So, I emerge from my swamphole after the elections, and discover that ten (count 'em, TEN!) WWE Superstars have been released. A shame, really. I'm gonna miss you, A-Train.
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Tough Enough: The finalists have been training all evening. Mike Mizanin pukes. They eat a lot of pasta, then sprint some more. Now, all 7 are in the ring, and Al Snow calls out Kurt Angle. Here he comes! Kurt talks down on the contestants. He says their training is nothing to him. Kurt does squat thrusts. Tonight's challenge: whoever does the most squat thrusts wins a "special prize". We see footage from last week's challenge. Back to this week, Kurt calls in some refs who eliminate those who screw up their squat thrusts. Kurt continues to talk trash on them. Justice Smith is eliminated first. Nick Mitchell is next. Ryan Reeves, Daniel Rodimer, Mike Mizanin, and Daniel Puder are out. Chris Nawrocki is the winner! What's the "special prize"? A match against Kurt Angle, that's what! And it's on RIGHT NOW!
Angle vs. Nawrocki: Angle wins with a body hold pin. Afterwards, Kurt calls in Daniel Puder, the Ultimate Fighter.
Angle vs. Puder: "UFC" chant. Puder tries a keylock on Angle, but Kurt manages to get a pin for the win.
Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews Orlando Jordan. He asks Orlando if his rematch with Booker T will be any diffwerent from last week. JBL responds by slapping Josh Mathews upside his head and telling him to treat Orlando with respect. Josh then says that he's sick of all the abuse and tells Jordan to get his head in the game and out of JBL's rear end. He then dumps the mic and stomps off.
Booker T vs. Jordan: Chops by Booker. Armbar by Booker. SIDE KICK! SIDE SLAM! Booker T is SQUASHING Orlando! SPINEBUSTER! JBL runs in and attacks Booker, and that's a DQ! JBL hits the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!
Backstage: Spike tells the Dudleys to GET TEH TABELS!!!1!1
ECW Moment: Cactus Jack and Terry Funk get the fans to throw their chairs in the ring at... some guy.
GM Room: Mr. Long admonishes Josh for what he did earlier. Just then, Booker T bursts in and demands a match against JBL AND Jordan. Mr. Long won't put Booker in a handicap match, but if Booker can find a tag partner, he'll get his match TONIGHT! Josh quickly volunteers to be Booker's partner. And since any partner will do, Booker accepts!
The Dudleys: Spike (standing on a table) calls out Big Show. Show appears. Spike spits in Show's face! 3-D TO BIG SHOW! The Dudleys set up the tables, but Show recovers, and CHOKESLAMS the Dudley brothers through both tables! Spike flees the ring.
Backstage: Team Angle is WALKING! They discover Carlito Cool with Jesus. Angle asks Carlito to be the fourth member of Team Angle. And Carlito accepts!
RAW Rebound: Eric Bischoff announces the RAW card for Survivor Series. Also: TRIPLE TAJIRI!!!
Backstage: RVD is meditating. Rey Mysterio walks in and asks RVD if he's ready. He is, so now they're WALKING!
Mysterio/RVD vs. Jindrak/Reigns: Jindrak pats Rey's head. DROPKICK by Mysterio! HEADSCISSORS! BRONCO BUSTER! SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT! DOUBLE LEGDROP! NINJA CHOKEOUT by Reigns! FLYING THRUST KICK by RVD! SPRINGBOARD SENTON by Mysterio! 6-1-9 is foiled by Jindrak! Let's go to commercial break!
Mysterio/RVD vs. Jindrak/Reigns (cont.): NINJA CHOKEOUT by Reigns. HALF NELSON SLAM! ELBOWDROPS by Jindrak! GYRATING! He's the new Val Venis! SURFBOARD STRETCH! TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! BEARHUG by Luther! DDT by Mysterio! HOT TAG to RVD! RVD is a HOUSE O' FIRE! ROLLING THUNDER to Jindrak! ENZIGURI! 6-1-9 by Mysterio! RVD hits the FIVE-STAR FROGSPLASH for the win! Afterwards, Carlito and Jesus appear. Carlito spits in RVD's face, and Jesus lays out both RVD and Mysterio! The two are thrown into the ring where Reigns and Jindrak do a beatdown. But then, Eddie Guerrero runs in with a chair for the save! Reigns, Jindrak, Carlito and Jesus flee the ring.
