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The W - Guest Columns - The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA - October 29, 2003
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The Dames
Longanisa








Since: 9.7.03

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The Dames’ Diatribe on NWA:TNA – October 29th, 2003




No real intro tonight. To be honest, I'm in a really bad mood and hopefully, this show can cheer me up.



THE FBI IS COMING TO RAID YOUR HALLOWEEN TREATS!



The show starts off interestingly enough, outside, where Scott Hudson is with Jimmy Hart. There’s a long white limo right behind him and Hart tries to tease us by saying he’s going to reveal Jeff Jarrett’s opponent right now…but doesn’t. He talks about how much hype this match has, seeing as how his beating at the hands of Jeff Jarrett was shown on ESPN’s SportsCenter and in USA Today. Honestly, that’s the first I’ve heard of it, so if anyone out there saw it, please let me know.



Hart promises that he’s going to bring people in to hurt Jarrett, not to beat him.



We go right into the show now, with no pre-show video package in sight for once. They’ve got a bit of a Halloween theme going on as they have pumpkins with TNA carved in them scattered around the stage and the TNA dancers are dressed in costume.



We go to the ring for the first match of the night…



America’s Most Wanted vs. Glenn Gilberti & David Young



Match Background:
Glenn Gilberti, the manager of the TNA Tag Team Champions, Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger, absolutely hates America’s Most Wanted. He brought team after team to face them until Simon & Swinger were able to get the job done and take their tag straps to become the champs. Last week, Gilberti brought in The Naturals in order to keep AMW busy, because they’d like a tag title rematch with the champs. AMW defeated The Naturals and this week, Gilberti and David Young are out to keep AMW out of the title picture.



The Match: Young & Gilberti come to the ring to Simon and Swinger’s music.



The match starts out with David Young and James Storm locking up and get their signals mixed during an irish whip sequence. Then, to make matters worse….they go through an entire production to hit the silly Indy Applause Stance I hate so much, posing and all.



Gilberti actually admonishes Young for it and sends him out to face AMW. They double team Young for a two count and Harris comes in, performing an impressing stalling vertical suplex while walking with him. He’s doubleteamed again a few times before Gilberti literally trips up Young and pulls him to the outside. He yells at him some more before tossing him back in…but gets knocked right back out. Gilberti once again begins arguing with Young as Storm comes over the top rope with an assisted pescado.



Storm then holds both Young and Gilberti for a Harris pescado. Young goes back into the ring with Chris Harris, but Gilberti WHACKS Harris in the back with his tennis racket as he bounces off the ropes. Harris staggers to the middle of the ring where Young clotheslines him…which bothers me because that looked like the best time for him to hit his Snap Spinebuster. Now Gilberti comes into the ring and goes after Harris with rights and lefts before connecting with a swinging neckbreaker for two. He tags Young back in and Chris Harris is now the typical face-in-peril. The heels take turns taking it to Harris, but Harris is able to muster up a bit of a comeback against Gilberti…until he puts his head down and gets DDT’ed for a two count.



A snap suplex to Harris leads to another two count as the heels continue their beating. Young comes in and goes for a top rope splash, but Harris moves out of the way! He goes for The Catatonic, but Young lands on his feet and hits his SNAP SPINEBUSTER~! Young goes for the pinfall attempt, but Gilberti yells at him and tells him not to pin him…just to hurt him.



As the referee gets Gilberti back in his corner, Storm comes off the top rope with a “single leg missile dropkick” as Tenay called it, almost breaking his other leg in the process. Thankfully, he’s ok….



Harris makes the lukewarm tag to Storm who comes in and hits a rana and his contrived “spin kick to the head” sequence. Gilberti comes in to make the save, but ends up getting a flying forearm. He tosses Storm over, only for Storm to “skin the cat” back in and hit a powerslam for a pinfall attempt…but Gilberti is not the legal man. The announcers actually don’t pick up on it for a few seconds though. Harris comes in and hits a double flying clothesline on both men. He ends up on the outside with Gilberti as Storm and Young stay in the ring. Young misses a dropkick…and Storm hooks on a nice looking SHARPSHOOTER~! Gilberti throws a chair into the ring to distract the official…and then whacks Storm in the back with his tennis racket! Young goes for the pin….ONE…TWO…NO!



