Hey, I got Direct TV Monday so I traded random CMLL on On-Demand for 3 hours of AAA a week on Galavision. So here ya go. I haven't watched AAA in years but not because I didn't want to.
- The Ode To The Late Tony Pena interview with the Barrio Boys was completely balls out awesome. The fact that Dencis and Allen are doing exercises that arch their buttocks out towards you warmed my heart and your groin. Billy Boy is depressed about something in Spanish and it spills over to the (perfectly fine) match with Joe Lider, AAA Psicosis and Crazy Boy- as he is too paralyzed by depression to pull off the coupe de grace for any of the Barrio Boys triple teams and allows Joe Lider and his comical band of Dupps Mexicano 2007 to take over the match. They taunt Billy Boy and beat the crap out of his friends and Billy boy sits in the corner crying and looking crestfallen. Mid-match, Billy Boy gathers up the intestinal fortitude to tag in and Team Liden actually have some nice triple teams- especially the Psicosis Decapitation Legdrop off the top. Dencis and Allen destroy themselves and Crazy Boy and Psicosis with topes and it is Billy boy and Joe Lider in the ring. Billy boy gets in position, holds his arms behind his back and allows Lider to Tiger Suplex him for the win. I kinda don't want to know what the actual reason for Billy Boy acting so self-destructive. I like to think that he is working an eating disorder gimmick and he just wants to die. Dencis and Allen beat the shit out of him and it rules. It's so what a real redneck intervention looks like. "Fuck you, motherfucker! You steal my sisters stereo to buy meth and you act surprised that I'm kicking the fuck outta you?! I don't give a fuck if you do love her!" Sexy Star comes in and makes the save. Fabi Apache comes in and beats the dogshit out of Sexy Star and I'm guessing Billy Boy is depressed because he has to choose between his f*g hags? God, it's AAA. Isn't there enough stables of hairless young men to around for every attractive luchadores to hag for? Oh well. Someone will tell me the real story and the greatness of this angle will lose it's lustre.
- Chivas Rayadas flew all over the place and landed on the rudo supreme- Mr Condor- and I assume that other one is Angel Mortal Jr or something (Oh, CubsFan Lucha Times says Gallego). Goats doing fabulous matwork will always work.
- Reinas de Reinas 6 woman match. I'll steal the matchlist from the Cubsfans Lucha Times page and figure who I'm actually watching. Tiffany, Cinthia Moreno, Fabi Apache, Miss Janeth, Rossy Moreno and Sexi Star. Goddamn, there hasn't been a woman in wrestling as biker chick hot as Tiffany since Charley Davidson in WOW. I have to love the Elvis jumpsuit with completely exposed sports bra. Fabi Apache was awesome in this- as Tiffany and Miss Janeth were even awesomer bump all over the ring for her. Cinthia Moreno made this ridiculously paunts-destroying and she can go like a motherfucker in the ring. The finish is Sexi Star getting revenge on Gran Apache and Fabi Apache for throwing water in her face and getting her eliminated by hitting Fabi in the back with a chair when Fabi is up on the toprope. This allows Tiffany to hit the Technologia Televisa Deportes-Enhanced Iconoclasm/Poontangler to get the crown. Postmatch, they all make Sexi Star a pariah- which doesn't seem fair since Gran Apache cheated to get his stupid daughter in the final. They are all just jealous because Sexi Star has the butt that makes a million Mexican schoolboys toast viscious loads over their Mistico plush dolls. Fabi and Sexi try to kill each other and AAA definately knows how to heat up a fued.
