I was late tonight getting to watch the show, so I didn't have as much time to write as usual. I still put out a lot of words, though, so I can't really call this an abbreviated recap. Smackdown is now!
The show opened with Smackdown's new GM, Booker T, making his way to the ring. Tonight we're in Houston, Texas, Booker T's hometown! Booker was wearing a tuxedo, and gave his home fans a Spinaroonie for good measure. He talked about his first week as GM, but said there was an incident that needed to be addressed, throwing it to the footage of Sheamus stealing Alberto Del Rio's Ferrari and taking it on a joyride. Tonight, Josh Mathews got to fill the role of babyface shill on commentary, making excuses for Sheamus as Michael Cole called it grand theft auto. Booker said that as much as he found it funny, it was still unacceptable behaviour, and so he was calling Sheamus out to apologise. And sure enough, Sheamus came down.
Sheamus said that Del Rio had called him a peasant and said he was beneath him, so stealing the car was part of his attempt to become more classy. He'd had a great time cruising around San Antonio, eating burritos and singing Texas songs. He didn't actually break out into a Texas song, unfortunately. But he was aware that if you do the crime, you have to do the time. So he apologised to Booker T, to the entire WWE Universe.. and then reluctantly to Alberto Del Rio. Booker said it was great that the apology was given, and now that that was behind them-
Now that that was behind them, it was time for Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez and the Black Scarf of Mourning to come down to the ring, interrupting whatever was coming next. Del Rio said that nothing was behind them, that Sheamus had proven he was just a peasant and a hooligan when he'd stolen the car, and that it wasn't over. Del Rio had filed a report with the San Antonio police department and intended to press charges. Booker tried to cut him off, saying that if Sheamus was charged then the match for Summerslam would be off. Del Rio didn't care. He had a car to avenge! Sheamus proposed a compromise. Why wait until Summerslam? They could have their World Title match right there in Houston. Del Rio got up in Sheamus' face, saying that every instinct was telling him to wait for Summerslam, but he didn't care, and the match was on. We've got our main event for the evening. "Now can you dig that, sucka?"
Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes: This match was set up last week by Booker T. Cody got the mic! He said that he had experience with masks, and that the reason Sin Cara wore one was to cover up his ugly, grotesque face. He had horrible teeth, one ear lower than the other. Cody said the other reason Sin Cara wore the mask is because without the mask, he had absolutely nothing special about him. Sin Cara outpaced Cody to start, but Rhodes blocked a baseball slide, spinning Cara around and trying to unmask him on the apron. The attempt failed, but set the tone for the rest of the match. While sometimes Cody would go for pins after his moves, other times he was more focused on the mask than the win. This wound up costing him, when Sin Cara kicked him in the head while he was trying to pull off the mask, then rolled him into a small package for the win. Cody looked furious, while Sin Cara teased him from the ramp by tugging at his own mask and wagging his finger disapprovingly. Later tonight, the Highlight Reel returns, with Chris Jericho hosting Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero! And backstage, Daniel Bryan walks briskly, stopping to say "No!" to each person he passes. Will he be out next?
Before we can find out, it was time to replay the Wade Barrett promo from Raw. Barrett has returned to bare-knuckle fighting to rediscover his spirit! And he's grown a beard!
BAck to the arena, Daniel Bryan indeed made his way to the ring, angrily chanting "No!" as he came, while the crowd happily chanted "Yes!". In the ring, with the mic, he yelled "No!" even louder, which just incited the fans further. He finally accused them of disrespecting him, saying they thought he was nothing more than a catchphrase. But he was so much more, he was a former World Champion. And he should be in the WWE Championship match at Summerslam. But instead, because of the new Raw GM, a broad in a power suit, he was forced to face Kane. He called Kane an overgrown Frankenstein's monster, so on cue, Kane made his entrance and looked intent on dishing out violence. But once Kane got into the ring, with Bryan maneuvering back towards the ramp side of the ring but otherwise looking ready to fight, they were interrupted by... AJ?
