Dudleyz beat Kidman/London/Rey via pinfall (Spike pins Rey) Booker T beats Cena via pinfall Matt Hardy beats Kane via HBK-ference Kurt Angle beats Eddie Guerrero via submission Batista beats Edge, Jericho via pinfall on Edge Taker beats JBL via pinfall HHH beats Eugene via DQ Orton beats Benoit via pinfall
"Whats your name? Dick Army. Hahaha, whats your wives name, Vagina Coastguard?"
Orton over Benoit for the title JBL over 'Taker via Heidenreich and/or Jordan interference Dudleys over London/Kidman/Rey Triple H over Eugene via some Naitch interference Edge retains Kurt over Eddie Matt over Kane, then Matt gets destroyed Cena over Booker
You're a jive soul bro, a jive soul bro And you're always lyin' to you friends You're a jive soul bro, a jive soul bro And you'll never get nothin' in the end
Orton over Benoit JBL over Taker Eugene over HHH Edge over Jericho and Batista Kane over Matt Cena over Booker Angle over Eddie Rey et al over Dudleys Current divas vs Diva Hopefuls finishes in puppy laden no contest
Beniot defeats Orton Edge retains..Jericho or Edge turns heel JBL over Taker Dudleys over London/Kidman/Rey Eugene over HHH Kane over Matt, Lita turns or HBK interfers Kurt over Eddie Cena over Booker Diva dodgeball...Who really cares? But i'm going to say Raw Diva's defeats Contestants
HEAT: -Rhyno & Tajiri def. La Resistance by pinfall in a Non-Title Match SUMMERSLAM: -The Dudley Boyz def. Paul London, Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio by pinfall via cheating -Intercontinental Champion Edge def. Batista & Chris Jericho by pinfall when Christian returns and helps Edge win -Booker T def. John Cena by pinfall to take a 1-0 lead in the Best of 5 Series -Kane def. Matt Hardy by pinfall when Matt lays down -Triple H def. Eugene by pinfall with Evolution's help -The Undertaker def. WWE Champion John Layfield by pinfall -Diva Dodgeball Shit. The RAW Divas win, but everyone's having a pissbreak. -Eddie Guerrero def. Kurt Angle by pinfall -World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit def. Randy Orton by pinfall when Triple H "accidentally" costs Orton the match.
CALGARY FLAMES: Your 2004 Western Conference Champions DVDs I Own
If I get my SD predictions right after basically avoiding the show like the plague since the GAB, it'll really be scary (especially since I think I got every match at GAB wrong).
Benoit vs. Orton (Big Gold World Title Belt): I'm tempted to pick against Benoit, as every time I do, he wins. However, I can't pick Randy Orton to win the World Title. I just can't. Benoit wins.
Bradshaw vs. Taker (WWE Title): When Locker Room Leaders collide. Funny, a few months ago Taker was only supposed to be a 'Special Attraction' on the House Show circuit. How quickly that changes. Should take place in the midcard, so Bradshaw wins via DQ.
Kane vs. Matt Hardy: Kane lost last month + wacky wedding ='s Kane wins. Of course, trouble ensues when Kane attempts to name the child after its grandfather: Percival Pringle IV. What will make it even wackier is that the child will be a girl.
Cena vs. Booker T: Booker T wins, as someone has to win.
Kidman/London/Mysterio vs. Dudleys: Wow, the Dudleys and Billy Kidman in the same match on a PPV. Slight dip down for the Dudleys from Main Event of last PPV. Wonder what Kidman's wife had to do to get him on PPV. Dudleys win because they lost on the last PPV.
Guerrero vs. Angle: Probably match of the night. Weird booking potential, as Angle is coming back from injury, yet Eddie hasn't won a PPV match since Mania despite having a WWE Title reign. Have to go with the returning wrestler theory in this match. Angle wins.
Trip vs. Eugene: This has to be the ceiling for Eugene, unless they put him in a serious World Title program. Considering Regal is actually getting over as a face, he inexplicably turns heel and helps Trip defeat Eugene. Trip wins.
Batista vs. Jericho vs. Edge: Tough match to call. I'll go upset of Jericho pinning Batista, causing Edge to become incensed he lost his belt without getting beat, as the Edge Heel Turn gets set to commence. Jericho wins.