GM Room: Mr. Long tells Eddie Guerrero that Rey Mysterio can't be in Team Guerrero since he has a Cruiserweight Title match at Survivor Series. So now Eddie has to find a replacement. Eddie is dejected.
Arm-Wrestling Contest: Dawn Marie vs. Miss Jackie: Michael Cole is the emcee. Dawn Marie dedicates her victory to Charlie Haas. Tazz: "I like her pearl necklace." The contest begins! Before Jackie can pick up the victory, Dawn Marie headbutts Jackie! CATFIGHT! Charlie Haas appears on crutches to break up the fight, but Heidenreich appears and attacks Charlie! CRUTCHSHOT to the knee! Miss Jackie tries to stop Heidenreich, but gets shoved out of the way. Heyman appears to yell a lot. Heidenreich hits the SHOULDERBREAKER and finally walks off. Dawn Marie cries over Charlie's body.
Tough Enough: Al Snow tells us to vote on WWE.com. The contestant with the least votes gets cut. Torrie Wilson appears and tells us that next week's challenge is the "Torrie Wilson Sex Test"!
JBL/Jordan vs. Booker T/Mathews: Josh is comically shocked by Booker's pyro. Booker T and JBL trade blows. Booker makes the tag to Josh! FLYING CROSS-BODY to Orlando! DROPKICK to JBL! SPINEBUSTER by Booker! But JBL gets the advantage on Booker. JBL tosses Josh into the ring. Orlando slams Josh, and keeps Booker from reentering. JBL kicks Josh in the spine. Josh tags in Booker T! BACK BODY FLIP to JBL! BOOK END! Another for Jordan! Booker hits the SCISSORS KICK on Jordan for the win! And... we're out!
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of youreselves, and remember to po' out a forty for A-Train. Oh, and Rico, too.
EDIT: SCISSORS KICK to JORDAN, not JBL!
(edited by The Great Thomas on 4.11.04 1906) FIRST EVER "W of the Day"! (4/12/04)
So they cut 10 wrestlers so they can give 15 minutes to the TERRIBLE TE crap, a diva arm-wrestling segment, and Josh Matthews in the main even? Yeesh.
Boy, TE started off good the first night, but not even Kurt Angle could save this weeks segment. That UFC chant was weird to hear....Booker v.s Jordan wasn't much, just a setup for later....Ah, how I miss the dulcet tones of Paul Heyman plugging ECW merchandise during their shows. Thank god we have the ECW DVD to remind me of it....Please tell me we aren't going to see a Spike/Big Show feud....
Nice to see the RVD/Rey v.s Reigns/Jindrak match get a good amount of time, and had an energetic finish....The arm-wrestling segment was saved by Heyman yelling "That's not Undertaker!! That's Charlie Haas!!". Pure hilarity....The main event was all-right thanks to the comic timing of Josh Matthews.
Originally posted by Mayhem Sign of the night: SAMMY HAGAR FOR PRESIDENT
St Louis LOVES them some Sammy!
I liked the Main, and thought Josh did pretty well, considering its probably been a few months (years) since he got in the ring. Liked his FLying cross body block, and I will even cut him some slack for not wrapping up the leg once on the ground.
The UFC guy looked like he was trying to shoot a bit on Angle with that arm lock, good thing Kurt is an Olypmic Gold Medalist in WRESTLING and took care of that silly stuff. Suprised Tazz was all over calling it so quickly as well. (oh yeah, its taped, nevermind).
The UFC Guy looks like he has a bit of potential, but thats just my humble opinion.
Overall, okay show, the more they show Teddy Long, the happier I am!
It did look like they quicked counted the UFC guy when Kurt pinned him. It was an ok show. Smackdown has momentun, but with Tough Enough its slowing it down for guys like Kidman and Chavo who have a geat fued, but are getting dumped on. I agree with the cutting the roster to give one of these kids a million dollar contract. I hate to be the person who wins that and go into that locker room after the St.Vincent Massacre is over.
"All faith reguires is giving into the possibility of hope."
