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The W - Pro Wrestling - SmackDown #645 12-30-11
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It's False
Scrapple








Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 1 day
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.51
TONIGHT! It's the final SmackDown of 2011! It's also apparently the last SmackDown in a while for Randy Orton, so let's see where things went so, so wrong. SmackDown is NOW!

WWE - The Champ Is Here!

Here's a video package on the Orton/Barrett feud. Tonight, Orton and Barrett face each other in a Falls Count Anywhere match.

Opening credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Opening pyro! We are taped from Indianapolis, IN!

We start off with BOOKER T coming down for his announcer duties. No, wait, apparently he's here for a promo. Ok, let's hear what he has to say.

Booker: Wassup, y'all! Look guys, I axed for this time and I just have to say a little something before this all gets kicked off. I wanna thank the WWE, as well as the fans, because 2011 has been a awesome year for Booker T. You know, it started at the Rumble. I came in as an unexpected entry and I'm gonna tell you, you fans made that a night that I will never forget for the rest of my life. And then I was gonna take a step back and go into the next stage of my career in the commentary booth and it's been all good, except...dealing with Michael Cole every week. And then Cody Rhodes, let's not forget Cody Rhodes. He did everything he could to drag me back into that ring. And I'm gonna tell you, I didn't jump on Cody Rhodes behind his back. Monday night, every one of you seen exactly what happened. I went in there and I beat Cody Rhodes 1, 2, 3 in the middle of that ring. Look guys, like I said, you're the ones that are responsible for that and I want to thank each and every one of you, but tonight...is the final SmackDown of 2011, so sit back and enjoy it! And like I always say guys, if you want to join in with me on this one. Now can...you...dig...

Interruption comes from CODY RHODES, because apparently, this feud JUST...WON'T...DIE!

Cody: Now I know you people here in Indianapolis don't read the newspaper, don't keep up with current events, unless it had to do with taking a left on a race track or your once...proud, your once-proud, now pathetic Indianapolis Colts. But we're recapping the year, so I felt it vital to recap MY year. I overcame a career-threatening injury, I went on to defeat Rey Mysterio at Wrestlemania, and then I brought honor and prestige back to the Intercontinental Championship. And then...and, before I say this, no offense...I took a washed-up announcer...and I got him...I got him to reach back and regain some of his former glory. I also...

Booker: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute, Cody! Let me interrupt you for just one second, you can come out here talking about whatever you can call me anything you want to, but let me tell you something. Monday night, I beat you in the middle of this ring. Now if you had any respect for this business, you wouldn't be out here running your mouth, you wouldn't be bumping your gums right now, what you would be doing is saying "Congratulations, Booker T, you did a hell of a job," that's what you should be saying, son!

Cody: You're absolutely right! I know this is the last show of the year and I don't want to come off as some sort of bitter jerk. I'm better than that. So you want it, you got it. Congratulations, Booker.

Cody offers the hand of friendship. Booker takes the handshake and tries to exit...

Cody: Of course, now this is all over.

Booker: What you say? It's all over? What you talking about, man?

Cody: This little fairy tale you've been living. Has nobody told you? You're a nostalgia act, Booker. And now, you're in No Man's Land. If you continue to compete, your deteriorating skills will become exposed. If you go back to announcing, your legacy as an in-ring competitor...well, it's slowly going to become you having a reputation as a semi-literate buffoon of an announcer. Booker, I don't know how else to tell you...you're a joke. So...with that in mind, do me a favor...do them a favor, do yourself a favor, Booker...go home.

Next interruption comes from...GOLDUST, of all people. Well, he's coming out as Dustin Runnels, no makeup and full suit, but with the Goldust music. So let's get his two cents.

Dustin: Cody...I'm real sorry...you're my brother and I love you very much. But, Cody...I mean you're going about this the wrong way, ok? I see exactly what you're trying to do. This is Booker. You don't have any respect. Now let me tell you a little story here, when I was down and out and you know I was, and I was battling every single demon that I had, you know who inspired me? Booker T did. Look at me when I'm talking to you, Cody, right now! When I thought it was all over for me, he took me under his wing, ok? And I had the BEST time that I've had in my career, me and Booker, when we tag teamed. Now I get the whole "I gotta make a name for myself", but not at Booker's expense. Now you know that's wrong, Cody.

