Tonight, the fate of the free world is decided! But screw that, there's a wrestling show on TV. This is Super Smackdown Live!
We open with a "Previously on WWE" recap, like on Raw, detailing the change of the Survivor Series team match and the creation of a WWE Championship match. And a recap of 'the AJ Scandal'. Do we really need to recap either of those things when it's likely neither will advance tonight? Then again, this is Super Smackdown Live!
We go into the arena without the opening video, and Michael Cole is in the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a very turbulent twenty-four hours for my guest at this time. Please welcome the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus!" Wait, what's been turbulent for Sheamus? He beat Miz yesterday. Oh, recent reports on WWE.com say there's more on the story? Apparently, Sheamus got into a bar fight with the Big Show. I remember the days when a bar fight would've actually been captured on camera and aired as programming. But I guess they're in England, so the Friendly Tap is too far away! Carry on, Cole. "Sheamus, it's apparent you're still very upset about what's transpired, we're going to get the folks up to date now, uh, last night following Monday Night Raw, you and your friend William Regal went to a pub in Birmingham to have a good time. Reports, reports have surfaced throughout the day today at WWE.com that there was an incident in this pub last night in Birmingham and now we understand that there's video footage from a cellphone of this incident, we'd like to present this footage to you right now." And here's the tiny grainy footage ofg Sheamus in presumably a crowded pub with William Regal. A fan snaps a picture of the two of them. Then as Sheamus is answering a fan's question, the Big Show is in from behind to attack! He pulls Regal out of the way to start landing clubbing blows on Sheamus' back, as one patron shouts "Fight! Fight! Fight!". Sheamus is thrown onto a bench, and as Regal tries to intervene on his behalf, Big Show turns and lands the KO Punch on him! Show clubs Sheamus down onto the floor, before picking up a barstool and raising it overhead, driving it down slowly on the bench next to Sheamus. I'm sure it was a good idea at the time. At least it dutifully breaks in the process! Show lands some kicks to Sheamus' ribs, before threatening some of the spectators. "Shut up. You want some?" And that's where the footage stops.
"Sheamus, that footage, uh, that footage had to be extremely difficult for you to wa-" Sheamus grabs the mic away! "Cole, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be in this ring now. Okay?" Cole dutifully leaves. "Y'know, there's a part of me that respects that the Big Show had the stones to come onto my turf and throw hands last night, but what I can't respect is the fact that he would cheapshot someone like William Regal, a man who has helped my career immensely and has done so much for every other guy, and most of the lads in the lockerroom." Fans support this, and chant for Regal. "Well, the problem is, Show, I'm still standing! And I'm giving you an opportunity to finish what you started right now! Y'see, in two weeks time at Survivor Series, we know that it's all gonna be about the World Heavyweight Championship. But right now, right now it's simply all about me kicking your giant arse!" And Big Show appears on the Titantron.
"This is the thanks I get, you ungrateful ginger? I did you a favour! I held back this much so I didn't destroy you so bad that you couldn't make it to Survivor Series. You see, at Survivor Series it's going to be a completely different story. 'Cuz I am going to take you out, I'm going to take you out permanently. I knocked you out in the first time, I'm going to knock you out at Survivor Series and retain my World Heavyweight Championship. Sheamus, you don't want any part of me, if you think fighting me is a good idea, why don't you just ask your 'mate' William Regal if fighting me is a good idea." "Y'know, Show, if you're too SCARED to come on down to this ring, then just say you're too scared!" "I'm not scared, Sheamus! I've got no reason to! You've got nothing to offer me! Nothing!" "Y'know, Show, it seems that those stones I was talking about earlier on, they're more like pebbles. Why don't you grow a backbone, fella, c'mon down here because I'm just DYING to show you how a real Irishman does it." And the interruption comes from Wade Barrett, who enters to the hometown pop. He has a mic!