DivaCrapFest: Just as the exciting game of Dodgeball is about to commence, the lights go out. Suddenly, the sound of drums beats over the P.A. system. As the lights go back on, Kamala and the Botswana Beast have laid out all 14 members of this match, and are carrying them to the back to present them to General Skandar Akbar for his harem. On the way, Kane and Matt Hardy momentarily unite, and throw Lita into the caravan in exchange for a camel, as the camel at least smells better and has better acting ability. The 14 people in this match (and Lita) are never seen again. Botswana Beast and Kamala begin an epic feud over the candy bar General Akbar paid them for their services.
Still pondering why there was no public backlash for Jimmy Hart's advocation of self canibalism on the first Wrestling Album.
La Resistance retains against Tajiri/Rhyno. Expect an announcement on Heat that they're going to give Tajiri and Rhyno the title show anyway. Shame that nobody will care, as the tag division has become the biggest casualty of the brand split.
RAW Divas defeat the wannabe divas in dodgeball. And the crowd goes apathetic.
Dudleyz defeat Mysterio, Kidman & London. I expect a decent match, but nothing spectacular. Smackdown really needs to work on getting people to care about its midcard (and some would say its upper-card as well).
Cena defeats Booker T. Devon, it's the first in a best-of-five series, not one match for the title.
Edge retains the IC title over Jericho & Batista. I wouldn't bank on a full-fledge Edge turn here, as I have a feeling they're going to have an Edge/Jericho singles feud with the culmination being the heel turn.
Matt Hardy defeats Kane. I'm expecting interference from HBK here.
Angle defeats Guerrero. It's a shame this isn't the title program, especially considering the built-in animosity they had from Wrestlemania.
Eugene defeats HHH. Should be a good and entertaining, but not great match given the circumstances. I'm guessing this one will have a screwy finish.
JBL retains against The Undertaker. They'll probably drag this feud out a bit longer as well, seeing as have they don't have anything awaiting either competitor post-Summerslam.
Benoit retains against Randy Orton. A lot of people are pegging Orton to win here, but it doesn't seem right. There's a strong possibility Orton will have the title by year's end, but not just yet.
-Benoit pins Orton; rematch at Unforgiven with Orton going over leading to the Evolution split -JBL pins Taker following Heidenreich interference; JBL gets to fight a returning Big Show Taker squashes Heidenreich -Cena pins Booker to go ahead 1-0 -Edge retains by pinning Batista; Edge turns full heel -Dudleyz win the 6 man when bubba or dvon pins one of the tag champs to set up a rematch down the line -Angle pins Eddy leading to a rematch where Eddy wins -Eugene over Hunter b/c of Regal interference setting up Regal/Hunter -Kane beats Matt after Lita turns, matt goes away to get surgery and Kane gets his comeuppance from HBK
London/Kidman/Rey vs. Dudleyz- The Dudleyz could use a win to cement Spike's heel status, so I'll go with them here with some cheating.
Diva Dodgeball: who cares? I'll go with the RAW divas here.
Cena vs. Booker T: Booker T wins the first match in this best of 5 series... just because I see him winning the first two, then Cena winning the next two, with Booker winning the rubber match somewhere down the line.
Kane vs. Hardy: On one hand, Matt has already beaten Kane once and he left him laying on RAW, so Kane theoretically should win to get his heat back. On the other hand, Kane has made Matt look like a chump for most of this feud... so Kane winning would destroy Matt's credibility (again). I don't see this being a straight win for either man, I guess I'll go with the Michaels interference leading to a Matt win over a Lita turn leading to a Kane win.
Eddie vs. Angle: Kurt wins here, but by some sort of cheap pinfall (just like WM20), leading to a rematch somewhere down the road.
Batista vs. Y2J vs. Edge: If they want to make Edge's heel turn work, might as well have him win here, continuing his heel turn (I don't see him going full-blown heel in Canada)
HHH v.s Eugene: HHH has beaten the crap out of Regal two straight weeks in a row, so Eugene really should go over here in terms of finishing a fulfilling storyline... plus HHH seems to be willing to do the job a lot this year, so I guess I'll stick with Gene here.
'Taker v.s JBL: JBL, actually going over clean (or somewhat, I see Jordan interfering but not directly leading to the finish).
Orton vs. Benoit: On one hand, going out of the second biggest show of the year with Orton and Bradshaw as the world champions wouldn't exactly be the greatest thing to happen... but as somebody mentioned before, all signs point to Orton winning the strap.
