Superstars open. Alex Riley will main-event tonight's episode against Jack Swagger.
But we start out with Heath Slater's generic country music, and crap-- he's got a microphone. "Cut my music! Hey, hey, sorry hey, I remember this dump! This is where me and the Nexus came down and destroyed the WWE Legends. I beat Ricky Steamboat to a pulp in the middle of that ring just so the Nexus could do whatever they wanted to him. Just like Johnny Cash would say-- I'm a solitary man. And that is why I am the one-man Southern Rock Band, baby! Woo!"
Trent Baretta-- he's still here?-- comes out to a decent pop. Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are your commentary team, and they say that SummerSlam will take LA by storm.
Heath Slater vs. Trent Barreta
Barreta and Slater lock up and trade standing switches; Bareta rolls him into an armbar and then a keylock. Slater to his feet, breaks it with an elbow, bounces off the ropes and takes him down with a shoulder tackle. There was an honest-to-God "Trent Barreta!" chant going there for a moment from ten or so very loud fans. Barreta leapfrogs and sends Slater flying with a monkey flip, and then he clotheslines him over the top rope.
Barreta then does a flying plancha over the top rope. Both men down for a moment, Trent slides Heath in and gets two. Slater to his feet, Barreta with a European uppercut and punch in the corner. Barreta tries to whip Slater into the corner but it's reversed; Slater grabs the turnbuckle and lifts himself up, and eats a strong kick by Slater, right in the chest. Slater picks him up and hits an inverted backbreaker (impacting with the chest), and gets two. A kick sends Trent to the apron, and he keeps pounding on him; the ref forces him to break. When Trent gets back into the ring, Slater punches him and puts him in a headlock on the mat. Trent gets to his feet, breaks with punches to the torso but gets an elbow to the back.
Whip sequence, Slater gets kicked, Trent charges but get lifted up and dropped onto the top rope. Just as they're going to the break, Slater goes for the pinfall and gets two, and as we fade to commercial, we hear someone LOUDLY say, "HEATH SLATER, I HATE YOU!" Damn, man.
As we come back, Slater has Barreta in the corner and is punching him; the ref counts to 4 and forces the break. Slater jaw-jacks with the referee and then goes for a Stinger Splash, but Trent moves laterally out of the way. Schoolboy by Barreta gets two. Two knife-edge chops by Trent; he ducks a clothesline but Heath doesn't duck his, and goes down. More punching, and an impressive splash in the corner by Trent, followed by a missile dropkick off the top. Two-count.
Barreta puts a headlock on Slater as they get back to their feet; Slater rolls out of it but eats an enziguiri. Off-the-ropes running dropkick for two. Both of them are slow to get to their feet. Barreta recovers first, and attempts the Dudebuster DDT (a tornado DDT) but Slater lands on his feet. Slater hits an Arn Anderson spinebuster for two, and he can't BELIEVE that didn't get three. He bitches at the referee, and charges at Barreta in the corner, but Barreta gets both feet up and they collide with Slater's face. Barreta pulls Slater into the center of the ring and gets two from that.
Barreta heads to the top rope, his back to the center of the ring. No idea what he's about to try, but Slater prevents whatever it was; he gets behind him and punches him. Now Slater's going for the reverse superplex, but Barreta fights him off and knocks him to the mat. An impressive plancha off the top rope misses! Slater poises behind him as Barreta gets up, and hits an inverted DDT (which he calls "Sweetness") for the three-count.
Good match between these two. Barreta's actually a very good in-ring performer.
WINNER BY PINFALL: Heath Slater
The Riley/Swagger main event is plugged again. Commercial.
We come back and SummerSlam is plugged.
Santino Marella's music plays, and the crowd gives a REALLY big pop for arguably the popular midcard comedy wrestler on the roster. He and Chris Masters will be teaming tonight. As this is the "RAW" portion of the broadcast, we now have Scott Sanford and Matt Striker at commentary.
Last week, Santino teamed with Zack Ryder to defeat The New Nexus. I can only guess he wants to see how bad his partner can be and still beat The New Nexus; when he gets to Ludvig Borga, let me know. (This is no disrespect to Ryder; it's disrespect towards Masters).
Most of the world heard The New Nexus's new theme for the first time on SmackDown, but as Superstars "airs" on Thursday, this is the actual debut of the theme, at least for New Nexus. "Power" by S-Preme, which my research (read: Wikipedia and YouTube) tells me was briefly used by Justin Gabriel before he changed to "The Rising" by Jim Johnston.
