Buchanan's down in OVW or HWA or one of those other places -- hence, ineligible for the purposes of this thread.
Anyway, if I were Lord and Master of the WWF, this situation would probably never arise, because I wouldn't hire Hogan, Hall, or Nash if they had pictures of me with a donkey. Nor would I hire Hart or HBK for any kind of long-term contract; they were great in their day, yes, but their day is past and they're both too injured to do anything more than mic work. And Bret, given his performance on the WWA PPV, is dubious even for that. I would hire Goldberg only if it was absolutely certain that he'd left his attitude at the door, and I'd be very careful about hiring Steiner (clause #1 in the contract, not negotiable: "Rick stays home.").
Still, if I had no choice but to cut 10 men from the roster:
- Saturn. Not over. Has not been over since the Eliminators and wearing a dress against Jericho in WCW. Not going to be doing anything but Metal for the rest of his WWF career.
- Godfather. An obvious one, for all the reasons given.
- Hugh Morrus. I don't know if he qualifies under the "currently on TV" rule, since I don't watch Metal every week. But Hugh's sole claim to uniqueness is being a big guy who can do a moonsault. We already have Kurt Angle. Bye, Hugh.
- Raven. At the very least, shift him into announcing or even writing.
- Mr. Perfect. Okay, the nostalgia has worn off.
- William Regal. If you have a string of crappy matches with untalented guys, it might be their fault. If you have crappy matches with Jericho, Edge, and RVD, it's probably your fault.
- The Bossman. Another gimme.
- Rikishi. There are only so many times you can see the stinkface before it stops being entertaining. Approximately two or three.
- Terri. You are the weakest diva. Goodbye!
- Al Snow. One of my personal favorites, but if the WWF doesn't let him do comedy, there's no point in keeping him as a wrestler. Make him a full-time trainer.
Excalibur made a good point earlier... we'll always have need of jobbers in the fed, especially if so many "big" names are being brought on board. There just aren't enough slots at the top for all of them. With that in mind, I tried to think who in the mid card and above I'd give the heave-ho to (in addition to assorted other TV personalities that have to go)
1. Steph. Steph is like alcohol- fun in small doses but gives you an enormous headache if you get too much. Let her go back to being crucified every summer for our enjoyment.
2. Test. Sorry, you've had your shot. No matter how big you are we don't buy it. And I thought Canada only produced GOOD wrestlers...
3. The Hardyz. They both ended up going through the barbershop window. Neither has developed the slightest hint of personality (and therefore, a potential for future singles success). Time for the next brother tag team.
4. Steven Regal. As noted before, he clashes with EVERYBODY. I might keep him on for "sunshine" alone but unless he's stiffing the shit outta Goldberg, no go.
5. Michael Cole. No, he's not THAT bad (just plain bad will do). But cutting him loose would force the WWF to give someone else a shot at it... and maybe that someone would actually grab the brass ring and succeed. Cole isn't the answer when JR retires... time to start finding who is.
6. Torrie Wilson. Eye candy to be sure... but the internet and the WWF is full of both. Can't talk, can't work, can't even seem to draw "Puppies!" heat. Goodbye.
7. Tazz. Heyman said it best. "He was a killer! Now he's just a fat little announcer and not even a very good one at that."
8. Billy Gunn. Yes, this almost violates the jobber rule... except that no matter how dull Billy is, he keeps getting chances to run with the ball. Game over.
9. Chuck Palumbo... the next Billy Gunn. Nip that shit in the bud.
10. Rikishi. Just so I don't ever have to see the stinkface again.
Originally posted by FlashThe Hardyz. They both ended up going through the barbershop window.
That's funny stuff!
Okay, I guess I'll answer my own thread (is that wrong?). All of the responses have been good, and I thank you.
1. Test: I agree with those who find him uninteresting. Why is he even around? And every time he wrestles, one of the announces will invariably say, "A future main-event star!" Yeesh. 2. Albert: His not hip, he can't hop, but he is a hippo. 3. Big Show: I like the Show, but he's not believable when he's not in title contention. I just can't imagine a guy this huge and powerful not going after Jericho. If they can't find a good program for him, he needs to go. 4. Funaki: No good out of Kaientai. 5. Godfather: Unless they turn him back into Papa Shango...I would go for that. 6. The Hurricane: I have never seen him execute an impressive move. Even off the top rope he is uninspiring. 7. Rikishi: A worthless fat-ass who can hardly move. 8. Bossman: Ditto. 9. X-Pac: He has lost his ability to do any good moves and just looks lazy and sloppy. The crowd hates him. 10. Terri: More dead weight.
Keepers: I don't understand the desire to cut Perry Saturn and Mr. Perfect. Why would we cut some of the only technical wrestlers who are left? Let's cut the real dead weight first.
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!?! - The immortal, chilling words of...The Shockmaster!
Only 1 person said Hardcore Holly! I was expecting to see him a bunch of times, so I guess I'm happy.
My list: 1. Spike Dudley-No use for this guy. Yeah, he can take good bumps, big deal. 2. Funaki-He's one of the "no reason to cut him...but no reason to keep him" guys. 3. Crash-See Funaki. 4. Godfather-WHY!? Why did they bring him back? He sucks. 5. Mr. Perfect-I'd cut him and then sign him to a PPV-only contract. The only way he's gonna be useful is in a 15+ minute match. His style is too drawn out for 3-5 minute matches and where the hell did his mic skills go? 6. Saturn-I LIKE Saturn, but I also don't have much use for him anymore. They've ruined him. 7. Rikishi-He sucks. 8. Any woman not named Trish, Jazz, Molly, or Lita-The first three because they can wrestle, Lita can't, but she IS over, and if she's not there the Hardys would NEVER win, so I guess I'd keep her. But then again, I'm not sure the Hardys never winning is a bad thing, aw hell... 9. Lita AND The Hardys-Talk about stale. These guys are the same now as they were a year ago and they have no mic skills. They're creeping into the HHH "Make me want to change the channel" category. 10. X-Pac, Bossman, and Michael Cole...I'd leave messages on their voice mail and then tell security to never let them enter the building again. They're not even worth giving an explanation.
I REALLY wanted to put HHH but I decided to be realistic. Oh...and to that guy who said Holly should be cut, I have one thing to say to you and dammit, you're not gonna like it....
And I think you're fat. So how do you like me now?
I look forward (not at all) to Stephanie screeching goodbye for ten minutes. Maybe even a "hey hey hey goodbye" chant to the bane of her husband's existence. Much hay will be made. I think it's an angle. I hope it is.