-Tough Enough- Of horror! I was going to watch this on the first showing but I tune in & seeing vomit come from some guys so I thought "Ahhh I'll watch the repeat showing". This guys come out and all introduce themselves again(where's the remote). Flip back & Kurt's in their face, even with the great Kurt Angle I'm just mildly interested... Kurt demonstrates squats ups, they start doing it & it shows what BigShow did to them last week. I feel for the poor people at the arena, all jacked up for SD & end up sitting watching memories of watching first half hour of Grade 9 gym class, I'm in luck I have a remote, I call her Motty. I flip back to see Kurt pin (looks legit) some guy. Angle challenges the UFC kid (I presume) as the crowd chants UFC(kinda surprising) they lock up Kurt has a bit more difficulty but pins him. UFC Kid extends his hand, Kurt having none of it & tells him to get out of his ring.
-Booker vs. Jordan- But first, JBL & OJ are backstage with Josh & slaps him around. Josh stands up for himself, kinda... Booker & Jordan make our dreams come true & have a return match of last weeks main event. JBL interferes on Jordan behalf and gets Jordan DQ.
-Dudleyz 3/Bigshow- Spike calls out Bigshow, Dudleyz get an early advantage with a 3D on BShow. But show ends up choke slamming both larger Dudley's through a table... Big Show is really looking more like King Kong Bundy every week.
-RVD/Mysterio vs. Jindrak/Reigns- RVD has the highlight of the night as Rey ran up to him as he's stretching & RVD replies "What? Is little Timmy stuck in the well". Then they force chat their 3 letter/digit chantability tags... The match was actually better than expected. Mysterio is his usual good self, RVD who usually is here or not was "here" today. Luther is actual held up okay for the heels end. Jindrak still stinks & his Val impression makes him lose even more points with me. After RVD/Rey win Carlito and Big Guy who hangs with him attacked the babyfaces & threw them back into the ring. Eddie Guerrero came out to make the save.
-Gayda vs. Dawn Marie- In an arm wrestling match. Didn't last long as Dawn headbutts Jackie and it's a cat fight. Haas walks down to get a closer look... Out comes the man they name Heidenrich, he attacks Haas and finishes him off with the teabag o' doom!
-Tough Enough- of horror again. Not again please. They all stand there like Mr. Olympians before the Speedo exposing(HHH enjoys the Mr. Olympian stuff)... Out walks Torrie to contribute something, I guess. (On a side not, allow me to reflect on some women who wrestled hard, tried improving themselves, and actually did entertaining stuff in the past couple of years who recently found out they are out of a job). Okay back to Torrie, she's going to give them some sort of test. Are you Tough Enough to wrestle with a bad case of the herps? We'll find out NEXT WEEK!!!
-Booker/Mathews vs. Jordan/Layfield- I liked this a lot. Easily best thing in the night. They really used Mathews well as I started out as a cynical jerk rolling my eyes at announcer turn wrestler to actually getting behind Mathews. He got his flash move in with the cross body & played his part very well after. But why does EVERYONE have body tattoos these days... Booker looked good too as the big protector, nice job as they needed something to give him some face cred going into Survivor Series.
-OtherStuff- Spike wants to take BigShow out(and not for dinner, cause of the down turn in business). Tells Dvon to get the table... Josh is complaining to Long about JBL & OJ. Booker comes in to complain as well, Teddy says if Booker wants them he needs to find himself a tag team partner, Josh wants to say "He'll do it" but keeps getting talked down finally he got it in. He & Book have a special moment & become PARTNERS...
Kurt & his muscular boys are backstage looking for a partner(Is it Valentine's Day, everyone is looking for a partner). He finds Carlito accompanied by apple and Big Guy. Carlito eats apple & accepts. Does Carlito only eat green apples, or does he save red apple mist for special occasions... Eddie loses one of his Valentine Day partners in Rey Mysterio because "The Man" booked him in something else. Eddie must find another partner by next week, Eddie better get the chocolates to find someone in such short time.
-Line of the Night: RVD "What! Little Timmy is stuck down the well" -Sign of the Night: "We miss Lance Storm" -3Stars of the Night: 1)Booker. 2)RVD. 3)Mathews
Man was this Smackdown boring. The only thing I really liked was the main event, the RVD/Rey vs. Angle's Boys was decent as well... The other stuff I was just wanted the segments to end as I had no interest.
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 6.11.04 0147) smark/net attack wienerville advisory holds at ORANGE alert - High (JBL is STILL WWE champion and now smarks arch enemy HHH is the World Champion. Major red threat, but the undercard seems okay. The alert holds... for now)- 9/19
Sean Waltman (otherwise known as our beloved X-pac) has issued this statement regarding the accussations surrounding hhimself and Chyna. "Hello Everyone, I want to Thank You for your support & kindness.