HHH v. HBK v. Goldberg v. Y2J v. Nash v. Orton -- PICK: TRIPLE H -- I see it HHH, Nash & Goldberg in the final 3. Goldberg eliminates Nash, Nash gets pissed attacks Goldberg afterwards giving HHH the opportunity to get the pin and starting Nash's heel turn.
Shane-O-Mac vs. Bischoff -- PICK: SHANE McMAHON -- Setting up Shane McMahon vs. Kane for the next PPV.
RVD vs. Kane -- PICK: KANE -- See above
La Resistance vs. Dudleyz -- PICK: DUDLEY BOYZ -- I guess we need a title switch somewhere. Even thought I have no clue who they will defend it against, but if the Frenchies keep it there's a few babyface teams out there that might a good matchup. But this one don't really know who wins it and don't really care.
Angle vs. Lesner -- PICK: KURT ANGLE -- There' not going to hot potatoe this title like the women title, Are They?. Angle sneaks out a victory somehow.
Eddie v. Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno -- PICK: EDDIE GUERRERO -- Too bad this can't be an elimination match (I don't think it is?). Eddie with a quick pin on someone to keep the title.
Undertaker vs. A-Train -- PICK: THE UNDERTAKER -- The excitment! I can feel it!
*Only 7 matches so far on the split squad card and one spot is taken by Eric Bischoff and another one by A-Train. Wow.
HHH v. HBK v. Goldberg v. Y2J v. Nash v. Orton -- PICK: Goldberg, this has been the plan for awhile. Nash is leaving to do a movie, HHH needs to rehab, and I figure now is as good a time as any to put Goldberg as the champ.
Shane vs. Bischoff -- PICK: SHANE McMAHON -- Setting up Shane McMahon vs. Kane for the next PPV.
RVD vs. Kane -- PICK: Kane, with a brutal, brutal finish.
La Resistance vs. Dudleyz -- PICK: DUDLEY BOYZ, they have been building towards this but the only question is what's next for the Dudleys?
Angle vs. Lesnar -- PICK: Angle, but I am not totally confident in this. I think it will be a better match than WMX9.
Eddie v. Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno -- PICK: Eddy, Cheats to win and gets a HUGE pop. I say Rhyno gets the job squad duty.
Undertaker vs. A-Train -- PICK: UT, come on, he jobbed to Cena twice recently. He has to get the win.
I would assume they will add a match or 2. I can't believe there is no Cena or Matt Hardy on this card.
January 4th 1999 - The day WCW injected itself with 10 gallons of Liquid Anthrax...AKA...The day Hogan "Defeated" Nash to win the WCW title in front of 40,000.
This card comes off as pretty disappointing considering the lineup and the great matches for the Summerslam PPV's over the past couple of years. There's a number of complete POS matches on here that just make me scratch my head...or more likely make me slam my head in a car door.
The Elimination Chamber-I'm just going to go ahead and say HHH will figure out a way to win this one. I think its hilarious the way the promo spots for this match say, "the places where careers go to die!" C'mon, that's gotta make ya chuckle. I think it was stupid to make this the summerslam main event, because the elimination chamber is the type of match that would be more suited as the signature match for a ppv like survivor series. Much like the Rumble match at the Royal Rumble, but HHH hurt his groin so plans change. How did HHH hurt his groin anyway?
Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle-Wasn't this match originally supposed to take place at Vengeance? So I guess Vince McMahon is the new general manager of Smackdown! now. I think Goldmember would say, "isn't the veird?!" I think this match will be good if they keep it straight with no bullshit like their Wrestlemania bout, which I doubt will happen now that McMahon has been thrown into the mix. I say Lesnar takes this one, though I think Angle should hold onto the title a while longer since he just won it four weeks ago.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri-Hopefully this will be one of the better, longer matches on the card. I suppose this is under "texas tornado" fatal fourway rules and not elimination style. I'll say Eddie will overcome the odds and figure out a way to retain his title. I'm trying to think of the last fatal fourway match the WWE has had. I guess it was the one for the IC title at No Way Out 2001, anyone else know of one after that?
La Resistance vs. the Dudleyz-Well the tag team champs on both shows are rookie teams. What's the difference? The Worlds Greatest Tag Team have great matches, are a competent tag team, and quickly improving wrestlers. La Resistance on the other hand out and out suck. Neither Dupree or Grenier have yet to wrestle in something that remotely looks like a good match, yet they get a spot on this PPV? If that's wrong someone please feel free to correct me. I say the Dudleyz should win and get rid of the Frenchies and send them to some kind of training camp or something because...gawd.
Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon-well because this one kicked SO much ass on RAW not long ago, they just had to have this POS match once again! Can someone please tell me why a rematch from RAW is on this PPV. Does anyone really want to see this stupid match again? How come these two poopskahs get a ppv match, when both shows have loads of more deserving and better wrestlers to fill out this PPV. Just makes me sad. Shane will take this one.
Albert vs. Undertaker-Ok...ummm...why? I really don't understand what the deal is with Albert. Is this his time for his quarterly, bi-monthly or whatever semi-push. Anyway, Albert gets fed to the Undertaker once again in a crappy match that was never good before when these two met. Dammit, will someone please tell me why Albert is wrestling in a smackdown match at summerslam? Let me get this straight with a roster full of talented wrestlers and performers like Matt Hardy, Kidman, Rey Mysterio, The World's Greatest Tag Team, The Ultimo Dragon, John Cena, and much more....we have to pay for...Albert.
Kane vs. RVD-I really have no idea why its Kane vs. RVD at this PPV. The feud lately has been more or less Shane vs. Kane while RVD has been pretty much outside and in the background the whole time. Shane is the one instigating all the interviews and doing all the talking. I don't mind a Kane vs. RVD match not that it will be a great match or anything, but there's not much reason to care about it. Kane will probably destroy RVD in under 10 minutes. And he should later destroy Shane McMahon as well. That's what's gotta happen if WWE wants to capitalize on Kane's new personality/gimmick.
(edited by The Vile1 on 23.8.03 0203)
(edited by The Vile1 on 23.8.03 0204)
"Just a humble bounty hunter, ma'am." -Spike Spiegel
ELIMINATION CHAMBER World Heavyweight Championship Triple H (c) v. HBK v. Goldberg v. Chris Jericho v. Kevin Nash v. Randy Orton
The more I think about it, I just can see HHH retaining. While I will puke my guts out to see the title on the same wrestler for one frickin' year, I have to bear more of Hunter!
Shane McMahon v. Eric Bischoff
Eric will win this 20 minutes match of the year with a corkscrew shooting star press through 2 tables on Shane. No really, who the hell is going to believe that Shane is not going to win this? Who??? Doesn't make any sense to set up this match, because it won't go anywhere.
Rob Van Dam v. Kane If Kane does not win, and in a brutal way, all the build-up was for nothing. Luckily they know that, because this is what will happen.
World Tag Team Championship La Resistance (c) v. The Dudley Boyz Almost 4 years after the Dudleys came to WWE, they are still feuding over the tag titles? Yeah, way to go. Give them the titles and lose it on the next PPV at the latest.
WWE Championship Kurt Angle (c) v. Brock Lesnar I am really not sure about this, but as long as it will be a great match, I don't care who wins. I am tending to Angle, but Brock wouldn't surprise me either.
US Championship Eddie Guerrero (c) v. Chris Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno If history made us learn anything, it's that newly won and hard fought over titles will change soon. Eddie should retain, but I guess Benoit will grab the title by making Rhyno submit to the Crossface or whatever.
The Undertaker vs. A-Train Okay, now I got something to say: What the hell is your problem with A-Train? The IWC (dear God, forgive me for using this ridiculous term) is a bunch of arrogant pricks when it comes to guys like him. The general consensus is that he sucks, and every other opinion isn't accepted. You won't believe it, but there are people out there who are not looking on workrate lists, but actually want to see the wrestlers they like. So stop talking about A-Train like he is the black hole of wrestling, just because he is a hoss, by Gawwwwd! Oh yeah, the match. Taker squashes Train in 5-6 minutes, like he did with almost anyone in the past he should job to. Besides, he won a frickin' handicap match against Train and Big Show at WM, so are we supposed to believe he is going to job this time???
Generally the card isn't too bad, but nothing special either. The fatal fourway and the WWE championship will kick ass, and the EC will be pretty entertaining too. Still I think that these are not enough matches, and the rest is nothing worthy of the second biggest PPV of the year.