Young has the tennis racket and swings it at Storm, but Storm ducks and Harris comes running from the other side with a spear! Gilberti comes in and hits his pathetic version of the Stunner on Harris and a side Russian Leg Sweep on Storm. He goes for his version of the People’s Elbow, but as he bounces off the ropes, Storm gets up and hits a superkick! I’ve been waiting for the superkick all match to be honest.



They turn their attention to Young and hit the Hart Attack before hitting the DEATH SENTENCE~! for the win.



Winners: America’s Most Wanted



My Opinion:
This was a great opener as the fans were really into the match by the time the clean finish came around. AMW really are TNA’s best tag team and it shows, despite the occasional contrived spot. Gilberti and Young weren’t too bad as a team either. **1/2



After the match, they go after Gilberti, but he runs up the ramp. AMW get on THE STICK~! and demand their tag title rematch next week.



We go to the back where Scott Hudson is with Michael Shane. Hudson asks Shane why the match is non-title (which makes sense to me). Shane’s response is that he’s been “advised” not to defend his title against worthy opponents or men that won’t advance his career. He then proposes a “Triple Chance” X Division Tournament starting next week, with the winner receiving a title shot. Shane acts like he’s not even worried about Sonjay Dutt as he leaves to go to the ring.



This was nothing more than your standard screaming heel promo, but it’s completely wrong for Shane’s character.



We now head to the ring for the next match. The camera cuts away to one of the TNA girls who’s got an ass that would make any man drool.



Sonjay Dutt vs. Michael Shane



Match Background:
This is Sonjay Dutt’s third match in TNA and it’s with the X Division Champion. Considering he lost last week to a former X-Division champion, Kid Kash, he shouldn’t be receiving a title shot, so it’s non-title. Simple enough, right?



The Match: Dutt goes for two roll ups immediately for a pair of two counts. Shane hits some punches in the corner, but it’s reversed. Shane tries to back body drop Dutt, but he lands on his feet and hits a nice calf kick and a flying head scissors. Dutt follows up in the corner with mounted punches, but Shane shoves him off and hits a back elbow. Shane goes to elevate Dutt into the air, but Dutt hits a dropkick on the way down and Shane goes flying out of the ring. Dutt hits a pescado, throws Shane in and then hits a springboard flying clothesline for a two count.



Shane bails from the ring, but Dutt goes after him with a baseball slide. Dutt ends up on the apron, looking for possibly an Asai Moonsault, but Shane gets up and looks to powerbomb him down. Dutt shakes him away and legdrops him on the apron! They head towards the ramp and Shane tosses Dutt into the ring post to take over. Shane throws him back into the ring and works on him for a bit before Dutt tries to reverse a hiptoss. Shane ends up tossing him over the top, but Dutt holds on and tries to skin the cat back in. Shane charges at him with a shoulder block as Dutt does so and falls to the outside.



Back in the ring now, Dutt hits a swinging neckbreaker and both men are down. They get into a slugfest (with Shane bumping off the last punch instead of the first few) and Dutt follows it up with the Double Shot for a two count. Dutt goes after Shane in the corner, but the champion moves out of the way. Shane climbs to the top, but Dutt dropkicks him down. Dutt then goes flying out to the ramp with a somersault….nearly taking off Shane’s head with his leg before smacking INTO Shane’s head with his own!! A replay shows just how dangerous that way.



Back in the ring now, both men hold onto their head before locking up again with Dutt getting a Northern Lights Suplex. Dutt then heads to the top, puts one foot on the ring post and then bounces off the ropes before jumping across the ring with an elbowdrop! ONE…TWO…NO!



Sonjay goes for his Hindu Press, but Shane moves out of the way and uses the tights for the pin.



Winner: Michael Shane



My Opinion:
Sonjay Dutt is such an old school babyface, it’s almost refreshing. The way he plays to the crowd with a smile on his face and slaps hands is something that we really haven’t even seen on TNA in a long time.



