I'm recovering from anesthetic after a root canal, but I'm fighting through te pain to give you this! It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Mysterio vs. Noble Mysterio, Noble and Nidia stare at the INTERESTING crate. Counters galore! Double 619 to Nidia and Noble! Mysterio wins via West Coast Pop.
The Rock: For the record, The Rock is STILL bald, lactose intolerant, and flatulent. The Rock hits a nerve with his "Tampa Bay Tofu." Ha! Ha! Ha! He mentions the Terry Bradshaw commercials! YESSS!!! Rocky's been working on his heel shtick... and I like it!
Rikishi vs. Nunzio:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Nunzio threatens Rikishi with his friends, then we see FAT MAN DANCING!!!
Heyman: He takes the INTERESTING crate to the ring! Let's go to commercial break!
Heyman (cont.): He calls out the Undertaker to accept his gift. What's inside? BROTHER LOVE, THAT'S WHAT! After some talking of love and forgiveness, we get... CHOKESLAM! TOMBSTONE! Wow! First Spanky, and now Brotha Love! The WWE is doing great on feeding people to Taker!
Hardy V.1 vs. Kidman: Side Effect to Kidman at the start of the match. "WE WANT JEFF!" chant in the crowd. You want the same person who tried to attack Shawn Michaels earlier this week and got kicked in the face for his troubles? PFFFFFT! Kidman wins via countering Hardy's piledriver. Afterwards, Hardy tells Cole and Tazz that he's gonna drop 10 pounds and challenge for Kidman's title. Cool.
Angle: He rallies his forces.
Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle: Wieners love Team Angle. Wieners love Los Guerreros. Ergo: This match MAKES WIENERS HAPPY! Chavo gets knocked outside, and Ediie becomes the face in peril... let's go to commercial break!
Truth: I can tell you a ton of things wrong with these "Bubble Guy" commercials... but not today.
Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle (cont.): Chavo's okay! Suplexes galore! Los Guerreros do a great double team move, but isn't EDDIE supposed to do the Frog Splash? Screaming galore! Haas wins via rollup. OMG NEW CHAMPS!
WWE Confidential: An interview with Bobby Heenan!
DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball: I like the look, but I never liked sports games. Also, I see Tina, Hitomi, even Ayane, but no Kasumi? Those commercial guys goofed!
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: Hogan ovation is cut short by The Rock. He mocks Hogan for a while, but The Tampa Tofu is ready, so The Rock leaves Hogan to his own devices. Hogan mentions how everybody hates The Rock now. Whatcha gonna do, Rocky?!
Sean O'Haire: He wants Spanky to streak. Spanky does kinda look like that guy in the Nike commercials.
A-Train vs. OMG NAKED SPANKY! Good going, Spanky. What? Oh, yeah! The match!
A-Train vs. Boy Band Man:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Afterward, THE RETURN OF NAKED SPANKY! I think Tazz said it best: "GOOOOAAAAL!!!"
Stephie: She comes face-to-face with Nekkid Spanky.
Cena: He challenges Brock to a match next week. Where's Red Dog?
Benoit: Shoot inteview. Uh oh, Chris, Angle snuck up on you! Angle says that he married the title and gave birth to his gold medals... no, wait.
Giant Nathan Jones: He knows how to manage time wisely.
The Main Event: An Angle vs. Benoit match always MAKES WIENERS HAPPY! Benoit wears a "Toothless Agression" shirt, and I'll be DAMNED if the ScreamingHeadGuy doesn't mention this in his fashion report! OMG HEYMAN KNOCKED DOWN BENOIT! What a Double Axehandle! Suplexes galore! Tazz is wistful as he remembers his matches with Benoit and Angle. How many counters have we seen in this match? Benoit's got a bloody eye! Angle wins via Angle Slam. Team Angle cheapshots after a handshake! EDGE! BROCK! Team Angle flees the scene. And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, Take care of yourselves, and we'll see what kind of hijinks will Spanky pull off next week!
That Volleyball game looks neat, but breasts that large can NOT be good.
...and a Fashion Report, too!
It's a crane, and a gift. I wonder who's inside.
Rey, in turquoise/yellow mask and pants, with gold chain, vs. Noble, in black cutoffs, with Nidia. Powerbomb off the rope was SO cool. Nice match.
