Strong Style Typings: Un F'N Sanctioned The Green Phantom Does Not Play Well With Others
Last night, the International Wrestling Syndicate held a press conference at Brutopia to help promote what many wrestling fans are already calling the Canadian show of the year: Un F'N Sanctioned 2007, scheduled for March 24th, 2007, at the downtown Montreal Medley. During the press conference, a contract was signed for the Tag Team Title Match between the challengers, the Hardcore Ninjaz, and the champion, the Green Phantom, plus his new, reluctant tag team partner, Sexxxy Eddy. The Phantom's original partner, Dru Onyx is injured and was forced to relinquish his share of the tag team title. IWS Owner, PCP Crazy F'N Manny, appointed Eddy to be the Phantom's partner at the Medley.
Eddy confirmed at the press conference that he will be shooting an adult feature film to be called "The World's Luckiest Wrestler" on March 21st, 22nd and 23rd, during which he will have sex with 101 wrestling valets from around the world. When asked how he plans on walking on the 24th, let alone wrestling, Eddy, to the cheers of the female fans at Brutopia, said that the Triple X "Sex XXXpress" was like the little engine that could and that with the support of his fans anything was possible.
The Hardcore Ninjaz pointed out at the press conference that they have held the IWS tag team titles on three seperate occasions (an IWS record) and have never been pinned when they lost their titles, losing the belts once in a Flaming Tables Match (to Iceberg and FOD); once in a Barbed Wire Ladder Match (to Hi-5, Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze); and most recently during Season's Beatings 2006 in the IWS' traditional Christmas Tree Death Match when Dru Onyx pinned Beef Wellington of Hi-5 to win the titles, while the Hardcore Ninjaz were beating off the flames after being put through a Flaming Table by the Green Phantom. During the press conference, the Hardcore Ninjaz also said through their translator that while Sexxxy Eddy has been IWS champion a record four times, he has never been able to win the IWS tag team titles despite many attempts, and that he has lost every match where he has faced the Hardcore Ninjaz as a team.
The Green Phantom started out angry during the press conference, and became increasingly belligerent as it progressed. He declared that he had won the title by himself (conveniently rewriting history to exclude Dru Onyx), that he had defended the titles by himself (true) and that at the Medley he could beat the Hardcore Ninjaz by himself (we shall see). The Green Phantom also rewrote history by claiming to be undefeated at the Medley. Technically, the Green Phantom has never been pinned at the Medley, but he did lose at the Medley last year during Un F'N Sanctioned 2006 against the team of SABU and Pierre Carl Ouellet, when his partner Dru Onyx was pinned, while the Green Phantom was unconscious on the outside after being thrown off the Medley balcony by PCO. (Also during Know Your Enemies 2004 he did not wrestle and could hardly have lost.)
Once all four wrestlers had signed the contract for the Tag Team Title Match, the Green Phantom went berserk. Eddy tried to control his partner, but paid the price as the Phantom gave his own partner a Pile Driver from the Brutopia stage through the press conference table. The Green Phantom ended the press conference by shouting, "If I am willing to do THAT to my own tag team partner, what do you think I am going to do to the Ninja Bitches?!?"
The press conference was filmed and will be available on the Un F'N Sanctioned 2007 DVD when it is released in a couple of weeks by Smart Mark Video.
In other news for the big show next Saturday:
-Responding to threats by the IWS Owner, PCP Crazy F'N Manny, to end his career (and his life) at the Medley, NWA World Heavyweight Champion, Christian Cage wrote me to say, "I don't normally attack wrestling promoters. They're the guys who butter my bread. But if Manny is dumb enough to get in the ring, I'm prepared to make an exception out of him!"
-Jagged of 2.0 called me to say how excited he is by the Medley show and his upcoming "Battle of 2.0" against his long-time partner, Shane Matthews. "You know, Llakor, in every great tag team, there is a work-horse and a pretty face. On 2.0, Shane is the pretty one. So when I'm kicking his ass in the ring, I am going to do my best (and my best is damn good) not to damage Shane's face. I'm not stupid. Shane's good looks gets us the girls and the matches. Then I get us the pins and the wins."
-Ring of Honor and Jersey All-Pro Wrestler Azriel wrote me to thank me for the copy of Violent Valentine 2007 that I sent him. Commenting on the EXesS/Stefany match, he told me, "I don't think that I have ever been so disgusted by a wrestling match in my life. That was just excessively violent. I fought EXesS before. I thought he was a wrestler with honor. I was wrong. He's not. He's a bully and where I come from bully is just another word for coward. EXesS calls himself a trainer? Tell him I'm coming to teach him a lesson about honor."
-Lionel Knight of Team Checkmate (Ontario's best tag team - just ask him and Chris Bishop) watched IWS Bloodstream (available here: http://syndicatewrestling.com/media.html ) and he called me to respond to a quip by Kid Kamikaze that Lionel Knight would not make it to the Medley because he would be stuck in jail. An incensed Lionel Knight asked me to pass on a message for him, "Tell that ignorant inbred Westmount idiot that I am not now in jail and I have never been in jail in the past and I don't plan on going to jail in the future, unless it is somehow against the law to beat that racist Triple K moron from one end of the Medley to the other, in which case, all bets are off!"
-We have sold-out of VIP tickets and with just over 300 tickets sold to date, we have doubled our advance ticket sales from last year already. Ticket Pro has confirmed sales to fans from Japan, Germany, Scotland and many from the States. Fortunately, the Medley has many great places to watch the action and has space for more than 1500 people. Last year 837 people paid to see the Canadian show of the year. Will you be part of the audience for the show that has wrestling fans from all over the world excited?
Un F'n Sanctioned 2007 Card: Saturday, March 24th, 2007 Medley, 1170 St-Denis (corner Rene Levesque) Metro Berri-UQAM Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Battle of 2.0: Jagged vs. Shane Matthews
Regles de Quebec: Fred la Merveille vs. Shayne Hawke Special Outside Referee for the Match: Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze)
EXesS Open Challenge: EXesS vs. Azriel
Four Way Ladder Match: Hi-5 (Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze) vs. Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop) vs. Up In Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy) vs. Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied)
Canadian Open: IWS Canadian Champion Dan Paysan vs. Justin White vs. Kenny the Bastard vs. Rob Vega$ vs. Pornstar Juan and Twiggy vs. Vanessa Kraven
IWS Tag Team Title Match: Challengers The Hardcore Ninjaz vs. Champions The Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddy
IWS Title Match: Challenger Necro Butcher vs. Champion Viking
Special Attraction: NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage and “Canadian Dynamite” Maxime Boyer vs. Pierre Carl Ouellet and “Paranoid” Jake Matthews
The IWS proudly presents: Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, Saturday, March 24th, 2007, at the beautiful downtown Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 PM, show starts at 9 PM. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $25. VIP ticket holders admitted first. VIP tickets are almost sold out so order them today. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office. 18+. Card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
I beg to differ: On the plane in the first Scooby Doo movie, a girl named Mary Jane (who befriended Shaggy) said that she eats Scooby snacks because they're vegetarian. Vegetarian is the same thing as vegan, right? Kinda?