For once, I, the almighty Ringmistress, start a Smackdown spoilers thread. From the looks of this, it sounds like another good reason to whip out the AJW tapes...
Smackdown starts with Sable coming to the ring. She introduces the participants for the very first match and sits at ringside to watch.
Nidia w/ Jamie Noble beat Torrie Wilson with a rollup holding the tights. After the match Torrie pantsed Nidia.
Vince arrives to the arena in a limo. The driver tells Vince he will be right back because he is parked in a handicap zone. Vince says he does not care, he wants the driver to stay put as he will not be long.
Backstage, the lie detector testers are testing the equipment on Stephanie.
Backstage, Team Angle walk to the ring for their match.
Backstage, Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri prepare for their match. Tajiri presents Eddie with a set of car keys that he stole from someone.
Eddie and Tajiri drive a lowrider truck to the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champonship Tajiri and Eddie Guerrero beat Team Angle by DQ.
Backstage, Mr. America sits in his locker room worrying about the lie detector test.
Vince McMahon comes to the ring for the lie detector test. Vince says he still has that smile on his face. Vince welcomes us to a very special edition of Smackdown. Why is it so special? Because it will be the last show we will see any form of Hulk Hogan in the ring. Vince says once the test is done Mr. America's contract will be null and void. Vince sees Zach Gowen sitting at ringside. Vince says after the test tonight neither Hogan or Zach will have a leg to stand on. Vince introduces Mr. America.
Mr. America comes to the ring and he sits at the table in the ring and gets hooked up with all the lie detector equipment. Vince tells Hogan he is not singling him out because he has all his corporate employees go through the same thing. Because if there is one thing Vince can not stand it is a liar.
The interogation begins.
Are you the man known as Mr. America? Yes.
Are you currently sitting in a wrestling ring in Pensacola, Florida? Yes.
Are you currently employed on Smackdown? Yes.
Are you Hulk Hogan? *long pause* Can I please have a drink of water?
Vince asks the question this time.
Mr. America, are you Hulk Hogan? No. The tester says he is telling the truth.
Vince wants the question asked again.
Are you Hulk Hogan? No. The tester says he is telling the truth.
Mr. America is asked the same question 4 more times with the same answer. The tester says Mr. America has passed the lie detector test.
Vince says Mr. America is lying through his teeth. If Hogan can pass the test then Vince himself can pass it. Vince wants the equipment put on him.
The interogation on Vince begins.
Are you Vince McMahon? Yes.
Are you the chairman of WWE? Yes.
Hogan wants to ask a question.
Are you the biggest asshole on God's green earth? No. The tester buzzes wrong.
Are you a sick, perverted, power hungry freak? No. The tester buzzes wrong.
Vince says he is a respected business man. The tester buzzes wrong. Vince can hardly talk without the tester buzzing wrong. So finally Vince says what he does he does for only himself. The tester buzzes correct.
Hogan asks if Vince pleasures himself by looking at pictures of Torrie's Playboy? No. The tester buzzes wrong.
Vince says atleast he doesn't fantasize about Mae Young. The tester buzzes wrong.
Vince says he hates Hogan. The tester buzzes correct.
Mr. America calls Vince a liar and knocks him on his ass. Hogan leaves.
Backstage, Vince asks Stephanie if she just saw what happened. Vince says Stephanie was the one responsible for hiring the lie detectors, to make sure the equipment worked properly, and she was the one who hired Mr. America. Stephanie says if Vince doesn't believe her she will take a lie detector test. Vince says next week things are going to change for the better. Vince walks off calling Stephanie a smart ass.
Sean O'Haire w/ Roddy Piper beat Chris Benoit. Piper had entered the ring and Benoit put him in the crossface. O'Haire kicked Benoit in the back and rolled him up holding the tights for the pin.
Backstage, The FBI are shown lifting weights and talking about their 2 on 3 handicap match tonight with Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. The conversation ensenuates that not only will they be using weapons in their match tonight but something much bigger.
A caption says that Rey Mysterio will take on Matt Hardy next week on Smackdown for the cruiserweight championship.
Backstage, Rey Mysterio does a self interview talking about pulling his groin last week and how he will beat Matt Hardy next week in Anaheim on Smackdown. Matt Hardy walks up and says he will destroy Mysterio next week. Mysterio falls to the ground in pain after getting kicked on his injured leg by Matt.