Rocky, bald, "Live...", in a "Hit It Strong" black tshirt. Who the hell is that he's talking to offscreen?
TheAss, in black man-skirt, with red star/white dragon, vs. Nunzio, in black undies (already in the ring). Squishy squash. Nunzio threatens the dancin' with people. (do you mean the mob?)
Paul, in suit, NY Yankees hat, and scarf, presents Taker with a present. Taker bikes in a "Big Evil" red tshirt - no shades or bandana this week. Holy Shit! Brother Love, in white suit, red shirt, white tie, and red face, reunites! Taker is SO mean to beat-up his old manager.
Matt, in "V1" shirt and funny pants, with Shannon, in "V1" shirt and bellbottoms, vs. Billy, in blue fullcuts, wearing the belt. What - Matt's too large to be a Cruiserweight? Okay match. The Mattitude "mission statement" means good times for us, the fans.
Kurt, again, gives THE pep-talk.
Eddie, in green tights and Chavo, in red tights, both wearing the belts (are faces - no "Cheat 2 Win" shirts, see?), vs. Team Angle, in red warm-up suits, with Paul. Good match.
Hogan, in "Hulkamania" shirt, bandana, and feathers, to the ring. Hey, they still announce him as "Hollywood Hulk Hogan". Hmm. Rocky, "Live...", wants his f'n tofu.
Sean O'Haire (satan) and Kendrick...deal. And here I thought they were gonna play fiddles (but they're in Philly, see).
Albert, in black undies and hair, with "Bull with Gas", vs. Shannon, already in the ring. Squishy Squash.
Steph, in sweater, with straight hair, and a "bull with gas", are...excited.
Whitey, in Harlem Globetrotters get-out, and lock 'n chain, raps-out his diabolical plan. Ben-wa talks about his family. Angle's children were in Ben-wa's tights - eww!
Angle, in red warm-up top, with blue "Team Angle" singlet, with medals, wearing the belt, vs. Ben-wa, in black "Toothless Aggression" tshirt and red tights. Good match.
Overall: good show. I like the crazy stuff Kendrick will do to "make it" in the WWE. Angle/Ben-wa and the TagTitle match were good wrestling action. Slow build-ups to Hogan/Rock and Taker/(and Paul) continue to move along. All the little things that work against Raw seem to work for Smackdown!.
Edit: Great Thomas - "Bubble Guy"? And OF COURSE I'd mention that tshirt.
(edited by ScreamingHeadGuy on 6.2.03 2129)
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Thhhor tries to explain economics to SPP, but he doesn't use the phrases "freaks and peaks", "boomshakalaka", or "booty daddy" so SPP can't understand him.
I love that Noble got an opponent like Mysterio. Great opener. Put a little red in Mysterio's outfit tonight and he could have been a walking advertisement for Stuckey's.
So Tommy Rich and Big Sal are gonna be upset about you being disprespected, Nunzio. What the heck are THEY gonna do about it?
BROTHER LOVE! BROTHER LOVE! THE WHOLE ROOM POPPED FOR BROTHER LOVE! Darn shallow, we are...Taker's new shirt ruled.
I really like Kidman, but his presence really does suck the life out of the room, doesn't it. I'd totally forgotten there WAS a Cruiserweight title until Hardy brought it up. Cole: "Here's some Stacker 2." Golly. Witty.
Didn't Cena look like he was wearing an 80's-era Burger King uniform?
Kendrick is a hoot. It would be great to see him be O'Haire's "Shannon Moore" and just do stupid stuff for no reason other than O'Haire tells him to.
(edited by Mr Heel II on 6.2.03 2153) this post brought to you by the wholesome goodness of deep fried clam strips
After watching the main event, I'm just BEGGING for a six man war of the ages between Team Angle versus Brock/Benoit/Edge soon. That would rock!
And speaking of Rock, hey, I'm a fan and all, but he needed to GIT SMACKED! I am looking forward to the Hogan/Rock rematch now moreso than just a few days ago. (Although, to tell the truth, I'll be rooting for Rocky at No Way Out. After all, Rock becoming Corporate again IS still conjecture at this point, right?)