In the meantime, I’m starting to really dislike Michael Shane. The guy is as generic as they come and is probably the weakest worker in the X Division right now, yet he holds both the X Title and the X Trophy to try and garner some heat. I could understand it if maybe the guy was over…but the crowd couldn’t give a SHIT about him! His promos lack any real charisma, he doesn’t have a great look or character and his in ring work is average at best. That’s probably why out of Sabin, Shane and Chris Daniels, Shane Douglas will probably align himself with Shane…to talk for him. Can SOMEONE please tell me what the appeal of Michael Shane is and why they’re shoving this kid down our throats? Geez…at least Randy Orton has a semi-decent look.



Why the hell did this match even take place? Yes, it was alright with Dutt impressing once again with his high flying maneuvers, but they couldn’t pair him up with someone besides the champion? He technically doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with the champ, especially after coming off of a loss last week in only his second match. **



Scott Hudson is in the back with Dusty Rhodes…who goes on a tirade that I SERIOUSLY couldn’t understand the first time around. He’s another guy who’s appeal is something that I’ve never understood. I’ll admit, I haven’t seen many Dusty matches from back in the NWA, but from all accounts, he really hasn’t changed much. The guy is out of shape, his ring work pretty much blows now and most of his promo’s make very little sense. How on earth did this guy get on top again…and how was he ever popular? Charisma can only get you so far….come on.



Anyway, Dusty basically tells Jeff Jarrett that he’s still got his back.



Erik Watts & Don Harris (w/Chris Vaughn) vs. Red Shirt Security (w/Don Callis)



Match Background:
For the past two weeks, Don Harris has come out to battle against the Red Shirts whenever they came down to administer a beating on some babyfaces. Erik Watts, the Director of Authority, has had his share of trouble with the Red Shirts lately, and Don Harris came to his aid last week. This week, they team up…



The Match: The two teams stare each other down before the bell and Watts then starts out with Kevin Northcutt. Watts connects with a hiptoss…and a GOOD dropkick (!) that was about 6’ feet vertically before connecting with a clothesline. Northcutt backs up into the corner before squaring off with Watts again. Harris tags in and goes after Northcutt’s arm before hitting a back suplex on him. Northcutt gets up as Harris attacks his partner Wilson and hits a big boot to the Black Shirt Security member, sending him into the corner. Harris comes back with a pair of running clotheslines and tags out to Watts again for a double team. Watts tangles with Wilson on the apron for a bit and ends up getting tripped, so Northcutt legdrops him. Northcutt hits a pumphandle suplex on Watts for a two count and then drop toe holds him so Watts lands on the middle rope.



Don Callis gets a few shots in on Watts as Northcutt argues with the ref. Northcutt goes after Watts again as Goldilocks comes down to face off with Callis. She slaps him HARD across the face as Watts double clotheslines both Red Shirts in the ring. He crawls over to Don Harris for the tag and makes it…and the crowd really just doesn’t care.



He goes after both men and Watts & Harris double back body drop Northcutt. Wilson once ends up on the outside, taking Watts with him, leaving Don Harris & Kevin Northcutt in the ring.



Callis tosses Northcutt a pair of handcuffs, which he goes to use on Harris as a weapon…but Harris ducks it and rolls him up, holding the tights for the win.



Winners: Erik Watts & Don Harris



After the match, the Red Shirts come back into the ring and start beating up on Harris. They go for what looked to be a double flapjack or a double back body drop…but one of the Red Shirts was too far behind and they almost kill Don Harris! They toss him out of the ring, but Watts comes back in and cleans house. Callis gets on the apron and Watts grabs him for a chokeslam…but the Red Shirts stop him and use the handcuffs on Watts. They go for a spike piledriver, with Wilson to be the one to push Watts down….but amazingly enough, Wilson somehow blows it and Watts still sells it. Callis then puts the boots to Watts, so Harris comes running into the ring with a chair to get the heels scurrying out.



My Opinion: As expected, this match wasn’t good at all. Ryan Wilson didn’t ever legally come into the match up and after blowing that spike piledriver attempt, I understand why. He’s just supposed to stand there and look tough…



This had the same finish as the match before it, which is a no-no. Pulling tights will only get you so far. Sadly, this feud looks to continue. *



We go to a video package about what’s happened with Jeff Jarrett in the past few weeks, including the attack on Hogan, taking out Russo, Jimmy Hart and winning the NWA Title.



