Everyone has probably heard the various stories about Jim Cornette being "nearly fired" or "put on leave" or "went on vacation" from OVW. So you're probably curious as to what happened tonight.
First off, Bobby Heenan was there, and he did an autograph session before the show. Then, Dean came out at 8 and most of the audience seemed confused as to where Cornette was. Because of this, they really turned on the dark match, which was between Vik Delicious and Bam Bam.
After the dark match was over, the televised show started with Dean alone at the desk. The storyline was that Jim Cornette had disappeared and no one knew what was going on with the show. He switched over to Alexis Laree backstage with a camera crew to check with the other wrestlers to see what was going on. There was a mention of a locked room, but nothing more as to the whereabouts of Cornette.
MNM came out to taunt the crowd for wanting Cornette when they could have them instead. After they beat up one of the OVW personel and were leaving, Al Snow came out to sit with Dean.
During the commercial break, Al looked very pensive. He looked like he was just waiting for the audience to turn on him, Dean, and the show at any second. In other words, he didn't look comfortable at all. He relaxed a bit as the show went on, however.
Al first interviewed Bobby Heenan, which ended up with Bolin coming out and Heenan throwing Bolin out of the ring with a pair of large pair of silk underwear on his head. There was then a match between Brent Albright and Aaron Stevens that ended with Nova coming out to beat up on Albright and demanding a match.
Finally, everyone backstage came out demanding to know who was in control of the show. Everyone started fighting (a Cornette standard, come to think of it), until Al pulled out a bat. Finally an eight-men tag-team match was arranged with Snow, Seven, Nick Nemeth and Ken Doane versus Blaster Lasheley, Mike Mondo, Matt Morgan, and Kenzo Suzuki. Al pulled out Head at one point, and Seven won the match for his team and received a baseball cap to wear from one of the other wrestlers (no joke, make of that what you will).
This was then all interrupted by Carlito Caribbean Cool, who taunted Al. Al clobbered him with Head and the show was over for the night.
People were definitely into the show tonight, with chants of "OVW!" occuring through the final match. On the other hand, there were only two matches in the show (with an extra as a dark match before the program). So you have to take the good with the bad, I guess.
No idea where the whole "Cornette is missing" storyline will go, but at least they did something with him being gone for now.
Just watched the television version of the show taped Wednesday and I still think Al Snow looked like he was just waiting for projectiles from the audience at any moment.
It is funny that the entire hour is dedicated to a storyline asked where Cornette is, and how the show had gone completely out of control with him gone.
My guess and hope is that this will all be blown over when Cornette comes back. He really is a cornerstone of OVW, and it just wouldn't be the same without him. He had been booking, promoting, and announcing the show for six years now, with only taking time off twice, and one of those times was when his mother died. I think he was just burnt out and really needed this time off anyway. I hope that's all it is ultimately.
Here's my report on the show... it was real bad for the most part.
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOAH. For some reason, they've decided to add a couple pieces of actual recent footage to the montage, but they haven't taken out any of the people like Nikita and Kanyon who haven't been in the company in years.
Your Hosts are Dean Hill and... nobody
Dean Hill informs us that Jim Cornette is missing and nobody knows where he is. Apparently this has thrown the locker room into chaos, even though Cornette just makes matches and Danny Davis runs OVW.
Well, let's see who sinks and who swims without the smoke and mirrors.
Let's have an awkward cut to an obviously pretaped Alexis Laree backstage, who apparently now is a backstage corrsepondent in the new Dreamer/Snow/Storm booking era. Apparently the OVW locker room has expanded from the 20 people who were regularly on TV to a couple hundred people. Looks like a huge frat party. Why are all these people backstage if they're not wrestling tonight? This segment consists of Alexis walking around and talking to random people who have been on TV once and asking them if they know what's going on. God, she sounds TERRIBLE on the mic, worse than the Diva Search women. This just drags on and on...