"Listen, Sheamus, the fact that you're out here looking for a fight with the Big Show when you've already got a fight lined up with me for WWE Main Event makes me seriously question your sanity. Because I think as we all already know, once I'm finished with ya, you're gonna be in no condition to fight the Big Show at Survivor Series, and if by some minor miracle you are, I'm gonna have left you with a very painful parting gift courtesy of the Barrett Barrage. So what I'm gonna suggest is that you take your ginger, pasty-" "What I'm gonna suggest is that if Big Show is too scared to come out here and fight me, I say you shut your mouth, come all the way down here, and if you want a fight, you get in this ring and fight me right now!" And the mic is thrown down. Sheamus wants a fight! Barrett drops his too, and stalks down to the ring, slowly. He stops halfway there, then backs up, turns and leaves. Play Sheamus' music! Still to come tonight, Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio, Falls Count Anywhere! But up next, The Miz and Kofi Kingston will fight, as Miz is invoking his rematch clause for the Intercontinental Championship! And they're both walking around backstage! Wait, didn't Miz already invoke his rematch clause at Hell in a Cell?
I wonder if they taped Main Event after Smackdown to avoid having Barrett having to come out and talk about an upcoming match that the crowd had already seen?
Backstage, Barrett is taping up his fists, but he's approached by Booker T. "Hey Wade, that was real cute out there, but you know I'm scratching my head because I never pegged you for backing down from a fight." "Oh, I never back down from a fight." "Well, that's good, because I talked to Mr. William Regal and I proposed a tag team match. William Regal and Sheamus vs. you and the Big Show, tonight." Barrett puts an arm around Booker's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "Thank you." He smirks and departs.
JBL and Josh Mathews are shown to plug the rest of the show, with JBL hailing King Booker and talking about how matches like the tag match just made are what makes Smackdown the A-show. And while I know that it probably never again will be the A-show, just having JBL talking about it as if it were can only help. Perception is everything!
Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz, Intercontinental Championship Match:Tony Chimel again is doing the ring announcing today. Okay, on the entrances Mathews clarifies and says that Miz earned this match by beating Kofi in last week's tag match. That's better than a multiple-rematch clause. JBL accuses Josh of burying Miz and being jealous of him. Here we go! Lockup, headlock by Miz. Kofi reverses into the top wristlock, and then into his own headlock. Miz spins into his own, but Kofi ducks behind for a waistlock. Miz elbows out, whip into the ropes, off the ropes, Kofi goes underneath but is caught and shoved to the corner. Kofi's boots are up on the charge, and Kofi runs out, counters Miz's hiptoss and lands a monkey flip. Miz is clotheslined over the top rope to the floor! Kofi goes off the ropes, Miz dodges the baseball slide, but Kofi blocks his punch and sends him towards the barricade. Kofi charges at Miz, and Miz tosses him over his head, but Kofi lands on his feet on the barricade! He flies off the barricade with the high clothesline to take Miz down! Back into the ring, cover for two. Charge into the corner, but Miz lifts Kofi up and crotches him on the top rope. The referee checks on Kofi as we go to break.
