From: Ottawa, Ontario
Since last post: 91 days
Last activity: 5 hours
|#1 Posted on 3.2.13 0132.31 | Instant Rating: 6.47|
|One of the difficult things in taking on an undertaking of this magnitude (in this case, recapping every WCW show that I have a copy of, for the 1996 season) – is that sometimes real life intervenes. Case in point; I work two jobs. One of them, my primary job, is a management gig in a call centre. I have a crew of evening and overnight folks who report to me, I give them my 40 hours, and life is swell. On the other hand – I also offer a few hours of my week to a gas station, so that my wife and I may someday retire at a reasonable age, and maybe put our Eventually To Be Conceived children through a decent community college on their way to becoming middle management of their own someday.|
The trouble is, on weekends like this, where the two schedules cross and I wind up working 15 hour days both Saturday AND Sunday – and I haven’t written that darn WCW Saturday Night report yet, my wife begins to question my sanity. Questions such as: “You can’t come to bed because you haven’t watched a 17 year old show?” are difficult to explain to ones spouse, but I carry on, because like Eric Bischoff, I love each and every one of you. And the Armstrongs.
Month 1 is in the books. Month 2 looks ahead! I am exhausted. Let’s go!
One would have to assume that the makers of WCW Cyborgs who would wrestle on Saturday Night did NOT sign the agreement to market their jobbers on the condition Dusty Rhodes provided commentary. But that would be incorrect.
DUSTY RHODES and TONY SCHIAVONE have two hours of excitement ahead. I am momentarily excited too – because I assume this means they are showing a replay of Clash of the champions VII, but alas, no. However, we have Superbrawl hype if that does anything to tickle your cajoles.
THE PUBLIC ENEMY vs. THE ARMSTRONGS
Already I am regretting not burying myself deep underneath the sheets, and hearing the sweet whisper from my wife “you are hogging the blanket” – but let’s give this a go. The Flyboy’s agility is discussed at length, but it’s Grunge who actually hits the top rope elbow clothesline thing, which looks pretty good. TPE hits a combination vertical suplex / crossbody block, and STOP THE PRESSES! Tony Schiavone has an investigative report later TONIGHT on DDP’s $13 million. Perhaps they could do an investigative report on to which members of the Executive Committee that Johnny B Badd is performing tri-sexual acts for in exchange for DDP never pinning him under any circumstances. Of course, this would be nothing in comparison to what Undertaker did to him in 2001, but I digress. Rocco finishes Steve with a Swanton at 4:06, and we get up while they get down. La di da di da di, this match was lousy. 1/2*
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND quickly gets word with TPE; who are excited to hear of the recently signed street fight with the Nastys. The Nastys are claiming they’ve never lost a street fight, but I’ve got a copy of Slamboree 1994 that’s screaming bull snot.
And now, our expose on DDP. In short, we get a lot of old footage, including about 29 consecutive victories by Johnny B Badd over him. And Maxx Muscle. And, finally, we get some grainy footage from the casino, and apparently it was Kimberly who won it, in a Bingo match. There were like 7 people playing, so I guess it was a 2.5 million dollar buy-in? This is ridiculous. This ... is WCW.
STING vs. DENNY BROWN
I guess Sting is trying to work his way up the ranks, and is challenging current #1 contender to Randy Savage’s title, Denny Brown. Brown is like 5’5”, has a beer gut, and hasn’t taken his shirt off in the sunlight since he was at summer camp. On the other hand, he has a shoulder tattoo, so you know he means business. Stinger Splash sets up the Deathlock at 2:10. 1/2*
RANDY SAVAGE is pacing around the locker room with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND who has changed suits since we last saw him 10 minutes ago. Who does Gene think he is, Madonna? Though if asked, I wouldn’t doubt he’d tell you she was negotiating with WCW, and had been seen with a very prominent member of locker room, and to find out more call the Hotline! I’d love to tell you what Randy Savage has to say, but nobody can tell you that. FEEL THE MADNESS. Also, he’s Hulk Hogan’s soul brother. He said so.