After the video package, Mike Tenay is in the ring and calls out Jeff Jarrett for an in-ring interview. He calls himself “Mr. October” ala Reggie Jackson and starts hyping himself up. He goes on a rant about DJ’s and reads an e-mail out loud that does nothing more than kiss his ass.



Jarrett wants Jimmy Hart to come on down and bring his “surprise”. Instead, AJ Styles comes out. Some fans chant for him as AJ says that he deserves a rematch. Jarrett tells him that he’s going to have to work his way back to the top, just like he did. Jarrett tells him to go back into the X Division…”where you belong, boy”.



AJ starts to walk down the ramp…but security comes out and holds AJ back to a chorus of boos. Red Shirt Security come down and manhandle AJ. Don Callis comes into the ring and ejects him out of the building.



Jeff Jarrett once again calls out Jimmy Hart to bring down his surprise. Instead, Dusty Rhodes comes out and comes to ring with a mic and a “Dusty” chant by the fans. Dusty then asks if Jarrett just challenged anyone out there….and Jarrett says that he meant only worthy opponents before knocking Dusty’s hat off.



Red Shirt Security comes into the ring, along with Callis and Jarrett demands that Dusty be removed from the ring.



This was a decent segment, once again trying to cement Jarrett as a heel and turn AJ Styles babyface.



In the back, Scott Hudson is with Glenn Gilberti, David Young, Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger. Diamond and Swinger welcome AMW’s challenge…but Gilberti has a problem with it. He talks to Sonny Siaki, who comes into the frame and asks him if he’ll take care of the AMW situation. Siaki says that they’ll talk after his match, which is coming up right now. As Gilberti walks away, Diamond and Swinger once again reiterate that they’d love to take on AMW.



Danny Doring & Roadkill vs. Sonny Siaki & Ekmo (w/Trinity)



Match Background:
These two teams really have no real reason to be facing each other…Doring & Roadkill lost to the tag champs last week and Sonny Siaki & Ekmo lost as part of a 6 man team to 3 Live Kru.



The Match: Once again, Siaki shoves Trinity at the top of the ramp as she tries to pose.



Siaki and Doring start the match up, with Doring getting a head scissors and a dropkick for a quick cover. Doring goes for a second head scissors, but Siaki turns it into a side slam. Road Kill comes in and hits a front slam (Mark Henry’s new pathetic finisher) and of course, uses it as a transition move for an elbow drop in the corner.



RK hits a running powerslam and Doring comes off the top with a guillotine legdrop. Siaki bails to the outside, so Doring follows and attempts a rana off of the apron. Siaki holds him and drives him into the steel steps face first! Siaki throws him back in for Ekmo, who comes running with a knee drop to Doring. Ekmo charges with a knee lift for another two count…as Glenn Gilberti comes down to ringside to talk to Sonny Siaki.



Ekmo hits a legdrop on Doring as it’s obvious that Trinity wants nothing to do with Gilberti. Ekmo and Siaki hit a doubleteam slam for another two count on Danny Doring. Doring tries to fight out of the corner, but Siaki Northern Lights Suplexes him into the corner before tagging out to Ekmo. Ekmo comes charging into the corner, but Doring moves out of the way and Ekmo bumps big time off of it, ending up on the other side of the ring!



Doring tags out to Roadkill as Siaki comes in and RK hits the Dirt Road Slam on him. Ekmo goes after Roadkill, but misses a charge. Roadkill doesn’t miss his avalanche though…but all it leads to is an Ekmo clothesline. Doring hits one of his signature moves from ECW whose name I forgot on Siaki, but turns around for Ekmo to hit his Samoan Drop on him. Ekmo almost blows a spot by facing Roadkill as he climbs the ropes….Ekmo then turns around so Roadkill can “catch him by surprise” with the springboard clothesline. That only gets a two count and Roadkill signals that he’s going to the top rope.



Siaki shoves him off ….and Ekmo tries to kip up again this week…but messes up big time and has to use the ropes to pull himself off. Not exactly impressive there, Jamal. He gets up and superkicks Roadkill and heads to the top for his top rope splash. That connects and it gets the pinfall.



Winners: Sonny Siaki & Ekmo



After the match, Gilberti discusses with Siaki and Ekmo…and Siaki gets on the mic. He agrees to take out AMW for them. Trinity is obviously upset with this decision and walks up the ramp, heated.