Cody: This is priceless! I mean...just when I thought there couldn't be a bigger joke than Booker T, here comes my own brother trying to prove me a wrong? I don't care about inspiration. These people aren't worth inspiring! And did you say "I know better?" I'll tell you what I know. I know I restored the Rhodes family name after you threw up all over it. And how inspirational is Booker T considering as soon as you were done teaming with him, you fell right back into said demons and then into total obscurity.

Booker: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WAIT one damn minute, man! Let me tell you something! Goldy's more man than you will ever be, you understand me? And it ain't about Goldy, it ain't about me, it's about you, Cody! Let me tell you something! You got one win, I got one win, let's say we do it one more time! But this time...we make it for the Intercontinental Championship and we can do it right now, dawg. We can do it right now! We can do it right now!

Cody: I would be careful what you wish for, Booker. I'll agree to one more match...next week. And after I beat you, you can follow my own brother into complete irrelevancy.

Booker: I think not, Cody, because let me tell you something. Next week? Next week, dawg? I'm gonna celebrate! All these people in this arena, they gonna celebrate! Goldy and I, we gonna celebrate! Because next week, I will become the new Intercontinental Champion, and you all can say it with me. Now can you dig that...SUCKA!

Hit Booker's music! Booker exits and heads to the announce table. Cody stares down Booker, before opting to wipe out Dustin with the Beautiful Disaster. Booker checks on Dustin, as Cody leaves.

Later tonight, The Big Show teams with Daniel Bryan to face David Otunga and Mark Henry. Yikes! That could get UGLY!

Ad break

TED DiBIASE v. JINDER MAHAL
Seriously? We're having this match AGAIN? Not even Jinder Mahal's Wrestling Challenge insert promo can get me interested in Round 3 between these two. And hey, if the announcers aren't interested in this match, then why should I be?

Two-minute special sees Jinder Mahal finishing with the Camel Clutch.

WINNER: Jinder Mahal - More Even Steven booking, which should ensure that neither of these guys get over.

Backstage, Teddy Long is making New Years plans on his cell phone, but the sexy saxophone music cues up some more nonsense. That nonsense is quickly cut off by...hey, it's Drew McIntyre! Teddy Long tells McIntyre that he's signed him back to SmackDown. I'd ask if he ever even appeared on Raw, but Long is making that exact same point. Long talks about how McIntyre was a top star in the making, until he went on Raw and didn't do anything of significance. If McIntyre doesn't win tonight against Ezekiel Jackson, McIntyre might go on the chopping block. Um...who exactly is talking here, Teddy Long or Vince McMahon? This felt awfully insider-y. Eh, but who cares? Drew McIntyre is on my TV again! Huzzah!

Ad break

ALICIA FOX & KAITLYN v. NATALYA & TAMINA
Remember when Kaitlyn was about to turn heel? Remember when Natalya was running around with Beth Phoenix? Remember when Natalya mattered? The time it takes you to read these questions is about how long this match lasts.

WINNERS: Alicia Fox & Kaitlyn - Two-minute special. Drive-thru, please.

Post-match, Tamina turns on Natalya with a superkick and hits the Superfly Splash. Who's the face here? And does anybody care?

We take a look at Survivor Series and Wade Barrett beating Randy Orton. These two face off later tonight in the main event!

Ad break

We take a look at what happened last Monday with Big Show and David Otunga. The extracurriculars have logically set up tonight's tag match.

Backstage, Daniel Bryan is regailing AJ with the story of how he saved Big Show. Show comes in and sends AJ along her merry way before telling Bryan that giants don't need to be saved. Bryan wants to focus on tonight's tag match, but Teddy Long enters the picture and notes that the tag match is cancelled in favor of a one-on-one rematch between Show and Otunga, with Mark Henry in Otunga's corner. Bryan tells Show that he just might need rescuing, after all.

Ad break

JUSTIN GABRIEL v. HUNICO (w/CAMACHO)
Just when I think Hunico's cholo gimmick can't get more stereotypical, they turn it up to 11 by having him get paraded out in a low-rider bicycle. Josh Matthews says he couldn't understand Hunico's Wrestling Challenge insert promo, because he doesn't speak Spanish. Naturally, Hunico delivers it in English, showing that Matthews is an idiot. The promo does do a good job in introducing Camacho, who Hunico identifies as a homey from the barrio.

