Angle: He is now a 3-time WWE Champion! Angle wants him and Brock to face off for the title... next week. The fans don't like it, but Brock accepts. Ha! Ha! Tampa fans don't get a Title match!
Big Show et Heyman: Show's pissed. His knuckles are bleeding! You turkey! See why you shouldn't punch steel lockers?!
Eddie vs. Kidman: Chavo calls Billy a cheater. Eddie gets monkey flipped. OMG CRUCIFIX SITOUT POWERBOMB ON KIDMAN! EDDIE CAN POWERBOMB KIDMAN! 1.. 2.. 3.
Palumbo vs. Cena: Cena does another of his soon-to-be-World-Famous freestyle rapping. Tazz screams "Bling Bling!" Heterosexual Chuck tries a cross-body, but Cena counters into a rollup and grabs the tights. 1.. 2.. 3.
What Happened In Room 357: I don't care what DEAN says! NO MORE AL WILSON!!! We see an EXTREMELY short clip of the HLA, and then we go to interview with Torrie. She's a sexual predator! Oh, no, it's Mr. Wilson! And his crappy-actress fiancee! Once again, Cole and Tazz's commentary save us once again! Al and Dawn will get married in New Mexico.
RAW Moment: The Rock challenges Hogan to Wrestlemania.
Lesnar vs. Hardy V.1: Shannon Boy-Band Man is an MF'er! Shannon Boy-Band takes a sick bump. F-5. Lesnar won. F-5 to Matt! Boooooooo! Lesnar hates Mattitude! Boooooooo!
Angle: He has Heyman as an agent! What a swerve! They screwed Brock! Big Show isn't happy, but Paul E. sets things straight. A Triangle of Power has been formed!
Noble/Nunzio vs. Crash/DeMott:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH!
Edge: The Cat is here! Edge tells him that he's gonna beat A-Train for his best friend Rey-Rey. Awwwwwww...
Edge vs. A-Train: Submission moves galore on Edge! When did A-Train learn how to do a leglock? STOP SQUEALING, WOMAN! More leglocks. Edge wins via Spear.
Josh Matthews: He stands in front of an EXCITING door!
Royal Rumble:PFFFFFT! I have a huge grudge against the Royal Rumble. What is it? I'll tell you later.
The Main Event: Angle comes out with Heyman. Cole calls Kurt a lying sack of... um, let's go to commercial break!
UPN 33 News At 10: "The match is postponed; Triple H is out with an injury!" Are you happy now?
The Main Event (cont.): YAY! Another Angle/Benoit match! Benoit gets a huge pop! The fans Support Benoit! Suplexes galore! Heyman slugs Benoit with the belt, 1.. 2.. no! Did anyone else notice that Big Show's name is still on the belt? ANKLELOCK! Reversal! Many Germans! Many more Germans! Angle gets the snot knocked out of him... literally! SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! CROSSFACE! BIG SHOW! CHOKESLAM! BENOIT DQ! LESNAR! SUPLEX! SUPLEX! F-5...no! ANGLE SLAM! CHOKESLAM! Heyman taunts Lesnar afterwards, and we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and won't you adopt some Mattitude into your life? Become an MF'er!
Imagine Dingbat doing babytalk: philosphosize upon your inner warrriorness...(baby)waahh....(Dingbat)destructivity and iglooitis seem to be deterrring the inner warrior from enveloping you....(baby) waahh....(Dingbat)magnodestructivation will be your salvation...(wife) the baby wants its bottle....(Dingbat) that was the message I was conveying to the greatness of warriorness in it magnanimous omnipotent hemotoma.
-The Warrior and his new daughter, according to redsoxnation.
The booking is becoming very disturbing. Bill DeMott squashes cruiserweights for no good reason, Big Show ruins a perfectly fine main event. Way to kill any momentum Noble and Nunzio could have had right off the bat. Man, this week was very WCW-ish wasn't it?
On the positive side: BLACK TIGER BOMB~! MATTITUDE~! Shannon Moore is insane. Brock still rules.