My Opinion: This match was dull for the most part. Doring played face in peril for a while as Gilberti talking to Siaki during the match became the focus of it all. Ekmo blew two pretty big spots in the match, which is enough of a reminder as to why he was never a WWE Tag Champ, despite getting a big push when he debuted with Rosie last year. Personally, Doring & Roadkill deserved the win, but since Siaki and Ekmo are facing AMW next week, they need some momentum going into the match. *1/4



In the back, Scott Hudson is with Jimmy Hart, who not only has a limo with him, but a Hummer and apparently, someone is in there. God, not the Hummer angle again…



Kid Kash vs. Abyss in a First Blood Chair on a Pole Match



Match Background:
Kid Kash’s partner, Abyss, turned face a couple of weeks ago after he finally didn’t want to take Kash’s abuse. He faced Kash two weeks ago in a match, where he defeated him clean. After the match, Kash tried to attack Abyss again…but just got beat up some more, so it looked like the feud was done. Last week, Kid Kash faced Sonjay Dutt and after defeating him, he continued the beating. Abyss ran down for the save, only to attack Dutt after the match as well.



Now, all of a sudden, there’s a First Blood Chair on a Pole Match? WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS THE FUCKING POINT? First off, no blood was spilt between Kash and Abyss, so this shouldn’t be a First Blood Match. Secondly, a chair wasn’t used at all last week, so this shouldn’t be a Chair on a Pole Match. What’s the point of a Chair on a pole anyway!? You can just grab a chair from anywhere! It’s not a special weapon or anything. Jesus, I’m getting flashbacks to Judy Bagwell on a Pole.



So, basically, these two guys resolved their issues two weeks ago, the feud is continuing unnecessarily and the stips make zero sense and will probably make for a bad match. Wow…this show sucks tonight.



The Match: Kash gets in Abyss’s face…and then offers a hand shake. Abyss shakes his hand and applies a ton of force to hurt him in a funny visual. Kash kicks Abyss low and goes for the chair, but Abyss catches him and tosses him off. Kash tries to get away, but Abyss chops him square in the chest in the corner. Kash pokes him in the eye and comes off of the ropes, only to be elevated up in the air and fall down to the mat hard. Abyss goes for the chair, but Kash holds onto his leg. Abyss kicks him down, turns around and comes off the 2nd rope with a splash attempt. Kash moves out of the way and hits his springboard dropkick from across the ring!



Kash makes it to the top and grabs the chair off of the pole. He jumps down and goes after Abyss…but misses him. Abyss punches the chair back into Kash’s face and grabs the chair himself. He wedges the chair in the corner between the turnbuckles and goes for his backbreaker. Kash gets out of it, but Abyss grabs him again and goes for a powerbomb. Kash flips out of that, going for a sunset flip, but Abyss rolls through and catapults Kash into the corner, head first into the steel chair.



Abyss drags Kash to the middle of the ring and places the chair on his chest. Abyss goes for the Earthquake splash that John Tenta was known for…but Kash turns the chair upright and hurts Abyss low. He throws the chair at Abyss now and the big man falls to the outside. Kash sets the chair up in the ring and uses it as a springboard for a high spot to the outside. Abyss comes back into the ring and Kash is on the offensive with boots to the midsection. Kash comes off the top with a splash attempt….but Abyss puts the chair in the way and he crashes into it. Abyss sets the chair up in the corner again and whips Kash into the corner. Abyss charges at Kash, but Kash moves out of the way and Abyss hits the chair head first, falling to the outside.



Abyss comes back into the ring and hits the Black Hole Slam. Abyss is already bleeding, but the referee can’t see it. Abyss nails Kash in the head with the chair…and then the ref notices that Abyss is bleeding and the match is over.



Winner: Kid Kash



After the match, after realizing that he’s bleeding Abyss tosses the chair at Kash…and then hits the backbreaker on the ref! Abyss then goes after Kash again, but security comes in to stop him. He shoves them away…and then hits the Black Hole Slam on one, a chokeslam to the other before going back up the ramp.



