It's time, once again, for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Stephie: Ewww... black fingernails... we're gonna see un-televised footage?! Big Show comes out... OMG HE'S GONNA EAT STEPHIE! He disses Benoit, Jobber To The Stars, so out he comes. Show continues to insult Benoit's size, and gets KICKED RIGHT IN THE NOOTZ! Show looks kinda like Bossman right about now...
DeMott vs. Crash:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH!
Dawn Marie et Mr. Wilson: Viagra! And a Video Camera! Geriatric Frenching... NOOOOOOO!!!
Hardy V.1 et Moore: Boy Band Man is still an MF'er. Hardy talks about Brock and how he brutalized him and Boy Band Man. Oh great. Hardy challenges Lesnar, then lays a beating on Boy Band Man. Matt is an insane heel! Mattitude 0wnZ j00!
Heyman et Angle: Angle...is...LIMPING!
Los Guerreros vs. Kidman/Edge: Oops. Kidman's got the Cruiserweight strap... is it not written in WWE: "No Superstar shall ever hold more than one title"? Team Kidman is losing tonight. DOUBLE MISSLE DROPKICK to both rudos! HOLY SHIT! Los Guerreros ponder whether or not to get back in the ring, and they decide to... let's go to commercial break!
Rygar: Anyone play the original NES game? Anyone? Me neither.
Los Guerreros vs. Kidman/Edge: ...go back to the ring! If Edge was a less talented wrestler, we'd be calling Tazz and Cole's commentary a "verbal blowjob". Tag to Kidman, and Kidman is a HOUSE AFIRE! Eddie cheats, the ref restarts the match, no DQ's! BELT SHOT to Chavo... 1..2..no! A-TRAIN! CANADIAN BACKBREAKER to Edge! FROG SPLASH to Kidman! Cover by Chavo... 1..2..3. Los Guerreros retain! Told ya so!
LOTR: The Two Towers: OMG! It's Gollum!
When SmackDown! Went Off The Air: Angle taunts Brock... right hands... Heyman screams "I HATE YOU!" 1,000 times... OMG SUPERMAN COMEBACK! Chairshots galore! HOLY SHIT F-5 AGAINST THE TURNBUCKLE!!! Angle is screaming and cursing! The fans are chanting "ONE MORE TIME!" HOLY SHIT KNEEBREAKER ON THE BARRICADE! The crowd pops like mad mofos! Angle is dragged to the back, and DEAN wil probably say something about how ANGLE IS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING GOD or something.
Heyman: He blames Stephie for Kurt's injury. Kurt limps to the ring. Tazz cals Kurt an "inspiration". "You Suck" chants galore! Let's see what DEAN has to say about these stupid rubes! I'd love to hear it!! Heyman calls out "Team Angle", and out come... 2 no-names. Until Heyman presents them as Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. Angle is pleased, indeed.
Funaki: He waits outside the EXCITING "Woman's Locker Room".
B-2 vs. Rikishi: Cena does another "World Famous Freestyle Rap". He follows up with some decent guest commentating. Bling Bling, yo. Rikishi wins via Rump Shaker.
Funaki et Torrie: Mr. Wilson calls his daughter a "disgrace". Ha! Ha!
Guerreros et Cena/B-2: Oh my gosh! Eddie and Chavo imitating white people... I told ya! Cheech and Chong for the new millennium!
The Main Event: You people know that even if Benoit wins the #1 Contendership, he's never gonna win the title, right? PFFFFFT! PRESS SLAM to Benoit, and as DEAN would say, "Benoit DIES for your motherfucking pleasure". Show even reverses an armbar into a Sidewalk Slam. OMG GERMAN SUPLEX TO THE BIG SHOW! SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! 1..2..no! Benoit reverses the chokeslam to a rollup... 1..2..3! Benoit is your #1 Contender! CROSSFACE to Big Show, but Team Angle makes the save! Benoit taps out to Hass's submission! AAAAATHECHOKESLAAAAM! Angle comes out and beats down Benoit... and, we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and have yourselves a belated Merry Christmas!
I'd make fun of Great Thomas's plushie avatar pic (if only I knew what it was). And, besides, the spirit of the season says I should be nice. (next week, though...)
