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22.7.14 2028
The W - Random - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Review)
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Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 212 days
Last activity: 183 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96
Good flick. Very atmospheric, very well-done... They maintain all the rules of horror films ("Hey, there's a noise...I'll go alone and check it out!") and Jessica Biel in a wet tanktop running away from Leatherface. Awesomeness. Shot like a documentary, and it's hard to tell that it's the director's first film.

Plus, John Larroquette doing voiceover at the end! Swank!



FLAMES: 2-1-0-0; 4 points
CUBS: *Sobbing*
STAMPEDERS: 5-11; Officially out of playoff contention
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It's False
Scrapple








Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 12 min.
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.08
As much as I like LEATHERFACE~! as an on-screen villain, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't enjoy this movie. There were so many moments where the movie seemed to be violent just to be violent. Character development was almost non-existant and the scene where Jessica Biel's tanktop got wet just seemed a little TOO contrived (yeah sure, it just suddenly started to rain).


Spoiler Below: Highlight text to read
But I will say that I got a kick out of Jessica Biel running down the "sheriff". The movie crowd marked out big time for that one, as the "sheriff" was just a total dick...the sign of a PERFECT movie heel.





LS: Alright, we hardly gotten any airtime and we still aren't over. Anymore ideas?
GD: Can you stare at your hand and spin on your head? Or better yet, we can have you shilling HUNGRY MAN DINNERS!
LS: That...is very disturbing.
ShotGunShep
Frankfurter








Since: 20.2.03

Since last post: 2445 days
Last activity: 2331 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.56
I wasn't impressed by the movie at all. It seemed that any film school grad with a budget and a chainsaw could've pulled this off. I didn't even jump very much when they tried to startle me.
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
Not that the story is all that important.







And here's what I didn't get about the movie. Who the hell was the girl at the beginning of the movie? Was she Leatherface's sister? I didn't understand that at all. It seems like quite a stretch that they're picking her up would lead to all the events in the movie. But it's a movie, right?

(edited by kgriffey79 on 19.10.03 1210)


You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture.
JWstorm
Kolbasz








Since: 23.10.02
From: Tarheel State

Since last post: 2959 days
Last activity: 2236 days
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.37
Spoiler Answer
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She was with her family. The picture in the car. She had managed to escape. The baby was her lil brother i guess.... the one that they gave to the fat lady and ugly girl



I LOVE WRESTLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 212 days
Last activity: 183 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96
TCM is one of those love'em or hate'em flicks. I mean, you can tell that they were trying and I enjoyed the fact that they managed to stay pretty consistent with what they were doing. That said, that wasn't much of a massacre. I mean...eight people? Not much of a massacre.



FLAMES: 2-1-0-0; 4 points
CUBS: *Sobbing*
STAMPEDERS: 5-11; Officially out of playoff contention
DrOp
Frankfurter








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 2142 days
Last activity: 1009 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.51
Some movies don't need to be remade, I think.

The original is a classic. It's like remaking the Exorcist or the Amityville Horror (although I'm sure someone will eventually). Why would you remake a perfectly good movie?

In the end, if all you really add is tons of blood and a hot chick in a middrift, I say leave it alone.



And Marking Out
Slashwrestling.com
Wienerville
SKLOKAZOID
Bratwurst








Since: 20.3.02
From: California

Since last post: 18 hours
Last activity: 13 min.
AIM:  
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.39
My friends are stupid. I can't believe they chose this movie over Kill Bill (which has it beat on gore alone), Intolerable Cruelty, and Lost in Translation.

After the movie, they proclaimed this to be the best horror movie they have ever seen and that it was, in fact, better than the original.

I will say that, while I didn't really enjoy the movie and that it had one to many horror cliches, I actually did enjoy Jessica Beil's ass-kicking run at the end. I'm not sure if I enjoyed it because because it actually worked or if it was because signalled the end of the movie.

Either way, it was an investment that really could have been spent more wisely and convinced me that I need to get new friends.