My Opinion: I won’t understand for the life of me why there would be a First Blood Chair on a Pole match between these two, but it’s thankfully over. Just the stip alone pissed me off. The only reason that I can think of is they wanted to further this feud for some reason and they wanted to give Kash a semi-clean win. As far as First Blood Chair on a Pole matches go, this one was the standard bearer, I would assume. It wasn’t great though. *3/4.



We now go to another pre-taped segment with Shane Douglas. He starts hyping up an unseen woman and when the camera turns to face her, Douglas gets upset. He demands that the camera stay on him the whole time, seeing as how he’s paying for it. He says to an unknown wrestler (probably Michael Shane) and says “kid, you impressed me last week. You took my advice and you implemented it.” He then says that the spot could eventually be his in the “New Franchise of TNA”.



Alright….I’m officially upset with this show. I’ve been subjected to some poor matches, non-sensical booking & match making…and now, TNA got me with the bait & switch. For those of you who don’t remember last week’s show, Shane Douglas promised last week that he would “unveil” the New Franchise tonight…and he didn’t without any explanation. Wow…I’m heated.



We go to the back where Father James Mitchell & Vampiro is with Scott Hudson. Mitchell tells Hudson that Vampiro will not let him down and Raven will never get him alone in the ring.



Raven vs. Vampiro in a Dream Blood Gallows of Retribution Match



Match Background:
For weeks, Raven has been mowing through Father James Mitchell’s troops in order to eliminate them from the picture and get Mitchell alone. Tonight, his last hurdle is Vampiro, who made his debut by causing Raven to lose in a hair vs. hair match with Shane Douglas after revealing himself as the Mystery Masked Man. Last week, Raven made this match a “Dream Blood Gallows of Retribution” match. Apparently, the rules of this match are that there will be four steel chains connected to the ropes in the ring and in order to win, you must collar your opponent, throw him over the top rope and hang him until he’s unconscious.



The Match: Raven comes to the ring with “Dream Blood” painted on his chest.



They stare each other down in the ring momentarily, until Vampiro is bothered by a “Raven” chant. Vampiro kicks Raven in the thigh a few times and Raven punches him back in retaliation. Raven starts kicking Vampiro in the thigh, but gets one of his kicks caught. Vampiro turns him around and gets clotheslined.



They lock up once again with Vampiro backing Raven into the corner and hitting a chop. He whips Raven across the ring and goes for a splash, but gets kicked square in the chest. Raven tries to collar Vampiro, but Vamp bails. Raven goes after him, so Vamp goes back into the ring. Raven grabs a chair and tosses it into the ring as Vampiro goes after him. Vamp goes for a rana, but Raven catches him and hits a powerbomb that was just ugly. I don’t know if that was Raven’s fault or if Vampiro just forgot how to bump properly.



He tries to hook one of the collars on Vampiro, but was unsuccessful. He hits a drop toe hold onto a chair on Vampiro and then hooks the collar on him. Vampiro is practically no selling Raven’s blows as he’s hooked to the collar. Raven starts using the steel chain as a weapon and a slugfest begins on the apron. Raven starts hanging Vampiro…so Mitchell comes in and kicks Raven low.



Raven gets up as Vampiro unchains himself and swings a chair at him. Vampiro moves out of the way and hits the weakest Van Daminator in history on Raven. Vampiro climbs the top turnbuckle and comes off the top with an ugly ass spinning kick. They try to cover for it by saying that Vampiro is exhausted because he was just hung momentarily.



Vampiro goes after Raven on the outside and he busts Raven open. They go back into the ring and he starts using the chain as a weapon on Raven. He puts the chair around his own head and begins headbutting Raven, which is so cool that I just have to get it some credit.



Vampiro just doesn’t even look like he’s trying when he’s on offense. Vampiro, looking winded already, goes for a move, but Raven reverses it and goes for the Raven Effect. Vampiro reverses that into a DDT on the chair and then hooks a collar onto Raven. The fans are behind him as Vampiro tosses Raven over the top and begins hanging him. Raven looks like he’s going limp and the referee lifts his arm three times. Needless to say, Raven gets up on the third try and begins the comeback.