Hey, what do you know? I've seen this match, too! But this should be good, so let's give this a chance. Hunico pounds away to start, but is quickly backdropped over the top rope. Gabriel tries a baseball slide, but Hunico jumps it and hits an Asai moonsault! Back in the ring, Hunico whips Gabriel into the corner with authority! Gabriel backdrops Hunico into the top turnbuckle. He follows with a corner crossbody, but a springboard misses. Hunico tries a Tornado DDT, but Gabriel counters with a sit-out powerbomb! Gabriel climbs to the top, but Hunico hits the pop-up armdrag! Hunico quickly finishes with the top-rope somersault senton in another two-minute special.

WINNER: Hunico - Dammit, they need to give these two more time!

Post-match, Hunico and Camacho hit a KICK-ASS double team Samoan Drop/swinging neckbreaker combo!

Coming up next, Big Show faces David Otunga.

Ad break - WWE Network promo

THE BIG SHOW v. DAVID OTUNGA (w/"THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN" MARK HENRY)
We take a look at what happened last week with Big Show wiping out Otunga with the Mayweather Sucker Punch.

Otunga tries for a waistlock and quickly gets overpowered. It's all Big Show, as Otunga exits to receive some counsel from Henry. Henry's advice? "I ain't gotta do nothing! YOU gotta do it! Get in there and do what I told you!" Otunga hammers away, but this doesn't last long, as Show just runs him over. Show hits a Stinger Splash! Henry tries for the distraction, allowing Otunga to take control with a chop block. Otunga pounds away, but he can only get a 1 out of his flurry. Henry tries to enter the ring, so DANIEL BRYAN waffles him from behind with the title belt! Bryan baits Henry to follow him to the back, which allows Show to finish Otunga with the Mayweather Sucker Punch for the pin at about 5 minutes.

WINNER: The Big Show - Some more angle advancement.

Let's take a look at Randy Orton and Wade Barrett battle at TLC. They face each other in a Falls Count Anywhere match in tonight's main event!

Ad break - Raw promo

KEENAN IVORY WAYANS EZEKIEL JACKSON v. DREW McINTYRE
It feels good to have Drew McIntyre's full entrance back in my life again.

McIntyre starts with a side headlock, but Zeke overpowers him. McIntyre comes back with clubbing forearms and a dropkick for 2. Zeke comes back with more power stuff. McIntyre comes back with a big boot for 2. McIntyre hits corner clotheslines and hits a Northern Lights suplex (!) for 2!

Matthews: ...(Jackson) was Intercontinental Champion...
Booker: For a minute.

Gotta love that crack announce team. Listen to them put over the talent! Jackson comes back with a backdrop and makes the babyface comeback. McIntyre cuts that off and pounds away in the corner. McIntyre gets caught up with the ref and nearly gets put in the Torture Rack, but McIntyre floats over it. Jackson's corner charge is countered. McIntyre tries for the Ric Flair pin, but gets caught by the ref! In the middle of the argument, Zeke rolls up McIntyre and grabs the tights for the pin!

WINNER: Ezekiel Jackson - Um...what? A tights-assisted pin for a babyface?

Post-match, Drew pleads his case to no avail.

Backstage, Sheamus is on his way to the ring. Sheamus joins us for a promo, next!

Ad break

Backstage, Drew McIntyre pleads his case to Teddy Long. Long berates McIntyre and calls him a loser. Who exactly is the babyface supposed to be here?

As promised, we're joined by SHEAMUS for a promo. So let's give him the mic. It's promo time!

Sheamus: What's the crack, Indianapolis! You know, everybody is talking the end of 2011. But I don't want to talk about the past. I want to talk about the future and what will be. And that is, the Royal Rumble! Think about it! 29 fellas flying over the top rope, all types of shenanigans going on, and the winner getting the ultimate prize: a championship match at Wrestlemania! Now I'm gonna go on record and say, I don't care what number I draw, I don't care who I eliminate, the fact is, I am going to win the 2012 Royal Rumble!

Interruption comes from HORNSWOGGLE, of all people. Um...ok.