AJ made her way into the ring, a smile on her face. She said that Booker T had invited her to Smackdown, and that neither GM liked what was about to happen. She didn't approve of Bryan attacking the audience, and nor did she approve of Kane wanting to attack Bryan. The fans chanted "Yes!" again, leading Bryan to cover his ears. AJ thanked Kane for being the one man who's treated her well during the earlier love rectangle, and she told Bryan that this was his chance to prove that he didn't need anger management. She wanted Bryan and Kane to be good sportsmen and shake hands in advance of their match. Bryan immediately said no, pacing around the ring and getting louder as he went. AJ finally got in his face and ordered him to shake Kane's hand. Frustrated, Bryan stuck his hand out, as AJ started to exit the ring. Kane advanced, and from a camera cut to AJ we saw her wink and nod to him. Kane attacked with an uppercut, flooring Bryan. They went to the corner, but Bryan reversed positions and started laying in No!kicks, but Kane shoved him out of the corner and went for the chokeslam. Bryan floated over behind him and tried to take him down in the No!lock, but Kane pushed him off into the ropes and hit the big boot. Bryan fell out of the ring, and quickly ran out into the crowd before Kane could catch up to him. AJ, on the stage, fell to her knees and said she loved it.
Backstage, Booker T and Teddy Long were talking, when they were interrupted by Curt Hawkins w/Pimp Cane and Tyler Reks. They congratulated Booker on his appointment to GM, and said they were ready to step up. Booker didn't seem impressed, talking about their loss to The Ryback on Raw. Reks and Hawkins looked worried, and Booker told them that he's looking for A-Plus talents, and that they'd have to step up their game. As Booker and Teddy resumed talking, Hawkins and Reks went aside, chatting with each other. Reks said that they had to get better, because he couldn't afford to go back to his old job. Hawkins asked if he meant the diner, but Reks corrected him, saying it was his other old job. But he seemed to get an idea from that. They went back to Booker to talk to him, but he brushed them off, saying he'd thought they'd already left. He shooed them away, as Teddy approved of how he was taking charge. So what silly new gimmick will Reks' "old job" be?
Jinder Mahal vs. Two Jobbers: No names or mic time for the jobbers. Mahal, in an inset interview, said that he would beat his two opponents faster than The Ryback could and prove his superiority. After the match started, Mahal went to the referee and demanded he make the jobbers tag. That kind of ruins the purpose of the jobber handicap match! Mahal immediately ran over the one remaining in-ring jobber with his version of the Meathook, slapping the side of his temple after the move. He picked up the jobber and delivered a slow spinebuster, slapping his head again. He then proceeded to lock in the Camel Clutch, getting the quick tapout victory. The other guy never got into the ring. Jinder brought him in on his own, slamming him down on top of the first jobber, then applying a Double Camel Clutch on the two men! That was enough of that, for out came The Ryback, doing his full entrance as Jinder waited in the ring. As he entered, Mahal fled. This annoyed The Ryback, who said it was indeed time to "Finish it". And the jobbers ate the Double Shell-Shocked. What did they ever do to deserve that? Feed him more!
After the break, it was time for the Highlight Reel, with Chris Jericho. He said it was the first time the Highlight Reel had been on Smackdown in close to two years, and he started to introduce his guest, but the familiar call of "Excuse me!" heralded the arrival of Vickie Guerrero. Vickie said that Dolph Ziggler had told her to come down and speak on his behalf as his manager. Jericho said that he had no problem talking to Ziggler's mother, which led to an Excuse Me War between the two of them. The angry Vickie said that if Jericho insulted her once more, she'd just leave, and then he'd have no guest. Jericho looked distraught at the idea, before dismissively telling her to get the hell out. As she left, he called her back, saying they were just joking around. Vickie said that Ziggler was right, that Jericho had lost his touch and couldn't win the big one anymore. Ziggler would prove that if Jericho would accept his challenge to a Summerslam match. Jericho disputed Ziggler's claim, saying he had something to show her on his Obscenely Expensive Jeri-tron 6000. Roll the footage, monkeys! The footage was Ziggler vs. Riley from Raw, of course, including Jericho's mid-match Tout. While Jericho said that Riley was a great talent and had potential, this was only the second match he'd won in 2012. Forget the big one, Ziggler couldn't even win the little one. Jericho went on to say that Ziggler's talk about him losing his touch led him to think about himself and what had happened since his return, because he hadn't been winning matches. It was time to change things up a bit. He announced that Y2J was back, giving shoutouts to all the Jerichoholics who'd waited so long for it, and that things would never, eeeeever be the same again. Right on cue, Dolph Ziggler charged in from behind with his briefcase, but Jericho ducked the swing, attacking Ziggler and beating him down. As he postured for the fans, Vickie slapped him, stopping him cold. Jericho started grinning and advanced menacingly on Vickie, but that gave Ziggler the chance to catch him from behind with the Zig Zag. Briefcase in hand, Ziggler waited for Jericho to get back up, then proceeded to waffle him with it and put him back down. Vickie laughed, and the pair left Jericho laying in the ring.