Raven goes on offense and Vampiro is just screwing it all up by bumping horribly. Raven unhooks himself and whips Vampiro across the ring. Vampiro intentionally makes my life a living hell by practically walking into the turnbuckle, selling it and bumping like an idiot off of a clothesline. Vampiro shoves Raven out of the corner as he tries to bulldog him, so Raven superkicks him and Vamp goes down.



Raven hooks one collar on Vampiro…and then hooks on a second collar from across the ring! Vampiro can barely move because of it and Raven grabs a trash can from under the ring. He starts hitting Vamp in the head with it…and Vampiro barely sells it. Vampiro falls down as Raven puts a table into the ring and sets it up. Vampiro gets one of the collars off and Raven whips him...but Vampiro stops short because of the collar. This is getting very, very ugly.



Vampiro low blows Raven and then places him on the set up table as he climbs to the top rope. Raven pops up and goes for a Top Rope DDT! Vampiro FUCKS IT UP by shoving Raven down as they fall…so it looks like Raven went through the table with Vampiro jumping with him. Raven gets up and hooks the collar onto Vampiro before tossing him over the top and choking him out for the win.



Winner: Raven



My Opinion:
This match was absolutely terrible…because Vampiro is horrible. He practically blew every spot that took place after a few minutes into the match and was incredibly winded for most of it. The concept really did look like it could have gone somewhere and I’m giving it some credit due to the two innovative spots I saw. Unless this show has a fantastic main event…it can’t be saved. ½*



After the match, Mitchell comes into the ring and tries to throw a fireball at Raven. He misses and CM Punk comes running into the ring to help Raven. Raven gets upset with Punk because “he had him”. He tells Punk to leave the ring before laying down a challenge for Mitchell for next week.



A Last Man Standing Match. Someone shoot me now.



We go to Tenay and West, who run down next week’s card and talk about the X Division “Triple Chance” Tournament. There’s to be a 5 man X Division battle royal next week. The 4 losers will then square off tournament style in the next week. The winners of those matches will face the battle royal winner in a three way dance to determine the number 1 contender. I would say that’s a little too complicated for what they want to do…



West then pimps the merchandise before we hit the main event.



Jeff Jarrett comes out first, with two guitars and calls out Jimmy Hart.



Jeff Jarrett vs. Jimmy Hart’s Mystery Opponent



Match Background:
Last week, Jeff Jarrett beat the hell out of Jimmy Hart. After Jarrett’s title win at the end of the show, Jimmy Hart vowed to bring someone that he used to manage to come and take out Jeff Jarrett.



The Match: Jimmy Hart comes out to Hogan’s music and says that his surprise…is Hacksaw Jim Duggan.



JIMMY HART NEVER MANAGED HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN! ARGH!!!!!!



Retarded Hacksaw gets on the mic and causes me to lose a few more brain cells. The bottom line is that he’s going to beat him up….HOOOOO.



The match starts with Jarrett attacking Duggan from behind as he plays up to the crowd. Duggan then hits three clotheslines in a row and takes him to ringside to beat him up some more. He hits Jarrett in the head with a pumpkin a few times and then grabs a chair. He hits Jarrett with the lightest chair shots I’ve EVER seen as the announcers play up how this is a Jim Duggan that we haven’t seen in years! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE KILL ME!!!



Back in the ring, Jarrett hits Duggan with a few double axe handles off the top. The last attempt is caught by Duggan, who hits a pretty weak chokeslam on Jarrett before hitting some mounted punches in the corner. The announcers actually call this debacle a “career rebirth” for Duggan! Duggan hits the three point stance clothesline on Jarrett and then goes for his 2x4.



Don Callis comes down and grabs it away from him. As the ref turns around to see what’s going on with Callis, Jarrett smashes a guitar over Duggan’s head and pins him.



Winner: Jeff Jarrett



My Opinion:
Absolutely TERRIBLE. First off, Duggan was NEVER managed by Jimmy Hart…at least not that I can EVER remember. Secondly…Jim Duggan pretty much BLOWS and was on offense the entire time! Then, Jeff Jarrett has to use a guitar to put him away. What a STRONG champion that Jeff Jarrett is… DUD.



Jarrett then gets on the mic, because this fucking show won’t end and wants Jimmy Hart to come on down again. The Red Shirts and Don Callis cuff Duggan and get him out of the building as Jimmy Hart gets on the mic and says that this is just the tip of the iceburg.