Going into this PPV with my 'eh' feelings, my predictions are:
Orton Vs. Benoit - Benoit retains the title via interference. I know it's all over the Orton wins, but I'm just not ready to see Orton as the World Champ yet.. but then again Bradshaw IS the Smackdown Champ. So... Nevermind.
Taker Vs. Bradshaw - The minute Orlando Jordan turned, I saw a victory for Bradshaw.
Matt Hardy Vs. Kane - Kane wins, Lita turns, Hardy gives up and pursues a feud with a heel Chris Jericho or someone else. Okay, that's my dream, but I hate this angle as much as I can't stop watching it. They'll wrestle this out for two more PPV's or until Lita has a miscarriage.
Cena Vs. Booker T - Booker T cheats to win. Simple.
Diva Dodgeball - I predict I'll make a phone call, refresh my drink, or go to the restroom around this time. If I was even serious about this, I wish that the last wannabe Diva standing wins the whole contest/contract and we can have RAW back to normal.
Eugene Vs. HHH - Eugene wins and when Flair and HHH start to beat the hell out of him, Regal comes to his aid. Eugene 'Hulks Up' and goes nuts. A couple of chairshots take him down and in two weeks, he's on RAW with his jacket on correctly and he's quoting Greek Philosophers, in the spirit of the Olympic Games.
6 Man Tag - Heels win to assert Spike's turn.
Angle Vs. Eddy - Angle wins, thus continuing this feud until Eddy gets his win back. This is a fued I'm looking for and want to see go a little longer in the ring.
Edge Vs. Batista Vs. Jericho - 'If I were booking' (I love that expression) Edge would never make it to the ring due to Batista. Batista goes over Jericho to win the title and begin a program with Edge. But... The WWE will ignore me and let Edge retain.
I'd rather HBK interfere with the Benoit/Orton match to challenge the 'Legend Killer' BEFORE he gets the title than during the Hardy/Kane match... If he does get involved with Kane, that leaves Hardy out, so here's to hoping he can feud with a newly turned Chris Jericho and my dream will be fufilled.
(edited by Ticamo on 12.8.04 1208) Meg: Being a single mother is hard, but the real challenge is having a baby that's addicted to crack. Right Stewie?
Stewie: What's that? Oh yes, yes, I love crack. I'm absolutely cuckoo for crack.
Benoit/Orton- Orton via pinfall JBL/Taker- Taker by DQ Eddie/Kurt-Kurt by nefarious means Matt/Kane-Kane via obvious swerve (which makes it a non-swerve) Lita turn Edge/Jericho/Batista-Edge, E and C reunion. Booker T/Cena-Cena, but this match will be hurt because it really doesn't mean anything, and everyone knows that it'll go 5. Eugene/HHH-No contest. Jobbing either one hurts them a lot right now, that's why double-DQs were invented. I do say Eugene ends up with the final shot though. 6 Man Tag-Dudleyz, Spike just turned heel, and needs some wins to keep the momentum. Diva Dodgeball-Divas, and I think they'll try to find a way to fix the game, instead of doing it straight up.
You think WWE now is bad? Some of us had to live through 1993-1996!
Diva wannabes over WWE Divas--Trish and Victoria can't coexist!
Dudleys over Rey/London/Kidman- Spike pins Rey.
Cena over Booker T- First match will be their best.
Kane over Matt- Asteroid Boy interferes to give Kane the win.
HHH over Eugene- Botched Regal-ference.
Eddie over Kurt- Kurt is hurt and Eddie needs to get back into contention for the WWE title.
JBL over Undertaker- I don't know how, but it will happen. I don't care who has the belt though.
Benoit over Orton- Orton gets enough heat on his own without needing the belt (I can't believe I just wrote that). Benoit vs. HHH vs. Orton leads next Raw PPV.
Edge over Jericho and Batista- Forgot to add this one. Should be good.
(edited by Torchslasher on 15.8.04 0427) Joe Wilson (looking at Interocitor manual)- Hey, here's something my wife could use in the house... Crow T. Robot- A man? Joe Wilson- An interocitor incorporating an electron sorter. Cal Meechum- Oh, she'd probably gain 20 pounds while it did all the work for her. Tom Servo- Cal, you bitch!