Kofi Kingston and R-Truth w/Little Jimmy made their entrances, clad in suits. They were out to do commentary for the next match!
The Prime Time Players w/AW (for one last time) vs. Primo and Epico w/o Rosa Mendes: AW gave his entrance spiel. This match was for the #1 Contendership for the tag titles. Truth was sitting apart from the others at the commentary table, and Cole questioned him on it. Truth asked if he knew where the table had been. Cole suggested it was transported in a truck, and Truth added that it got stored in a warehouse between shows. And warehouses? They've got spiders in them. Truth bringing the continuity to his craziness! Acrophobia aside, there was a match going on. After a tag that was a little too quick to be a hot tag, Primo came in to lay waste to Titus O'Neil, but midway through his rally, AW threw water over Kofi and Truth at ringside. They got up to attack him and he fled into the ring, but they pursued and started the beatdown, popping Darren Young when he got in the way as well. Even though Primo had just hit a splash on O'Neil, the ref had no choice but to call for the bell. AW was being stomped on, before the Prime Time Players were able to drag him out of the ring to safety, and they were announced as the winners. Primo and Epico rightly complained to the tag champs, who had an 'Aw shucks' look about them as they realized they were manipulated by AW. Well, he got his boys a title shot on the way out!
Antonio Cesaro w/Aksana vs. Christian: Cesaro said "Victory" in five languages before the match, then said something else in.. German? He said that people probably didn't understand what he'd said, and that was the point. Some chain wrestling to start, but Cesaro took control with power moves, including his deadlift gutwrench. With Christian hung up on the second rope, Cesaro went outside and delivered a Shoryuken to him. Seriously. Back into the ring, Christian tried the comeback, hitting his sunset flip for a nearfall. He went to the top for a crossbody, but Cesaro caught him (!) and hit a fallaway slam with a bridge into a pin (!!) for a two count. He went for the gutwrench again, but Christian floated over awkwardly and hit the reverse DDT. From the corner, Christian signalled for the Spear, but Cesaro caught him coming in, tossed him up into the air, and hit a European uppercut on the way down. That only got two! Cesaro went for the Neutralizer, but Christian crawled out between his legs. A clothesline was ducked, and Christian hit the Spear to get the win. That's Antonio Cesaro's first pinfall loss in WWE! Christian didn't get to celebrate for long, though. Aksana popped up on the apron to distract him (Isn't it a little late for that? Someone should beat her with shovels until she learns better timing) and Cesaro shoved him off the ropes to the floor. Picking him up on the outside in the fallaway slam position, Cesaro instead got a running start and charged ahead, ramming Christian back-first into the edge of the barricade. Hit his music, even though he lost!
Raw Rebound! Fast-forward. Raw will open next week with CM Punk vs. Big Show! Good to see that Punk's complaints about not being in the main event are working out for him. Eh, he'll be there anyway to smack Cena after whatever he does.
Backstage, Eve Torres was waiting in Booker's office for him. She once again offered her services to him, and Booker once again denied her. Teddy Long entered the scene, bringing Kaitlyn with him. He said that he thought she'd make a good assistant, and so Booker hired her on the spot. Eve was aghast at this, since Booker had just said that he didn't need any help, and she threatened to go to the WWE Board of Directors to accuse him of discrimination. Booker told her to hold on, and said they'd settle it fairly. Next week, it would be Eve vs. Kaitlyn, the winner becoming his assistant. Kaitlyn was happy, Eve less so, but both agreed.
Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz: And by now it's getting kind of late so I need to skimp on the match details. Miz put up quite a fight with his new aggressive nature, catching a Mysterio moonsault and maneuvering him into the reverse-DDT backbreaker, then sliding him out of the ring to splat on the floor. Miz looked to hurt his leg midway through the match, winding up hobbling across the ring to hit his corner clothesline, but as the match went on he seemed to start moving more smoothly again. Mysterio never attacked the leg and the commentators never made mention of it, so who knows? Rey made his comeback and went for the 619, but Miz caught it and pulled him into the ring, going for the Skull-Crushing Finale. Rey, however, turned it into a victory roll to pick up the win. Miz looked shocked as Mysterio celebrated.
Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez, a $250,000 Aston-Martin and the Black Scarf of Mourning vs. Sheamus, World Heavyweight Championship match: And with five minutes left in the show, will this really happen? Del Rio grabbed the mic before the match could start, calling out for 'them' to stop, and the camera panned over to show five policemen coming down the ramp. Del Rio said that he didn't finish filing the papers, that he wanted his title shot now and they should go away. The cops didn't listen, getting up on the apron, as Del Rio continued to protest. But he suddenly yelled "Go!", and the policemen entered the ring to attack Sheamus, who fought them off. The commentators speculated that they weren't real policemen, they were Del Rio's hired goons. I hope so, because resisting arrest on top of grand theft auto won't look well on Sheamus' record. He might get deported! Sheamus fought off all the cops and went after Del Rio, but got pulled off by Rodriguez and hauled back into the corner. He fought valiantly, but six on one would never end well. Del Rio, who was collecting himself during this, ordered them to hold Sheamus up and hit the corner enziguiri on him. He then waved the cops off and slapped on the cross armbreaker. No referees out to break things up or anything. Was Booker distracted by Kaitlyn? The show ended with the damaged Sheamus down in the ring and Del Rio standing proud, presumably still getting his title shot at Summerslam. The match never officially started, for the record. And we're out!
There was something moving about a thinning-haired Chris Jericho and the widow of one of his best friends doing a PG version of his Y2J vs. Stephanie routine twelve years later. Not even joking; some real lonely road of faith stuff.
Christian vs Cesaro and Rey vs Miz were both really good.
GM AJ is sort of awful.
I think Reks was talking about some Magic Mike stuff since male prostitution probably wouldn't fly on this show. Pimpin' ain't easy.
Originally posted by JustinShapiroThere was something moving about a thinning-haired Chris Jericho and the widow of one of his best friends doing a PG version of his Y2J vs. Stephanie routine twelve years later. Not even joking; some real lonely road of faith stuff.
I really enjoyed their bit. Not only because we now have the obscenely expensive Jeritron 6000, but because it was really obvious that Jericho tried to make it special with him bringing up that they knew each other yet never have been in the ring like this.
I liked how he basically started talking more and more like Y2J, accumulating in his voice going up a few notches and hitting the 'never ever' catchphrase.
I thought it was a decent show, with some good matches. I don't care about the AdR/Sheamus angle though. And yeah..AJ is not interesting since she went corporate. There's not nearly enough left of the skipping crazy chick that we all liked so much.
I think the interest in AJ is still out there. Looking at the thread's referrals, there's eight seperate searches about AJ and Kane that led to this thread. I think they needed to first establish her as a potentially serious GM who wasn't going to let Raw just go to hell with her insanity, but now that they've calmed people who might've had that as their first thought of the appointment, the craziness can start leaking back in, particularly as relates to Daniel Bryan.
Her kneeling on the stage laughing was straight out of the CrAyJ playbook. They just need to get her back in sneakers to go with the suit. If she could wear sneakers with her wedding dress, why not now?
DEAN - you apologize for mailing it in why? That's the effort we've been seeing on Smackdown! for months now. There's absolutely no reason to be sorry for not having an article to out-perform the show it's about. This show needed more wang.