Back at ringside, Hill talks to us at home and acts like a lost puppy. MNM come out (sans entrance music, because I guess Cornette ran that too?) They do the gag acting like the title belts are their penises. Melina looks very hispanic tonight. Matthews decides now's the time to cut a terrible promo and says Cornette isn't here, so MNM is running the show. Nitro sounds pretty embarassing. Melina says out of the goodness of their hearts, they going to let the fans take pictures of them up close. Anyway, they walk around the ring seemingly forever and Melina ends up slapping a fan.
Security comes out and MNM starts laying out a ton of people like this is a Bruce Lee movie.They snapshot a guard and go to pillmanize his ankle (like they did to Mac Johnson last week. Apparently there's not 50 babyfaces in the locker room or anything.
Seth Skyfire finally runs out, randomly with a crutch to make the save. Where did he get a crutch from? Johnson is hurt, not him.
Let us throw you back to last week, as we are joined by Al Snow on commentary. The security guard is getting stretchered out.
Basically Mac Johnson gets pillmanized, so now Seth Skyfire and Rey Misterio (in a rare bit of WWE/OVW contunity) will team at Six Flags against MNM.
- Ad Break
Let us take you to the backstage search for Cornette with Alexis Laree and Leslie Neilsen searching for clues. Oh my god, it's a locked door, what the heck is going on? Apparently Cornette was the person who unlocked all the doors in the building. We overhear Mike Mondo saying "Cornette is done!" Try as Alexis might, she can't break the closet door open to see what's behind it. Apparently it must be a new room or something that has magically appeared because nobody out of the 200 people in the locker room hallway knows what is behind it. Alexis actually says "someone is jamming it". There's doors locked everywhere. This is wrestlecrap.
Let us abruptly cut to the ring with Al Snow. Anyway, here's some rambling with Al Snow talking like Jim Ross after Owen Hart's death. Finally... let's bring out Bobby "The Brain" Heenan! YES!!! Now, this still has to be good, right? They can't screw this up.
"BOBBY" chants from the crowd, which change to "WEASEL". Bobby says he's here to see Bolin, bolin for dollars. He says everyone in wrestling is talking about him, and Snow tries to act like Cornette which kinda flops. He produces a gift sack. KENNY BOLIN (w/ Miss Blue) finally comes out to Theme from the Sopranos. Heenan shakes his hand and says he admires how Bolin manages, as loud BOLIN SUCKS chants continue. Heenan is very awkward playing babyface to Bolin, trying to be funny and his jokes fall flat because the audience can't understand him and they're actually not that funny. Snow is doing his fake laugh like crazy. Bolin takes a long time to say that he is the best manager ever, not Bobby Heenan and he taught Jim Cornette everything he knows. Not bad but not an interesting promo.
Anyway, Heenan finally gives him a super-oversized pair of women's underwear (Bolin is quite the obese guy and these are twice the size of him). He freaks out, Heenan says he has a six-foot trophy for Bolin. As Bolin turns around, Heenan puts the underwear on Bolin's head and throws him around the ring a bit. Bolin, blinded by the underwear, swings wildly for Heenan. Bolin gets free and charges at Heenan, but Heenan uses his red suit jacket like a matador's cape and Bolin goes crashing to the floor. Okay, the last minute of that segment was gold, but this was really disappointing.
- Ad Break
REY MISTERIO, CIRCA WCW. "HE'S COMING". Yes, this was the old introduction promo for him.
Let us go backstage, where Aaron "The Idol" Stevesn has a random women with him, then he pushes her away when Beth Phoenix comes into the frame. Apparently Alexis has given up her search for Cornette and we're just randomly going backstage. This is Deesere, apparently. Alexis Laree apparently decides to hold the microphone in front of them, even after yelling at Phoenix before that so we can hear Stevens' plan for later. Abrupt cut to Brent Albright coming out.