An Ultimo Dragon vignette is shown with the caption saying "COMING SOON".
Basham Brothers (Doug & Danny) beat Spanky and Rikishi when one of the brothers pinned Spanky and had his brother holding his feet on the ropes. After the match the hometown hero and Spanky put on top hats and dance for the crowd.
Out in the parking lot Vince's limo is getting towed away for being parked in the handicap zone. Vince gets in the limo anyways and tells the tow truck driver to tow him to the airport. Zach Gowen walks up and knocks on the window and tells Vince it is illegal to park in a handicap spot. As the limo is towed away Vince is heard screaming to stop because he wants to get out and kick Zach's ass.
The FBI comes out Nunzio gets on the mic and reminds everyone via video how Undertaker tried to end his career last week. Nunzio says he can not wrestle tonight as he may have some broken ribs. Nunzio says the handicap match will remain the same as he has found a suitable replacement. Cue up Big Show's music.
2 on 3 Handicap Match The FBI and Big Show beat Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker via Big Show's sloppy chokeslam on Lesnar.
After Smackdown went off the air Undertaker grabbed a mic. Undertaker said they got their ass kicked but it's only one night. Undertaker says he did not come down to Pcola without having a good time. Undertaker invites a good friend of his who works ringside for WWE, Frank, to come into the ring because it is his birthday. Undertaker wants someone else to come into the ring as well. Undertaker calls out one of Pcola's finest residents - Rikishi. Rikishi gets on the mic and wants Pcola to show Frank what kind of hospitality they have by singing happy birthday to him. Everyone in the arena sings happy Birthday to Frank. Brock Lesnar brings a birthday cake into the ring and makes Frank guess what flavor it is. Lesnar shoves the cake in Frank's face. Frank falls down in the corner where Rikishi gives him a birthday cake stinkface. Frank walks out of the ring and gives Tony Chimmel a hug wiping the cake all in his face.
Chimmel thanks everyone for coming. Thats it...
Just remember: 7 days to Kurt, 7 days to Kurt, 7 days to Kurt, 7 days to Kurt......
Sounds like the writers have ripped off the Simpsons with the lie detector test. Remember when Moe was being questioned about the shooting of Mr. Burns:
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? Moe: No! [buzz] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding] Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go. Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] _A_ date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] [weakly] Sears catalog. [ding] [angry] Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
what's not in that report that I saw in another report on 411, and something that I hope is shown this Thursday, is a new WWE Desire vid on Kurt Angle set to Coldplay's "Clocks". I always thought Coldplay's "God Put A Smile on Your Face" would've made a good Benoit/Angle desire vid but it's pretty much guranteed the production team did a great job with the Angle vid.
Doug Basham never got called up full-time, just did a couple Velocity matches.
Anyway, "Danny Basham" is apparently the Damaja from OVW, who has been Doug's tag partner up until recently (Doug Basham just kicked Damaja out of "The Revolution" in OVW and is now teaming with Rob Conway there).
Even though it seems like they don't get a chance to show it on Smackdown, Basham is OVW's best worker (and better than anyone they've called up from OVW so far) and Damaja isn't that far behind. Basham has been wrestling since the end of the USWA days so he's not green at all. Both have pretty decent mic skills.
Hopefully this means Rob Conway and Nick Dinsmore will get called up soon too. That team and Basham/Damaja are both better than *any* tag team in WWE besides Eddy/Tajiri.
Orlando Jordan is an OVW guy... I believe that's a dark match (stupid people who send in the tapings results always get confused as to what's Velocity and what's dark).
They really should have just brought up the whole Revolution stable from OVW to Smackdown since Kanyon's not doing jack (Doug Basham, Damaja, Kanyon, Jackie Gayda, and Nikita).
It would probably get way more over than whatever they're going to do with the same people.
Raw Boycott June 9th http://www.petitiononline.com/rawwwe/petition.html
Cody has taken the two most distinctive moves -- the wheelbarrow kick and the Alabama Slam -- from Hardcore Holly, his mentor from way back. That's an unusual recongition of his WWE career. Or the WWE figures no one will remember Hardcore.