Last night, a bottle of Pepsi fell over and spilled into the vicinity of my VHS tapes of previous RAWs and SmackDown!s and IMPACT!s, but thanks to quick thinking (and an estimated ten undershirts) disaster was averted, the only casualty being a stained mousepad.
That was the most exciting thing to have happened to me this week, so it gets the honor of being this week's blog. WAY TO GO!
It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Tough Enough: It's time for the Torrie Wilson Sex Test! Everyone's wearing wacky roleplaying outfits! Al Snow introduces us to Chris and Kim from the Tonight Show, who will be the judges for the contest. Chris Nawrocki chooses to go on with a broken rib. It's time for the elimination... and Nick Mitchell (dressed as a cowboy) has been cut! Now, out comes Torrie (with tacky dominatrix outfit). The rules: you have 15 seconds to make out with a WWE Diva! Chris Nawrocki sings for Torrie, and gets rejected horribly. Dawn Marie comes out for no reason, and Michael Cole creams his pants. The finalists will be making out with... OMG MAE YOUNG HAS RETURNED TO SAVE WRESTLING!!!1!1! Moolah's here too to keep Mae under control. Daniel Puder's up first. Next up, Justice Smith, and... oh, jeez, she RIDES HIM! Ach. Mae then falls on Dan Rodimer. Ryan Reeves is next, and they roll around for a while. Mike Mizanin (with Santa hat) gets ridden by Mae. Chris Nawrocki is last up. The winner is... Daniel Puder! Congratulations, Puder! Not only did you nearly tear off Kurt Angle's arm during a match, but you've been chosen as the most skilled in making out with an elderly woman! The special prize: Puder gets a lapdance from Mae Young! Good for him.
Backstage: Rey Mysterio is WALKING! He goes up to Chavo Guerrero's door, where he hears Chavo yelling at someone. Chavo then steps out, and he and Rey are WALKING! To the ring.
Spike/Kidman vs. Chavo/Mysterio: Spike hits a stomp on Mysterio. DROPKICK by Kidman! DOUBLE AXEHANDLE by Spike. NINJA CHOKEOUT by Kidman! SUPLEX by Chavo! SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY by Mysterio! SPRINGBOARD SENTON! 6-1-9 to Spike! Mysterio hits a SWANDIVE HEADBUTT on Spike for the win!
Backstage: Orlando Jordan is WALKING! He finds Josh Mathews, and tells him that he's gained respect of both him and JBL. He then offers his hand, but it's a SWERVE, and he DOUBLESLAPS Josh and walks off.
GM Room: Josh's nose has been busted open. Booker T complains about it to Mr. Long. Josh asks for a match against Orlando Jordan TONIGHT! But since JBL is in Jordan's corner, Booker T will be in Josh's corner. And the Match is NEXT!
Backstage: Big Show and RVD are talking about the upcoming match tonight, but Eddie is still fretting over the fourth member for Team Guerrero.
RAW Rebound: TRIPLE H RETURNS! But there's dissention within Triple H's team. Then, Team Orton clears the ring. Team Orton has gotten over Triple H and friends all month, which means Team HHH will win Survivor Series. You know it's true!
Jordan vs. Mathews: Josh's nose is still busted open. Booker gives him a pep talk. Jordan catches Josh's CROSSBODY, but Josh almost pins him with a rollup. JBL trips Josh, and Michael Cole loses his shit. Chops by Orlando. Sleeper hold by Jordan. JBL throws his hat at Booker, and gets SUPERKICKED for it. Booker shoves Orlando into the ref, hits the SCISSORS KICK on Jordan, and pulls Josh over Jordan. The ref turns around, and counts 1-2-3! JOSH WINS! JOSH WINS! JBL is visibly pissed.
ECW Moment: Bam Bam Bigelow throws Spike Dudley into the crowd, where he does some crowd surfing.
Guerrero/RVD vs. Reigns/Jindrak: Carlito Cool and Jesus show up to do Guest Commentary. Carlito explains the history between him and Jesus. THREE AMIGOS are thwarted by Jindrak. Let's go to commercial break!
