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31.8.14 0137
The W - Pro Wrestling - Smackdown and Velocity Spoilers
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Liverwurst








Since: 3.1.02

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.27
Here you go...

Dark Match:

Match 1: Paul London vs. Some Guy

I figured out this had to be a dark match, since there was four other matches after this before Smackdown started and I've never heard of five matches on any episode of Velocity. I don't recall the name of the unknown guy, but he looked like a cross between Matt Hardy, Mark Jindrak, and Kanyon. Not a bad match, though it had just a few too many headlocks than was really necessary. Some people in the crowd tried to get a "boring" chant going, but thankfully the fans didn't follow along on that one. London didn't even get to hit any of his signature moves like the 450 splash. The end came when London rolled the unknown guy up to get the quick win. It was nice to see London live in person, but man they are wasting his talent.

Winner: Paul London

Velocity:

Match 1: Hardcore Holly vs. Walters

I know the guy has a first name, but for the life of me I can't remember it. The only reason I know the dude's last name is because a bunch of his friends were sitting a few rows up and were shouting, "COME ON WALTERS!!!" the whole time. It's scary to hear live the pop that Hardcore Holly gets. Why do people cheer for this bitter bitter man? This was basically a squash match, with Walters getting a few moments of offense in, but in the end, it was Holly with his Alabama Slam that picked up the win.

Winner: Hardcore Holly

Match 2: Rene Dupree vs. Nunzio

Woah, Nunzio is still employed? I haven't seen him in weeks. It appears that Dupree must have ran out of his French hair styling gel before the event because his normally spiked up hair was laying flat tonight. Solid enough match between the two, though I don't think that a lot of people really remember who Nunzio is. Near the end, Dupree hit a spinebuster on Nunzio and launched into his CRAZY FRENCH DANCE, along with a quick Ric Flair strut to boot before dropping the elbow. Finally, Dupree lifted Nunzio up and drove him down into the canvas with a modified Michinoku Driver for the win.

Winner: Rene Dupree

Match 3: Orlando Jordan vs. Chavo Guerrero

I think someone sent Orlando a free membership to the "Hairclub for Men" for Christmas this year. Either that, or he was trying to get away from the "You're the new Virgil!" stigma that has been following him since hooking up with JBL. Solid contest, but the fans in the arena could care less about Jordan and it showed. They perked up for a Chavo Guerrero rally, but were brought back down when the end came after Jordan hit a version of the Flatliner on Chavo for the win.

Winner: Orlando Jordan

Match 4: Booker T vs. Spike Dudley

Wow, who did Booker piss off to be stuck as the main event of Velocity this week. Decent match when it finally came together, but it's main downsides were that it was too short to really build to anything, and Spike spent a lot of time stalling. The end came when Booker busted out his spinaroonie (to my delight) and connected with the scissors kick for the win.

Winner: Booker T

With Velocity done, they allowed us to watch the closing moments of the tag title match from last week. It was obvious that Eddie was heading out first, since I could spot his low-rider behind the stage area as soon as I sat down in my seat.


WWE Smackdown:

Match 1: "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Told ya Eddie would be the first person out of the gate. This was a very sweet match, and if you watch SD for anything this week, make sure it's this. Anytime you get Guerrero & Mysterio into the ring together, you know you're going to get magic. Back and forth match, with the crowd very into every single moment. Near the end, they did a very funny spot where Eddie tried to do the same thing as last week where he planted the tag belt on Rey, but Rey was too wise this week and planted it back on Eddie, who tried to hide it when the ref turned around by laying on it. The ref knew something was up and finally figured it out, much to everyone's delight. Eventually, Rey managed to get a rollup on Eddie like last week and get the win. After the match, Eddie & Rey shook hands and hugged.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

Meanwhile, Heidenreich is talking to someone off camera about his fear of caskets and they pan over to revel....PAUL HEYMAN! Yes folks, the former owner of ECW is back and I, for one, am very happy about it. Heyman tells Heidenreich not to worry, as he's planning on marching over to Teddy Long's office and having him change the stipulations. Yeah, somehow I don't think that will work Paul.

