(What a bargain : 2 Blind Date reports in the same post!)
Thursday : Linda Miles!
They set Linda up with a 23 year-old engineer named Eric – “When people look at me, they think that I’m a player.” I thought that he was a cutie! And a killer voice! Linda says, “I would like to have a man who is strong, & is willing to step up, & to be a challenge for me.” “He doesn’t have to be a Harvard grad [Tee-hee on you, Mr Nowinski.]; he does have to be intelligent.” “Yes, I believe there’s a cuddly, soft, sweet, caring other side of Linda.”
Linda is WALKING! She likes what she sees instantly, & as soon as he speaks, he’s got her. He took the news that she’s a wrestler pretty calmly. She said that she was currently “stationed” in Louisville, doing more training, before she gets called back up to Smackdown or to Raw. (Interesting.) Meanwhile, the Blind Date captioners supply the first of their themed captions for the date: “Vince McMahon says: Linda is in my army … NO TIME FOR HUNKS.”
They go to the gym to work out together. He’s got a pretty nice body, & Linda’s definitely interested. She’s suggesting some workout stuff, & he says, “Hey, as long as you don’t hurt me, I’m game.” (That’s called subtle innuendo – very nice.) He tries a joking, “I usually get massages between sets. Do you think you could help a brother out?” She thinks about it, & massages those delts a bit. She says, “You’re definitely put together pretty well there. Not too muscular; just right.” She finds an excuse to playfully headlock him. They’re having a good time.
Next stop is the dojo next door for some self-defence. They’re learning a bearhug defence, so she gets to move him around a little, & he gets to move her around a little. The Blind Date captioners suggest, “Vince McMahon says: Get a grip, Linda … a wrestler’s got no time for grab-ass.” (What-what-WHAT???!?! Now that is not something Vince would say!!)
We move on to dinner, & she is still really liking him. He asks, “How long are you in town?” “I wish I could say ‘forever’, but no … we fly out tomorrow night.” He says, joking, “So you’re a tease, huh?” They both laugh. “I know. That’s part of your thing, huh, & that’s cool.” Captioners supply for her “Stop being so understanding & so perfect.” & then, “I’d stay, but Vince has a choke hold on my love life.” This revelation doesn’t seem to put a damper on their enjoying each other though – he compliments her (in the right way), she laughs (in the right way).
They move on to lounging in a bar. She does a little stroking of his shaved head. Captioners supply, “Vince McMahon says: Illegal flirt move! I’m docking her freakin’ pay.” She says, “You’re somebody I’d like to stay in contact with.”
At the door, we get a hug & delicate little kiss. She says, “Gosh.”, & seriously looks pretty bummed about leaving.
After the commercial, we get their respective reactions. “I think he’s be a good guy to actually start a relationship with.” “She’s a beautiful lady – long braids & everything.” “I’d enjoy acually getting to … uh … jump Eric’s bones.” “If we went a couple of rounds in the ring, she would take me easy. But in the bedroom, 3 rounds, it’d be all over. No match.” “He seemed like the kind of guy that could have brought a little passion, a little exciotement out of Linda, actually.” “If she calls me on the phone, yeah, I’d definitely tilke to go out eith her again.” “Yeah, I’ll rock his world.”
Friday : Maven!
Jumping right into the date. Maven is WALK… Woah! He’s got on dark glasses & kind of a drapey shirt, & for some reason looks for all the world like the Rock! (Now let’s see – who do we have slated to be “the next Rock” again?) Well, anyway, he’s WALKING. The Blind Date captioners advise us, “Tough guy in the ring … Regular guy in real life.” He collects her, & she seems already to know who he is – that he’s somebody “famous”. She graciously (ahem) informs him, “I’m expecting you to entertain me.” Ooooh, joy.
Throughout, the captioning focuses on “the Real Maven” vs. “the TV Maven”. Things like, “Women want the wild TV Maven … Maven wants to be liked for who he really is.”, & “Odessa wants a taste of celebrity life. Maven leaves his fame at work.” He’s being a sweetie, talking about his mom making him go to college (Did we know he played baseball in college?), & she’s bored to death with that. He was saying that mom lived about a half-hour from college, & she’d come clean his house once a week. Darling Odessa asks, “I’m surprised you didn’t have groupies for that.” “Naw, naw.” (Pity he's too polite to say "Paint my house.")