THE BARRIO BROTHERS vs. THE NASTY BOYS
What is with this show? Where is the Gambler? Where is Disco Inferno? And what’s with the lack of Chris Benoit, what the hell did he do to the head booker? This isn’t officially announced as a Street Fight, but we get the WCW Split Screen, because everyone’s brawling all over the building. Saggs is effectively killed off here; leaving Knobbs alone with the Barrios. Knobbs fights them off because he’s big and nasty, and Saggs has rises from the dead to beat the bouillon out of Fidel on the floor. This match is the pregnant lady of wrestling; no flow. Seriously, it’s like that one Royal Rumble where Kai-En-Tai kept running in and they kept getting tossed out, except with all the other Rumble in between. Saggs dangerously hits an abdominal stretch slam on a Barrio – I long stopped paying attention to which, and Knobbs hits a big fat splash off the top for the win at 3:47. DUD
Because this storyline hasn’t annoyed me enough tonight, KIMBERLY explains to JOHNNY B BADD that the money isn’t important to her. She gave it to Page because he seemed so happy with the cash. Badd promises to get it back for her, and agrees to Page’s stipulation. The next logical storyline progression here would be for Ed Leslie to get involved as a poor man’s Billy Gunn – let’s hope it goes there.
“JUMPIN” JOEY MAGGS (with Teddy Long) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
Page refers to Johnny as “Johnny B Bozo” on the way to the ring, because I guess he couldn’t work “monkey” into the name, and wasn’t angry enough to kick his teeth down his throat just yet. Page absolutely towers over Maggs here, making some pretty unbelievable snapmares from the midget. And I mean midget in the condescending way, not in the factual way like you would Hornswoggle or Spike Dudley. Diamond Cutter for the win at 2:26. Drive through, NEXT. DUD
Of course, we need to hear from Page, thanks to “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. He calls Gene a monkey, and talks about cheese whiz sucking trailer trash. The money wasn’t won in a bingo hall – it was in Vegas, so says Page. Page says he’ll put up in the money that’s left, nearly $13 million. Gene calls for an audit, and somehow Page reveals that only $6.6 million is left after some “expenses”.
WCW hits the depths of amazing, as we get a clip of Marcus Bagwell beating the hell out of Kevin Nash from 1991. Well that’s a completely random passive aggressive shot at the competition. I have no idea why they aired that, but I like it.
ONE MAN GANG vs. MIKE DAVIS (in a non-title match)
Dusty talks about “Big Ugly” competing in this match, which is a terrible thing to say about Mike Davis. Tony mentions the One Man Gang’s best skill is to come flying out of the gate really fast, on display as he stands on Davis’ head. 747 ends this at 1:33. Gang yells “UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION” a few times. Could he not appear on TV anymore? DUD
THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) vs. TODD MORTON and CHRIS NELSON
Is Chris Nelson pulling double duty? I swear I saw him compete earlier as “Denny Brown”. Perhaps it’s mirror universe Denny Brown, the shoulder tattoo is on the opposite shoulder. Or worse; the Cyborg Machine is creating duplicates. We WERE just months away from Dolly The Sheep after all. Giant chokeslams both to no surprise and wins at 1:16. DUD
A short recap gives us the always hilarious clip of the Yetti dry humping Hulk Hogan at Halloween Havoc, and we turn our attention the locker room with The Giant, Jimmy Hart, and now KEVIN SULLIVAN. Sullivan does his entire promo with his hands over his eyes, like Hulk Hogan because of the shoe spike. Giant laughs, and appears to have a boner?! What the hell man? Get the camera off his junk! Giant promises Hogan will leave Superbrawl with one eye. Why, is he gonna poke it out with his hard on?
MEN AT WORK vs. HARLEM HEAT
My eyes start closing, and I can’t decide if it’s from sheer sleepiness or the Giant’s erection, so I get a bowl of Heavenly Hash that has been sitting in the freezer for an undetermined period of time. The ice cream, not the bowl. Of course, that’s immediately followed by a chocolate drip on the couch cushions. If Chief Wiggum is to be believed, nothing gets chocolate out, but I bet he never heard of Resolve Spray Action. Speaking of getting the chocolate out – we recap Sista Sherri’s split with Harlem Heat. And then we have a match, where Booker T provides a great deal of fantastic offense, with Harlem Sidekicks and 110th Street Slams, while Stevie Ray provides chinlocks and failure. Dusty professes his love for Men At Work, right before a “donnybrook” breaks out according to Tony. A donnybrook? In a wrestling match? What kind of show is this? Kind of abruptly, Stevie Ray assists Booker with a hot shot and the Heat win at 4:54. Match of the night so far. *1/2
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is still changing suits between every take – while Booker T tells him they straight got gate. He don’t feel too good when people axe him why they let a couple of pretty boys do them like that. You’d never see this in the WWE – Vince McMahon has no idea how to write street. Not to mention; they’d be permanently stuck in a feud and tag-team with Kofi Kingston.