Eddie Guerrero v. Chris Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno Yes, I believe this will go on first. Should be an awesome match. However, considering how WWE likes to book, and the fact that there are 7 matches (one of which will be around 45 minutes), I'm expecting this to be way too short. Should still be awesome. I don't think this is under elimination rules. Guerrero HAS to keep the title. First of all, he just won it at the last PPV. Plus, he is THE most over guy on the roster right now. Yes, that's right. Eddie Guerrero is the man right now. Taking the title off of him would make absolutley no sense. You know what would make sense? Pushing the guy to the main events, immediatley! Of course, that won't happen, though. Oh well. Guerrero retains by cheating and pinning Benoit, setting up a singles match for No Mercy.
Eric Bischoff v. Shane McMahon I really have no idea how they'll position the rest of the card. Best guess is that this will go on third, but really, this, Kane/RVD, and Undertaker/Albert are interchangeable. I really don't know what will happen here. I'd suspect Kane interfering and giving Bischoff the win. However, I don't see Vince having Eric pin his son twice in a row. So we'll go with Shane getting the clean win, because why the fuck not?
Undertaker v. Albert Ughh. Well, if they keep this at 7 minutes or less, it shouldn't be too bad. However, if they resort to whacky WWE big man booking and give this 15 minutes and be a focal point of the show, it could be excruciating. Oh well. Undertaker wins to give Albert that big rub, so he can joing the ranks of John Cena, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, and Test as big time main-event players. Oh well, I don't like Albert anyway.
Kane v. Rob Van Dam Ughh. Wouldn't be too bad under normal circumstances. However, I suspect this to be nothing more than an extended squash. Expect RVD to get a few kicks in here and there, and the rest be Kane killing the poor guy. Normally, I'd suspect Shane McMahon to interfere and give RVD the unexpected win, and set up Shane v. Kane at Unforgiven. However, WWE doesn't seem to like RVD that much (probably more so after his interviews last week), so I'm guessing Kane kills RVD, pins him clean, RVD rolls out of camera shot, and Shane comes out and sets up him and Kane at Unforgiven, as RVD is forgotten about (much like the build up to this match).
Kurt Angle v. Brock Lesnar I suspect nothing less than a great match here. I'm hoping for 25 minutes or so for these guys. However, with the time constraints, I'm not really expecting it. Should still be awesome. Brock HAS to win here, or else his heel turn will be nothing more than a joke. I say, have Lesnar beat Angle and win the title (yes, I know that makes Angle's title win completley pointless, but his winning of the title didn't make any sense to begin with, so there!). After the match, have Lesnar beat Angle profusley, and have Angle get stretchered out much like Gowen and Spanky, and do the big injury angle. Have Angle return in the late fall, but have Lesnar announce that he beat Angle for the title twice, and Angle doesn't deserve to get a title shot. Angle then earns a spot in the Royal Rumble after some ungodly match set up by Vince McMahon. Angle wins the Rumble, and BOOM! You've got your WrestleMania XX main event... yeah, right. Like WWE books that far in advance!
Evolution... err, I mean ELIMINATION Chamber I'll say this, I really have no clue who's coming out of this match as Champion. Well, let's see. It's too soon for Orton. If they give him the title, the fans will turn on him instantly. So no for him. Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash would be a stupid idea. However, they're friends of Triple H, so we'll give them a maybe, but probably not. Chris Jericho would be a smart move, and a nice reward for Jericho's hard work. However, Jericho is NOT a favorite of Vince McMahon's, so we'll put him under maybe. That leaves us with Goldberg and Triple H, one of whom I suspect to be the winner. However, I have no clue which one. Goldberg winning it would be the smart move. However, he really should win it in a one-on-one match to give it the impact it deserves. But, Triple H winning it would kill Goldberg's momentum, and send 98% of the internet fans (myself included) to go on a rampage and send Triple H death threats through the mail. So, I'm gonna flip a coin and go with... TAILS! Triple H. One thing I will say, however, is that this Elimination Chamber was a stupid idea.
SCHMACKDOWN! LIKELY-CANCELLED MATCH: Matt Hardy VS Zach Gowen FUZZY SEZ: Again, with the events of Smackdown, common logic says this one won't happen, although WWE.com says nothing about the match being cancelled. Gowen showing up and trying to fight anyway would totally fit in with his character, though. WINNER: Probably n/a, but I'm sure Matt Hardy would get the win if this happens. Zach doesn't actually beat anybody.
