Tonight: More talk about Triple H! Raw recaps! From R-Truth's favourite city, Green Bay Wisconsin, this is Smackdown!
The show opened with Sheamus, who had something to say. He wanted to talk about Triple H. Ugh. Sheamus said that he respected Triple H for his accomplishments, and mentioned fighting him at his first Wrestlemania, and coincidentally picking up his first Wrestlemania loss there as well. Why is he bringing that up? Sheamus said that Alberto Del Rio was the exact opposite of Triple H, but before the promo could segue into something relevant, the ringing chorus of Hallelujah interrupted, heralding the forthwith arrival of the eloquent Damien Sandow, Your Intellectual Saviour. Sandow took umbrage with Sheamus praising the miscreant Triple H, because his pack of degenerates so viciously attacked Sandow unprovoked at Raw 1000. The crowd was in the doldrums now due to Sheamus' incoherent babbling, and Sandow was here to save them. Sheamus seemed amused, egging Sandow on, before finally daring him to get into the ring to say it to his face. Sandow said that he'd like nothing more than to give Sheamus an intellectual thrashing, but he wasn't going to soil his hands with someone beneath him. Instead, he would take his leave. You're welcome! But Booker T begged to differ. Booker first agreed with Sandow, saying that no one wanted to see an intellectual thrashing. But they did want to see a physical one! So later tonight, Damien Sandow would face Sheamus. Can you dig that, sucka?
Also later tonight, Randy Orton faces Dolph Ziggler! But up next, Rey Mysterio!
Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes: The announcers played up Cody's history with masks, both recently with Sin Cara, before that with Rey Mysterio, and even his own brush with a mask after Mysterio mauled his face. Mat-wrestling sequence to start, with Mysterio eking out an advantage. A 619 was set up, but Cody rolled to the outside to evade it. Mysterio pursued, but Cody caught him and slammed him into the announce table to take us to break.
Back in the ring, Mysterio was still suffering from the effects. The Miz gave him a concussion at Summerslam, let us not forget! Cody hit a twisting brainbuster (!) for a near-fall. That got a few replays, as he pressed the advantage. A front suplex kept the pressure on, and he went for a crossface chickenwing variant. After being so good about it all match, Cody finally went for Mysterio's mask, and got slammed into the turnbuckle as a result. Mysterio came back with the seated senton. Cody blocked a corner charge, but tried a sunset flip and that never works. A dropkick to the knees set up the 619, but Cody caught it and pulled Mysterio back into the ring. He went for the mask again, but Mysterio rolled him into a sunset flip of his own to get the three count! But Cody wasn't done there, attacking Mysterio after the bell and stomping him down. He went for the mask again, but Sin Cara had something to say about that. He jumped in with strikes to Cody and dumped him onto the second rope, which set up Mysterio for the 619! Sin Cara produced an extra mask of his and put it on Cody, before the Mexicans started to celebrate. Cody rolled around on the mat in confusion, grasping at his mask. How embarassing!
Last week, Daniel Bryan attended anger management! We saw this on Raw! The crowd helpfully started chanting "Yes! Yes! Yes!" at the end of it. Divas action, next!
Kaitlyn vs. Natalya: Joining us for commentary was Eve Torres. Eve was respectful towards both competitors, as the Twitter war between them was brought up. She said that Kaitlyn was the future of the Divas division. That's a little scary. Natalya outwrestled Kaitlyn, but after throwing her off the ropes Kaitlyn hit a Cena-esque flying shoulderblock that sent Nattie spilling entirely out of the ring. Natalya used chicanery to retake the advantage, then applied an abdominal stretch, grabbing Kaitlyn's leg to twist her even further. Cole told Eve that some people were suggesting that she was just engaging in an act working for Booker, something that she disputed. Natalya got a 360 degree clothesline for a near fall. As she prepared Kaitlyn for her next move, Kaitlyn rolled her into a small package to get the win! Nattie chased Kaitlyn after the match before the referee got in her way, allowing her to celebrate the victory. No interference or even post-match confrontation from Eve, who's being a proper authority figure to counterbalance AJ.
And speaking of that, backstage Matt Striker was interviewing Booker T. Striker asked about the situation with AJ, and Booker said that while he'd had high hopes for her and she had some fresh ideas, AJ had overstepped her bounds, both by booking a match for the World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank contract and by laying her hands on Vickie Guerrero on Raw. Before he could elaborate, Vickie Guerrero interjected herself with the quietest Excuse Me ever, thanking Booker and saying that even the Smackdown GM agreed with her. She became more animated as she talked about the mentally deranged child AJ, saying that she'd gone to the Board of Directors who had pledged to do something about it. And if they didn't, then Vickie would herself.
It's the Raw Rebound! Punk vs. Lawler! We saw this on Raw!
It's part two of Daniel Bryan's anger management! Kane arrived! We saw this on Raw!
Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow: Lockup to start, won by Sheamus who powered Sandow into the ropes. "Referee! Do your job! Relinquish him!" Another lockup, and the same result, with Sandow loudly demanding the referee make Sheamus adhere to the rules. Sandow grabbed a headlock, but Sheamus shot him into the ropes and looked about to punch him, so Sandow bailed out of the ring to regroup. Back into the ring and once again the same sequence came, with Sandow fleeing from the other side. This time Sheamus went out after him, and Sandow immediately pushed him into the steel steps, then threw him clear over them. Now the tides have turned! Back into the ring, and Sandow stomped away on Sheamus in the ropes, hitting a kneedrop as well. He seemed far less concerned with the referee enforcing the rules now, oddly enough! The first comeback by Sheamus was cut short by a neckbreaker for a nearfall. Sandow started pounding away on the grounded Sheamus with clubbing forearms to the chest, similar to what Sheamus does to foes in the ropes. He then hit his russian legsweep and went for the Elbow of Disdain, but Sheamus got up before he could execute it and shoved him off into the corner. Irish hammers followed, then the running kneelift. Sandow bailed out of the ring, but Sheamus threw him right back in and hit the ten clubbing forearms from the outside in. A slingshot shoulderblock to Sandow's back followed for a nearfall. Sandow rolled out of the ring again, but once more Sheamus was right out to get him and put him back in. Sheamus went for White Noise, but Sandow escaped and shoved him off. When Sheamus came right off the ropes with a Brogue Kick, Sandow flung himself back to safety and rolled out of the ring again. Sheamus pursued and threw him back in, and he just kept rolling out to the other side. Sheamus was stubborn, he wasn't going to give up, but this time Sandow shoved him into the ring apron, then turned and booked it, running up the ramp and backstage. Sheamus was left with no choice but to go back into the ring to accept the countout victory.
The Prime Time Players vs. Just Kidding: Just Kidding is Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd, for those keeping score at home. Inset Tout promo from the Usos at the start of the match saying they deserved the tag title shot, followed by a tweet from Epico and Primo. But there was a match going on! Nice double-team by Kidd and Gabriel, with Gabriel rolling into a bridging Camel Clutch on D-Young, and Kidd coming off the ropes with a kick to his chest. Kidd wound up in the wrong half of the ring and was taken down by a big boot from the Real Deal, cueing the bark. They isolated and worked over Kidd, hitting their own double-teams on him, but Kidd finally made it over to tag Gabriel. He took out both men, hitting a leg sweep on Young and going up top. Titus was up on the apron to try to interrupt, but he got taken out and dumped by Kidd. Still, it was enough of a distraction to give Darren Young a chance to recover, crotching Gabriel on the top rope. The fireman's carry gutbuster followed to finish for the Players. Do the Millions of Dollars Dance!
The final Anger Management clip aired. We saw this on Raw!
Josh Mathews was in the ring to interview Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez, the Black Scarf of Mourning and a $120,000 Excalibur roadster. Del Rio wanted to brag about making Randy Orton tap out last week. Show the footage! Josh asked him how this match against Sheamus would be different since Sheamus had beaten him in every title match they'd had. Del Rio called him a weasel and said that what Kane had done to him was nothing compared to what Del Rio was about to do. As he prepared for violence, Kane made his entrance. Nobody beats up Josh Mathews but Kane! Del Rio fled, as did Josh, with Cole exhorting him to run all the way into the crowd. Kane got the mic and mentioned his anger management therapy, saying that it had been helping him. He wanted to apologise to Josh Mathews for what he'd done. Josh was in no hurry to get back into the ring. Teddy Long was the next on the scene, telling Del Rio not to go too far, because he'd have a match against Kane next! Damnit, Del Rio, you should know better than to come out for an interview in your ring gear. This always happens!
Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez, the Black Scarf of Mourning and a $120,000 Excalibur roadster vs. Kane: This match was almost all Kane, as Del Rio's attempts at offense were brief and cut off. Mathews was back on commentary reluctantly, clearly not feeling safe and wanting the match to be over with. Del Rio did counter the first chokeslam attempt with an enziguiri to Kane's shoulder, but the cross armbreaker was evaded, and Kane hit his signature moves. Side slam, then a top-rope clothesline. Kane signalled for the chokeslam, but Ricardo hopped up on the apron, so Kane grabbed him again. That's a mistake! Taking his eyes off the prize, Del Rio hit the Backstabber on Kane, and that was enough for the win! Del Rio and Rodriguez fled, as Kane looked confused in the ring. Confusion quickly turned to anger, and Kane rolled to the outside, grabbing Josh Mathews before he could flee. No, Kane! What will Dr. Shelby think? Kane was apologising to Mathews even as he threw him into the ring. The crowd, being savvy people, chanted "Beat up Cole". Chokeslam to Josh! Set off the pyro!
After the break, a replay showed Josh being escorted out, as Cole pleaded with both AJ and Booker T to take actions to protect the commentators from things like this. Then he segued to the Triple H segment and a recap of that aired. We saw this on Raw!
Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero vs. Randy Orton: Lockup to start, but Ziggler hit a dropkick on Orton early and did a celebratory strut. Orton wasn't impressed, coming back with a dropkick of his own. Slingshot suplex on Ziggler, Orton's nicest one yet, which isn't surprising given his opponent. The Garvin Stomp followed. Ziggler turned the tables as Vickie cheered him on. Elbowdrops! Orton started a comeback, but Ziggler escaped the second-rope DDT and hit a flying clothesline for a nearfall. A jumping DDT put Orton down again, but wasn't enough. Ziggler wanted the Zig Zag, but Orton grabbed the top rope and shoved him off. With an audible "Oh ho ho!", Orton swung him around into position for the second rope DDT, but Ziggler kicked out of the pin attempt. Ziggler rolled out of the ring, and Orton followed to slam him into the announce table. Back into the ring they went, and Ziggler tried for a surprise Fameasser, but Orton ducked out of the way and hit the RKO! And that'll do it. Before Lilian could announce Orton as the winner, Vickie swiped the microphone and announced Dolph as "still Mr. Money in the Bank". She laughed as she collected him and departed, leaving Orton triumphant in the ring, but out of the title picture for now. We'll see you next week!
I also remembered that it was in reference to He Whose Name Shall Not Be Uttered on WWE TV. In fact, right after that I thought "if CM Punk was really gonna chuck a verbal pipebomb out there he would've said Benoit was the 'Vanilla Midget'.