Back from the break, Miz hits a single-leg DDT on Kofi for two. Yes, he DDTed the leg. Miz applies a hold on the ankle, but Kofi shoves him off. During the break, Miz landed a kneebreaker onto the ringsteps to hurt the leg. Miz goes for a kneebreaker in the ring, but Kofi goes up and over into a sunset flip for two. Miz with the quick low dropkick to the knee for another two. Miz now applies.. a unique hold! He tucks Kofi's good leg behind his own while applying an ankle hold on the bad leg, then drops down to jar the knee. Elbowdrop on the knee, and another hold applied. Kofi is struggling. He kicks Miz repeatedly in the head with his other leg to break the hold. Both men are slow to rise. Miz goes for the Bossman Straddle but Kofi dodges away, then tackles Miz and starts landing punches. Clothesline, back elbow, double chop! Off the ropes, high clothesline! He hobbles around a bit, but still sets up the Boomdrop, which hits! He wants Trouble in Paradise, but Miz ducks and grabs the full nelson. Kofi falls to his rear to escape and rolls Miz up in a victory roll for two, before Miz reverses into his own pin. They roll around like a fish out of water, trading two counts! Miz finally aborts the pinfall trading, spinning Kofi around into the half-crab! Kofi reaches desperately for the ropes, and gets there! Miz looks upset, as Kofi rolls to the apron. Miz charges, but takes a shoulderblock through the ropes, and Kofi's going up top. He's slow, though! Miz catches him partway up and starts lancing punches. Miz wants the superplex, but Kofi blocks! He blocks twice! Punches from Kofi and he shoves Miz off, but Miz lands on his feet and is right back on the attack with another punch to stagger Kofi. Miz goes back up, still landing punches, but Kofi fights back again. Are the fans going "Boom" for Kofi's punches and "Yay" for Miz's punches? I'm probably mishearing, but that's pretty awesome if they are. Now Kofi lands a headbutt and Miz falls off. Froggy crossbody by Kofi! 1, 2, 3! Kofi wins! Miz looks distraught, but Kofi has his number, when Big Show punches aren't involved at least. Kofi celebrates as Miz watches on in dismay. Now the two are staring each other down. Miz paces around Kofi, staring him down, before offering the Hand of Friendship. Kofi delivers a dropkick in response! JBL calls it a cheapshot, and Miz kicks the ring steps in anger as he stalks off. So much for sportsmanship! Later tonight, Sheamus and William Regal will team against Big Show and Wade Barrett. But up next, Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara will face the Prime Time Players! They're stacking this show a bit, aren't they? Ah, who would have thought a few months ago that a Prime Time Players match could be considered 'stacking the show'?
Car Sterio vs. Prime Time Players: No entrance for the PTP. Young and Sin Cara start. Kick by Young, clubbing forearm. Off the ropes, handstand by Cara but Young dodges away so no elbow is thrown, clothesline ducked, hurricanrana by Cara! Forearm shots by Cara, but Young hoists him up and hangs him on the top rope. Back suplex by Young for two. Tag to Titus! The Big Deal with a European uppercut, and the bark! Tag back to Young, they take Sin Cara down. Snapmare into the chinlock, which turns into a neck vise. Cara tries to fight out, but is cut off by a knee to the gut. Whip to the corner, Cara gets his foot up, then jumps off the ropes with a DDT! Tag to Titus, who stops Cara from making the tag. Sin Cara with the enziguiri, and a tag to Rey! Low dropkick on Titus, as Josh sets JBL off again by mentioning that Rey retired him, twice. "Yeah, that's just real terrible. I live on a golf course in Bermuda, I am so unfortunate to be retired!" Kicks by Mysterio, Titus charges into the corner and Mysterio dodges, then hits a ten punch countalong, kicking Young when he attempts to interfere. Mysterio out to the apron, shoulderblock to Titus, and again. He goes to the top rope and hits the