Match 2: World Wrestling Entertainment Cruiserweight Championship: Funaki (Champion) vs. Akio

Sadly, this match didn't get the full attention of the fans because they were busy watching Carlito Caribbean Cool. Carlito came out before everyone else and sat down at the commentary booth with a petition (most likely to try and remove Teddy Long from office. Hey Carlito! They've already done this angle before when Jericho tried to get Austin out as co-GM! Try something new!) After spending a few moments there, Carlito walked around the ring during the entire match and had people signing the petition. As for the match, it was decent. Akio must be trying something new, because he's shaved his head and is now wearing a very bright red outfit. The end comes when Funaki lands a tornado DDT on Akio for the win to retain the championship. After the match, Carlito tries to get Joy (who was down at ringside being the "special timekeeper, mainly cause she's very good at timekeeping while flaunting some serious cleavage and a short short pink skirt) to sign the petition, but she won't so he spits an apple at her cause apparently, it's not cool to not sign a petition when it's trust in front of you.

Winner: Funaki (Still WWE Cruiserweight Champion)

Meanwhile, Heyman gets in Teddy Long's face about changing the casket match, but Teddy isn't buying it for a minute. He does give Heidenreich one glimmer of hope. If he beats The Undertaker tonight, he can get rid of the casket stipulation. However, Long makes the match a handicap match with Taker facing Heidenreich and.....come one people, let's say it all together now!......PAUL HEYMAN.

Elsewhere, Kurt Angle is talking to Mark Jindrak & Luther Reigns when Amy Weber walks in. As Reigns and Jindrak leave, Amy starts coming onto Kurt and says that she'd like to be his image consultant, if you know what I mean...*wink, wink*. Kurt knows that Amy is just trying to keep a steady job by latching onto whoever is the WWE Champion, but before he decides, Kurt wants some sweet sweet sugar from Amy. She seems game, and tells him to meet her at her private locker room later. Ok, I'm guessing either giant beatdown or other trouble for Kurt in the future.

Match 3: Kurt Angle Invitational: Kurt Angle vs. Brian Black

Nothing match with Kurt making Black tap in less than 30 seconds.

Winner: Kurt Angle

Meanwhile, Daniel Puder arrives and is stopped by Torrie Wilson & Miss Jackie. Puder then goes into full heel mode and talks about how Torrie posed naked, and how Miss Jackie cheated on her boyfriend during Tough Enough and how Charlie Haas dumped her. As they leave, he says that all women want him for is his money. Looks like we got a heel turn by the newest Tough Enough champion.

Next up, we get a Battle Rap between John Cena and Kenzo Suzuki. Kenzo comes out wearing a really bad USA outfit, and an equally bad rap. I couldn't even make out half the words live. Cena got the mic and really ripped into Kenzo. Cena brought down some new "Divas" (a.k.a. Diva Search losers) and Kenzo was getting a bit horny, so Hiroko jumped on one of them (I think Michelle McCool), which lead to a Cena/Suzuki brawl which Cena got the better of. They also announced during this match that Cena would defend the U.S. Championship against Kenzo next week on SD. Cena was sooo over here it wasn't even funny.

Before the next match, they also announced that next week, RVD & Rey Mysterio would defend the WWE Tag Team Championship in a Fatal-Fourway match against The Basham Brothers, "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero & Booker T, and Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak.

Match 4: Rob Van Dam (with Rey Mysterio) vs. Doug Basham (with Danny Basham & Orlando Jordan)

Solid match here. Mysterio got kicked out early when he attacked Doug on the outside, which left RVD at the hands of JBL's cabinet. RVD had things going his way until Jordan distracted the ref & RVD and the Bashams pulled their old switcharoo. The end came when Danny, pretending to be Doug, nailed A-Train's Baldo Bomb on RVD and picked up the win. I really hope the Bashams don't get another title run, as I don't think they are over enough to handle it.