And I mentioned this before a while ago, but this week's SD! is yet another example of why the SmackDown! side of things is just better than RAW, simply because there's an energy to each SD! edition that's lacking on RAW. I mean, what if Ross and Lawler put in as much enthusiasm for RAW broadcasts as do Cole and Tazz for SD!? Most of the time, the RAW announce team simply gleans over what's going on in the ring. Cole and Tazz make the emphasis of each show exactly what's going on in the ring most of the time. Big difference there.
And I make an early No Way Out prediction now-- Matt Hardy will become Cruiserweight Champion-- VERSION 1.0, BABY!!!
(And I had no idea Matt Hardy exceeds the speed limit! Whodathunkit?)
David Crockett sez it best, folks: "Look at 'im, Tony! Look at 'im!"
You could see my friends and I on & off throughout the show. My V1 sign appeared at least three times (early in the show, and during Matt`s entrance (though he faced our side of the ring while that Replay was going on). And our HOGAN FEARS ALF sign was on-camera constantly during Hogan`s pre-Rock posing, though you couldn`t read it.
And yes, Kendrick was wearing a flesh-colored thong. It didn`t even occur to me that they were going to pixilate him out on TV.
First off, it will be a Classy Freddie Blassie interview on Confidential, not Bobby Heenan. Now, onto the show: Can't wait for two weeks from now when Nidia and Jamie Noble come to the ring seeking an apology from Rey for kicking Nidia to open the show. Still surprised they cut out the multiple scenes of Nidia being transported to the nearest medical facility due to contact actually being made to the head. Oh wait, kick to the head means nothing. Missed chairshot means two segment stall and opening interview. Catchphrase talked. I channel surfed. Have to question the 'We Want Jeff' chants in the Matt/Kidman match. Now, since Jeff is a heel, does that mean Matt is an ultra-heel since the fans consider another heel popular in comparison to Matt? Someone should run this by Johnny Ace. I'm just thankful Rikishi or Albert weren't convinced to streak. Team Angle/Los Guerreros was old fashioned tag team wrestling mixed with brawling/high spot finish. Catered to all segment of the audience. Hogan and Catchphrase on TV at the same time. I channel surf. If Benoit ever beats Angle for the title, does that mean Benoit now would have stolen two wives in wrestling? Notice how most sub par SD's lately are the one's where Angle does not wrestle? The way the match was sold, Benoit will eventually overcome all obstacles and win the World Title. Either that, or snap and destroy everything in his path. Either way, it'll be enjoyable. Notice the big difference between RAW and SD. The World Title develops more credibility on SD each week, while the RAW Title loses credibility each week. Despite the mindless babbling of Vince Russo, when it all is said and done the majority of the fans care about the world title. When the World Title is made to seem important, the show benefits. When its just a prop, the show suffers. But, then again, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
Bringing the French along in a war is like bringing an accordion along when you go hunting. All it provides is useless noise.
Hey, I'm not repeating anything I already said, but SMACKDOWN ROCKED! It was really fun, and the best thing is, the new guys are getting cuter by the week! Go, Spanky, Go! Anyway, just another slammin' Smackdown, which I'll officially admit, was WAY better than RAW this week. There, I said it. Look, no guilt!
Proper planning prevents piss poor performance" William Regal
This show was one of the shows that had as many good/great segments that I've seen in Smackdown in a long time. Even though Cole went back for one day to some annoying tendencies of the past. Tazz was still very good.
-Mysterio vs. Noble- Great way to start off the show. 4 minutes of pure highflying cruiser action. Nidia once again reassures me why she's the only woman on SD that I care about she's great. Great looking slingshot powerbomb by Noble. Agree with the announcers great way to grab your attention to start the show... Rock up next No NOW! Shoots on Philly sports fan of being too smarky and boo everything. He's got a point LoL
-Rikishi vs. Nunzio- Squash, well atleast it was short. Is Nunzio even with Noble anymore. Man they dropped that like a hot potato, Bringing back Big Sal that fat phuck (ECW chant not mine).
-Undertaker/BrotherLove interview- As a kid I thought his face really was that RED. This was pretty amusing. Even though Cole had one of his retro bad commentator by saying "You know the history between Undertaker and Brother Love!" End of thought, LoL. What if you don't LoL.