seated senton! Dropkick to O'Neil's rump sets up the 619, but Mysterio is a genius and jumps to go off the second rope as he runs them so Young's grab at his feet misses! Mysterio still stops to turn and look at him, so maybe conferring genius status on him is early. Sin Cara takes out Young with a suicide dive! Mysterio tries the 619 again, but Titus is up and catches him with the Sky-High, for the win! Let the dancing commence! Titus gets his whistle, and Young gets his hairclip. The party is on! And here's Matt Striker in the ring to interview them. "Excuse me, Titus, Darren, can I just get a word from the two of you exactly how-" And Titus cuts him off, grabbing the mic and blowing his whistle. "We are the ones who are gonna have the word tonight, on this LIVE Smackdown, we're conducting this interview. Darren Young, what does this victory, this big victory, mean to the Prime Time Players?" "Let me see, we just beat Rey and uh, whew, uhh.." "Take your time." "...millions of dollars!" "Okay, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. One final question for you, Darren Young, when the Prime Time Players win the WWE Tag Team Titles, what will we be getting?" "Millions of dollars, baby!" "Yeah, yeah yeah you see, I'm not done, right?" Striker is reaching to take the microphone back. "No no no, put your hand down. I'm doing the interview. Now we're going to see if you learned from my boy D-Young. Your question, when you see the Prime Time Players coming down that ramp, what instantly pops in your head?" Striker thinks it over, so Titus whispers the answer to him! Ha! "Millions of dollars.." "Aw, come on, come on! Lets put a little bit more stank onto that. Lets, lets hear it again please." "Millions of dollars!" "Yeah, good good good! This young man has earned the right to do the Million Dollar Dance with the Prime Time Players." They've pulled Striker in between them now. "You ready? Lets do it baby!" Striker unsurprisingly flubs the dance, so Titus blows the whistle and shoves him back. "Get outta here! That's a twenty yard penalty on you, ten yards, ten yards for having absolutely no rhythm at all, and another ten yards for having that ridiculous mustache." Did I mention that Matt Striker is trying to grow a mustache today? "We'll show y'all how to do this thing for real! Millions of dollars, millions of dollars!" Hit their music! Up next, more on the AJ Scandal! Oh joy!
We return with the promised recap of the AJ Scandal. We saw this on Raw! JBL thinks Cena was busted. Vickie is now tweeting that she has even more evidence from 'an anonymous source'. We'll find out more on Raw, of course. Not tonight! It's just a live Smackdown, no need to put the big angles on it.
Backstage, just like last week, Booker T and Teddy Long are watching on the monitor. Take it, Teddy! "A lot of controversy going on on Raw, the AJ Scandal, Vickie Guerrero right in the middle of it, see I know her, I dealt with her before." "The thing's getting totally out of control." "Oh yeah. Hey, enough about Vickie, man. Here's what I really wanted to let you know. I'm looking forward to seeing this tag team match coming up next." "Yeah, you and me both Teddy. But question. Do you think Vickie Guerrero could come up with a match like this?" "Well, uh.. um.. she might." "So what're you saying? I'm not original?" "No, uh, I think.. well, on second thought, I don't think so, I don't think Vickie has the vision to make a match like this." Booker takes his glasses off. He's serious! "Just like everybody else, huh, Teddy. You wanna suck up to me, huh. Look, I didn't, I didn't hire you for that!" "What are you talking about Book, I, uh, I.. I'm just.. I don't know what you mean." Booker stares him down for a few moments before he bursts out laughing, putting an arm around Teddy's shoulder. "Why you looking like, I got you Teddy. Just messing with you, dog. C'mon, lets watch this match." Well, that was ALMOST interesting until the end..