(edited by SKLOKAZOID on 20.10.03 1001)
Ticamo
Boerewors








Since: 19.7.02
From: Trenton, NJ, USA

Since last post: 2703 days
Last activity: 2001 days
AIM:  
#8 Posted on
I left the movie expecting more mayhem and murder, personally. I was a bit dissatisfied actually. I mean... onscreen.. we were only 'treated' to the murders of 4 people. The suicide, while quite gory, isn't in the count. So, the whole massacre title is a bit overstated. Maybe "The Texas Chainsaw Mass Murders" or something like that.

I agree with It's False on the total lack of character development here. I found myself more interested in the whole Hewitt family and couldn't care less about the people in the van. Like were they cannibals? Or why was the kid from "The Ring" treated like an outcast?

R. Lee Ermey (the Sheriff) stole the movie. Were it not for him, I think I would have been totally bored out of my mind. Nothing was what I'd call memorable about this movie. It was just 'all right'.

I had been hoping that we wouldn't be getting anymore remakes of classic movies, especially horror films... But I'll be damned if they didn't run a trailer for a remake of "Dawn of the Dead".... All on the day that I found out the Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are backing a remake of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory".. Fuck!
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 286 days
Last activity: 254 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
I'm with Ticamo on saying that the movie was "all right," but after some reviews I read and saw, I must say that the flick isn't as bad as they say. Sure, there are plenty of moments when you want to scream at Jessica Biel for being so stupid (like when Leatherface is looking at the stoner kid and Jessica doesn't just pick up the chainsaw and attack Leatherface). All in all though, the movie was creepy enough and had enough killings to be worthwhile. Hell, this movie was better in some ways than Freddy vs. Jason.



Molly, Stacy and Daffney all in WWE? I suddenly lost all my will to complain about anything regarding the WWE. Hope I don't lose my street cred for this.

TS, the greatest Wiener rated 6.1554 ever to live!! Oops, I mean 5.5...4.5?? Oh, dammit! I guess Notorious FAB was right.
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Wow, Roger Ebert ripped this movie a new asshole. I haven't seen a truly vicious review like this from the E-man in a long time.

Click Here (suntimes.com)



Of all the gizmos forced upon us by the modern world, is any more melancholy than the leaf blower? The device is manifestly useless. It blows leaves from one place to another, and then the wind blows them back again. -- Roger Ebert

Watching that movie was like watching a young child be repeatedly punched in the face.-- my friend Dave after watching Bad Boys II

Your children will laugh when you're dead!-- Jason Robards in "A Thousand Acres"

I can tell you with no ego that this is my finest blade. If you should encounter God, God will be cut.-- Sonny Chiba in "Kill Bill: Volume 1"

I would gladly pay $10.00 to see a kangaroo kick the shit out of Jeff Jarrett.-- Bubblesthechimp
Enojado Viento
Potato korv








Since: 12.3.02
From: Your Grocer's Freezer, NC

Since last post: 628 days
Last activity: 46 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.34
I can't say I blame Ebert.

I knew this movie was heading down a bad road when the co-producer said they only wanted a marketable name.

Between this and the "Dawn of the Dead" remake I wonder if the real cannibalism isn't just a pathetic cover for the utter lack of ideas (or for that matter, actual horror) in horror movies nowadays.





-LS

"ahhh...vague, mandatory knee-jerk cynicism. God Bless Internet Forums.."
vsp
Andouille








Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

Since last post: 2941 days
Last activity: 154 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
    Originally posted by Big Bad
    Wow, Roger Ebert ripped this movie a new asshole. I haven't seen a truly vicious review like this from the E-man in a long time.

    Click Here (suntimes.com)


Thank you. Now I have a new .sig quote.




"There were times when I intensely wanted to walk out of the theater and into the fresh air and look at the sky and buy an apple and sigh for our civilization, but I stuck it out." -- Roger Ebert
Swordsman Yen
Frankfurter








Since: 16.2.02
From: Shaolin

Since last post: 3844 days
Last activity: 3828 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Well you know something, Mean Gene...
Here's a quote from another famous movie critic:

"If the film is a remake of a classic, rent the classic." -- Jay Sherman

Certainly applies here.



Dear Vince,

It's time to take a Dump...


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