US TITLE MATCH: Eddy Guerrero (c) VS Chris Benoit VS Rhyno VS Tajiri FUZZY SEZ: I hope a lot of the people who are (rightly) pissed off that John "The Most Over Of The Young Guys" Cena was kept off this PPV can at least take some comfort in knowing that Tajiri is on pay-per-view! Sugoi desu yo! WINNER: Tajiri still has no chance of winning this belt. Rhyno's largely been directionless since returning, and another US Title reign would help him out, but I don't see it happening. Benoit's a contender, but I think he's probably in the future of whomever wins the WWE Title match. Eddy, on the other hand, is crazy over, a relatively new champion and at least a month away from Chavo's return. He'll likely retain here, hopefully with some brilliant scheme.
PISSBREAK SPECIAL? The Undertaker VS A-Train Oh, who cares? It should be short, at least. FUZZY SEZ: Hopefully, this is Undertaker's swan song on Smackdown and they use the inter-promotional PPV to segue him onto RAW and into the Kane feud. (Boy, I never thought I'd want to see an Undertaker/Kane feud again.) Regardless, 'Taker wins here.
WWE WORLD TITLE Kurt Angle (c) VS Brock Lesnar These two put on a clinic at Wrestlemania when Kurt Angle had a possible career-ending neck injury. How good is this going to be with both guys healthy? Worth the price of the PPV on it's own. FUZZY SEZ: Kurt's got to win this one. Brock went over at Wrestlemania, and you can easily sell this one again (maybe in the HIAC) as the "rubber match". If Brock goes over, a lot of the intrigue would be gone.
RAW PISSBREAK SPECIAL! WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES MATCH: La Resistance (c) VS The Dudley Boyz What was I thinking calling the Undertaker match this month's Pissbreak Special? That one will be short, you'll have the intrigue of seeing if Taker is out of his mind enough to try to give Albert the Last Ride - and you won't have a redneck and a pedophile shouting extremely jingoistic and aggrivating rhetoric until the match is finished. (Are we even supposed to still be pissed off at the French? Isn't that over? Weren't they kind of, you know, right about Iraq? Should you be this obnoxious when a couple thousand of them died in a heat wave last week? Of course, The Dudleyz still say "Whazzzup?!" even though those commercials haven't been on the air in at least two and a half years, so I know the WWE has their fingers on the pulse of society. Next week, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire jokes!) FUZZY SEZ: Hopefully, The Dudley Boyz win and La Resistance disappears and are never spoken of again. The new member they brought out on Monday makes that pretty unlikely though. I'll still go with the Dudz.
DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT MATCH: Shane McMahon VS Eric Bischoff Here's a question for you: Can you think of a time that a McMahon, especially Shane, had a match on PPV that wasn't "shockingly" good? Even Stephanie's matches have been better than expected, and I can't think of a time when Shane hasn't stolen the whole damn card (and that's working against X-Pac, or Test, or Steve Blackman - sorry.) This will be good. All logic says it shouldn't, but I believe in Shane-O-Mac. FUZZY SEZ: I can't see any logical reason that Shane shouldn't win this match, so I'm picking Bischoff.
JIM ROSS GOES APESHIT MATCH: Kane VS Harvey Dee I must admit, as much as I'd like to set "good ol' JR" on fire myself - his stream of psychotic vitrol everytime Kane comes on the screen has been gold, Jerry, gold! When he said he wanted to Kane to break every bone in Eric Bischoff's body then "go out in the parking lot and get run over by a damned truck" - that's just great. FUZZY SEZ: I like Rob a lot, I really do, but I'm looking forward to watching Kane leave him laying in a pool of blood.
WORLD TITLE ELIMINATION CHAMBER: HHH (c) VS Goldberg VS Shawn Michaels VS Kevin Nash VS Chris Jericho VS Randy Orton, for some reason I still don't get why Orton is in this match. He won't win. No one thinks he can win, and the role of Evolution member who tries to help HHH win should've been played by Naitch because you can pretend he might win. Count me in Jeb's camp when it comes to Orton - I just don't get it. FUZZY SEZ: Okay, let's go through this logically.
-RANDY ORTON: No, on the basis that he's Randy Orton.
-HHH: No, on the basis that we're only having an Elimination Chamber because he's hurt.
-KEVIN NASH: No, on the basis that he failed as a main event draw against HHH, and even if "Hunter pulled some strings to get the belt onto a Clique member", I don't think they'd pick Nash.
-SHAWN MICHAELS: No, on the basis that he's a part-time wrestler, who already had his one last title run, who won the only other Elimination Chamber match.
