To work on his promo skills, Albert resorts to taunting youths down at the local Boys Club while the cameras roll. 2)
Brock: What the hell is that? Angle: Oh, Bradshaw came in here, drunk off his ass, and said he needed to leave a "note" for Sable. 3)
Whoa, I've got ten fingers on my hand! I rule! 4)
Vince: Say, could you put a coat of Turtle Wax on the limo when you're done with that car? Eddie: Hey, Vince, it's Eddie! Eddie Guerrero? U.S. Champion? Big Show: The man told you to wax his car, not give him your life story. Vince: Damn foreign help. 5)
Edge: Hey man, that smack you got for me last night was great - but you still don't get a hat. 6)
After his unchecked ego unbalances his brain, HHH loses track of which decade he's in and puts together a promo reel for the producers of Miami Vice. 7)
Y2J: Now, to give the vowels the right tone, let them roll off of your tongue...aaaaa. Shawn: AAAAAAAA! Y2J: *sigh* You'll never be a world-famous rock star. 8)
Yes - smile, applaud courteously, and Vince will let me get back to Hollywood and avoid getting stuck in his *stupid* wrestling angles. 9)
Storm: I don't remember the Ultimate Warrior looking so gay. Rico: Are you coming on to me, you saucy Canuck?
I'm going twenty-four hours a day...I can't seem to stop - "Turn Up The Radio", Autograph
It had to happen eventually: Wiener Of The Day - June 10th, 2003
As we can infer from these fossil imprints, the Benoitdactyl established a cruel routine of mocking the Albertosaurus Rex and then standing just a little bit away once it realized that the larger beast's poorly developed and nearly useless forearms had no chance of inflicting damage.
Aw, not again. Damn it, Kurt, you know Brock's sensitive about his caterpillar eyebrows.
Amd then, right there in the middle of a freestyle, he suddenly realized that his stigmata was kicking in.
Then one day the two finally decided to settle things with a sleaze-off, and the ensuing three weeks of programming offended fourteen women's groups, five anti-defamation leagues, eleven sponsors, two networks, twenty-seven high-profile television executives and about a million and a half viewers. On the other hand, hey, more Vince on SmackDown!
Seconds later Sho Funaki, SmackDown #1 Announcer, was killed and eaten.
"I'm not sure what you mean by 'overcompensating'."
"No, no, no, like this. 'Foah... suppah... I, er, ah, want... a pahrty plattah'!"
"I've been sitting here doing this for fifteen minutes and I'm still getting a bigger reaction than ninety percent of the roster. I am the fucking man."
"Oh, sure. You laugh at me now. We'll see who's laughing two years from now when I'm wearing a black trenchcoat and descending from the rafters with a baseball bat, and you're still stuck as 'the boring guy'."
Albert: Did you switch my Stacker 2 with Weight Gain 4000?!? 2) Angle: Brock, you look like you need a hug. 3) Cena: AUUUUUGH!!! All this talk about spinchters is getting me in the zone! IT'S FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE TIME!!! 4) Vince: Ah-ha! Prepping the title for next week when I win with the Fingerpoke of Doom~! 5) Funaki: Uhh, dude, the glare from your teeth is going to blind me in a second... 6) Hunter: Say, it's great to be around a bunch of gals who don't speak in a deep voice or are pudgy! 7) Jericho: Yes, I'm still mad at the dirtsheet writers for saying I was the next HBK upon entering WCW! Just because of that comment, Bischoff forced me to put my back on the railing so fans could pat or stab me during my entrance! 8) Rock: YAAAAY!! You said The Rock's Name!! *golf-clap* 9) Rico: Say, you should join me and Miss Jackie in the hot tub tonight!
"Alright, now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed. I hope you enjoy it!"
Albert: I told you, you must be THIS tall to get gored through that door! Benoit: But I a-- (CRASH) Albert: Huh. Guess he was.
Kurt: Brock, how many times do I have to tell you?! Those Nigerian refugee emails are just a scam! There's no one who needs to transfer thousands of dollars into your bank account! Brock: (mumbling under his breath) ...goodthingiusedyouraccountkurt... Kurt: What'd you say? Brock: Nothing...
(Cena, having inexplicably lost his flow, resorts to showing the crowd his webbed hand to get their attention.)
Eddie: Hey Vince... check this one out! I just got this low-rider from some guy... Jesse... something... James? And it actually DOES mow lawns! I don't have to work here anymore! Big Show: Son of a bitch, those fans ARE on to something!
Edge: See? Wouldn't these teeth be PERFECT for a create-a-wrestler? You'd think THQ woulda thought of that, but noooooo...
HHH (to himself): Her boobs are so bright... I've gotta wear shades... Director (off-camera): Uhm... that's not how it goes...
Jericho: Oh, the shark has... pearly teeth, dear... 8.
(Unbeknownst to the fans, the Rock has been undergoing rebirthing therapy during his downtime. He's made it all the way to three months. Terrible twos, here he comes!)
Rico: No, really, I can't move this hand. It just kinda flops around. Storm: Look, you're reaching here... I can SEE you moving your hand! Are you really THAT desperate to get heat? Rico: (sobs) Y-y-yes... (sniffle)
(edited by drjayphd on 13.9.03 0238) Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy ofhardygrrl:
"...between the grime layer and the Seventies game show host hair, I'd rather rim Undertaker after a White Castle/Schlitz bender."
This might be too close to a brand split, but I wonder if a modified system of soccer's relegation might be feasible. You want to play with the big boys on Raw and Smackdown? Prove your worth on Main Event and Superstars.