Winner: "Doug" Basham

Meanwhile, Kurt thinks he found Amy in the shower in her personal locker room, but after undressing and, in a very weird bit, playing with his nipples, he finds Joy instead taking a shower (probably to wash off the apple Carlito spit on her) and naturally, when confronted by an Olympic Gold Medalist in his underwear, she freaked out. Joy books from her locker room wearing a towel with Kurt behind trying to apologize. When Kurt turns a corner, he runs into The Big Show, who AIN'T HAPPY. Show chases Kurt to the ring, where he proceeds to kick Angle's ass, along with Reigns & Jindrak, who came out to help.

After the "break", JBL and Amy gloat about how they pulled one over on everyone and how Amy put her name over Joy's locker room door.

Match 5: Handicap Match: The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich & Paul Heyman

You know how everyone says Heidenreich can't wrestle to save his life? Well, they weren't lying. He's fine when he's sticking to the standard big man punch, kick, bodyslam stuff but don't give him anything harder to do then that. I saw several spots where he almost messed up. The end came when Taker brought out several caskets to freak Heidenreich out, leaving Heyman alone to fend for himself. Taker quickly hit the tombstone on Heyman and stuffed him into a casket. I guess this means Taker wins and the casket match is still on, but poor Paul. His first night back and he's forced to take a tombstone and be shoved into a casket.

Winner: The Undertaker

After the show ended, we got a special bonus match......

Bonus Match: Casket Handicap Match: The Undertaker vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield & Orlando Jordan

This was basically a comedy match, as JBL got off a pretty funny speech before hand about how it was his destiny to beat Taker tonight. Taker did get busted open during this match, though I'm not sure from what. The end came when Taker beat Jordan down into the casket and then tombstoned JBL and rolled him in there as well for the win. I have to say that the casket was pretty much destroyed by the end of the match, as the outside got dented from JBL landing on it, and the inside was torn to shreds.

Winner: The Undertaker


I'll tune in for Eddie/Rey, but the rest of the show looks pretty awful.





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Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.60
Looks like a completely rudderless show. Yes, they have to build slowly to Royal Rumble and then their own PPV, but this seems like an blatant placeholder show. Odd considering SD used to try to outdo RAW's Sunday PPV with a hot show on the previous Thursday.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
oldschoolhero
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Since: 2.1.02
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.80
"Rudderless"? They set up two title matches for next week's show, furthered the Taker/Heidenreich angle and fired up Carlito's new Long-baiting schtick. That's three times as much storyline advancement as 75% of the SmackDown editions of last year.



Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-ought three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all 60 of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five point palm exploding heart technique.
Matt Tracker
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Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 4 days
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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.60
    Originally posted by oldschoolhero
    "Rudderless"? They set up two title matches for next week's show, furthered the Taker/Heidenreich angle and fired up Carlito's new Long-baiting schtick. That's three times as much storyline advancement as 75% of the SmackDown editions of last year.


Do you think Cena's gonna lose the belt again after losing it to Carlito following a two-day reign and returning to action after being taken out by Jesus? Do any of the challenging tag-teams strike you as exciting and novel? What kind of feud do Taker/Heidnreich have when Taker keeps beating him after losing PPV matches because of him? It's blah. Big blah.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Spaceman Spiff
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.05
I agree, the show really isn't "rudderless", it's just that the stuff they're doing isn't very exciting/compelling (to me, anyway). Taker/Heidenreich? Blech. Carlito vs. Teddy Long? Boring, and done before. Cena/Kenzo? That's going to be a trainwreck. Funaki as cruiser champ? The belt should be on Kidman, who's got natural feuds w/ Chavo & London. The only thing remotely interesting is the tag scene, but that's tempered by the fact that a bunch of the guys involved should be heavily pushed singles (Eddie, Rey, RVD [even if I don't care for him], Booker).

