SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT WORKRATE REPORT – 01/04/04 by PHIL RIPPA
Better crank this out before the end of Raw completely makes everyone forget what happened the week before. Oh yeah, I am thinking the shelf life on these reports is going to be very short.
WHAT WORKED Boy, the more time passes, the more things stay the same. I gave this gig up a long time ago and Matt Hardy was working the show. Now, two? three? years later - here he is again. The match against Tommy Dreamer was fun. The WWE Tommy Dreamer has been quality which makes you wonder about the comical shit that were the majority of his matches in ECW. The punch exchange qualifies of amazing in the world of the WWE. It was right around there were things picked up. There was the side effect and I think Dreamer probably does the best Sky High around... maybe Tom Carter’s is better. I also dug the way Dreamer sold the second rope Twist of Fate.
The Stevie Richards Heat GM thing freakishly amuses me. Not a damn good reason why but I am. The actual match is down there.
Brandon Cross looked better on Heat than he did on Velocity. He took that the head smash into the barrier like a man and did a great sell of Rico’s neckbreaker finisher. He did a perfectly acceptable job in passing off Rico’s sad little offense as threatening. Dear Lord, did the WWE edit the shit of the match to cover up the bad, bad, bad punches and kicks of Rico. I was getting a seizure from the quick cuts.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK Sweet Jesus in the morning – Al Snow and the Coach is possibly the worst announcing duo ever. I used to watch the Heats with Shane McMahon. I’ve heard Lord Alfred Hayes. Is it really that fucking hard to hire Stevie Ray??
Speaking of all the editing, the Shawn Michaels/Triple H match was recapped and, besides them ignoring all the HHH attempts to blade, I was struck by one thing. How the fuck did NO ONE mention what the fuck was going on with Hunter’s hair? The exploding afro perm looked like his mom wasn’t willing to spring for the $16 at Super Cuts.
That Test/Richards match was real pedestrian right down to the listless over the shoulder backbreaker that looked like Richards had drifted off to sleep in to the worst schoolboy rollup finish.
Okay – I am not up on all the RAW/Heat stories but I am to take it that Lance Storm has an enormous penis. If that is the case – being someone with an enormous penis – I am qualified to review this match. I don’t know why Storm is lower on the WWE food chain that Mr. Constatino but the crack production staff didn’t take the time to hide his clotheslines or kicks or punches. Woof – they were bad. And Renee Dupree is poopy. Val Venis shot his wad carrying Rayo so Dupree was up shit’s creek.
Originally posted by PhilRippaOkay – I am not up on all the RAW/Heat stories but I am to take it that Lance Storm has an enormous penis. If that is the case – being someone with an enormous penis – I am qualified to review this match
I thought you guys had a club with weekly meetings and everything.
OMG, I have mist HOT NEWZ! That column made me LMFAOAASIMPWAMDAWATGATDNTMLAMLIHTSOG!!!
(laughingmyfuckingassoffandalmostshitinmypantswhileatmydeskatworkandtheguyatthedesknexttomelookedatmelikeihadtwosetsofgenitalia, of course)