a sleazy wet tee shirt contest, she really is the most surreal TV character I've ever seen LoL... Speaking of surreal Benoit scared the hell out of me backstage, he looked EXACTLY like Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal, I'm serious... Stephanie told Heyman "Life isn't fair" Shoot, shoot, it's a Shoot!!
Raw was a much better show this week. There were a few highlights on SD. Angle/Kendrick was super and the return of Rhyno was done very well. But that was about it.
Line of the night: Tazz: "Heyman probably pulled a muscle trying to be athletic". After Heyman kicking Brock on the outside... Tazz actually had a few great lines tonight
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 28.2.03 1549) Was mentioned Three times, 3X, 3X. In the "Great Wieners" thread!
I'm pretty sure Kane's done the sit-up to stop the People's Elbow, too. There was a run last year (I think) where they seemed to go out of their way to move down the importance of the People's Elbow, with Rock losing several matches when trying to use it....