Albright is your OVW Heavyweight Champion and has a new belt which looks awesome. Apparently he is still the TV champion as well, even though he has to forfeit it. He cuts a promo that is decent (which is a step up from his usual stuff). Basically says he's forfeiting the TV title and there will be a match next week to decide the new champ. Ok, this guy is better on the mic without Cornette around.
Aaron "The Idol" Stevens is out with Beth Phoenix. Idol tries to talk into the mics on the commentary title, but they aren't hooked up to the PA, so Phoenix has to go into the ring and steal Albright's mic. Idol says the only reason Albright beat him for the TV title was because of Danny Inferno. Albright decides to put the TV title on the line after Phoenix has to give the PA back to Albright and I guess Al Snow okays it, so we'll have it after the break.
Usual Brent Albright match. Ref gets bumped. Albright locks in the crowbar on Idol and Idol taps but no ref. Phoenix distracts Albright (despite being billed as Albright's cousin http://www.ovwrestling.com/superstars/phoenix/profile.htm). I could drive a truck through that plothole. Idol hits him with a chair but the ref is still out. I guess there's only one ref tonight, because usually someone runs out at this point. Danny Inferno comes out, and acts like he's counting, Stevens thinks he's won, Inferno clocks Stevens, then chases Phoenix off. After about five minutes, the ref finally wakes up. After a bit of wrestling, Albright reverses a sunset flip into the crowbar, so he is your winner! Okay match. The ref gives Albright his thousand dollar check even though the match wasn't scheduled and Albright was supposed to forfeit the title tonight!
Albright does his usual "best damn wrestler" schtick, but out runs Simon Dean! He clocks him from behind, whips him with the championship belt! He tosses him into the side of the announce desk which moves about 4 feet(!) About a billion security guys and refs (where were they earlier during the match??) run out immediately, but Dean fights them off since wrestlers have superhuman powers now in the Dreamer era. A bunch of random guys in street clothes get decked (what the hell? oh well, it looks cool). It's about 20 on 1 and Nova is beating up everyone. Now all 20 guys just stand and watch Nova beating up Albright and they stick their hands out like they're trying to stop him. Nova takes a chair and sits on Albright.
He says he doesn't work here anymore, but it doesn't mean he doesn't watch this crap. He says guys in boas, bananas, fat guys, and "a goof who talks to head is comentating. This place is a friggin circus. Albright, on behalf of myself, Damaja, Basham, Dinsmore, the Ironman, the legends of OVW, you ain't a shooter, you'd better replace that o with an i, because that's exactly what you are, a piece of crap!" He demands Snow make a match between him and Albright for next week "My name is Simon Dean, and Simon Says I don't believe in any of you." He gives a guy NOVACAINE on the mat at ringside!
Okay, Dean was pretty entertaining there at least.
Rey Misterio is coming, and he won't do any of the moves he does in this promo because WWE is afraid someone will get hurt!!
Snow says okay for the Dean/Albright match next week. He says it'll be only live in the arena, not on TV. Here comes the Tolands and the heel locker room out to "take over". Tank says the inmates are running the asylum. Kenzo Suzuki and a bunch of random people are here... some other guy doing an arab gimmick and a bunch of people I've never seen before. Let's go to yet another break!
Oh my, the inmates have taken over. Here comes the faces and a bunch of random people. The Heartbreakers are randomly here, despite leaving OVW for good last week. There's Puder. Jeter gets to talk, for whatever reason. Jillian Hall, who has apparently recovered, throws rubbing alcohol in Jeter's eyes and all heck breaks loose with a bunch of random people fighting. I can't believe a huge brawl is so boring, probably because I don't know who is who. Probably if your favorite indy guy is "in OVW", you saw him in that segment.
Okay, this is the worst episode of OVW TV I've ever seen.
That was a lyrical quote from Fugazi's classic "Waiting Room," and thusly the greatest moment of the night. "I am a patient boy...I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait! My time's like water down the drain..." (That C.M.