-CHRIS JERICHO: Doubtful, on the basis that he's, sadly, Chris Jericho. I also wouldn't end HHH's long ass reign with another heel reign. He's probably the next #1 contender to face...
-GOLDBERG: *sigh* Your winner, pretty much by default. I want to go on record as saying that I've never had good things to say about Bill Goldberg - not when he was in WCW, not when he was grandstanding at the WTC ruins, not when he first came to the WWE. I'm not going to suddenly hate him because he's the champ - I've always hated him.
"Conason said-quote-”I just want people to pay attention and ask questions and not accept what I call conventional idiocy on TV and radio." Conventional idiocy? So why is it that more people listen to Rush Limbaugh than anybody else in radio history? All I’ve got to say is, there are a lot of idiots out there." ---Joe Scarborough
"However, Jericho is NOT a favorite of Vince McMahon's"
Wha? From what's been splashed over the SHEETZ recently Jericho's really been gaining some stroke with backstage folks and looks to be entering into the good graces of the upper tier.
World Tag Team Title Match-The Dudley Boyz Vs. La Resistance(c): This is pretty much the laziest tag team title feud that I can remember, and considering the downfall of the division over the past two years that's really saying something. They should've kept Black Gold around for waaaay longer than they did, but this is what they've given us and this is what we'll take.
I'D BOOK: Dudleyz going over after a Grenier slip costs the Frenchies, leading to Conway taking his place as suggested. La Resistance can rebuild themselves whilst the titles get transferred to Rodney Mack and Mizark Henry for a feud with the S.H...er, superheroes.
THEY'LL BOOK: The same basic result, but minus the grenier-replacement. Dudz keep things as stale as they've been whilst bouncing around thrown-together heel challengers for the next two months.
Eric Bischoff Vs. Shane McMahon: This....this TRAVESTY...is what really has my blood boiling over this show. Unlike most internet intelligentsia I'm very forgiving of non-wrestling grudge matches because usually, when booked, they've got a good two months' of storyline and mad crowd heat to carry them through. This piffling excuse for a bout, on the other hand...Had they held this off 'til Survivor Series and put together some serious build for it-maybe centring around Shane-O's purchase of WCW-then I'd have been tempted to get on board for it. As it is, this stands as an indictment of all that is wrong on the Raw side of things.
I'D BOOK: Shane triumphs in a sub-five-minute ass-kicking, before getting himself chokeslammed off of a Very High Point during the Kane-RVD match.
THEY'LL BOOK: Ditto, but with a few extra minutes of stall-packed running time.
The Undertaker Vs. A-Train: Hey, I'm liking it. Sure, I'd rather see Cena tearing it up in a gimmick-based rematch, but at the very least it should be a surprisingly decent big-man match. Taker's been on a serious roll as of late, and when called upon ol' Bowling-Ball Head can really give it some too.
I'D BOOK: A-Train goes over semi-clean after some Cena interference. If they're gonna book the man in a high-profile PPV match they may as well use it to get him over.
THEY'LL BOOK: Taker gets the pin after a decent ten-minute affair.
Fatal Four-Way For WWE United States Title-Tajiri Vs. Chris Benoit Vs. Rhyno Vs. Eddie Guerrero(c): The shining light of the SmackDown side, occupying the position that the tag team titles did for much of late last year. Eddie's easily the break-out star of the summer and, under normal circumstances, I'd advocate pulling the title off of him for a main event run. But I don't see it happening-Latino Heat is, sadly, midcard-4-life. And, as such, he should hold onto the US strap for as long as possible.
I'D BOOK: Eddie CHEATS TO WIN, pinning Rhyno after some Tajiri/Benoit chicanery.
THEY'LL BOOK: More or less the same.
Kane Vs. Rob van Dam: How can you not love this match? Finally WWE is booking the monster heel they need to book. Yes, it's a shame that the push must come at the expense of RVD, but in terms of heat he's pretty much bullet-proof and he'll always remain a viable option for future pushes. Kane needs a big win to keep his momentum rolling, and a bulldozer-like loss won't hurt van Dam too much.
I'D BOOK: Kane shrugs off van Dam's offense for the first five minutes before snapping laying waste to his former tag team partner. The Tombstone gets the victory, but the chokeslam off of the top, to the floor, means van Dam's leaving on a stretcher.
THEY'LL BOOK: Something similar, although I would'nt be surprised to see them blowing the monster angle by giving van Dam far too much credible offence.