Sheamus: Look at this! It's the little fella who eliminated me at the Christmas Battle Royale! Don't tell me...you're gonna enter the Royal Rumble, aren't ya? You think 'cause Daniel Bryan beat The Big Show that miracles happen everyday, don't ya? What's the matter with you, I thought you could talk! Tell me, who do you think is going to win the Royal Rumble?

Hornswoggle: Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswogglllllllle!

Sheamus: You know, I actually admire your confidence in yourself. But as me great-great-grand uncle, Finbar McSweeney, once said in the black summer of 1847, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you're begging for a kick up the arse."

This ends with a handshake between Sheamus and Hornswoggle, which cues the next interruption, from HEATH SLATER, of all people. Why not? It's been a while since he's jobbed on this show.

Heath: Bushwhacker Luke, The Brooklyn Brawler, even you, Hornswoggle. There's always that one guy that says he's going to win the Royal Rumble, but no one takes them seriously. But I'm not that type of guy. And Sheamus, you're not the number one redhead on SmackDown. I am! Nawhamean? Would you look at it? You know, I liked you better when you didn't speak, but then again, I didn't even like you then. And the only reason you won that Christmas Battle Royale is because Sheamus, he didn't want to squash a leprechaun. But I'm the "One Man Southern Rock Band" Heath Slater and I don't have that problem.

Sheamus: You know, fella? I've absolutely nothing against southern rock. I mean, I hear it's quite good and, you know, fair play to you for spreading the word. But I bet you see yourself as a Journey type of guy, don't you? Journey? You know Journey, right? They had that huge massive international song, remember? Remember, with that "Don't Stop Believing"? You know that song? Don't you, huh? Well, unfortunately for you, I see you more as an R. Kelly type of guy. You know R. Kelly? Yeah, R. Kelly, you know, I believe I can fly.

So Sheamus dumps Slater over the top rope. Hit Sheamus' music to end this painful segment!

Your hosts are the three genital warts. Booker sings some more R. Kelly, as the announcers say nothing of note before showing us what happened between Wade Barrett and Randy Orton on Raw a few weeks ago.

Later tonight, the main event between Randy Orton and Wade Barrett.

Ad break

"THE GREAT WHITE" SHEAMUS v. "THE ONE MAN SOUTHERN ROCK BAND" HEATH SLATER
Wait, is this a match? Seriously? Doesn't Slater already look like enough of a goof without having to wrestle on top of everything?

Sigh...let's just fast-forward to the Brogue Kick.

WINNER: Sheamus - Four minutes I won't be getting back.

Backstage, Teddy Long has called in Daniel Bryan and Big Show. Bryan and Show are arguing amongst themselves. Long books Bryan to defend the title against Big Show. Bryan doesn't look too happy with this, while Show laughs it up. Bryan wipes the smile off Show's face by pointing out that at least his reign lasted longer than 45 seconds. Burn!

We take a look at what happened last Friday between Randy Orton and Wade Barrett.

The main event is next!

Ad break

This Monday, CM Punk defends the WWE title against Dolph Ziggler. Then we move to Friday, as Cody Rhodes defends the Intercontinental title against Booker T and Daniel Bryan defends the World Heavyweight Championship against The Big Show.

"THE APEX PREDATOR" RANDY ORTON v. WADE BARRETT: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
Both men exchange blows early. Orton goes to the corner punches and pounds away some more. Orton bounces off the corner and hits the clothesline to send Barrett out. Barrett fights back, but Orton slams his head against the apron and whips Barrett into the steel steps for 2. Orton hits the big stomp on the steel steps for 2. VIPER COIL! RKO is countered with a shove to the steel post to send us to our final ad break of the year.