SMACKDOWN: SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Bubba Ray, D-Von and Spike Dudley VS Rey Mysterio Jr., Billy Kidman and Paul London FUZZY SEZ: This is gonna be fucking sweet. I rarely watch Smackdown, so I haven't gotten a chance to get sick of these guys fighting. The Dudleyz are great when they're motivated, and Spike should have a fire lit under his ass now that he gets to work as a heel. I don't need to sell how great the faces are. They oughta go over - the match ultimately means nothing and it never hurts to put the good guys over.
U.S. TITLE MATCH - FIRST OF FIVE: Booker T (c) VS John Cena FUZZY SEZ: Since it's really another match that is ultimately meaningless - it goes without saying that Cena's going to win two of the first four matches with Booker taking the others - there's no sense in not having John Cena get his first win on PPV. (Booker will take the next two and Cena'll tie it up. They'll drag the final out for-ever with no contests and split decisions, but Cena will ultimately go over at the next Smackdown-only PPV.)
WWE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP PISSBREAK SPECIAL: John "Bradshaw" Layfield VS The Undertaker FUZZY SEZ: The WWE is behind JBL. I don't know why. There are things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. (It probably will be better than we all think, but that's still not very good at all.)
THE REAL MAIN EVENT: Kurt Angle VS Eddy Guerrero FUZZY SEZ: The reason to buy the PPV. Too bad Eddy's not at 100% this time. They had a great match at Wrestlemania even with Angle in awful shape. I'd love to see what they could do at full power. Still, with months and months of buildup (and Eddy is signifigantly better shape than Kurt was this spring), I'd be shocked if they don't top it. This really should main event the entire show, and probably will go on last for Smackdown. I'd like to say Kurt wins since it's his first major match since Wrestlemania, but Eddy has been getting shit upon so much on TV lately that he needs to win another big one. (Besides, he's still going to be the guy who gets that belt off JBL eventually.)
RAW: DIVA DODGEBALL: Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, Jazz, Nidia, Stacy Keibler, Gail Kim and Victoria VS That Annoying Redhead, The Black One, Tawnee, Ruby Sue, Misty, Ditzy and Titsy FUZZY SEZ: Who gives a shit?
"LOVE HER OR LEAVE HER" MATCH: Kane VS Matt Hardy, Version 1.0 FUZZY SEZ: It goes without saying this is going to end in a swerve with Kane getting the victory. It was up in the air if Lita was going to turn (you know, like they always do), or if Matt was going to lay down for Kane to fuck Lita over. However, rumors are now circulating (from Hardy himself, so I don't know if you can even classify them as rumors) that Matt is injured and going to be out for about seven months. Ergo, turning him heel would accomplish nothing if he's just gonna disappear. Lita turns, Matt gets destroyed and returns around the time Lita and Probably Not Really Kane's baby is finally born.
SPECIAL GRUDGE MATCH: HHH VS Eugene Dinsmore FUZZY SEZ: First, let me say how great it is to see HHH solidly in the midcard of a PPV for once. I do think Hunter goes over here. For all his noble purposes this year (and he's won one singles match of any consequence this calender year, going over HBK at Bad Blood. He has also beaten the likes of Spike Dudley and Tajiri, but that doesn't really count). The only way I see Eugene going over is if a certain Hollywood buddy of Eugene's could get this Sunday off...
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Edge (c) VS Chris Jericho VS Batista FUZZY SEZ: Let's see what we've got here... Edge. Chris Jericho. The Intercontinental Championship. What is the connecting factor? Could it be the recent Intercontinental Champion who's been a sucessful tag team partner of both guys (and is the former's "brother"), who also happens to be coming off the disabled list "any day now" and in his hometown? If Christian isn't somehow involved in this match, I'd be shocked. He'll interfere against Jericho on Edge's behalf, but the whole thing'll lead to a victory for Batista.
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Chris Benoit (c) VS Randy Orton FUZZY SEZ: I'm going against the grain here twice. First off, I'm picking Chris Benoit to win. These other matches look incredibly heel-heavy, and you don't want to top it off by having Benoit lose in his home country.