-Kidman vs. Matt Hardy- Oh yeahhhh! Matt's cool entrance hits. Then Kidman's lame music hits "Oh yeah Uh Uh . A faint We Want Jeff, I didn't even hear it, but Cole did but he seems to forget they are trying to get Jeffy a heel now "squeal" on Raw. Under 3 minutes, Matt is going to drop weight "Here's some stacker 2" says Cole, good line by MC.
-Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros- Loved the Cheat2Win by the faces early on in the match. 15 minutes of tag team brillance. High impact moves a plenty. Great match
-Hogan/Rock promo- Is Hogan going to milk the crowd (must resist Nathan Jones comment) response for 10 minutes this week, Rock cut Hogan short. Rock is great making fun of the Hogan ads. WWE really needs to cool it with the Boo Machine. Let the crowd be split for a while, more dickish Rock gets he'll get them to boo him naturally.
-A-Train vs. Moore- I'm not even going to comment on the match because it's not even important... - O'Hare/Kendrick I'll be the first here to say I'm disappointed for now what they are doing with O'Hare. His promos and his hype is in the top 20% intriguing thing in the WWE, and you put him with Kendrick? Throw him into something important, throw him into something Big. I thought he should be the devil over Jeff Hardy's shoulder, the storyline is there and Raw needs as much male talent as possible. A new (interesting) character telling a fresh face rookie seems like a waste and very WWEish.
-Cena rapping- Okay this great Smackdown is slowly hitting a roadblock this hour
-Angle v. Benoit- Well before a panic you throw these two guys out there and make everything Good Again. Main event feud/match. With main event quality and participants. You have to LOVE IT. Heyman came out one the match started, did he forget he booked himself into this match LoL... Benoit fighing to get the Crossface with Angle escaping was super. 2 sick look Germans by Benoit one flipping Angle all the way over on his face and the other right before the flying headbutt Benoit hit a German that made Angle fold up. Benoit gushing like mad was an awesome visual. Missing and crashing with the headbutt and Angle getting in the quick Angle slam, was out of no where but made it a great ending. It does look like a 6 man tag being build. Only negative of the whole segment was Benoits "Toothless Aggression" T-shirt, can someone get this guy some decent merch.
-other stuff- Damn Stepho, putting herself over acting like any naked guy would get "excited" just meeting her, even fully clothes. Damn Stepho always putting herself over LoL... Haha Angle wants his team to soar like an eagle, but not like those Philly Eagles who can't even win in their home turf... Not a fan of the shoot dark room promos. But This weeks Benoit/Angle really worked, it was ultra intense... As I mentioned already I'm in the minority but the O'hare real debut was disappointing. I'd like him to be involved with someone more established and important. Hey maybe he still might go to Raw w/Jeff because Steph goes up to him and says "What the hell are you doing here, I didn't sign you, you creep. Get out of here".
Line of the night: Rock to Philly "Why you boo the Rock, wait Rock gets it that's what Philly does. You boo McNabb when he was drafted. You boo the greatest 3rd baseman in history Mike Schmidt. Booing greatness is what Philadelphia do
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 7.2.03 1829) Oh they have the internet on computers now!
Originally posted by Net Hack SlasherO'Hare/Kendrick I'll be the first here to say I'm disappointed for now what they are doing with O'Hare. His promos and his hype is in the top 20% intriguing thing in the WWE, and you put him with Kendrick? Throw him into something important, throw him into something Big. I thought he should be the devil over Jeff Hardy's shoulder, the storyline is there and Raw needs as much male talent as possible. A new (interesting) character telling a fresh face rookie seems like a waste and very WWEish.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that Jeff's current storyline would have beeen the perfect debut angle for O'Haire. I could have sworn, just from the color schemes of their ads, that Nathan would come to SD! and O'Haire to Raw.
I'm not sure that the Devil's Advocate gimmick is ready for a major storyline yet, though, as intruiging as it is. I don't think O'Haire's delivery on SD! was as good as it had been in the ads. Still, he may improve as he goes along. I say give it time.
"I tear my quadracep all the time! I tore it this morning, I'm fine!"-- Kurt Angle
We open to Theodore Long in the ring. He has us holla holla holla for Wrestlemania. Vickie is now officially the RAW GM. Smackdown was vacant until this very moment. Theodore is now the, once again, Smackdown GM.