We come back with Barrett going to the mounted punches. Barrett stomps away on Orton in the corner and chokes away. Barrett chokes away on the ropes and hits the running boot to send Orton to the outside. Barrett bashes Orton's back to the apron. Orton tries for the comeback, but gets his head bashed on the barricade. Back in the ring, Barrett covers for 2. Big boot gets 2. Time to hit the chinlock. Orton breaks it, but runs into a knee. Second-rope elbow gets 2. Back to the chinlock. Orton breaks it, but gets hit with a back kick. Pumphandle slam is countered and Orton makes the babyface comeback. Snap powerslam hits. Barrett escapes the Hanging DDT, so Orton tosses Barrett over the announce table. Unfortunately, Orton fails to hit any of the announcers, so he does not become my favorite wrestler. The fight now moves into the crowd and both men fight to the back. Barrett drives Orton through a table. CHIPS! CHIPS! BY GAWD, HE DROVE HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE TORTILLA CHIPS! Orton bashes Barrett's head on a laundry hamper. Barrett gets tossed into the CLANGY PIPES! CLANG! Barrett gets chucked into some more clangy pipes! The fight moves to the makeup area, where the makeup lady flees for her life. Barrett avoids getting hit with the makeup chair. Announcers note that the match has stopped since the referee isn't around. HUH? Well, that's a pretty shitty refereeing job now, isn't it? Now an elevator full of guys opens up. Barrett tries to flee into the elevator and Orton follows. The elevator clears out, as Orton and Barrett continue fighting in the elevator. Now we take a look at the elevator surveillance camera, as Orton and Barrett exchange blows without sound! That's one of those completely stupid and utterly contrived spots that shouldn't work...and yet looks really AWESOME! Now we're downstairs in the lobby area. Did they catch up to that EXACT SAME MAKEUP LADY? The fight has now moved to the stairs and we see Barrett toss Orton down the stairs...or at least we would have, if the camera hadn't COMPLETELY MISSED IT because it was stuck behind the door! That's just...wow. The camera finally gets in there, as Orton's corpse lays unconscious. Barrett flees the scene and the last show of the year ends with Orton broken (in more ways than one) on the ground. No closing credits and we're out!

FINAL TH...

WAIT!!! Almost forgot...

WINNER: No Contest

Ok, now we can go to the...

FINAL THOUGHT

The shaky camera stuff at the tail end of the Orton/Barrett match annoyed me, but that was a fine brawl otherwise. A good main event to end the year on and also a good way to make up for a lot of short matches.

Welcome back, Drew McIntyre! I just hope you were brought back for a decent push and not just because someone wants to make yet another petty political point.

Next week's SD looks to start the year on a high note with Booker/Rhodes (the final battle) and Bryan/Show. Whether they pull the trigger on Show's heel turn in light of the Orton injury remains to be seen, but the match itself should be entertaining, even if the term "clash of styles" does come to mind.

Until next year!



Promote this thread!
Tyler Durden
Frankfurter








Since: 22.2.04
From: Frankfurt, Germany

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 53 min.
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.10
Daniel always worked well with big guys like Takeshi Morishima and he had great matches with Mark Henry as well, so I don't think that his match with Big Show will suck or anything. It might even make a believer out of some people (backstage and at home), if they let D-Bryan work full force.

The outcome of that match seems pretty obvious though: Mark Henry somehow gets involved, the match ends in a DQ or something like that and then we will get D-Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show at the Rumble.
John Orquiola
Scrapple








Since: 28.2.02
From: Boston

Since last post: 128 days
Last activity: 92 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.25
I thought Daniel Bryan and Big Show make for a fine goofball comedy team. Show LOLing when he got his title shot at Bryan made me LOL. They should take their show on the road.

With his hair grown out, has Ezekiel or anyone else taken a hard look at his look and asked themselves, what the hell is Ezekiel Jackson supposed to be? Nope.



@BackoftheHead


www.backofthehead.com

(V) (;,,;) (V) ZOIDBERG
Matches
Haggis








Since: 23.9.03
From: Cleveland

Since last post: 663 days
Last activity: 565 days
#4 Posted on
Woah, when did they start adding those *punch* sound effects to backstage brawls in post-production? I've never noticed it before, but it was jarring to me during the Orton-Barrett fight. I FFed last week's because Orton bores me, so I don't know if they did it last week too or not.
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.85
The backstage segment with Bryan, Big Show and Long was terrible. How do either Bryan or Show look good by whining like children? DB was coming off awfully heelish by asking Show for a thank-you.

The McIntyre angle at least makes sense in continuity, given that Drew put Teddy through all kinds of the crap the last time he was on Smackdown and had Vince backing him up. It only makes sense that Teddy is taking a very hard line with Drew this time around.

(edited by Big Bad on 31.12.11 1537)

(edited by Big Bad on 31.12.11 1538)

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." --- Bart Giamatti, on baseball
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 10 min.
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.77
January 2nd video cut into a Raw preview -- it came back with a shot of CM Punk.