We go to a modelling agency for some reason, which was pretty boring for all parties concerned. Then they move on to Primal Therapy, & meet with an Emotions Therapist. Who the hell planned this date?? Editing doesn’t show us much of her, what they do show, she’s just schlumping around. Personally, I’m inclined to think that this probably is pretty representative of her involvement on this date.
We move on to a restaurant, & seem to have fast-forwarded directly to dessert. She tries, “So do you use any of these moves outside the ring?” Editing has the word “Hint” bouncing off Maven’s forehead. Captioning tells us, “Lady, if all I wanted was a one night stand, you’d have to take a number.” “Sex is easy, but Maven’s looking for something deeper.” She continues, “So you don’t like, pick women up & spin them … & throw them on the bed, & …” Captioning alleges Maven thinking, “Well, she’s persistent, I’ll give her that much.” I’m not thinking that anybody’s going to be doing any cross-country flying to rendezvous.
Back in the car, she hasn’t given up yet. “Where’s your wild side? You were a college athelete, & …” Even the captioning guy is getting tired of this – “Trust me, I don’t have to prove my wild side. Maven saves his wild side for girls he’s into.” Maven is hanging in, being polite, “I told you, I’m a down-to-earth, normal guy.” That clearly is not what Odessa is looking for.
We move on to the bar, & she hasn’t quite given up yet. (Or, more likely, she’s hoping to slam dunk him back, to get even with his disinterest in her.) “Am I your type?” (Oh, come on!) Politely, “I don’t like to think that I have a type.” Then grudgingly, “Am I your type?” She pauses dramatically, hoping to raise his expectations. Finally she starts to say “No, …” He jumps in with “And that’s fine. I still had a great time.” While the captioner gives us, “Thank God, she finally got the hint.” At the door, we have a polite hug. Followed by Maven WALKING, while checking his watch. Yeee-ha, that was a barrel of fun.
The after-date comments were pretty short, with Maven still valiantly trying to cling to politeness. “Odessa is definitely an extremely attractive female.” “There was just no chemistry between the 2 of us. Next time, I’d want to try a bad-boy wrestler.”
Nobody ever said it was easy to be a WWE Superstar.
Originally posted by DMCSet up Trish with NetHackSlasher!!!
Here's what the Blind Date note would say for NetHack-"Note to self: Mention Lillian Garcia as much as possible during all conversations."
No, no, no...set up NetHackSlasher with a bag of good weed in a room with a peephole - and put Trish and Lillian in the next room. That's the only way the man will be satisfied!
As to Jackie Gayda being a prima donna, Nidia had the same reputation for awhile when she was in OVW. Who cares, right? Nidia turned out to be awesome, and I'm sure they'll do something cool with Jackie, whether she's a snob or not.
"That's how you become great, man: you hang your balls out there." - The dorky Kinko's clerk on Jerry Maguire
Why would I need weed? Last thing I want is blurry vision (lol) But that wouldn't just leave me satisfied but Stratusfied... Actually I don't think I'd have it in me to do that. Honestly! =)
DMC probably hit it more on the money ME: "So your I heard you're friends with Lilian"... TS "Yeah she's pretty nice" ME "Yeah I could imagine"... TS "Excuse me" ME "OH nothing, so you travel with her"... TS "Yeah it helps with expenses" ME "I bet it does"... TS "ahh yeah?" ME "Lilians kinda a pretty, I think she's underated you agree?"... TS "Yeah I guess so" ME "Ha just what I thought"... TS "excuse me. I have to make a phone call". *Trish leaves. One hour later WAITER: "Excuse me you've been sitting here for an hour maybe it's time for you to..."... ME "Time for me to what, shut your mouth and get me another iced tea" *Another hour goes by WAITER "Look SIR, we have time restrictions you must leave now"... ME "I can't if I leave I'll miss my date bringing her friend to come visit me. She'll be here" *Bouncer throws me out. 5 minutes later Trish arrives with Lilian to the table. And I just missed them, I feel like the black dude in polka dot door... What you think Trish would skip out on ME, come on! Even if she would skip out my mind she'd arrive and we missed each other (LOL)
Don't blame me for this post I was more then happy just dissing Gayda but a couple of people forced my hand. Tell them to stop encouraging me =)
On more important (and on topic) things, great work Emma with the recaps. You did an awesome job *thumbs up icon if we had one*
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 17.11.02 0608) Oh they have the internet on computers now!
They're all pretty good. The choking hazard is so dirty and blatant, but it managed to give me a chuckle anyway. Of course, as with most wrestling T-shirts, I question how anyone could wear it outside of a WWE arena.