TONIGHT! It's the go-home show for Money in the Bank! The buildup for Randy Orton/Christian part 50 (thanks, Sheamus!) continues! And the buildup for the MitB match itself continues with some matches between the participants. SmackDown is NOW!
WWE - The Champ Is Here!
Opening credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Opening pyro! Tonight, Randy Orton faces Kane. Also, the Intercontinental Championship is on the line with Ezekiel Jackson defends against Ted DiBiase. And once again, we start with Ryan Seacrest Josh Matthews in the ring. Matthews brings out Randy Orton.
Matthews opens by pointing out the God-awful stipulation for Sunday's match. Orton assures Matthews that he won't be DQ'd on Sunday and the stipulation is in because Christian can't beat him.
Interruption comes from Christian via TitanTron. Christian says his lawyers forced him to put the stipulation in. Christian gives Orton a gift, as he unveils a frame of himself holding the title over Orton's corpse. Christian says that's how Sunday's match will end. Orton mocks Christian's attempt to set him off. Christian plays the family card and mocks Cowboy Bob Orton, noting that he's in the HoF section with Drew Carey and Bob Uecker and only made it in to satisfy Randy Orton. Christian says he'll get in Orton's face after he wins the title. Orton questions Christian's manhood and says Christian's biggest claim to fame was a fluke world title win that led to a five-day reign. Ouch!
Your hosts are the Three Morons. Matthews says the Big Show/Mark Henry feud is right out of Transformers! Well...if he's going to toss me softballs like that...ok. So Big Show/Mark Henry is an overbudgeted mess that's all about shitty special effects and focuses on characters that nobody cares about? That leads into the Mark Henry video package. Mark Henry and Big Show go face-to-face later tonight.
Tony Chimel isn't here tonight. I'll spare you all any bad jokes saying something like "Did Tony Chimel get a sex change?" and just note that Eden Stiles is taking over ring announcing duties for tonight.
EZEKIEL JACKSON v. TED DiBIASE: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH DiBiase WANTS DA BELT as he comes down to the ring. Cody Rhodes isn't out here, since he's prepping for his match against Daniel Bryan, so I don't like DiBiase's chances here.
Jackson gently puts DiBiase in the corner and grins, but DiBiase slaps the smile off his face. So Jackson pounds the shit out of him and takes him over with a big hiptoss. Big shoulderblock puts DiBiase down for 2. Jackson clotheslines DiBiase over the top and gives chase outside. Zeke scoops up DiBiase and tries to send him into the steel post. DiBiase slips out, but Zeke's able to stop his momentum, though DiBiase's still able to send his back into the steel post and follows with a dropkick. We see Cody Rhodes watching in the back, as DiBiase covers for 2 back in the ring. Good lord, someone turn the ref's mic down! He's especially loud this week. Jackson whips DiBiase into the corner, but DiBiase's able to counter the corner charge with a drop toehold and hits a Cobra Clutch Russian legsweep for two. Time to hit the chinlock. I love that we've heard the name "Cody Rhodes" more from the announcers than we've heard either "Ted DiBiase" or "Ezekiel Jackson". Thanks for continuing to lower the bar, guys! Jackson hits a big clothesline to start the comeback. Corner lariat and bodyslam hit. Jackson wants another bodyslam, so DiBiase floats over and goes for Dream Street, before Jackson hiptosses him. He wants those bodyslams and he'll HAVE those bodyslams! They are NOT "powerslams", Josh Matthews! DiBiase tries to hold his ground, but Jackson will not be denied MORE BODYSLAMS! DiBiase floats over the Torture Rack attempt and tries to set up for Dream Street again, before getting backed into the corner. This time Jackson gets the Torture Rack to retain the title.
WINNER: Ezekiel Jackson - Jackson really needs to work on that finishing sequence beyond "bodyslam this guy A LOT!" Bad match.
Later tonight, Sheamus faces Sin Cara! Yikes! Plus, Randy Orton faces Kane in tonight's main event. But up next, Daniel Bryan faces Cody Rhodes.
Backstage, Ted DiBiase runs into Cody Rhodes, who isn't happy about DiBiase losing. Cody promises a personal paper bagging if DiBiase loses again. A random passerby walks by and gets the paper bag treatment.
DANIEL BRYAN v. CODY RHODES (w/MINIONS) We get a video package to recap the Bryan/Rhodes feud. I find it hard to believe that this feud has been going on for two months.
We start with both men trading blows in the corner. Bryan charges into the corner and gets set up for the Alabama Slam. Bryan rolls Cody up from that attempt and nearly clamps on the LeBell Lock. Bryan ties up Rhodes in the ropes and has some stiff kick for Cody's chest, but somebody thinks it's more entertaining to watch Cole do a dippy Booker impression with the paper bag over his head. I hate them all so much. Bryan runs the ropes and hits a big dropkick to the chest to send Cody out. Bryan hits a big suicide dive to the outside. STOP FOCUSING THE DAMN CAMERA ON COLE!!! Let's go to an ad break.
We come back with Rhodes hitting a front suplex and stomping away. Cody hits a bodyslam and slaps on a single-leg crab. Bryan pushes him off and makes the comeback. Bryan rolls Cody up for 2. He tries a corner charge and runs into a Rhodes forearm. Rhodes hits a pair of knees and Russian legsweep for 2. Back to the single-leg crab. Both men start trading blows with Bryan winning the exchange. Bryan hits a running clothesline. He counters a clothesline with a jawbreaker and hits a running kick for 2. Bryan goes to the mounted punches, but runs into a drop toehold. Cody hits the Bob Holly groin kick and the Alabama Slam for 2. Cody goes for Cross-Rhodes, but Bryan runs the ropes and floats over. Bryan jumps up in the electric chair position and gets dropped onto the turnbuckle. Cody's corner charge eats boot. A second gets turned into...um...damn, that's a move I'm not familiar with. It ends with Bryan getting dumped, though, while Cody's feeling the pain himself. Bryan climbs the turnbuckles and hits the top-rope seated dropkick for 2. Bryan hits a YAAAAAH running seated dropkick to the corner. Bryan wants a top-rope 'rana, but Cody crotches him and nails the Beautiful Disaster for the pin!
WINNER: Cody Rhodes - I can't get enough of this match. Another good outing between these two.
Backstage, Teddy Long is on his cell phone again. He tells a referee that if Big Show and Mark Henry touch each other during their face-to-face tonight that Sunday's match will be canceled. Long gets back on the phone, but Kane interrupts. Kane thanks Long for answering his request for a match against Randy Orton. Kane says there's something wrong with him, since he's been on a losing streak. He's feeling more human and less monstrous. Kane says that he needs to face the best that SmackDown has to offer. Well, that's a nice backstory for tonight's match.
Ad break - MitB Cena/Punk promo
We to a photoshoot for Jinder Mahal and The Great Khali. All of a sudden, Mahal loses his mind for some reason. Oh, it's because Mahal says HE'S the star, not Khali. Mahal says that his face is the only one that matters.
Backstage...hey, Christian's walking by Randy Orton's Magic Bus that only appears when it's convenient to the plot! It turns out that the bus has been vandalized! Christian is shocked, SHOCKED, that someone would vandalize Randy Orton's bus.
"THE CELTIC WARRIOR" SHEAMUS v. SIN CARA Wade Barrett is doing commentary and, since Kane's in the main event, we can surmise that Barrett's the lucky guy that came out with the night off. The cliche "clash of styles" comes to mind here, but this has the potential to be a lot of fun. They're nice enough to take the ad break BEFORE the match starts, but before we get back to that...
Skittles Unexpected Moment of the Week - Sheamus wipes out everyone, especially Wade Barrett, with a chair from last week.
Sheamus quickly asserts the power advantage to start. SC comes back with a springboard 'rana and kicks away. SC hits a big dropkick and some more kicks.
Barrett: The Corre was the biggest disaster of my entire career. I never should have entered The Corre. I was never equal with those three. I was clearly superior to all three of them. Booker: So you said you were the leader of The Corre, right? Barrett: Absolutely not. I said we were all equals.
That's some awesome double talk right there. Sheamus comes back by using his power again. SC comes back with a corkscrew armdrag, but runs into a big clothesline. Irish Curse gets 2. Corner charge eats elbow and SC gets a spinning headscissors before Sheamus takes him down again. Sheamus pounds away on SC's chest before taking him down with a running knee. Sheamus hits the front facelock. Elbow takes SC down and it's back to the front facelock. Sheamus scoops SC up. SC shakes out of it, so Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but misses and crotches himself before falling over the top rope. SC hits a seated dropkick as Sheamus comes back in and gets 2 off it. Enziguiri hits, but the springboard crossbody is caught. Sheamus drives SC into the corner and hits the fallaway slam. Sheamus calls for the High Cross, but SC counters with the 'rana for the pin!
WINNER: Sin Cara - All signs are pointing at a Sheamus win at the PPV, so this was a nice way to shake things up a bit. They didn't gel well this time around, but this match has some potential in the future.
Post-match, Barrett runs in and wipes out Sheamus with the big boot! Cole (infuriatingly) calls it a Brogue Kick, which it was definitely NOT. Barrett drops Sheamus with Wasteland before pointing at the briefcase. Play his music!
We now go to Christian, who's hopping around in the casino with what turns out to be Randy Orton's wallet. Is Orton really THAT stupid that he doesn't lock his wallet away in his locker or inside his Magic Bus? Especially considering the show's at a FREAKIN' CASINO? Christian rummages through Orton's wallet, finding $1000 cash. So Christian plays roulette and has about as much luck as Bart Simpson.
Ad break - Wrestlemania XXVIII promo
We are taped from the Mohegan Sun casino in CT, as Christian continues to play with Randy Orton's money.
Teddy Long's in the ring to start off tonight's face-off between Big Show and Mark Henry. They aren't allowed to touch each other, because people are here to see a verbal debate, DAMMIT! Long brings out both men, but Mark Henry stops at the ramp to start this debate off. I guess I'll throw the big lug a bone and give him a transcription.
Henry: This is far as I'm going, because you KNOW what happens when I lose my temper.
Show: Mark, me holding my temper is the only thing that's keeping me from walking up that ramp and chokeslamming you straight to Hell.
Henry: You ain't chokeslamming nobody! This Sunday, you gonna be in Hell! In MY Hell! All this pain, YOU caused! It was YOUR fault! Remember? Show 'em what time it is!
Here's a video package of last month's SmackDown, as Big Show steamrolled through Mark Henry, which ended with Henry doing a stretcher job. I get what they're doing with this and I admire them for it, but...logically, shouldn't Sunday's match have the exact same result? Eh, I'm admittedly overthinking this, so let's go back to the promo.
Show: Now, I admit, Mark...what I did changed you and the WWE...see, for 15 years, the WWE Universe has been waiting for the World's Strongest Man to wake up. So I lit a fire in you, now you got some fire, now you got some potential, but don't direct it towards me. I'm the wrong target, Mark. I lit that fire and I can put that fire out.
Henry: You think because you're big that you can be better than me? You think big is better? Well, let me tell you something, Show. Stronger is better. Meaner is better! Better is better. You have no idea...what I'm capable of.
Show: And you have no idea what I'M capable of! You think you're better than me? You wanna try me? To hell with Sunday! Bring your ass down here right now! Let's go!
Both guys get ready for a fight, as Long tries to break it up. He threatens fines and the cancellation of their match. And...the segment just kinda ends. I won't lie, this match is going to blow goats, but you absolutely can't fault them for what's been a solid buildup.
Later tonight, Randy Orton faces Kane.
Ad break - Rey Mysterio DVD promo
ROSA MENDES (w/ALICIA FOX) v. KELLY KELLY: NON-TITLE MATCH Rosa gets no entrance, so I'm expecting cannon fodder here. Kelly starts with a victory roll for 2. Rosa...kinda chucks Kelly for 2. Rosa goes to the mounted punches and...really? We're already going to the resthold? It's been 30 seconds! Kelly bangs Rosa's head against the mat repeatedly and then spanks her, as I wonder why I bothered to recap this match. Kelly hits a reverse neckbreaker for 2. Rosa gets whipped into the corner and flops. My bum is on your lips! My bum is on your lips! Rosa pushes off the bulldog attempt, but her swinging neckbreaker attempt it turned into the K2 for the pin in this two-minute special.
WINNER: Kelly Kelly - Quick and utterly hideous.
Oh lord, it's Johnny Curtis again. He pulls out a bag. He says the cat is out of the bag...except he pulls out a stuffed elephant. Curtis gets angry, because the elephant in the room was supposed to be for next week. Ok, that...was actually pretty funny.
Later tonight, Randy Orton faces Kane.
Money in the Bank match video package. This leads to the card rundown.
We go backstage to Christian. Christian says he actually loves Randy Orton and his movie "That's What I Am" before shooting it off to a deleted scene. Christian analyzes Randy's facial expressions and calls him a BAD ACTOR! Chrisitan wishes Orton luck in his match against Kane later. You know, Christian...never mind, I'll save this rant for the end.
JUSTIN GABRIEL v. HEATH SLATER Both guys need new music in a bad way. Good lord, who gave HEATH SLATER a microphone?
"Justin, we were on top of the world in the tag team division. Three-time tag team champions. But lately, you've been dropping the ball and I am TIRED of sharing MY spotlight with YOU! And at Money in the Bank, it's gonna be MY time to shine, because I am the One-MAAAAAAN Rock BAND, baybee!"
That promo was more generic than Slater's music. I love how Matthews talks about Slater, saying "He truly feels that he is a one-man rock band!" as if that's the reason we're supposed to boo him. That dastardly fiend! Everyone knows that rock bands only consist of TWO OR MORE people!
We start with a flipping sequence and a wrestling sequence that Slater actually wins for a while until Gabriel gets the side headlock. Gabriel hits a shoulderblock and we go to the criss-cross, which Gabriel ends with a surprise legsweep for 2. Slater takes control with a big right and stomps away...and hits the chinlock about a minute in. A Heath Slater chinlock is as good a time as any for the E to get their crawls out of the way. Gabriel comes back with a spinning roundhouse and a spinning elbow. Slater reverses a whip, but there's nobody home on the corner charge. Gabriel climbs the ropes, but Slater takes him down with a pop-up back body drop! Slater misses the top-rope moonsault and Gabriel finishes with the Sternum-Crushing 450 Splash at three minutes.
WINNER: Justin Gabriel - Crowd slept through most of that until the 450 woke them up. I have a feeling that'll be the case for a lot of Gabriel matches, sadly, until he grows more of a personality.
Randy Orton and Kane are making their way to the ring. The main event is next!
THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE FROM CM PUNK
That's the opening for a video package on CM Punk and it is an AWESOME video package filled with subliminal messages. But sadly, no mention of WWE Ice Cream Bars. "Do I have everybody's attention now?" That was a BEAUTIFUL video package and I seriously wish that main event heels would stop hitting their peaks just as they're on their way out. First Batista and now Punk.
KANE v. RANDY ORTON: NON-TITLE MATCH We've got less than six minutes of show left, so I'm fully expecting this to end in a clusterfuckery fashion very shortly.
Orton dodges Kane's strikes and hammers away, but Kane asserts the power advantage quickly. Big boot hits. Corner clothesline hits and Kane hits a second one. Kane hits the side slam as Christian walks out to dip my interest in this match to zero. It really doesn't help that Kane's working this match in fast-forward, already looking for the top-rope clothesline and hitting. Kane wants the chokeslam (at the 1:10 mark, no less), but Orton makes the comeback. Orton hits clotheslines and the snap powerslam. Hanging DDT hits. VIPER COIL! Kane pushes away the RKO attempt and Orton gets distracted by Christian. Kane hits a big clothesline and both men go to the outside. Orton chases Christian around and gets a water bottle for his troubles, but that just leads to the lame countout finish.
WINNER BY COR: Kane - Well, that was a waste of a main event.
Post-match, Orton chases Christian into the ring, but runs into a Kane uppercut. The beatdown is on in the corner, until Kane stares down Christian and chases him out of the ring. That allows Orton to recover, though, and he wipes out Kane with the RKO. That gives Christian an opening, so he swoops in and hits Orton with the spear! Christian grabs a chair and the title. Christian looks for a chairshot, but Orton comes back and chases Christian off with the chair. Orton really, REALLY wants to hit something, though, so he hits Kane with the chair for fun. After about a dozen chair shots, Kane's beaten into Jell-O and Orton stares at Christian to end the show.
Maybe I've been spoiled by Cena and Punk or maybe I'm just tired of Orton and Christian, but I'm not feeling the build to this next installment of the latter feud. I can appreciate that they tried to spice things up with Christian acting like a dick, but I was pretty bored by most of it and maybe Christian can take some lessons from Edge on how to build a feud. Granted, a lot of Edge's feuds took a lot of incredibly stupid turns, but at least they were never boring. Killing Paul Bearer and fake dummies were really dumb, but at least none of it was boring. Christian playing around with Randy Orton's Magic Bus and photoshopping Orton's DVD was just dull and I'm really not feeling excited about their match on Sunday.
What I am feeling more of, though, is the SmackDown MitB match. While Raw had the clusterfuck buildup, SmackDown went in a different direction by letting the matches speak for themselvevs. I also think it was wise of them to keep Sheamus out of the title picture, because it was becoming pretty obvious that he was the favorite to win. It was even smarter to have him do the clean job to Sin Cara for that same reason. I still think Sheamus winning that match is the easiest call of the night, but at least it's not as obvious anymore.
That poor elephant! You neglected to mention that the elephant got his head ripped off in horrifying fashion! (Great, now the WWF has even more reason to be pissed at WWE). He killed Dumbo! Or perhaps Colonel Hathi, Babar or Hubert. Damn that man! Damn him to hell!
Anyway, if Ezekiel Jackson's gonna use Lex Luger's finishing move, why not emulate Luger a little more with like... flying forearms or something? Or maybe mix things up with a gorilla press drop or pumphandle slam? Or a sit-down powerbomb?! Such things should not be beyond the ability of the Intercontinental Champion (not that title belts are awarded based on merit, necessarily). Those bodyslams put the crowd to sleep in a big fucking way with their repetition.
I haven't been watching SmackDown nearly as much as RAW since I work Friday nights (I know, it's a flimsy excuse with the existence of Hulu and YouTube), but do you suppose The Corre's alleged breakup is a ploy to get their opponents to drop their guard going into the Money in the Bank match? They might suddenly start working together at a key point, enabling one of them (probably Barrett) to win.
The Rhodes/Bryan match was awesome to watch, but BRUTAL to listen to. Lord, give me patience, or I will strangle this creature of yours.
(edited by ekedolphin on 16.7.11 0320)
"Lord, give me patience, or I will strangle this creature of yours!" --Anonymous Customer, NotAlwaysRight.com
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I actually really liked the build to Orton/Christian. Because of the DQ stipulation in the contract, Christian's focusing his efforts on making Orton mad enough throw his title away. It's good, because it puts some doubt into the outcome of a match that otherwise looked like a foregone conclusion.
And they have to stop doing the lighting thing with Sin Cara. It's not doing him any favors when it completely distracts from his matches.
Smackdown is good most weeks and Cole almost singlehandedly ruins every segment by picking fights with Booker for no reason. It was one thing when he was getting heat on himself for a PPV match but now it serves no purpose. He has no instincts for how to be a heel, he just undermines everything because he's a bored longtime employee who was having too much fun to go back to the way things were and shut the fuck up.
Originally posted by Tenken347I actually really liked the build to Orton/Christian. Because of the DQ stipulation in the contract, Christian's focusing his efforts on making Orton mad enough throw his title away. It's good, because it puts some doubt into the outcome of a match that otherwise looked like a foregone conclusion.
Yeah, I think it's logical. They let the steam out of what had been a really compelling story and the thing has kind of run its course, but having Christian steal the title (preferably by flash-pinning Orton when he has to hold up to avoid getting DQ'd, as opposed to by DQ) would let them prolong it through Summerslam and give Christian some booking dignity in the program.
I'd like to see a Sheamus triple threat for SS too. Christian winning and then getting banked by Sheamus right away would fit his unlucky character, but I don't think you can do that on the same show where briefcasesmen are very likely going to have to try to stop Punk. So I'd like to see a finish where Sheamus interferes and introduces a chair, and then Orton is going to use it on Christian, but hesitates and gets rolled up after he turns to hit Sheamus or something. So you've got the belt on Christian to change the dynamic and there's heat on Sheamus for causing it so they can do a different match since Christian/Orton in a PPV singles isn't going to fly anymore.
But maybe Orton just wins and Christian is out of excuses (b/c those internet fans were wrong about him being a worthy champion) and they move on.
Love-love Christian baiting Randy throughout the show.
I suppose for "elephant in the room", they'll just have to locate a real elephant. (Siegfried & Roy's Magic Garden in Las Vegas -- missed opportunity.)
Slater on the microphone was generic, but wasn't as bad as it might have been. I really want somebody to get him away from that One Man Rock Band thing. And/or work on the drawl. However, IMO, he's still one of the best & most versatile worker of all the newbie babies they've recruited in the last few years. Y'know, for those occasions when wrestling matters. :-) (C'mon, isn't there anybody with any clout back in the dressing room that wants to mentor this guy? There's potential there!)
Very odd that the Sin Cara lighting doesn't bother me at all. Usually it'd be me hating it, & I barely even notice.
I'm really not enjoying Booker on commentary. I had assumed that he'd be around for the duration of TE, but that apparently wasn't the plan. I like the guy, & in small doses he can be funny, but this is just Not Working Out. Matt Stryker ... come on down!
Yeah, I suppose I'm gonna have to get this PPV, aren't I?
A thought I had about the Bryan/Rhodes feud during the MITB PPV tonight:
Who's the bigger "nerd" in this feud? A.) A vegan who doesn't own a TV or B.) A guy who wrestled for years with the Triforce on his boots and said that his ring jacket was inspired by an X-Man's costume? If you're Michael Cole, the answer is obviously A.).
I know this is kind of off topic (but it is still about wrestling, even if it is cartoons) but have any of you seen Mucha Lucha? It comes on The WB. It is a cartoon where the entire world is full of little luchadors. It is really hilarious.