Steph's hair is straight tonight, and her suit and shirt are half-undone (Steph, maybe you should've thought about how tight all your old clothes would be BEFORE you got the surgery) so...
Why does Rygar hate milk so much? Is he lactose intolerant? And where have all the BOD commercials gone? Damn you, Spyro!
I was entertained by this show. Even with the relative lack of wrestling it was well put-together and was fun to watch. Line of the night: He's got FOOTAGE!
The stuff from last week really shows how big of a thing the sound work is. Or was it just me imagining things?
Team Angle officially makes it a stable. 1) The leader - Kurt Angle. 2) The enforcer/big man - (and Paul). 3) The tag team - Benjamin/Hass. 4) The mouth - Paul Heyman.
Hugh, um...Bill's push means that Smackdown! will need to sign more cruiserweights.
The tag title match was pretty good, even though Hebner the Younger kept making up stipulations as the match went along. Then Albert, in his bear back, had to interfere. Well, I guess it had to happen to further the Albert/Edge thing. I repeat my call for a secondary single's title; guys like Edge and Eddie need to be built up as credible SINGLES contenders.
Matt Hardy, who was No Mercy '99's Ladder Match MVP, beats up his MF'er. I'm guessing this is one of those "Look what I did to my friend (Shannon Moore). You, Brocky Lesnar (my enemy) will get much worse." kind of deals. Wow - a match booked for NEXT week.
Ben-wa/(and Paul) Main Event was okay. I'm glad Ben-wa won 'cuz it'll mean he gets to face all of Angle's stable over the next few weeks. And it means we've already got a match booked for the Rumble!
Dawn/Al/Torrie/Viagra/and Camera. The Good: only one more week. The Bad: one more week. The Ugly: weddings segments ALWAYS suck.
I'm dreading my 100th post, 'cuz then I'll no longer get to be my usual eye-candy Valet self. I'll have to start jobbing to Hugh...um, Bill, and fearing SPP and his Chainmail, +1 vs. cruiserweights. Oh well.
-Stepho/Show/Benoit interview- I could care less if Show gets a Title shot tonight or not, but they hyped it last night and also hyped it on WWE.com front page all day, even if it is with a rotten wrestler I still think it's a bad idea to bait and switch. Okay interaction between all 3 people, and Thomas I've noticed for a while that Show looks like Bossman for a while.
-DeMott vs. Crash - DeMott teaches the TE kids how to pull off a old school Superstars of wrestling Saturday afternoon squash of a jobber.
-Matt Hardy/Moore interview- I still notice that Matt is a bad interview but it's so funny because of the stuff he's spitting out loi. I was liking this Matt taking advantage of young Shannon and all of us can see it but not so obvious that Shannon would notice. But this week it made it too obvious. Is this the break up or is Shannon just going to stick around and then look really dumb.
-Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Kidman- Real great match with some very cool spots. Didn't really like the restarting of the match twice by Baby Hebner especially during the DQ for a simple pulling the ref out that happens every show. But they wanted an excuse for Albert to come in and interfere on Edge. Oh BTW damn it Edge beat you 123 last week clean feud over go home Albert!... Well I'll talk about some of the cool moves especially on the Guerreros side, the backbreaker/ slingshot swanton was pretty spiffy. Kidman did a Nice fireman carry to a backbreaker (actually more of a neck breaker it looks like he lands on his neck on Kidmans knee) obviously match of the night.
-Angle/Heyman interview- Kurts Hurt This makes me sad for many reason, but mostly because the mystique is gone, remember almost a year to the day he said "I tear my quad all the time, I actually tore it this morning and I'm here I'm fine, I'm jumping around". Well he's actually 2 out of 3 now, he's here he's kind of jumping around (more like hopping around) but he's not fine What is with the white dude on Team Angle (no not Angle the other guy) tell him to cut down on the eye liner please. The guy came out if full face makeup. What IS up with Dat.
-B2 vs. Rikishi- I don't like this rapping before matches, it's getting stupid (it was stupid when KKwik and Roaddog did it why would it be fun now, Oh JR said HipHop is going to be the next big musical break through with the kidz on the Ross Report, I'm so glad he's got his pulse on what's new. lol). As I ask myself what can be worse then this rapping WWE answers me with Rikishi (well I did ask, I guess I deservied it). Match horrible, Cena watchable as commentator/ interfering fly.