- Hey! It's Zumbido! I like this AAA. And it's somebody called Hater. Maybe i will consult the handy dandy LuchaWiki. Okay, he has always been the Hator and he has always avoided me, it seems. Fuckin Scorpio Jr! Awesome. And the gayest gimmick in AAA is.......... ALAN STONE! The white little cowboy outfit with the frills made Gronda say, "Goddam, that's gay lookin'." CubsFan's Lucha Times helps me spell: Alberije and Intocable. Look, it's Oriental and Zorro too. And Alan Stone looked at what Intocable was wearing and realized that in comparison, Alan Stone looks like John Wayne kissing Cheryl Teigs while also killing a bear with his bare hands. They go to a commercial so I can try and figure out how long it's been since I've seen any of these guys in a new match. I realize: a while. El Guapito comes and the lil Alberije freaks out because Guapito is putting his penis on his bitches (I'm guessing.) Oriental's gotten all filled out and doesn't seem to fly high anymore. Oh awesome, Intocables and Alan Stone seem to be fueding so we can finally approximate what a Jimmy Somerfield/Morrissey death match would have looked like. Alberije throws Guapito spinning through the air- thus guaranteeing this making WHAT WORKED no matter how shitty the Alan Stone/Intocable exchanges are. Awesome, reading the LuchaWiki, Intocable was at one time Spice Boy Randy. THUS. This is his most butch gimmick he's ever had. Albeije outdances Alan Stone by dancing like a leprachaun and you are watching TRIPPLLLLLEEEE AAAAAA! Lil Alberije puts his junk on a newly quebradoraed Hator and you are watching TRIPPPPPLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Post-weirdness, Scorpio and Zumbido remind you that they are world class rudos by dying a thousand times for the comical Alberije offence. Hator and Zumbido rudo the hell out of Oriental's fat boy highflying. Oriental hits a Ham Flying Out Of The Freezer Orihara Moonsault to Hator. Zumbido says, "FUCK YOU. NOBODY OUTBUMPS ME." and does the crazy ass Zumbido Jerry Estrada bump to the floor. The finish is AWESOME as Guapito foules lil Alberije and Scorpio foules FullSize Alberije and gets the pin! I could watch this every week. Postmatch, Stone and Intocable argue over Aurthur Baker remixes of Confusion by New Order. Tecnoligia Televisa Deportes of the Oriental Orihara Moonsault pales pretty extensively to the Tecnologia Televisa Deportes of the Tiffany Poontangler, but that is the only thing not making it the greatest post-production gimmick ever.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- Reinas de Reinas battle royal. Not that is sucked any more than any other battle royal, au contraire, it was quite lively and filled with goofy spots. The problem is that Sexi Star and the super hot Moreno sister would start punishing my paunts the way a young lady of the lucha libre should effect a broken, beaten old bastard like myself. And right when I contemplate maybe driving around the block in my company truck to love myself in seclusion, Martha Villalobos would come on the screen and remind me what the hot luchadores will look like in twenty years. That would be a great way to cure porn addiction- use the computer program from that show "Honey, We're Killing The Kids" where these super sadistic doctors and researchers show the parents of obese children what their kids will look like in thirty years if they continue eating like they do. You should be able to freeze any image of a porn actress and age her immediately 20 years- showing the effects of the meth and the eating disorder and 4 kids from 3 different men.
- Kenzo Suzuki wrestles AAA La Parka SOMETHING has to go down here. Kenzo's gladiator pants would usually makes this a WHAT WORKED candidate. Wow, Cibernetico without the mask looks like the late Gary Wolfe. This does pretty much suck. Especially for a chain match. Especially a chain match in Mexico. Kenzo is pretty spirited but the last match I saw him in was that exploding barbed-wire death match against Takagi and this ain't that. The spear through the cardboard table was pretty crappy looking. But this over in 8 minutes. So even in suck, it didn't waste too much of our time. Kenzo touches all five (or is it six) turnbuckles and wins the gentlest death match in the history of Mexico.
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN Oh well. Someone will tell me the real story and the greatness of this angle will lose it's lustre
I won't tell you the one word storyline then, which is BABY.
As of 2/28/05: 101 pounds since December 7, 2004 OFFICIAL THREE-MONTH COUNT: 112 pounds on March 9, 2005 OFFICIAL SIX-MONTH COUNT: 142 pounds on June 8, 2005 OFFICIAL ONE YEAR COUNT: 187 pounds on December 7, 2005 As of 2/27/06: 202 pounds "I've lost a heavyweight" As of 7/31/06: 224 pounds
In case there was any doubt the fix is in on Divasearch, tonight killed it. Mrs. Shem pointed out that Carmella isn't even bothering to try and showed all the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old forced to perform for guests.