Hart then says that he’s got someone else….and this man is already in the ring behind Jarrett.



Jarrett turns around (after taking forever and a day)….and it’s Rick Steiner.



JIMMY HART NEVER MANAGED RICK STEINER!!!



Jeff Jarrett vs. Rick Steiner



Match Background:
The aforementioned angle, duh.



The Match: Steiner attacks him with punches and a clothesline before going to the outside with Jarrett. They brawl in the stands and hit each other with the lightest chair shots I’ve seen since Lance Storm at ECW Barely Legal. They continue brawling in the stands until Jarrett smashes a chair on his head. They head back towards the ringside area, where Jarrett throws a pumpkin at him.



They head back into the ring where Steiner hits his usual powerslam before following it up with a clothesline. He hits a T-Bone suplex and then goes to the top to set up his top rope bulldog. Jarrett pulls the ref into his way and Steiner lands on him instead. Jarrett goes to the announce table and grabs his guitar as Steiner checks on the ref. Jarrett whacks Steiner over the head with it….and he goes down.



Winner: Um…No Contest?



My Opinion:
Just as bad as Duggan…but at least Steiner hit a T-Bone Suplex. 1/4*



Jarrett then gets on the mic and asks if Jimmy Hart has anyone else. Hart gets on the top of the ramp and gets on the microphone again. He says that Jarrett will have to face…STING next week!



TNA actually makes me laugh by putting up a BIG ASS graphic that reads “STING” out of NOWHERE as the show ends.



Overall: In case you can’t tell, I absolutely HATED this show. This was worse than any TNA that I’ve EVER seen. This was worse than Raw this week! Alright…let’s go down the line, shall we?



No “New Franchise”. The two men Jeff Jarrett faced were never managed by Jimmy Hart AND they’re absolutely terrible in the ring and the fact that Jarrett had to cheat to beat them makes him look ridiculously weak. There was no Daniels, no Sabin, no Lynn, no D’Lo and barely any Styles. Vampiro showed exactly why he’s never been a hot commodity, as did Ekmo. Raven/Mitchell next week is going to be a Last Man Standing match!? WHAT THE HELL?



And who’s idea was the First Blood Chair on a Pole Match???



Next week doesn’t look much better. Yes, there’s the appearance of Sting, but you and I both know that match will not end clean at all….



NEVER…EVER watch this show if you haven’t already.



‘Til Next Week,



“The Dames” Damian Gonzalez



If you have anything to say…anything at all, send it all to SmartMarkDames@aol.com if you’re an AOL user or thedames@thesmartmarks.com




Site-Owner: TheSmartMarks.com
Promote this thread!
LotusMegami
Salami








Since: 22.9.03
From: Indiana

Since last post: 3483 days
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.70
Thank you.
I'm glad my cable company messed up, or I would have watched the show myself.

Just for fun, let's think up some stupid "on a pole" matches.

Teddy Bear on a Pole: Tajiri's girlfriend - who he mentioned - turns out to be a stereotypically cute Japanese girl in a school uniform. She has a teddy bear. Mad. Just like Gogo. The teddy bear is kidnapped, and she freaks out.

Valentine's Day Teddy Bear on a Pole: Somebody mocks Teddy Hart with a stuffed bear holding a Valentine. The only way to stop people from making fun of his name is to get the bear and destroy it.

Salute Your Shorts Match: Nah.

First aid kit on a pole: first to reach it may use it on himself.

YJ Stinger on a pole: all too likely to occur.





And if you think that its fake try to receive a chokeslam, a sweet chin music or a spear without scream or drop a tear..
The Dames
Longanisa








Since: 9.7.03

Since last post: 3977 days
Last activity: 3968 days
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.36
    Originally posted by LotusMegami
    First aid kit on a pole: first to reach it may use it on himself.




Throw in barbed wire rules and you've got something you can market at CZW.

Dames





Site-Owner: TheSmartMarks.com
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Since I am an unrepentant J.R.R. Tolkien addict, I will attempt to identify everyone in the story by their roles in the trilogy... Frodo Baggins: Chris Benoit Samwise Gamgee: Tommy Dreamer Merry Brandybuck & Peregrin Took:
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