Guerrero/RVD vs. Reigns/Jindrak (cont.): During the break, Carlito spits in Cole's face. Now THAT'S cool. Carlito distracts RVD and Guerrero, allowing Jindrak and Reigns to get the advantage. Cole continues to rag on Carlito. RVD hits a REVERSE DDT! HEADSCISSORS by Eddie! THREE AMIGOS to Reigns! ROLLING THUNDER to Jindrak! Eddie uses TRICKERY to get Carlito and Jesus thrown out of the arena. SLOPPILY DONE DOUBLE DDT by Eddie! Eddie and RVD win via DOUBLE FROGSPLASH! Afterwards, Eddie gets on the mic and announces that the fourth member of Team Guerrero is... JOHN CENA! Carlito is visibly shocked.
GM Room: Carlito goes to Mr. Long to complain. Mr. Long tells us of the shady past of Jesus, and he was at the nightclub when John Cena was stabbed. And John Cena WILL be at Survivor Series!
Tough Enough: The six finalists are back out. Have they washed out the smell? We see footage from Earlier Tonight. Remember to vote at WWE.com!
Backstage: JBL tells us of he and Booker T's history in Texas and Japan. He has ALWAYS been better than Booker T. And if, for some reason, Booker T wins at Survivor Series, JBL will leave SmackDown! FOREVER!
LAST WEEK: Heidenreich murderized Haas.
RIGHT NOW: Heyman yells at Cole, then shoves him into Tazz. Now TAZZ STANDS UP! Heidenreich appears to support Heyman. Tazz TAKES OFF THE JACKET! But before he can climb the steps, Undertaker appears! The two stare each other down, but Heyman drags Heidenreich off.
Big Show vs. Angle: All of Team Angle appears. Kurt tells Show that they'll beat Team Guerrero at Survivor Series, especially since Cena is not at 100 percent. Team Angle surround the ring, but the rest of Team Guerrero appear to even the odds! Let's go to commercial break!
Big Show vs. Angle: BIG SLAP by Show! Show shushes everyone... and does it AGAIN! Awesome. Show drives Kurt's back into the STEEL POST! Show does THE WALK-ON-YOU MOVE! Kurt applies a sleeper hold! Eeewww... Kurt's drooling on Show! "BIG SHOW" chant! Teams Angle and Guerrero brawl on the outside. ANKLELOCK to Big Show! HEADBUTT by Show! RUNNING THUMP! Big Show cups his ear... THE BIG LEG, BROTHER! Team Angle attack Show, and that's a DQ! Team Angle apply a TRIPLE SUBMISSION to Big Show! Team Guerrero is all laid out! And... we're out.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and here's a secret: Mr. Daivari may not really be speaking in Arabic! Keep it under your hat.
Mid-Friday and no one has replied to this yet! Even my confusingly written Confidential Recaps get a sympathy post or two.
Did everybody do what I did after the first 5-10 minutes just turned off and forgot to come back. That first segment could be one of the worst ever... I am not exaggerating it was BAD, not offensive bad but lame, horrible viewing bad and I didn't even sit through the whole thing.
Just the formula that was in the ring, just couldn't get worse. Tough Enough guys acting like idiots wearing role playing outfits, Torrie acting seductive, 2 girls from the Tonight Show who I have no idea who they are, oh yeah throw in Mae and Mollah... What a first segment for your last show before one of your big double brand PPV.
smark/net attack wienerville advisory holds at ORANGE alert - High (JBL is STILL WWE champion and now smarks arch enemy HHH is the World Champion. Major red threat, but the undercard seems okay. The alert holds... for now)- 9/19
I was one of the lucky ones to watch Saving Private Ryan, so I kept that on while surfing the net and playin Raw vs. Smackdown. I flipped back and forth to catch the JBL retirement statement, so much for Booker winning, end of Big Show/Kurt and everytime Carlito came to the ring which is way I flipped back to Ryan. Smackdown needs Booker T as champ, because its becoming very easy for me to flip to another station when this show is on. Give me something to watch, I'm begging ya.
"All faith reguires is giving into the possibility of hope."
1. (1) WWE Payback 2014 2. (4) WWE Legends' House 3. (7) WWE Main Event 4. (R) RAW Pre-show 5. NEW Clash of the Champions 6. (8) RAW Backstage Pass 7. (3) WWE NXT 8. (R) WrestleMania Rewind 9. (R) WWE Countdown 10. (9) WrestleMania 30 OUT: