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The W - Pro Wrestling - SmackDown #642 12-9-11
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It's False
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Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 2199 days
Last activity: 581 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.51
TONIGHT! We gradually build towards the upcoming TLC card. How do we build towards Henry/Show Part III? Plus, throwing together crap against the wall! What'll stick tonight! SmackDown is NOW!

Full disclaimer, I am in a FOUL mood tonight and I'm going into this show hoping for the best, since SD's been on a hot streak lately. But I am not in a mood for any kind of foolishness. With that said, let's dive in!

WWE - The Champ Is Here!

We immediately move into a cold open, with the referee brigade near the ring checking up on BOOKER T, who looks to have had the crap beaten out of him. The camera then takes a look at CODY RHODES, who Josh Matthews reveals as the perpetrator of this attack. We take a look at what happened moments ago, with Booker making his entrance and Cody attacking him from behind.

Your hosts are the two melonheads. Cody Rhodes floats around ringside and opts to take the open seat on commentary. Oh good, commentary should be somewhat tolerant.

TONY CHIMEL introduces...sigh...LILIAN GARCIA. Lilian takes the mic to deliver her return speech, but is quickly interrupted by Cody. Cody buries Lilian for a bit before making fun of Booker's commentary. Cole laughs and I start to think of idiots throwing rocks in glass houses. Cole should be horsewhipped for even mentioning the name "Gordon Solie".

WADE BARRETT v. EZEKIEL JACKSON: BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE
The Beat the Clock challenge is between Barrett and Orton and whoever can dispatch their jobbers faster will get to pick the stipulation for their match at TLC. OH BOY! Will they pick the CHAIR, the LADDER, or the TABLE? Really, WHO THE HELL CARES?

So yeah, good to see that they spent weeks trying to build Zeke again with video packages, only to immediately start jobbing him again. Why do they even bother?

And no, I'm not recapping this farce. If they're going to blatantly telegraph who's winning these matches, I might as well not bother to put any effort into it. Barrett finishes with the Boss Man Slam at 7:53.

WINNER: Wade Barrett - And he beats Jackson with his secondary move to boot. Great.

Barrett grabs the mic, post-match. Barrett Barrage, blah blah blah. I'm REALLY not feeling this tonight. Barrett says that Orton can only hear his voice in his head. Barrett says that Orton won't be beating his time tonight.

So Barrett's time is 7:53 and tonight, Randy Orton's opponent is...DOLPH ZIGGLER? REALLY? There wasn't ANYBODY ELSE they could have gotten for this? They have to feed Ziggler to Orton again? I am rapidly losing patience with this show and we're only less than 20 minutes in.

Later tonight, Dolph Ziggler gets fed to Randy Orton. Plus, Mark Henry and The Big Show confront each other before their Chairs Match at the PPV.

Ad break

Triple H and Kevin Nash face each other at TLC in a Sledgehammer Ladder Match. Good God...

Backstage, David Otunga and his Lethal Bowtie airs a grievance to Teddy Long about what happened last week and demands his loss be erased from the books. Teddy Long responds by booking Otunga against Sheamus. Dammit, I really, REALLY don't want to have to watch Otunga attempt to wrestle, on top of everything.

Josh Matthews brings out DANIEL BRYAN. And I'm REALLY not in the mood to hear Michael Cole, so here's a fat FFWD! Bryan talks, Cole gets on the mic, Bryan and Cole yell at each other, God, SHUT UP!!! Bryan tries to get in Cole's face, but gets waffled by Cody Rhodes and the beatdown is on!

God, they wouldn't be dumb enough to go from "Hey, let's have Daniel Bryan face the champion at Wrestlemania" to "Hey, let's have Daniel Bryan face MICHAEL COLE at Wrestlemania", would they? WOULD THEY???

Later tonight, Dolph Ziggler faces Randy Orton in a Foregone Conclusion Match.

Ad break

Let's take a look at what just happened. Hey, let's hear Cole YELL SOME MORE! Boy, no one EVER gets tired of THAT!

"LONG ISLAND EYE Z" ZACK RYDER v. HEATH SLATER
I made sure to rewind and listen back several times. Yes, Garcia called him "Long Island Eye Z". Welcome back, Lilian! Whoever had "Zack Ryder" in Torchslasher's pool, a winner is you! I look forward to Lilian Garcia making my brain hurt on a weekly basis.

Heath Slater doesn't get an entrance, because he's cannon fodder, of course. Broski Boot, Rough Ryder, goodbye.

WINNER: Zack Ryder - I'm going to have to watch the rest of this show on MUTE, because Cole just won't...shut...UP!!!

Later tonight, Mark Henry confronts Big Show.

Ad break

TED DiBIASE v. JINDER MAHAL
We take a look at what happened last week, with Teddy Claus handing out gifts to the crowd. So yeah, we're thankfully getting the blowoff for this feud, if that's what you want to call it. The Wrestling Challenge insert promo from Jinder Mahal promises bad things for Ted DiBiase in both English and Hindi.

Mahal pounds away to start, but DiBiase comes back with an armdrag and a dropkick. Mahal eats a boot off a corner charge, but trips up DiBiase from the turnbuckles. Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Mahal chokes away and hits a knee. Cole's on some kind of roll tonight (He hit the 10 on the Madden Scale LONG AGO) and I am SERIOUSLY tempted to just shelve this recap until tomorrow, but I might as well rush through this, like taking off a bandage. DiBiase's babyface comebacks are continually kept short and Mahal hits a high knee. Mahal makes a constipated face, but his mean mugging is no match for DiBiase's inside cradle, which gets the pin at 2 and a half minutes.

WINNER: Ted DiBiase - Garbage match. Garbage commentary. Garbage show.

Your hosts are the two genital warts. Let's take a look at Big Show at the ACA's last Monday! Big Show chokeslams Trace Adkins through a table. Now THAT'S funny...at least it is until we hear the BLATANT CARTOON SOUND EFFECTS! What the hell WAS that?

That segues nicely into THE BIG SHOW making his entrance. Big Show talks, NEXT!

Ad break

My will to transcribe has just been utterly sapped. So let's move on to Big Show's promo. Show brings up his win over Brock Lesnar nine years ago and how no one saw that coming. Yup, no one saw it coming until Show injured him legit, anyway. Show promises things will get mean and nasty at TLC.

That leads to rebuttal from MARK HENRY, who doesn't get his entrance effect and continues to sell the ankle. Announcers note that Mark Henry faces John Cena on Monday in a match that I have a VERY bad feeling about. Henry says he's not afraid of Show, but isn't looking for a fight because of his ankle. Henry tells the crowd to "Shut up!", to which the crowd starts chanting "YOU Shut Up!" HA! Ok, that's genuinely witty! I like that! Henry wants to talk to Show face-to-face, but asks for assurance that Show won't put his hands on him. Show declines that request and Henry asks again, as a courtesy to the champion. As a COURTESY, he says! Show doesn't decline a courtesy, so we get the face-to-face meeting.

Henry tells Show that he'll be at 100% for the PPV. He hypes up the match at TLC. Henry wants to bury the hatchet and even puts down the belt. Henry extends the Hand of Friendship. Show accepts and both men shake hands. Henry tells Show that while Show THINKS he's a monster, Henry KNOWS he's a monster and nails Show with a right hand! Show tackles Henry and both men exchange blows. Show drops an elbow on Henry's bad ankle! Show demands the chair and grabs it from the timekeeper. Show whacks Henry with the chair before whacking him in the bad ankle! The referee brigade come out, so Show exits. Hit Show's music!

Ad break - Steve Austin DVD promo

Lilian Garcia brings out HORNSWOGGLE as a special guest ring announcer.

DAVID OTUNGA v. "THE GREAT WHITE" SHEAMUS
Oh God, I almost forgot Otunga was "wrestling" tonight! This should make this night THAT MUCH BETTER! Announcers note that Sheamus will be on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon tonight.

Sheamus starts off with a flurry of elbows, but Otunga takes control briefly. Of course, he has no moves, so this offense doesn't last long. Sheamus hits more rights and elbows and goes to the ten-count chest strikes. Vertical suplex brings Otunga back in for 2. Otunga hits a clothesline and stomps away. Pair of elbows not only show off the 'roided muscles (HELOOOOO, Wellness Policy!), but gets 2. Otunga hits more punches and another clothesline. Sheamus literally laughs at this pathetic offense and makes the Angry Irish Comeback. Brogue Kick ends Otunga's night in about 3 minutes.

WINNER: Sheamus - Otunga was as awful as expected, but at least they kept this mercifully short.

Here's a look at one of the "NOT Chris Jericho (or IS IT?)" YouTube promos. Yeah, you can ACT coy by claiming you don't know anything about this, Chris Jericho! But we know these promos are for you! Unless they aren't!

Ad break - Tribute to the Troops promo. Hmm...I might give this a recap, just because I'm feeling desperate for a good wrestling show after tonight. Wait, NICKELBACK'S performing? Nope! Never mind!

DANIEL BRYAN v. CODY RHODES
Goddammit, this match SHOULD be awesome! It SHOULD be fun to watch! It SHOULD be joyous! And instead, I'm going to hear Cole at his most obnoxious. So let's watch this match with the assistance of my best friend, aside from the scotch bottle, the MUTE button!