WWE World Title Match-Brock Lesnar Vs. Kurt Angle(c): The Lesnar heel turn has been more successful than I'd first feared; without a full-time mouthpiece I really didn't think he'd survive. But he's not going to be able to squash shrimps every week, and he's going to need something big to sustain that heat.
I'D BOOK: Lesnar wins in screwy fashion, putting Angle on the chase and giving Benoit a fall main-event run.
THEY'LL BOOK: Angle goes over in an inspirational win.
Elimination Chamber Match For World Heavyweight Title-Randy Orton Vs. Kevin Nash Vs. Chris Jericho Vs. Shawn Michaels Vs. Bill Goldberg Vs. HHH (c): Again, unlike many of you, I'm looking forward to this match. The six-man format has blown things wide open, and now that they've had a chance to work out the kinks in the chamber gimmick the match could be something really unique. The outcome is a total mystery to me right now, but I'll have a stab.
I'D BOOK: Jericho last eliminates HHH after Orton and Flair turn on the champ; Hunter gets time off, Jericho heads up Evolution, Goldberg and Booker have main event programmes, and HHH can come back as a face in the new year.
THEY'LL BOOK: A futile Goldberg title run, to be ended at the hands of HHH at the first opportunity. The more things change....
US Title Fatal 4-Way: I'd rather and lots rather see separate Eddie/Tajiri and Rhyno/Benoit matches, but obviously the bookers don't agree with me. Silly bookers. I'll go with Eddie -- to be unoriginal -- cheating to win. Tajiri's just filler, and while Rhyno and Benoit are possible title-holders, it's too early for Eddie to drop the belt already.
Undertaker/A-Train: Undertaker "helps" another "youngster" "get over" by "giving him the rub" while "squashing him like a 10,000-ton granite block dropped on a grape." And then graciously jobs to him on Smackdown a couple weeks later following a six-man run-in. Why, yes, I AM still bitter over Undertaker/Cena, why do you ask?
Angle/Lesnar:This one should be good. I agree with OFB's thinking: Angle goes over, but not so conclusively as to preclude a rematch at the next Smackdown PPV (which should be No Mercy, right?).
La Resistance/Dudley Boyz (assumed): Ya know what? I'd rather see Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade here than the Dudleyz. But as it is, I'm rooting for the Dudz to win and end this goddamn endless feud already.
Bischoff/Shane: A McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Next.
Kane/RVD: This is one of the matches I'm looking forward to the most. I don't think anyone doubts that Kane will win, but as long as RVD gets in -some- offense I'll be happy.
Elimination Chamber:When this first came up, I thought Goldberg was still gonna win. But Goldberg's been almost invisible during the build-up, so I have to wonder. Orton and Nash can still be easily eliminated (ha) as possibilities, and I think having Triple H retain would be a mistake -- a mistake WWE has made repeatedly in the past, yes, but still. So that leaves Michaels and Jericho as the strongest possibilities. Michaels has done surprisingly well since his return and has the first EC win under his belt, but Jericho's been all over Raw lately, and my gut is telling me to go with Jericho. I know better than to trust WWE to make the most sensible choice, but what the hell, I'll go out on a limb and say Jericho.
"I do have a degree in electrical engineering... from almost 20 years ago. Punchcard systems were just becoming obsolete, we had rotary phones in the dorms, and a modem was still a gizmo the size of a shoebox into which you squooshed the phone receiver itself. In short, we lived like animals.
The instant obsolesence is why I became a writer. The rate of punctuation in a sentence doesn't double every 18 friggin' months, and you never have some 22-year-old looming over your shoulder, shaking his head, saying "dude... you're still using adverbs...?"
Guerrero vs. Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri: Hopefully this match will be given time to develop, and preferably under elimination rules. I'll go against the grain somewhat and pick Benoit, thus giving the Benoit/Rhyno feud a purpose, and giving impetus for the Eddy Guerrero fall World Title run.
Dudleys vs. La Resistance: Dudleys win, Grenier gets dumped from La Resistance, and they continue the feud for another 3 months with the 'American turncoat' as the second member of La Resistance.
Taker vs. A-Train: Paul Wight should interfere at some point in this match, thus segwaying into either Nathan Jones or Orlando Jordan coming out to save Taker, and then turning on Taker. A-Train wins after 27 people interfere on the outside and gets the important 'Taker rub'.
Bischoff vs. a McMahon: Don't care, Linda turns, and I still don't care. Bischoff wins.