NON-TITLE MATCH: The New Nexus (David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty) vs. Santino Marella and Chris Masters
I love how Santino's T-shirt is so goofy '80s. (He takes it off before competing). Santino and Masters play paper-rock-scissors to decide who goes first. We don't see what Masters rolled, but Santino got scissors, so he goes first. (But does that mean he "gets" to go first, or "has" to go first?)
Anyway. Otunga will start for New Nexus. Surely this match will take longer than "tomorrow's" SmackDown match against The Uso's, right?
A "Santino!" chant by the fans. Santino takes three stretching kicks which deliberately don't come close to touching Otunga; he's just feeling him out. Then he slaps him right in the face. Otunga charges but Santino shows him the Cobra, and Otunga beats a hasty retreat; he wants noneadat. Clothesline by Otunga misses; Santino whirls him around into a backbreaker, sending him into the corner where he tags Masters.
Santino holds Otunga for a Masters kick, and then two knife-edge chops. He wrenches the arm but gets hit with a forearm, Otunga's got him in the corner and tags McGillicutty, whose name I'll put in my clipboard so I don't have to repeatedly type it. McGillicutty with a couple of punches on a staggered Masters; whip fails, though, and Masters hits a Samoan drop for two. Allegedly, McGillicutty and Otunga are wearing a "special oil" that makes it easy to slip out of the Masterlock. Wait, those two losers are that smart but Shawn Michaels wasn't?!
Masters has McGillicutty in a headlock and drags him into the corner, tagging Santino. A nice amateur wrestling takedown by Santino, fall attempt gets one. Technical wrestling is broken up by a knee; McGillicutty whips Santino into the corner but he rises up and avoids McGillicutty's unseen charge, causing McGillicutty to slam his head into the turnbuckle. A few punches send him down, but more punchkick sends Santino down long enough for McGillicutty to tag in Otunga.
Otunga attempts a running clothesline, which Santino ducks with the splits, and he takes Otunga down with a high armdrag. Off the ropes, standing diving headbutt. Santino wakes up the Cobra, but McGillicutty, the illegal man, whirls him around. He almost eats it himself but he quickly ducks out of the ring. Otunga then punches Santino in the back to send him out of the ring.
On the floor, McGillicutty hits a rather bad-looking clothesline (that looks more like the Stinger Splash used in WCW vs. nWo: World Tour) that sends Santino down. Masters, on the apron, is protesting to the referee as Otunga hits a double axehandle from the apron, and then slams Santino's head into the table as we go to commercial.
As we come back, Otunga has Santino on one knee in a headlock, but Santino's on his way to his feet, and he tosses him into the corner-- but unfortunately into Nexus' corner. He's got a long way to go to reach Masters, and Otunga kicks him in the chest to prevent him from doing so. Neckbreaker by Otunga gets two. Otunga sends Santino into McGillicutty's boot in the corner and then tags McGillicutty. A punch by Otunga sends Santino into the center of the ring staggering, and McGillicutty with a knee to the chest to take him down. Two-count broken by Masters. McGillicutty with a rear facelock, Santino gets to his feet and almost gets to Masters but McGillicutty punches him in the back and immediately drags him all the way to the Nexus corner, tagging Otunga in as he slides Santino onto his back.
As Nexus tries to double-team, Santino punches McGillicutty and turns to attack Otunga, but David's just a little quicker and he nails him in the face. Then he grabs hold of the ropes and chokes Santino with his boot. Naturally, Otunga avails himself of the full four-count. While he argues with the ref, McGillicutty punches Santino from the outside. Otunga lifts Santino to his feet, and Santino can barely stand. He's staggering so much, in fact, I think he's playing possum, but no, Otunga does indeed hit a huge clothesline on him. Cover gets two.
Headlock, tag to McGillicutty and more double-teaming in the corner. As Santino tries to get to his feet, McGillicutty knocks him down every time, and we see a *great* camera view from just alongside Masters, showing just how far away Santino really is from Masters. Sometimes on the normal cam, you lose sight of the exact depth. Great shot, and Striker lampshades it.
McGillicutty sets Santino up for a suplex, but Santino punches his way out of it and then hits a Stunner variant. Santino crawls towards Masters and gets the hot tag! Ducks the clothesline, hits the knife-edge chop. Whip reversed but Masters comes flying off the ropes with a diving elbow. Clothesline, clothesline, whip, spinebuster a la The Rock gets two. Otunga makes the save and starts kicking away at Masters, but Santino has put a long-sleeved green sock on behind him-- which looks like a cobra sock puppet-- and hits The Cobra to the back of Otunga's head.
Santino turns his back on McGillicutty, though, and when he turns around McGillicutty kicks him out of the ring. Masters attempts the Masterlock on McGillicutty, but McGillicutty gets to the corner and slams Masters' head into the turnbuckle. Running neckbreaker sends Masters down and gets three-- and that's really his finishing move? Okay...