Bryan starts off with kicks and rights. Rhodes catches a kick and takes Bryan down and hits an elbow. Rhodes pounds away in the corner and hits a knee to Bryan's DDP Memorial Taped Ribs. Bryan comes back with a running seated clothesline, but Rhodes goes to the ribs again. Front suplex gets 2. Rhodes whips Bryan into the corner with authority for 2! Rhodes tries another suplex, but it's blocked. Bryan lands on the apron, but eats another shot to the ribs and gets whipped into the steel post to send us to our next ad break.

We come back with Rhodes hitting the abdominal stretch. Rhodes stomps away some more and hits a clothesline for 2. Rhodes charges in and gets backdropped to the outside. Bryan wants the suicide dive and hits it, but at his own expense, too! Bryan comes back in and hits the Tajiri kicks before Rhodes goes back to the ribs. Bryan reverses and corner whip and hits the YAAAAAAAH running corner dropkick! Bryan goes up top, but misses the diving headbutt! Oh hey, here's BOOKER T to ruin the only watchable match of the night at 10 minutes shown! Thanks a bunch, Booker!

WINNER BY DQ: Cody Rhodes - This show needs to end. Quick.

Post-match, Booker clears Cody out. Hit his music...I think. I still have the sound muted. And isn't it amazing how much more enjoyable I find this show with the sound off?

Later tonight, Beat the Clock Nonsense!

Ad break - TLC Raw title promo

We are taped from Jacksonville, FL! Let's shoot it off to a promo for the WWE Network!

That takes us backstage to Teddy Long, as the saxophone music hits to drag this angle on another week. There isn't even a point to this anymore, is there? They're just doing it for their own amusement at this point, aren't they? Cody Rhodes enters the picture and demands a match with Booker. Teddy Long, feeling blueballed, makes the match and makes it for the Intercontinental Title. Cody exits...with Aksana noticeably keeping her eye on him. Ahhhhh, THERE'S the plot progression I was waiting for! I think...

Your hosts are the two idiots. Cole yells some more, because he hasn't done enough of that tonight. They shoot it off to the Barrett/Jackson match from earlier.

That takes us backstage to the demoted Matt Striker, who talks to Randy Orton. Orton notes that Barrett did Dolph a favor tonight, because now Orton won't take his time so much with the beatdown. Orton says he has Barrett right where he wants him. The main event is next!

Ad break - Slammys promo

"THE APEX PREDATOR" RANDY ORTON v. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKIE GUERRERO): NON-TITLE BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE
Announcers note that Dolph's defending the U.S. title at TLC against Zack Ryder, but there's no stipulation in, as of yet.

Ok, let's fast forward to the foregone conclusion. Orton hits the Hanging DDT and gets 2, as Dolph rolls out with a minute to go. Orton clotheslines Dolph on the outside and rolls him back in with 40 seconds left. Suddenly, WADE BARRETT, who came out from the timekeeper's area like a ninja, shoves Orton into the steel post and exits through the crowd! Orton beats the count at 10 seconds left and Dolph STUPIDLY walks into the RKO to get Orton the pin at 7:51.

WINNER: Randy Orton - And that's as convoluted a finish as you'll ever see. On the upside, it was a pretty good match (albeit with both guys going in FFWD) until the silliness of the angle kicked in.

Post-match, Barrett wipes out Orton with the Boss Man Slam. Barrett takes the mic and says he wants to offer a suggestion for the stipulation. Barrett takes Orton and tries to hit Wasteland through the table, but Orton counters. Barrett drives Orton's head into the steel steps and bails. Unfortunately, poor Dolph's still laying around. So Orton powerbombs Dolph through the table, for fun. Hit Orton's music!

And that'll mercifully put an end to this show. Thank God!

FINAL THOUGHT

Ok, what wasn't there to hate about this show? Short matches (Ryder/Slater), bad matches (Sheamus/Otunga), matches that didn't mean anything (Barrett/Jackson, Orton/Dolph), more guys getting buried into the shuffle (Jackson), more guys stuck in holding patterns (take your pick), the commentary, the commentary, and the commentary! Oh, and if the plan IS to feud Daniel Bryan and Michael Cole all the way through Wrestlemania, they can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Granted, I didn't come into this show in the best of moods, but MAN did this show go out of its way to piss me off that much more.

The steak of good shows ends with an emphatic thud! Until next week!

(edited by It's False on 9.12.11 2358)


"This is bad comedy."
Promote this thread!
Tyler Durden
Landjager








Since: 22.2.04
From: Frankfurt, Germany

Since last post: 1282 days
Last activity: 1211 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.10
Actually, I would prefer seeing Daniel Bryan make Michael Cole tap at WM to not having him on the card at all or him getting put in a pre-show match.
Spiraling_Shape
Bierwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: PA

Since last post: 33 days
Last activity: 11 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.11
So Aksana is interested in her ex-husband's younger brother now? Maybe that's how we get to Cody/Goldust at Mania? (Dustin wants an IC Title vs. Career match with his brother, according to the tweets.)

According to the [SPOILERS], there was a women's match/plot point happening taped that was cut from the show, so I bet they do it again at next week's SD! taping...

(edited by Spiraling_Shape on 10.12.11 0711)


"Ice cream bars! Ice cream bars!" - RAW crowd, Boston, 7/11/11
Chumpstain
Bockwurst








Since: 21.1.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 558 days
Last activity: 558 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
As someone who quite enjoyed when Michael Cole started showing heel tendencies before he wound up going all-out with it, it's reaching the point where something has to happen.

I think the biggest problem at this point, and the reason Cole is running free like he is, is actually the other announcers. Cole is saying the stupidest things and blatantly talking out of both sides of his mouth (as Josh pointed out once tonight), but by and large he's being allowed to. The other commentators, whether it's Josh or Booker or JR or the King, are letting him say whatever he wants and not countering it. I understand if they want to focus on the match, and focusing on the match is certainly a good thing, but when the villainous Cole is clearly stating untruths it would serve them well to fight back from time to time. It's like Cole is serving himself up on a platter for the other announcers to shoot down, and they're not taking the open shot. I seem to remember a few months ago Cole even coming right out and saying he was lobbing them softballs and they're striking out.

The most obvious hypocrisy to attack last night was the Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan situation. When Cody attacks Booker for his 'biased commentary', Cole is in favour and says Booker deserves it. When Bryan threatens to attack Cole for his own biased commentary, he talks about how unjustified it is to come at a broadcast journalist. It's tailor-made for Josh to jump on and point out, but instead he just sits there with a helpless "What can I do?" look on his face, and that's part of what makes the whole situation so grating. Why can't the face announcers stick up for the wronged heroes? Isn't that what they're supposed to do?
Mr. Boffo
Scrapple








Since: 24.3.02
From: Oshkosh, WI

Since last post: 3895 days
Last activity: 3856 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.28
I couldn't see the whole show, but they must have gone way over for time somewhere. They had it start with Booker T already beaten down, plus they went to break in the middle of the Ezekiel Jackson/Wade Barrett "Beat the Clock" challenge. Shouldn't you show the whole match when the whole point is to see how quickly you win?
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 1927 days
Last activity: 1496 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.70
    Originally posted by Chumpstain
    I think the biggest problem at this point, and the reason Cole is running free like he is, is actually the other announcers. Cole is saying the stupidest things and blatantly talking out of both sides of his mouth (as Josh pointed out once tonight), but by and large he's being allowed to. The other commentators, whether it's Josh or Booker or JR or the King, are letting him say whatever he wants and not countering it. I understand if they want to focus on the match, and focusing on the match is certainly a good thing, but when the villainous Cole is clearly stating untruths it would serve them well to fight back from time to time. It's like Cole is serving himself up on a platter for the other announcers to shoot down, and they're not taking the open shot. I seem to remember a few months ago Cole even coming right out and saying he was lobbing them softballs and they're striking out.

    The most obvious hypocrisy to attack last night was the Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan situation. When Cody attacks Booker for his 'biased commentary', Cole is in favour and says Booker deserves it. When Bryan threatens to attack Cole for his own biased commentary, he talks about how unjustified it is to come at a broadcast journalist. It's tailor-made for Josh to jump on and point out, but instead he just sits there with a helpless "What can I do?" look on his face, and that's part of what makes the whole situation so grating. Why can't the face announcers stick up for the wronged heroes? Isn't that what they're supposed to do?


This. The best heel announcers (Heenan, Ventura, Heyman) always had the strong face counterpoint in Gorilla or JR to call them on their nonsense. Booker can't do it because he's terrible (and for some reason loves to praise heels for 'making a statement' by attacking guys), Matthews I always get the feeling is secretly chuckling at all Cole's comments and can't do his job, JR has to focus on the play-by-play whenever he's on the mic since nobody else is, and King doesn't pay enough attention to the product to intelligently counter Cole's arguments.

There's also the issue that Cole is less a heel announcer than he is the literal Voice Of Vince coming over the headsets. So a face announcer isn't just arguing against a heel announcer, he's arguing against the de facto company line.



"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." --- Bart Giamatti, on baseball
It's False
Scrapple








Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 2199 days
Last activity: 581 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.51
    Originally posted by Tyler Durden
    Actually, I would prefer seeing Daniel Bryan make Michael Cole tap at WM to not having him on the card at all or him getting put in a pre-show match.

Here's why I'm so against this. Even if no one has any concrete evidence proving it, we could have at least made the reasonable assumption that Bryan would be facing Mark Henry at Wrestlemania. And given the high quality of their matches so far, it would have been a great Wrestlemania-caliber title match.

So Bryan moving on to Cole would be a kick in the nuts, but at least it would get Bryan to tie Cole up like a pretzel, right? And it would mean the Cole angle would FINALLY get blown off, right?

Well...no! What reason does anyone have to believe that? If they wanted to blow off the Cole angle, they would have done it at THIS YEAR'S Wrestlemania! Or they would have done it after the Kiss My Foot match a few months later! Or they would have done it after the hundreds of chances they've had since then!

So if there's no reason to believe Cole will ever receive substantial comeuppance, then what reason is there to invest in a Bryan/Cole feud? Bryan could break half of Cole's limbs and he'd STILL parade himself out to the announce table the next night. He hasn't missed a single show in the nearly TWO YEARS that this angle started!

In short, Bryan/Cole is going to be an immense waste of time.




"This is bad comedy."
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 1681 days
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#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.09
I'll second Its False and Big Bad on this. Cole vs. Bryan would be a giant letdown from Bryan getting a title shot at Mania. I also don't have any faith when it comes to Cole that they would have Bryan win. The fact that Vince uses Cole as his avatar would given anyone pause to go against him. You must need someone who is a face announcer that is good at his job and could really give a fuck what Vince thinks. To that I say good luck finding that person.



The Wee Baby Sheamus.







Twitter: @realjoecarfley its a bit more toned down there. A bit.
Tyler Durden
Landjager








Since: 22.2.04
From: Frankfurt, Germany

Since last post: 1282 days
Last activity: 1211 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.10
What if they'd have D-Bryan "kill" Cole at Elimination Chamber to once and for all shut up his doubters (so to speak) and then go on to WM to make Henry tap?

Of course, they'd never do that, right?
Quezzy
Scrapple








Since: 6.1.02
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 1908 days
Last activity: 1907 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.08
So, am I the only one that noticed anything other than Daniel Bryan and Michael Cole?

My thoughts coming out of this show is what a horribly booked Beat the Clock. I've loved the Beat the Clocks in the past. They're one of the best booked shows every time. The gimmick adds suspense to all the matches, it advances feuds, it starts new feuds, it lets guys that might not usually be involved in a big storyline get involved even if they are just one of the opponents of the competitor. But there is no point to a two person Beat the Clock series. With just two people competing they should have done the I-choose-your-opponent-you-choose-mine angle.



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THAT IS AWESOME!
CEOIII
Bockwurst








Since: 25.7.02
From: Franklin, PA

Since last post: 2600 days
Last activity: 1936 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.51
    Originally posted by Quezzy
    So, am I the only one that noticed anything other than Daniel Bryan and Michael Cole?

    My thoughts coming out of this show is what a horribly booked Beat the Clock. I've loved the Beat the Clocks in the past. They're one of the best booked shows every time. The gimmick adds suspense to all the matches, it advances feuds, it starts new feuds, it lets guys that might not usually be involved in a big storyline get involved even if they are just one of the opponents of the competitor. But there is no point to a two person Beat the Clock series. With just two people competing they should have done the I-choose-your-oppone​nt-you-choose-mine angle.


"Pick your poison" is what that's called.



I'm Charlie Owens, good night, and good luck.


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Amos Cochran
Lap cheong








Since: 28.8.09

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#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.00
Wait, has anyone, ANYWHERE, outside of this thread said that Cole/Bryan is being planned for WrestleMania? Or are you all just shouting into the wind?
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01

Since last post: 1764 days
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#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.27
    Originally posted by Amos Cochran
    Wait, has anyone, ANYWHERE, outside of this thread said that Cole/Bryan is being planned for WrestleMania?


Yeah, I don't think anything with Cole/Bryan is being planned for the next Smackdown let alone any kind of feud. It was just a one-show angle to set up a TV match, mostly to further Booker/Cody. Cole will continue to be awful during Bryan's segments and everyone else's.

(edited by JustinShapiro on 12.12.11 1323)
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Hey thanks, I'm not really a fantasy booking person, just bored at work and making crap up as I go along. Forgot to mention that this scenario would end up with Benoit v.
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