However, if I'm wrong, I don't think putting the belt on Randy Orton is a bad idea - and I'm all but positive it'll happen before the Survivor Series. Orton is over and more than passable in the ring. He's beaten everyone from Shawn Michaels to Mick Foley and he had an epic (by today's standards) IC Title reign. There's nowhere to go but the World Championship. If you don't do it now, he's gonna stagnate. Look at what's happening to John Cena. Or look at Rob Van Dam - twice he's gotten himself more than over enough to justify the World championship - in ECW and in his first six months in the WWE. They held off and now he's solidly midcard-for-life. (Furthermore, it ain't like Orton is a face whom they can book compellingly chasing the belt. That just doesn't play with a heel. They've got to get it on their first try and then hold onto it by hook or by crook. The face chases, dammit!) If they want Orton to hold this belt, the sooner the better.
Isn't it weird that the Smackdown half looks so much better than the RAW half? With the Dodgeball match, RAW's even outsucking a JBL/Taker title bout. Who'd have thunk it?
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ---George W. Bush
"I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments." ---Scott Keith
Chris Benoit v. Randy Orton -- Orton wins, becoming the youngest World Champion in WWE history. Since that's what this whole show has been built around, it'd be suprising if he didn't win. Edge could cost Benoit the title. Then again, he could not. Let's wait and see, shall we?
JBL v. Undertaker -- JBL. Bradshaw is in line for a long title reign, so it ain't endin' here. Thank god, too, because I'd rather have HIM champion than Undertaker. Jon Heidencrahcohaghaohgeahohreich could cost Undertaker the match. Then again, he could not. Let's wait and see, shall we?
Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle -- Not quite sure. Eddie is the only guy really in line to feud with Bradshaw next. Then again, Angle needs a big win here to complete the comeback. I'll flip a coin and go with Angle.
Eugene v. Triple H -- Triple H? I don't know why, but this has gone from being the only storyline in WWE that really intrigued me, to being the match at SummerSlam that I care least about. Maybe because I'd rather have Regal be the guy in there. Oh well. I'll say Triple H, just because, uh, I do.
John Cena v. Booker T -- I'll say Booker wins this, going up 1-0 over Cena. Although, I could see it going the other way. Of course, the title isn't even on the line, so who really gives a fuck? 35 bucks my ass!
Edge v. Chris Jericho v. Batista -- If this was just Edge v. Jericho, I'd really be looking forward to this. But with Batista in it, it just screams "BATHROOM BREAK". Actually, it shouldn't be that bad, but I still couldn't really give a fuck. I'll say Edge here, since he just won the title. That means Edge and Benoit can feud over the IC Title and I guess Jericho can challenge Orton for the World Title. Jericho v. Orton headlining a PPV? I don't mind that.
Kane v. Matt Hardy -- Kane wins, since Hardy is injured. I'm thinking WWE might hold off on HBK's return until Monday night, and maybe do an angle where Kane injures Matt at the PPV. And if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand time: I hope to god this leads to WHACKY VIGNETTES of Kane & the baby!
Mysterio/London/Kidman v. Dudleyz/Spike -- Should be good. Paul London on a PPV? I didn't think that was possible. I'm waffling, but I'll go with the Dudleyz winning, so as not to break up their heel momentum.
Diva Dodgeball -- Uhh, Diva Contest broads win, and then dance and act like complete idiots for 2 minutes, while Jerry Lawler tells outdated and unfunny jokes. I take a piss on my cable-box for delivering such bullshit directly into my home.
I'm guessing the Heat match will be Rhyno/Tajiri v. La Resistance or RVD/Haas v. Reigns/Dupree. Either way, all eight of these guys should be on the PPV, and aren't because WWE needs to squeeze in 45 minutes of interviews, backstage segments, video-pacakges, and untalented broads acting skanky.
Well, after all that bitching, this actually doesn't look like a half-bad PPV. Benoit v. Orton should be really good. I think JBL v. Undertaker will be better than we all think (I really do). Guerrero v. Angle should be really good. Cena/Booker could be okay, as should Edge/Jericho/Batista. The six-man could be great, if given time. Hunter/Eugene should accomplish... something. Kane v. Matt allows us to laugh at Lita's 'acting skills'. And the diva dodgeball allows us to piss out all of the alcohol we're gonna' need to consume to actually rationalize why these girls are on a show we paid 35 bucks for. Could be a pretty good show. And even if it's not -- it can't be worse than Great American Bash.
The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.
Not nearly as much as it was in the early days of the First Blowjob Reign, when Teo was regularly getting the opening slot, the second hour opening slot, the overrun slot, AND backstage segments all in the same show...