WINNERS: The New Nexus
Decent match, even though Otunga and McGillicutty are too punchy-kicky, not enough wrestling for my liking. Maybe the SmackDown match against the Usos was a three-minute special because of the fact this one wasn't. (Given the option, I'd have gone the opposite direction, and had Nexus lose the title while they're at it).
RAW Rebound shows Mysterio defeating Miz for the WWE Title. Cena congratulating him and then presumably running off to kiss up to Triple H for a title shot. Triple H making that match. JR returning. Cena defeating Mysterio for the belt, and then CM Punk coming out to "Cult of Personality" with the REAL belt.
Jack Swagger comes out for the main event, and he's getting surprisingly loud heel heat from the crowd. Man, that airplane spin never ceases to look stupid, it's like he's 10 years old. Commercial break.
Alex Riley and his awesome theme music come out, and he's getting a great face reaction.
Jack Swagger vs. Alex Riley
Lock-up, and Swagger knocks him on his face and does the ridiculous airplane spin again. Riley takes it in stride and they lock up again; standing switch by Swagger and he takes him down to the mat. Riley tries to pry Swagger's fingers apart but he gets taken down a second time and then Swagger slaps Riley in the back of the head a few times for good measure. Riley decides to take it personal this time and punches Swagger, but Swagger can do that, too, and he drops Riley with a knee to the gut.
Punches in the corner, and the referee forces Swagger to pull off. When Swagger goes back in, Riley flips him around and fires away with punches of his own in the corner. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Riley with a clothesline, and does four of the ten-punches in the corner before planting Swagger with a DDT. Two-count.
Riley continues with punches, and whips Swagger into the ropes but he grabs hold of them. Charge is met with a backdrop onto the apron, and A-Ry lands on his feet. Headbutt to the gut, Swagger staggers but before Riley can capitalize, Swagger hits him with a forearm shot, knocking Riley to the floor.
Swagger poses on the apron for a moment before grabbing Riley in a headlock and sending him flying into the dividing wall. Swagger has a smug look on his face as we go to break.
Back to action, both men are standing in the ring and Swagger drops Riley with a charging shoulderblock. As Swagger stands poised in the corner, we see the replay of him throwing Riley into the wall just before the break. When Riley gets up, Swagger takes him down with another running shoulderblock. Swagger poses, and does some mounted punches, broken up by the referee. Keylock, and Riley gets to his feet, punching Swagger and going off the ropes only to eat a clothesline. Two-count.
Swagger gets Riley into the corner and hammer-tosses him into the opposite corner, and then steps on him when he's down. Swagger splits the legs and grinds his foot into Riley's stomach while holding his left foot, which for some reason the referee's counting as a submission attempt, while at the same time making sure Riley's shoulders are off the mat.
Another stomp, a brief one-count, some more stomping as the announcers put over Swagger's Ankle Lock as a serious threat. Stomping in the corner. Swagger's whip attempt to the other corner reversed; he comes after Riley with a clothesline but it's reversed into an STO.
They get to their feet and trade punches; rope sequence results in Riley tackling, hitting some running shoulder blocks and a Rock spinebuster. Riley raises his fist and hits the "A-Bomb", which is basically a People's Elbow with different posing, and done perpendicular from the People's Elbow-- he bounces off the ropes from the side his opponent's feet are on. He chucks an imaginary grenade up in the air, bounces off the ropes, catches the grenade, and hits the elbow. Anyway, it gets two.
Riley sets him up for "You're Dismissed"-- a fireman's carry cutter-- but Swagger weasels out of it and hits some forearm shots to Riley's back. He goes for the pin, but Riley's under the ropes and the referee doesn't count, much to Swagger's consternation. Swagger pulls Riley off the ropes, keeping him on the mat, and then flies into the corner, dropping down on him with a bodysplash. He does the King Kong pose, and then applies the Ankle Lock, which is immediately rolled out of by A-Ry, and he rolls out of the ring.
Swagger then makes the mistake of resting by placing his head on the bottom rope, and Riley leaps from the floor to the bottom rope to kick him in the head; a good show of athleticism there. Emphatic DDT gets the three-count.
WINNER: Alex Riley
We see a few replays, such as the kick to the bottom rope and the DDT, and as Riley poses for the crowd, which gets to see their first face victory of the night, we fade to black.
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." --Jonas, The Hit List
Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
Co-Winner of Time's Person of the Year Award, 2006
I don't know if I'll watch this thing. It's painful to see Bret slowly but surely sink into the depths of insanity and delusion like this.
EDIT: Wow. I caught a glimpse of that seance or whatever the hell it is and Bret looks mighty HAGGERED.