And, for as comfortable as Cena is on the mic, somebody needs to seriously sit down w/ him and teach him how to cut a "productive"/money promo if he's ever going to be the "future" of the company. His early heel stuff was pretty good, but he's fallen off badly w/ his face stuff. Calling people "gay", and making jokes about people crapping their pants doesn't make people say "ooh, I gotta buy the next PPV to see Cena's match against (whomever)!" or "ooh, I gotta buy a ticket to the next show to see him face (whomever)!". He can get by on his popularity now, but that stuff isn't going to fly if he's ever going to win the big belt. He's got to get that edge back in his promos, or else he's going to cultivate a "midcard gimmick" persona that'll be tough to shake.

(edited by Spaceman Spiff on 5.1.05 1428)


The Vile1
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Since: 4.9.02
From: California

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#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.24
Good God, the main event scene on Smackdown right now is really atrocious. I mean RAW it gets boring with so much HHH, but at least they put awesome guys around it like Benoit to keep it interesting.

Is JBL like the longest reigning WWE champion in about a decade or what?




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OMEGA
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Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.94
    Originally posted by The Vile1
    Good God, the main event scene on Smackdown right now is really atrocious.


I'd have to agree. I actually like JBL, but I feel his reign has more than run it's course. Unfortunatley, I'm not all that excited to see Undertaker, Big Show, or Angle get the belt either.

Really, the only thing entertaining me on SmackDown right now is the stuff with Booker, Eddie, Van Dam, & Mysterio. Aside from those four, I often find myself losing all interest in the shows and finding other things to busy myself with.



The answer to WWE's financial problems...

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Since: 8.5.03
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#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.60
    Originally posted by The Vile1
    Is JBL like the longest reigning WWE champion in about a decade or what?


The longest heavyweight reign I can before this one seems to be Shawn Michaels holding the belt for about eight months in 1996, taking it from Bret at WM and losing it to Sid at Survivor Series.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Freeway
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Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.94
Longest Title Reigns of the Post-Attitude Era (WrestleMania XIV and everything after):
Triple H (2002-03): 280 days
John B. Layfield: 216 days (as of the Royal Rumble)
Steve Austin (2001 Heel Run): 175 days
Chris Benoit: 154 days
Brock Lesnar (2003-04): 152 days
Eddie Guerrero: 133 days
Kurt Angle (2000-01): 126 days
Triple H (2000): 121 days
Brock Lesnar (2003) & The Rock (2000): 119 days
Kurt Angle (2002-03): 105 days

Heel Reigns Longer Than JBL's:
(And by that I mean, they were heels the ENTIRE REIGN)
Superstar Billy Graham: 296 days
Yokozuna (1993-94) & Triple H (2002-03): 280 days

IF JBL makes it to WrestleMania still champion (and we've been given no reason to believe that he won't), his reign will be 279 days long, seemingly the high-water mark for modern heels.



"Illusions, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...or candy!" - G.O.B. Bluth, Arrested Development

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The Red Sox Fan
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Since: 31.3.03
From: Philly Burbs

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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.00
You folks would not have loved the late 70's and early 80's. Bob Backlund was champ for around 8 YEARS before transitioning to the Iron Sheik, who of course begat Hulkamania.

If you think JBL has been around a long time, keep the Backlund factoid in mind. 8 mindnumbing years, before he was "Mr." Bob Backlund.





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Since: 3.1.02
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#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.94
    Originally posted by The Red Sox Fan
    You folks would not have loved the late 70's and early 80's. Bob Backlund was champ for around 8 YEARS before transitioning to the Iron Sheik, who of course begat Hulkamania.

    If you think JBL has been around a long time, keep the Backlund factoid in mind. 8 mindnumbing years, before he was "Mr." Bob Backlund.


Backlund's first reign (excluding the Inoki title switch that was never officially recognized in the United States) was 2,135 days long (or from February 1978 to December 1983). The longest reign in history was Bruno Sammartino's first reign, which lasted 2,803 days (May 1963 to January 1971).

So, in summation, it was 5 "mind-numbing" years for Backlund. Every long-running champion has been a babyface (or turned mid-reign) except for Billy Graham, Triple H, Yokozuna, Heel Austin and JBL.



"Illusions, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...or candy!" - G.O.B. Bluth, Arrested Development

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maybe we will even see Marissa Mezzola(Spelling?) at the renewal.
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