On Monday it interrupted CM Punk.
TheOldMan
Landjager








Since: 13.2.03
From: Chicago

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 1 day
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.00
I'm hit and (mostly) miss with SmackDown, so with the disclaimer that I didn't see much of McIntyre the last time around, it looked like the start of a face storyline to me. Boss is making your life miserable? Co-worker screwing you around, making you look bad? Says "face" to me.

I went out of my way to watch this show for the Orton injury. I didn't see anything in the match that had an "a-ha" look to it. What I came away with, is a guess that they did the stairs shot to explain the time off for Orton - I mean, they really couldn't be so incompetent to miss a spot where a main-eventer goes down a flight of stairs, whether he injures himself doing it or not. They couldn't be that bad.

Had to be intentional "bad camerawork" to give Orton time to get down the stairs, and into position. Which doesn't answer when the injury happened, but maybe answers why it sounds like he'll be out more like six weeks than the initial reports of six months.



ekedolphin
Scrapple








Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.10
    Originally posted by It's False

    As promised, we're joined by SHEAMUS for a promo. So let's give him the mic. It's promo time!

    Sheamus: What's the crack, Indianapolis! You know, everybody is talking the end of 2011. But I don't want to talk about the past. I want to talk about the future and what will be. And that is, the Royal Rumble! Think about it! 29 fellas flying over the top rope, all types of shenanigans going on, and the winner getting the ultimate prize: a championship match at Wrestlemania! Now I'm gonna go on record and say, I don't care what number I draw, I don't care who I eliminate, the fact is, I am going to win the 2012 Royal Rumble!

    Interruption comes from HORNSWOGGLE, of all people. Um...ok.

    Sheamus: Look at this! It's the little fella who eliminated me at the Christmas Battle Royale! Don't tell me...you're gonna enter the Royal Rumble, aren't ya? You think 'cause Daniel Bryan beat The Big Show that miracles happen everyday, don't ya? What's the matter with you, I thought you could talk! Tell me, who do you think is going to win the Royal Rumble?

    Hornswoggle: Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswoggle! Hornswogglllllllle!

    Sheamus: You know, I actually admire your confidence in yourself. But as me great-great-grand uncle, Finbar McSweeney, once said in the black summer of 1847, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you're begging for a kick up the arse."

    This ends with a handshake between Sheamus and Hornswoggle, which cues the next interruption, from HEATH SLATER, of all people. Why not? It's been a while since he's jobbed on this show.

    Heath: Bushwhacker Luke, The Brooklyn Brawler, even you, Hornswoggle. There's always that one guy that says he's going to win the Royal Rumble, but no one takes them seriously. But I'm not that type of guy. And Sheamus, you're not the number one redhead on SmackDown. I am! Nawhamean? Would you look at it? You know, I liked you better when you didn't speak, but then again, I didn't even like you then. And the only reason you won that Christmas Battle Royale is because Sheamus, he didn't want to squash a leprechaun. But I'm the "One Man Southern Rock Band" Heath Slater and I don't have that problem.

    Sheamus: You know, fella? I've absolutely nothing against southern rock. I mean, I hear it's quite good and, you know, fair play to you for spreading the word. But I bet you see yourself as a Journey type of guy, don't you? Journey? You know Journey, right? They had that huge massive international song, remember? Remember, with that "Don't Stop Believing"? You know that song? Don't you, huh? Well, unfortunately for you, I see you more as an R. Kelly type of guy. You know R. Kelly? Yeah, R. Kelly, you know, I believe I can fly.

    So Sheamus dumps Slater over the top rope. Hit Sheamus' music to end this painful segment!



Painful? What?! You and I will have to agree to disagree on this one.

Heath Slater has gotten much, MUCH better at his promos since the last time I saw him cut a promo on the way to the ring during an episode of WWE Superstars. And I remember it pretty well because I recapped it. You want to see an example of a painful Heath Slater promo?

Let Us Take You Back to the July 28, 2011 episode of WWE Superstars, before a Slater match against Trent Baretta.

    Originally posted by ekedolphin


    But we start out with Heath Slater's generic country music, and crap-- he's got a microphone. "Cut my music! Hey, hey, sorry hey, I remember this dump! This is where me and the Nexus came down and destroyed the WWE Legends. I beat Ricky Steamboat to a pulp in the middle of that ring just so the Nexus could do whatever they wanted to him. Just like Johnny Cash would say-- I'm a solitary man. And that is why I am the one-man Southern Rock Band, baby! Woo!"