Wade Barrett and the Big Show vs. Sheamus and William Regal: Did they rename Barrett's elbow finisher already? They did! The commentators talk in Barrett's entrance about how the move is now called the Bull Hammer, an apparent reference to bare-knuckle champion Bartley Gorman. Lets recap the cellphone footage! That stool 'shot' still looks horrible! Sheamus and Regal rush the ring, and the pier four brawl is on! Barrett is dumped and both Sheamus and Regal team on the Big Show, kicking him out of the ring. The match hasn't even started yet. Big Show threatens to walk out on the match if he isn't given room to enter the ring. Show and Barrett discuss strategy, and Big Show enters the ring to face Regal, who's getting "Lets go Regal" chants. Regal immediately tags out to Sheamus, so Show tags Barrett in as the bell rings. Barrett doesn't complain overmuch. Kick to Sheamus, and a punch. Barrett takes him to the corner and pounds away, but Sheamus counters with punches and clubbing forearms. Headlock takedown by Sheamus. Barrett back to his feet, off the ropes, shoulderblock takes Barrett down. Kickout at one. Regal tags in, kick to the gut, European uppercut. Headlock by Regal, off the ropes, shoulderblock takes Barrett down. Another headlock, tag back to Sheamus. Kick to the ribs. Elbow to the back of Barrett's neck. Barrett with a low kick, but Sheamus keeps the advantage. Whip to the ropes, Sheamus blocks the hiptoss and lands a clothesline for two. Tag to Regal, kick to barrett. Knees to the head, another European uppercut as JBL plugs Regal as the Voice of NXT, and talks about Regal vs. Finlay in WCW. Tag to Sheamus, Regal whips Barrett off the ropes into a Finlay slingshot shoulderblock. Two count! Tag back to Regal, another kick to the gut. Barrett tries to fight back, but Regal grabs another headlock. He's shoved off into the heel's corner, where Big Show hits a headbutt behind the ref's back, setting up a Barrett clothesline. Big Show tagged in, stomp to Regal's gut. Up in the air with a scoop slam to Regal. Big jumping elbowdrop connects! Big Show steps on Regal's chest. To the corner, big chop. Barrett adds knees to Regal's head while the referee is distracted. Another big chop! Barrett chokes Regal on the outside, so Sheamus runs all the way around to stop it, leaving referee Mike Chioda to try to restore order. Regal with kicks and forearm shots in the ring, off the ropes, but Big Show plows him down with a shoulderblock. Show jaws with Sheamus, grabbing Regal's hand and offering it for a tag, before taking him down with a headbutt. Nerve hold! Sheamus stomps the ring steps to fire up the crowd. And since the crowd is getting excited, it's clearly time for a commercial break!
Barrett drives Regal into the corner as we return. He fires in shots at Regal's ribs, who looks like he's dying with each blow. Big Show tags in, giving his own shot to Regal's ribs, and a kick to his head. More taunts to Sheamus, who nearly rushes the ring. Stomp on Regal's arm. Show taunts Regal, daring him to stand up. Headbutt to Regal, and a big chop to Regal's reddening chest. Snapmare by Shot, off the ropes with a kick to his head, and Regal's eyes are glazed over. Tag to Barrett as Regal isn't moving. Kneedrop to Regal. Cover for two. Front face lock applied, as Regal is trying to struggle to his feet. Regal breaks the hold and hits an exploder suplex! Can he make the tag? No, Barrett cuts him off. Whip to the corner, but Regal gets his leg up to block the impact and turns with a charging forearm to Barrett! Tag to Big Show, hot tag to Sheamus! Irish Hammers to Big Show! Shoulderblocks in the corner, off the ropes, million dollar kneelift! Off the ropes again, a flying Irish Hammer takes Big Show down! Sheamus to the top rope, the battering ram drops Show again! Sheamus wants the Brogue Kick, but Barrett runs distraction on the apron. Sheamus drops him off it, but turns around into the Big Show spear! As Sheamus slowly rolls to his corner, Regal reaches down to tag himself in, getting on Big Show before he can get back to his feet. Punches to Show who's on his knees, but Regal is shoved off. Regal sees Show in position and charges, hitting with the Knee Trembler! But Show no-sells the finisher and drops Regal with the KO Punch! 1, 2, 3, and that does it. Sheamus tends to Regal in the ring, as Big Show and Barrett celebrate going up the ramp.