-Benoit v. Big Show- Glad with the result, the match itself was nothing special. That was the safest looking swandive Benoit ever did, he just dived his body on a bunch of pillows that is Big Show's torso. I dont' know how good a PPV build of a babyface when everyone is chanting someone elses name. I know Brock is the money build for Angle but jeeesh... Did those Team Angle guys step all over Benoit's head when they came rushing into the ring. Please don't be Smackdown's version of 3 minute warning.
-other stuff- I hope they bait and switch next weeks main storyline, awww it's live I can't even read spoilers to avoid it. And I wouldn't be so confident that this pile of steaming sh*t will be over next week and not just billed onto something else. Unless they get married live from North Korea and all 3 could be held hostage, I'll give money for them to keep them. Atleast this week it was kept really short. Video camera + Viagra + this storyline + WWE writers = nothing good can come out of this... I felt really bad and sad for Angle getting bullied by Brock and destroyed, I know that's not the emotion WWE wants but that's what I felt.
Real funny altercation with the Guerreros and the rappers. But who are the faces? It seemed like the Guerreros were acting like faces in that which will be so odd seeing them work as babyfaces even for a mini-feud... This Roberts ring announcer announcing annoys me (try saying that 3 times), why did he get his own chyron. If he gets that I want picture in picture for the entire 2 hours of Lillian on the top hand right hand corner of the screen during Raw.
That was also a real small looking arena, it looked like the added some benches at my old crappy highschool gym. The tag match was obviously the highlight but having a throw together team of Edge and Kidman, it was hard to take them as a serious winning the title threat. Way too heavy on the interview side and I'm sure not looking forward to next week. Why can't Raw be on next week and use SD as the year in review recap. I'd never imagine saying that a few months ago wanting to watch Raw performers and show more then SD but it's happened
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 27.12.02 0601) Oh they have the internet on computers now!
Big Slug looked motivated. That is all I ask. I'm afraid we'll be getting Los Guerrero's against the Rappers at Rumble, with Cena getting the hometown title win over Eddy. If any of the guys on the roster need to learn how to sell, show them the tape of Angle during the Lesnar beatdown. That is how a pro sells. That Al Wilson/Dawn Marie wedding is making me miss Uncle Elmer's wedding (without the entertainment of Piper and Ventura). And, at this point, Torrie is acting more like the heel than anyone else in the feud. Please don't compare Haas and Benjamin to 3MW. In just that beatdown at the end, I saw something from those two that looked VERY special. This is going to be blasphemy from me, but it was almost Midnight Express-ist.
I want you to know, I agree with everything I've just said.
Originally posted by The Great Thomasb>Rygar: Anyone play the original NES game? Anyone? Me neither.
Then you missed a lot, little man. Rygar was one of the BEST games for the NES, and I can't believe they waited so long to update it. (The commercial is corny, but what I've SEEN of the game looks awesome.)
BTW, I thought Charlie Haas was going by "R.C." in honor of Russ? I hope the WWE didn't reject that idea and that Charlie decided to go back to his real name on his own.
Wow, I didn't like last night's show at all! Maybe it was because I was just so tired when I was watching, but I liked Raw a lot better this week. I just thought Smackdown was so boring this week, for the most part. I hated the fact that the first match we got, which came like a half hour into the show, was Bill DeMott vs. Kerrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaash! as ring announcer Roberts referred to him. The Tag Title Match was good, except for the A-Train interference. I just thought that feud was over, but on the other hand, there's really nothing else for Edge to do. I kinda figured Benoit would go over tonight as I didn't think they'd go heel vs. heel at the Rumble (though there is precedent for that, isn't there?), but his feet were all over the ropes, which I'm sure Heyman is going to bring up next week.
Well, just my thoughts. Let's hope they keep the wedding short (fat chance!).
Dean, your dissection of the guard no-selling the titties moved me to tears. The way a painted up strumpet with a fake pair of breasts can invoke such pathos, such sadness, such longing for a time now passed into the mists of memory...