And believe me, it was even worse listening to it than it looks when you read it. Compared to the July '11 version of himself, the December '11 version of Slater is Cody Rhodes.

And in any event, I laughed out loud for a solid minute after Sheamus' "I believe I can fly!" punchline.

Also, if you really did fast-forward to the Brogue Kick, you did yourself a disservice. Slater got in some decent offense and put up a nice fight. For a four-minute special, that is.

By the by, I enjoyed the opening Cody/Booker/Dustin segment very much. And I hope they really are gonna do something good with Drew McIntyre, because if they're just bringing him onto Friday nights to make him look bad, I'm going to be very pissed off.

I loved the brawl (especially in the ELEVATOR!) and the Orton injury angle. Of course Barrett's a bad guy, but I think in order to make it more real, they should have done a Lawrence Taylor/Joe Theismann thing, where Barrett immediately recoils in horror and starts screaming for help.

As it is-- I mean, damn, Falls Count Anywhere stipulation aside, for the purposes of the storyline, Barrett can and should be arrested for attempted murder. (Not that attempted murder or even attempted suicide is an unheard-of phenomenon in WWE angles).

And I'd be remiss if I didn't give the Bryan/Show/Long segment its due here. In fact, I'll do a transcription for posterity, because I liked it so much.

---

FADE IN

We focus on Daniel Bryan's World Heavyweight Title belt, which is wrapped around his waist and looking beautiful as always. Bryan is already speaking.

DANIEL BRYAN
...looking for another victory over David Otunga. I mean, I really think I'm becoming his good luck charm.

As Bryan is speaking, the camera zooms out to reveal that he's talking to Teddy Long in his office.

TEDDY LONG
Well, Daniel--

DANIEL BRYAN
Why did you want to see me, right? I mean--

Here comes The Big Show and he's really mad. Here comes The Big Show and he's really AN-GRYYYY

THE BIG SHOW
Yeah, why did you want to see us? I mean, God knows I needed my little good-luck charm to save the day! At first it was kinda cute, but honestly, now? You're starting to annoy me!

DANIEL BRYAN
Annoy you? I'm starting to get annoyed because I have yet to receive a single "thank-you".

THE BIG SHOW (incensed)
THANK YOU?!

Bryan and Show start talking over each other. In contrast to Show, Bryan isn't losing his cool; he's barely raising his voice.

DANIEL BRYAN
Not one!

THE BIG SHOW
You expect me to thank you?! Your help wasn't warranted or needed.

DANIEL BRYAN
I don't see why you can't just give me one.

THE BIG SHOW (with a sickly-sweet smile; pointing to Bryan)
You know what? That title's going to your head. I'm telling you.

DANIEL BRYAN
Just one thank-you.

TEDDY LONG
Wait, wait, wait--

Show and Bryan become unintelligible for a moment as Long interrupts them. Bryan continues to silently mouth and pantomime his request for just one thank-you while Long is talking.

TEDDY LONG
Now wait one minute, playas. Y'all can save your thank-yous until after next week, okay?

DANIEL BRYAN
Why? What's next week?

TEDDY LONG
Well, since RAW is having a gigantic WWE Title match next week, CM Punk defending against Dolph Ziggler, then I've decided that I need to compete with them. So Daniel, you will be defending the World Championship against-- The Big Show--

The Big Show, who has been listening with a very thinly disguised veil of annoyance while Long talks, immediately starts laughing.

TEDDY LONG
Right here, next week, on SmackDown!

The Big Show continues to laugh; he claps his hands and even slaps Daniel faux-affectionately on the shoulder.

THE BIG SHOW
You had a good little run, fella. It's okay.

The Big Show laughs some more, clapping his hands mirthfully. Bryan looks down for a moment.

DANIEL BRYAN (with a "hey, that's cool" tone of voice)
Well... regardless of what happens, at least I know my reign... lasted longer than your 45 seconds.

And The Big Show's amusement evaporates immediately, replaced with a death glare, as Bryan turns and leaves, and Long looks up at Show's reaction.