Kane vs. RVD: Glorified squash. Kane wins.
Angle vs. Lesnar: Match would be better if Lesnar had lost the World Title without being pinned, thus causing both men to consider themselves the true World Champ. Lots of wacky Vince McMahon interference causes Angle to retain via DQ.
Elimination Chamber: If Orton wins, they've lost their minds. If Nash, Michaels, or ( ) wins, then they prove they don't care about the house show market. That leaves Jericho and Trip. I want to pick Jericho, but, common sense has to prevail at some point. Trip retains, thus continuing on the road to Mania XX for the legendary main event vs. Bugsy McGraw (well, is there anyone else that Trip hasn't beaten yet?)
(edited by redsoxnation on 23.8.03 1208)
(edited by redsoxnation on 23.8.03 1215) Ok, so Ted Williams is decapitated now? What will his son do next, sell him to the Japanese dog food company that bought former Kentucky Derby winner Ferdinand?
Duds vs. La Resistance: The Frenchies are losing heat fast, time to scrap this project. Unless that evil airman is hiding under the ring!
Yamaha Ad Walking vs. A-Train: The Wrestlemania match made this one pretty irrelevant. Taker wins after TWO pull-up covers.
Shane vs. Bisch: Shane wins, with an elbow through the crisis invervention specialist's table. After the match, Mae Young does the run in with a battery operated device.
Eddy vs. Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri: Eddy's ready for the main event, but it's too crowded up there. Benoit wins and they do a double turn.
Kane vs. RVD: A-Train, Kevin Nash and Tommy Dreamer in a barrel on top of Niagra Falls have a better chance of going over than Van Dam.
Angle vs. LESNUH, THE MANSTER: Both of these guys have gotten a little boring, lately. Angle wins, with an assist from Frances McDormand, who's understandably pissed at Lesnar for stealing her "Fargo" voice.
Monster.com chamber: Oh hell, I don't know. A Jericho upset win would warm my black heart. So let's say that.
(edited by asteroidboy on 23.8.03 1215) -- Asteroid Boy
Wiener of the day: 23.7.02
"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex "Was he no-selling?" - Me
Originally posted by redsoxnationTaker vs. A-Train: Paul Wight should interfere at some point in this match, thus segwaying into either Nathan Jones or Orlando Jordan coming out to save Taker, and then turning on Taker. A-Train wins after 27 people interfere on the outside and gets the important 'Taker rub'.
Talk about your calvalcade of great workers. Angle and Benoit are holding their heads in shame!
Originally posted by oldschoolhero"However, Jericho is NOT a favorite of Vince McMahon's"
Wha? From what's been splashed over the SHEETZ recently Jericho's really been gaining some stroke with backstage folks and looks to be entering into the good graces of the upper tier.
I didn't mean that Vince hates Chris Jericho or anything. I just don't think that Vince sees Jericho as the guy to build his company around. I think that Vince McMahon has it set in his mind that Jericho is a upper-mid-card guy, who is great at making people seem important, but not important himself. He's a star-maker, but not a star. I don't think Vince has ANY confidence in Chris Jericho to be a major player. I could be wrong, but they've yet to prove it to me.
ELIMINATION CHAMBER World Heavyweight Championship Triple H (c) v. HBK v. Goldberg v. Chris Jericho v. Kevin Nash v. Randy Orton
Jericho. Goldberg emerges as the top contender, helping build Jericho as a conniving heel cheating to keep his precious title. I honestly see Jericho stealing Eddy's shtick. Nash and HBK form a tag team so each can work a match and do half the work. Triple H takes time off and Ric mentors Orton to an IC reign.
Shane McMahon v. Eric Bischoff Eric needs to win. He's been a joke punching bag for consecutive PPvs. He doesn't need to dominate, just get the cheap pin, giving us Wrathful Shane.
Rob Van Dam v. Kane Kane wins to pay off his transformation.
World Tag Team Championship La Resistance (c) v. The Dudley Boyz Titles held up on a ref controversy and a tournament is held to make new champs. HBK/Nash become new champs at next PPV.
WWE Championship Kurt Angle (c) v. Brock Lesnar Brock cheats to win.
US Championship Eddie Guerrero (c) v. Chris Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno Benoit wins when Eddy/Tajiri knock each other silly. Rhyno targets Benoit's title.
The Undertaker v. A-Train A-Train wins when Sable kidnaps Sara, drawing a countout on Taker..