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
What the hell is happening to this once great wrestling show. The wrestling show which ratings stayed steady as Raw's went down, well in the last month SD ratings has dropped 0.5 with a steady drop every week. This week we have double swerves, 20 minutes of the horrible women angle, no finish main event, top cruisers being squashed
-Angle/Brock interview- does his champion speech. They put over there hype pretty well, unfortunately it seems at the mean time bury Benoit name as unimportant match that they have to get through first before the main course.
-Eddie vs. Kidman- They give these two all of 3 full minutes. Thank you so much for that, better not be time wasteful we have important stuff to get too.
-Cena v. Pulumbo- I've had my fill of Cena, I liked him all of one week. I don't find his moves interesting or his character. Oh and Pulumbo in there too. 2 and a half minutes then another favourite of mine Rikishi runs in. Oh Joy.
-Torrie/Dawn/Al bullsh*t- Do we really need 10 minutes of recap of this crap. I saw it coming up I flipped for 5 minutes, I flipped back and they were still recapping last weeks SD, changed for a couple of more minutes and came back and still recapping. There more attention on this storyline then main events storylines. Look WWE! wrestling fans hate this, people who liked this don't give two shits about Torrie or Dawns back story all they cared about was chicks kissing. Don't try to push this very intense storyline or very high range of emotions Torrie Wilson is going through. No one cares! That's just the recap we have another 10 minutes of Torrie at home giving her wide range of emotions, and saying she ate out a girl for the good of her father... Did Steph write this? Would she be willing to give out oral sex for the good of her father. I think people deserve that for having to sit through this.
-Brock vs. Moore- Pretty sad show when the highlight is a 45 second match. Matt was awesome again. What bad luck something went into his good eye. Great quote by Tazz "Ohh that's not good". Throwing Moore into the wolves that belly to belly to the outside was sick, don't know if Matt was suppose to catch him but he pulled back in the last second, which oddly made it more entertaining and give Matt even more a-hole points. lol. Shannon was Brock's personal mannequin during the F5. One of the best squashes ever.
-Angle2/Heyman/Show interview- Don't really know what to think about this. I was confused, if Angle was meant to win why did Albert interfere? Or did they expect no one watched the PPV anyways. 2 Heyman screwjobs in 2 straight PPV's but this one Show's doesn't mind getting worked? And how much flip flopping of Angle can you do without no one cares anymore. I'm an Angle mark and I'm really close to that point now. It might turn out well in the end but from what I saw I don't get it.
Morrus/Crash v. Noble/ Nunzio-Morrus squashes the guy who dominated the cruiserwieght division and a guy that's been hyped for a month. Wasnt' Nunzio purpose to get Noble out of his losing funk. DeMotte beats both of them under 2 minutes.
Edge vs. Albert- Edge pins Albert clean in 5 minutes. End of feud back to Velocity for you Albert. See you in 11 months for your next push. God I hope I this is the end of the Albert push. Only nice move was the reverse of the Baldo Bomp to a dropkick by Edge.
-Benoit vs. Angle- Well Benoit looked extra aggressive this week. I remember Angle walking into a wicked chop. But after 75% of pure garbage on this show it was hard to get into even this match. A lazy run in puts a nice piece of scum over this product. I don't mind run in's but lets have some imagination and not just finisher/ guy runs in to ruin it... Another thing I got a real creepy Tony Schivonie WCW/ NWO feel to this when Cole said "I don't usually take sides but Kurt Angle sucks and I hate him, I hope Benoit kicks his ass!". It's fine to be pro face but please dont' start crying and whining in that matter over what Angle and Heyman do.
-other stuff: Josh Matthews interviews annoys me. Please stop moving your hands... Matt with Steph backstage was the only good backstage moment with him explaining how he got his shiner
Line of the night: Tazz when Matt said he couldn't wrestle because he got something in his good eye. Tazz responded "That ain't good". I found that funny.
Matt Hardy and his MF'er were the only ones who I think really showed up (and Matt didn't even wrestle) the rest was either underused or just bad... Raw wasn't great this week either but sure better then this.
This story was picked up earlier today by UK tabloid The Sun - see LUTHER REIGNS: I HAD A STROKE (thesun.co.uk) - which is where I first saw it. Man, I'M older than that dude - I should have had THREE strokes by now.