A recap is aired of Barrett's win last week over Randy Orton, followed by their brawl in catering. Backstage, we cut to Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez and the Black Scarf of Mourning, who are talking in Spanish. Matt Striker approaches to attempt to conduct an interview. If he keeps failing at doing interviews, will we see Renee Paquette make her debut eventually? "Excuse me, Alberto. Pardon me, your rivalry with Randy Orton is becoming very heated. I witnessed that personally last week when your fight spilled into the backstage area. Is that a harbinger of things to come in your Falls Count Anywhere match?" "Are you crazy, Matt? The only reason Randy Orton was able to take advantage of me is because he attacked me from behind like the little garden snake he is." "Randy was also able to RKO you this past Monday on Raw." "Again, don't you understand, he attacked me from behind! You know what, stop painting Randy Orton as a apex predator of WWE, there's only one predator in WWE, and that's Alberto Del Rio, and tonight, when we're face to face, mano a mano, I'm going to beat Randy Orton all over this arena. In the ring, in the parking lot, in the locker room, everywhere I'm gonna show the world that Randy Orton is nothing but a crying little girl. Now get out of here!" And the Spanish conversation resumes. But here's Rose Mendes dropping by to wish Alberto luck! He thanks her, and gets right back to strategy discussion with Ricardo. Primo, Epico, you'd better watch your back! Up next, a recap of Brad Maddox!
Here's the recap of That Replacement Ref! We saw this on Raw! Next week on Raw, The Ryback faces Brad Maddox. Can the referee earn a contract? What's stopping Vince McMahon from immediately firing him if he does? Will it be an ironclad contract? Enough questions, backstage we go, where Matt Striker has Randy Orton to interview! "Randy, how do you respond to Alberto Del Rio's comments from earlier tonight?" "Matt, in less than a minute I'm going to walk through that curtain and go to that ring to fight in what I expect to be one of the more brutal and sadistic matches of my career, so telling me that Del Rio is calling me names isn't exactly going to throw me off my game. Besides, I'm not worried about Del Rio's mouth. He's a hell of a competitor, he can back all that talk up. Tonight, it's not just any match, it's a Falls Count Anywhere match. We're not just going to go out there and have ourselves a fight, we're going to have to go out there and get a little sick.. and twisted. We're going to have to go out there and show everyone that we can cross that line that other human beings will never cross in their lifetimes. Now needless to say, this is one of my favourite types of matches. Because, heh, I really enjoy showing everyone, showing the world, just how sick.. and twisted.. I can get." Cue his music, and he's off, leaving us with one last show of Matt Striker's ridiculous mustache, before we go to break mid-entrance.
It's a promo for Fandangoo! It's the same promo we saw on Raw. Wait, no it's not! Now it's a promo for Fandango! There shall be no superfluous O's in today's WWE, thank you very much!
Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez, the Black Scarf of Mourning and a $150,000 2012 Ferrari F430 Spider: There's over twenty minutes left in the show, so this will be a long match! A recap of Kofi Kingston beating Del Rio on Raw due to a musical distraction is shown during Del Rio's entrance. So is the post-match RKO! The men circle each other to start. Orton lands punches and forearms. Head to the buckle, more punches on Del Rio. Del Rio cuts him off with a kick to the chest. More kicks in the corner, and a superkick to the bad shoulder. Rodriguez feeds Del Rio a chair! ORton kicks him before he can use it, but Del Rio cuts him off with a knee to the gut. Back to the chair, Del Rio wedges it in the opposite corner. Orton cuts off Del Rio's attempt to ram him into it. Standing dropkick by Orton sends Del Rio to the outside! He tries to bail into the crowd, but Orton is out after him to stop him. Into the announce table, and the ring apron! European uppercut! Del Rio finally reverses, slamming Orton into the barricade. Rodriguez is searching for more plunder, as Orton counters with a knee. Orton wants a suplex over the barricade! He gets it, but Del Rio lands on his feet. Orton pulls him back over the barricade, wanting the hanging DDT, but Del Rio escapes and retreats into the crowd. Orton chases, and the fight is on! They brawl towards the back. Orton is thrown onto a box of equipment! Into another one! It's dark back there! Now they're going out into the concourse, where Orton lands a punch. To commercial break we go!