END OF SEGMENT

---

Incidentally, it seems to me that The Big Show has forgotten that the man who eliminated him to win the 2004 Royal Rumble had a very similar wrestling style, and even used the same finishing move, as Daniel Bryan.

(edited by ekedolphin on 1.1.12 0239)

"You can't make an omelet without ruthlessly crushing dozens of eggs beneath your steel boots and then publicly disemboweling the chickens that laid them as an example to others."
--General Tarquin, The Order of the Stick

Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals

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ekedolphin
Scrapple








Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.10
Something else that I enjoyed about the Booker/Cody/Dustin segment:  When Booker and Goldust began getting tangled up with each other back in (I think) '02, Booker was very much Goldust's reluctant partner.

And here now, nine years later, Booker's sticking up for him.  That warmed my heart.



"You can't make an omelet without ruthlessly crushing dozens of eggs beneath your steel boots and then publicly disemboweling the chickens that laid them as an example to others."
--General Tarquin, The Order of the Stick

Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals

Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!

Co-Winner of Time's Person of the Year Award, 2006

Deputy Marshall
Liverwurst








Since: 28.6.04
From: Troy, NY

Since last post: 255 days
Last activity: 96 days
#10 Posted on
    Originally posted by JustinShapiro
    January 2nd video cut into a Raw preview -- it came back with a shot of CM Punk.

    On Monday it interrupted CM Punk.


And "prophetless," there's a boy and a girl...is this Luke Gallows and Serena? If so, oh man, the WWE Universes' heads are going to explode! (from disappointment)

The only other thing I have to add is that Hunico is awesome, and so is Camacho, and so is the bicycle that they adorably ride to the ring.




Kevin Marshall: In the Present Tense - My blog for the Albany Times Union
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MANville - A podcast I co-host.

@KevinMarshall on Twitter
Tribal Prophet
Andouille








Since: 9.1.02
From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 6 hours
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.20
    Originally posted by TheOldMan
    I went out of my way to watch this show for the Orton injury. I didn't see anything in the match that had an "a-ha" look to it. What I came away with, is a guess that they did the stairs shot to explain the time off for Orton - I mean, they really couldn't be so incompetent to miss a spot where a main-eventer goes down a flight of stairs, whether he injures himself doing it or not. They couldn't be that bad.



I believe he injured himself a few weeks ago, and the "fall" down the stairs was only to explain him being gone for a while.

I gotta say though, I have no idea why when someone is about to take serious time off for an injury, they insist on having them having that body part worked over to explain the injury. They did it last year or so with Evan Bourne too. He had a bad shoulder I think, so what did they do? They had someone beat the living piss out of his shoulder for a match until they felt they could explain the injury "on tv".

If you got a guy who's shoulder is so messed up that he needs surgery, why not have someone beat the tar out of his knee or something? The shoulder is already in bad shape, and you'd think anyone with a brain wouldn't want to risk having it beat into the ring post for 5 min straight. They did the same thing this week with Orton and his back being rammed into the ring apron and barricade.
dMp
Banger








Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 5 hours
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.96
    Originally posted by Tribal Prophet


    I gotta say though, I have no idea why when someone is about to take serious time off for an injury, they insist on having them having that body part worked over to explain the injury.


Seems they go back and forth on this.
Mark Henry got a groin injury and they worked over his ankle.
I recall Mysterio having some issues one time (his knee probably) and they worked over the other leg.

It probably depends on the type of injury and how easy it is to mask it with something else.




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CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 13 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.39
    Originally posted by It's False
    The fight has now moved to the stairs and we see Barrett toss Orton down the stairs...or at least we would have, if the camera hadn't COMPLETELY MISSED IT because it was stuck behind the door! That's just...wow.
You believe in magic, too, don't you.

Orton's fall appears to be yet another Smackdown recycle - in 2003, Brock Lesnar gave Zach Gowen (or a stunt man looking remarkably like him) a ride down a flight of stairs. So between this and the "ring collapse" I think we can conclude at least one member of the SD! writing team is using old tapes to write the show. (This may not be a BAD thing, of course!)

(edited by CRZ on 2.1.12 1641)


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As an extreme guy, you'd think Jeff would be more willing to spring for the REAL tattoos instead of painting that crap all over his arm. JEFF FEARS NEEDLES
- The Sham, Jeff Hardy... whom I dislike (2002)
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