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
The Elimination match will be the only one I will guess. I do not think HHH will leave the champ, and WWE has everyone thinking he will and thats good. You want to see him lose. If they want to go the obvious route they can make Goldberg champ. And set up the eventual Austin vs Goldberg: Attack of the Clones match later. What would tickle my fancy is, it comes down to Goldberg and Jericho as the last two, and Bret Hart comes out and kicks the shit out of Goldberg and Jericho gets the win. Fat chance I know.
What I really think is going to happen is the WWE will put the belt on the person everyone least expects its. Yes Randy Orton. With HHH injured they want to keep the heat on Evolution. Maybe an assist from an almost healed Batista. That would be sweet to me and I don't think Randy will get that too-fast-too-soon reaction from the fans ala R. Mavia. But then again he might be the first one eliminated. If so I hope Foley makes a surprise run in and be the catalyst for that. You know Foley got at least 3 or 4 good Special Occasion (i.e. Major PPV) matches left in him.
ELIMINATION CHAMBER World Heavyweight Championship Triple H (c) v. HBK v. Goldberg v. Chris Jericho v. Kevin Nash v. Randy Orton -This would be the most meaningless way for Goldberg to win the World Championship but I'll go with Triple H because he's God.
Shane McMahon v. Eric Bischoff -Bischoff gets humiliated, Shane wins.
Rob Van Dam v. Kane -Kane wins so he can get ready for the awesome challenge of Shane McMahon! Kane can destroy RVD but can he beat SHANE MCMAHON?!
World Tag Team Championship La Resistance (c) v. The Dudley Boyz -Dudleyz win and Grenier is replaced with Conway. Please. Please.
WWE Championship Kurt Angle (c) v. Brock Lesnar -The Real Slim Shady wins the title and Angle chases forever.
US Championship Eddie Guerrero (c) v. Chris Benoit v. Tajiri v. Rhyno -Chavito's coming back so Benoit takes the title and Eddy and Chavo can go feud with Haas/Benjamin again.
The Undertaker v. A-Train -Taker via submission. Cena runs in but is rendered totally ineffective.
Also there will be 15 Skits involving atleast one McMahon and Sable.
Elimination Chamber Jericho wins. HHH doesn't need the belt anymore - just directing Evolution and looking cool is enough. Nash & HBK can't carry the company. Goldie can't get it since he doesn't do house shows. Orton should have been chasing Booker for the IC title before they gave it back to Christian, and now he's stuck.
Shane-O-Mac v. Eazy-E You and I know that Shane is winning this.
Kane v. RVD Kane, and it's gotta be clean, otherwise the heel turn dies.
La Res v. Les Duds What fuelinjected said.
Kurt v. Brock Brock KILLS Kurt to win the belt back, and we set up for the big WM chase.
US Title Four-Way Eddie is desperately needed elsewhere (whether it's against Haas & Benjamin with Chavito or a face turn and a feud with Brock, which I would LOVE) so give Benoit the title and have Rhyno chase.
UT v. A-Train Finish should be Mehshugganator after Cena runs in, but you and I know Taker will pull his usual protect-his-spot act.
Matt v. Zach (DO THE FUCKING MATCH!) If they don't go through with this, I'll be pissed - THIRD TIME this will be that Matt has been dicked over by creative. I'd like to see a bruised Zach hobble in and Matt kill him, but they're probably not going through with the match *sighs*
Dopeler effect (n): the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly Example: "A Dopeler effect can be frequently observed whenever HHH attends a creative meeting."
Undertaker/A-Trian: Taker in a hard fought match. Make or break for A-Train.
Tag Titles: Dudleyz.
Bishoff/Shane: Shane via crazy stunt.
RVD/Kane: Kane via crazy stunt.
Angle/Lesnar: Lesnar gets DQ'd but Vince restarts it and Angle kicks Vince and Brocks ass to retain.
Elimination Chamber: I want Jericho to win and maybe turn face, but that means it would be heel(HHH) vs. heel in the final two. I see Orton and Triple H alone at some point and Orton fighting HHH. I wouldn't mind seeing him eliminated before the final two. In fact I'd say he will, HBK/Y2J final two Y2J wins!
"Superstar" Billy Graham, furious with Vince McMahon and having heard that there will never be an actual WWE Hall of Fame building (despite what Shane has said in the past), has put his Hall of Fame ring up for sale on Ebay.