Back from the break, Orton is down in the concourse with Del Rio stomping him. Cover for two. Rodriguez has followed them out here. Orton slams Del Rio onto an equipment box, landing punches there, and a stomp to the head. Orton with the cover on the box, but Del Rio kicks out. They head back out into the arena. Del Rio is thrown into the guardrail. Headbutt by Orton, and he wants the DDT off the guardrail this time! Del Rio lands on his feet and hangs Orton up on the guardrail, then delivers a kick to the ribs. Orton kicks out at two, as referee Lil' Naitch shakes his hand in pain from counting on the concrete. Orton retreats up the stairs, and Del Rio chases, but Orton turns the tables. Boot laces raked on the face! Cover on the stairs, Del Rio kicks out at two. Del Rio tries to go back down, with Orton chasing him and punching him. We have one very brave cameraman who's following them all around. At the foot of the stairs, Del Rio lands another superkick to stagger Orton. Rodriguez feets Del Rio the chair! Chair to the gut, and the back! Two count! Del Rio back up onto the stairs, and he does the Orton pose! It's time for our final break!
They're back at ringside when we return, with the ringsteps being positioned in a corner inside the ring. Del Rio throws Orton into the barricade, then tries a cover, for two. Orton lands a punch, and they're going up to the stage. The fighting gets close to the Ferrari, but Del Rio lands a kick to Orton's arm. Del Rio charges, and Orton backdrops him up onto the ramp! Cover, Del Rio kicks out at two. Rodriguez hops up on Orton's back! Orton hurls him off onto the stage, but this is buying Del Rio some time. Orton considers things, then turns back to Ricardo. Kick to the gut! Rodriguez is thrown into the Ceremonial Phone Booth, where he's beaten down inside! The booth is closed with Ricardo inside. Okay, it's not fully closed, but he's still out of the match for now. Del Rio is back to his feet, but Orton throws him into the ring. Del Rio off the ropes, clothesline by Orton! Another! A third! Del Rio's clothesline is ducked, powerslam by Orton! Del Rio is sent head-first into the chair set up in the corner! Orton grabs the chair, considering what to do. Chairshot to the back! Cover, 1, 2, no! Orton feeds off the crowd. Viper coil! RKO is countered into the Backstabber! Orton kicks out at two despite being in the ropes, because Falls Count Anywhere! No rope breaks allowed! Del Rio wants a suplex into the ring from the apron, but Orton fights out. Orton sets Del Rio up for a suplex to the outside, where a table was apparently set up by Ricardo while they were brawling out to the concourse. He gets Del Rio up, but Alberto shifts his weight and lands back inside the ring, before delivering the enziguiri to Orton! Orton teeters on the apron, then falls back off and through the table! Splat! The ref checks on him, and Del Rio goes for the cover. Orton kicks out at two! Del Rio is in disbelief. He throws Orton back into the ring, and demands a microphone from Tony Chimel "Stop trying to be the apex predator of WWE! That spot, that spot is already taken by me! Now, get ready to tap out!" And Del Rio locks in the cross armbreaker! Orton is fighting, trying to crawl to the topes. That won't help! Orton grabs the mic instead, and smacks Del Rio in the head with it to break the hole! Both men are slow to rise, but Del Rio gets up first. Orton is thrown shoulder-first into the ringpost! He falls out onto the apron, and Del Rio pulls the ringsteps into the middle of the ring. He pulls Orton up, and through the ropes. Del Rio wants the second-rope DDT! Orton fights out, but Del Rio slams him onto the ringsteps anyway. Now he has the chair! Orton barely dodges a chair and step sandwich, then hits the RKO onto the ringsteps! 1, 2, 3! Orton wins! And yes, that was an appropriately epic match. Assuming anyone else watched it on election night. No post-match shenanigans, just Orton celebration. And we're out!
I don't get to watch much Raw these days, but I did tune in to see Xavier Woods play "La Cucaracha" on the trombone in Alberto Del Rio's face and I laughed so hard I went into a terrible coughing fit. So now I'll have to order Wrestlemania.