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. LEX LUGER (with Jimmy Hart)
This match combination ranks right up there with the idea of slathering peanut butter on a rancid egg salad sandwich. Let’s see what the peanut butter can do. Full energy, as Eddie makes fun of Luger’s posing, and then runs circles around him. Luger is thoroughly confused and can’t keep up. Eddie slams Luger to the buckle, but Luger finally stops the momentum and drops Eddie throat first across the ropes. Standing vertical suplex gets 2. Luger puts Eddie on the top rope, which is probably not where you want him. Eddie wriggles free, but hit axehandle attempt just gets him caught by Luger and stuck in a bearhug. Eddie bearclaps his way loose, which seems like a reasonable escape from a bearhug, but Luger beats him down. Eddie’s face is ground into the mat, and as Eddie tries to fight, he’s clotheslined for 2. Luger holds Eddie high above his head, but Eddie slips off the back into a sunset flip for 2! Eddie nails a dropkick, and heads up to finish. Luger throws the referee in front of Eddie, and goes to Rack Guerrero. Eddie counters with a rana – but a second attempt leads right into a Rack, and the referee rings the bell at 7:23. But wait – they’re saying Guerrero is the winner by DQ because of the referee trick, and Luger is PISSED. He kicks Eddie to the floor, and poses. Peanut butter tried to cover that terrible egg, but could only do so much. **
DEAN MALENKO vs. RIC FLAIR
Tony tells us that Malenko “literally” knows over 1000 ways to hurt you. I can’t imagine lying on the ground while Ric Flair jimmies away at your leg is one of them, but maybe I’m just not scientific enough to understand. Malenko fights, but gets a thumb to the eye for his trouble, and face rubbed across the rope. Flair gets dumped to the floor, and Malenko tries a slingshot crossbody, but Flair simply steps aside and Dean crashes to the mat. Flair starts to tenderize the leg, while Tony speculates that a win here by Dean would make him the obvious #1 contender to the World Title. Forget the fact he’s fresh off jobbing to freakin’ Alex Wright. Though, I won’t pretend I find the idea of a WCW rankings going 1) Wright 2) Malenko 3) Flair 4) Hogan absolutely hilarious. Dean gets control, and goes for a Texas Cloverleaf, but ARN ANDERSON rushes down to provide distraction. Flair talks to the referee, and Arn crushes Malenko’s leg in the ringpost. Flair puts on the figure four, cheats like crazy with the ropes, and gets the win at 6:23. Of course, the referee SAW Flair cheating, but chose to believe Flair shaking his head “no, I didn’t cheat”. Would you argue with Ric? **
In the back, Flair catches up with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. All Gene wants to do is focus on the past – specifically Monday. Flair is fired up and turning purple, excitedly talking about slamming Liz’s shoe in Hogan’s eye. He reminds the world that twice now, he’s beaten Hogan – and Savage without Hogan is nothing. Flair promises to have Elizabeth ride Space Mountain one more time. Gene sends us to black while Flair rants about being the best cage fighter in wrestling history. And it’s not far off – Superbrawl is a week away.
I might even sleep before then!
The Shooting Star Press blog
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From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA
Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 6 hours
|#2 Posted on 3.2.13 0709.34 | Instant Rating: 3.19|
Since last post: 164 days
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|#3 Posted on 3.2.13 0751.51 | Instant Rating: 4.61|
Originally posted by ekedolphin
I am shocked that Eddie Guerrero got any kind of victory over Lex Luger, even if it was a disqualification.
Of course, if Luger got DQed for throwing a referee, naturally Flair should have got DQed for grabbing the ropes during the figure-four. But if Guerrero and Malenko had both won matches against previous (and future) world champions on the same show, the universe would have exploded.
Flair would have a 5 count to break the hold. Besides, the footage has been compromised to make it appear Flair grabbed the ropes, much as the footage was doctored to make it appear Hogan was hit by a shoe rather than just by a strong knockout blow by the Nature Boy.
Wouldn't call Spike Dudley a midget. But, if you need life insurance or to do a rollover, I'm sure he would appreciate the call.
(edited by redsoxnation on 3.2.13 1006)
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA
Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 6 hours
|#4 Posted on 8.2.13 1212.31 | Instant Rating: 3.19|