TONIGHT! It's the big go-home show for Wrestlemania! Will it match the intensity of last Monday's Raw? My guess is "no". Plus, Kofi Kingston exercises his rematch clause against Wade Barrett. Will he win the Intercontinental title back? Considering he's not booked for Sunday, my guess is "no". SmackDown is NOW!
My DVR immediately kicks in with the words "An Uwe Boll Film". Oh, Syfy, you are certainly in the April Fools spirit.
The Champ is NOT here, as we go straight to the...
Opening credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Opening pyro! We are two days away from Wrestlemania! We are taped from Chicago, IL and we start with a match!
WADE BARRETT v. KOFI KINGSTON: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH We get clips of Barrett's big title win from last week. You know, put aside for a second that Barrett's already booked (he got booked on Monday) for the PPV. Wouldn't Kofi want to exercise his rematch clause at...I dunno...WRESTLEMANIA, instead of a throwaway TV show? No one ever said Kofi was the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Barrett misses a clothesline to start and Kofi goes to work with kicks and punches. Kofi immediately goes for Trouble In Paradise, but Barrett holds himself on the ropes. Kofi charges and gets backdropped over. A Kofi springboard is met with a Barrett boot and Kofi falls to the outside. Barrett drives Kofi's back into the apron and introduces Kofi to the steel steps and the barricade. Back in the ring, Barrett poses to the crowd. He hits the Road Dogg pumphandle slam for 2. Time to hit the chinlock. Kofi breaks the hold and chops away. Big dropkick puts Barrett down. Jumping clothesline misses, but Barrett's clothesline nearly gets turned into the S.O.S. before Barrett pushes him off. Barrett charges and runs into Kofi's high kick counter. Frog crossbody gets 2. Buzzsaw Legdrop hits. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Trouble In Paradise is countered with a big boot to the face. That gets 2 for Barrett. Barrett tries to counter the Tough Enough crawl ("Stone Cold" Steve Austin stars in "Cross-Armed Opposites", right after "Shovin' Buddies"!) with Wasteland, but Kofi shows why he was a frontrunner for the starring role in "Slowly Rotating Black Guy" by slowly rotating onto the turnbuckle and hitting Barrett with a right hand. He misses a clothesline off the second rope, but lands on his feet and hits Trouble In Paradise! The pin is interrupted by The Corre guys and that'll be that at 4 minutes.
WINNER BY DQ: Kofi Kingston - These two aren't half-bad together. I'd be up for one more round.
Post-match, the beatdown is on. Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov try to even the odds, but get taken down in short order. Kane's pyro hits to bring out Kane and Big Show. It's now 5-on-4 in favor of the faces, as Show dumps Barrett and Kane dumps Gabriel. The rest of The Corre guys exit stage left, as Big Show's music hits.
We see footage of last week's Rey Mysterio/CM Punk match and Cody Rhodes' subsequent run-in.
That brings us backstage to the demoted Matt Striker, who talks to Cody Rhodes. Cody's hiding in a janitor's closet in the shadows, Mankind-style.
"Well, I believe the old expression goes 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' Several months ago, Rey Mysterio intentionally drove his knee brace into my face and shattered...he shattered the bones, he changed me...from...rugged, from handsome...I mean, I'm embarrassed. I don't want to look at myself. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror and I don't want to be looked at by others, either. I'm a bitter man. But last week...last week was only the beginning, because at Wrestlemania, Rey Mysterio is going to have to contend......with THIS." Cody holds up a knee brace. "And THIS!"
Ad break - Wrestlemania promo
We now shoot it off to Atlanta, GA and the demoted Todd Grisham. We see the various corners of Wrestlemania Axxess. We see Todd Grisham with The Bella Twins. What the hell am I watching here? Todd Grisham shoots it off to a video package for Undertaker/Triple H.
Back we go to Todd Grisham and The Bella Twins, as my IQ points start to plummet. Here's a video package for Randy Orton/CM Punk. What the hell is this? Am I watching the Wrestlemania pre-game show or something?
More Fan Axxess junk. Now here's a video of the Road Warriors HOF piece.
Later tonight, we take a look at the confrontation between The Rock and John Cena, because if there's anything this show needs, it's RAW SEGMENTS!
Now here's the Cole/Lawler/Swagger segment from Raw IN ITS ENTIRETY! What the hell am I watching?! What, were JTG and Chris Masters busy? WHERE'S MY WRESTLING?! And I'm not talking about wrestling I've already seen on Raw!
Back to the arena, as Jerry Lawler comes out to his crappy new music. Michael Cole has conspicuously escaped the Cole Mine, as The King enters the ring and grabs the mic. It's promo time, because apparently this show is going to have everything except WRESTLING!
"Michael Cole...you know, you sit up there and run your mouth for weeks now. You talked about my mom who recently passed away. You brought my son out here to try and humiliate me. And then you...you took my private family photo album and disrespected the memory of my father. Cole, you're gonna have to learn that when you say hurtful things, there are consequences to pay. Now...you leaving before I came out here was probably the best thing you could have done. Because...if you were out here right now, I wouldn't make it to Wrestlemania, but I promise neither would you. You see...Cole, I know you're scared right now, because you got to realize, everything that you've done to me up to now, you did with the help of Jack Swagger. But at Wrestlemania, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin will take care of Jack Swagger...and that's gonna leave just you and I, Michael Cole. You're gonna be all alone with nobody to help you and no Fortress of Solitude to hide in. And then, Michael Cole, I'm not just gonna beat you. I'm gonna do what the entire world wants me to do. I promise, I'm gonna shut your mouth!"
That was one...um...tepid crowd for what was a pretty damn good promo. My God, that theme music really is terrible.
Here's footage from the Wrestlemania press conference. Notably, we don't see Snooki get booed out of the building.
We go back to Atlanta, where Todd Grisham now sends it off to the Triple H/Undertaker segment from Raw...IN ITS ENTIRETY! I hate everybody.
Back to Atlanta again, where The Bellas talk trash about Eve Torres, because God knows people care about that feud. Man, Cole just DEMOLISHED the Divas division with his schtick. Not that it wasn't a joke before, but now he's actually drawn attention to that fact to the point that people take it EVEN LESS seriously. Anyway, Todd Grisham sends it off to The Miz's appearance on Conan. Didn't this happen OVER A WEEK AGO? Why are we just seeing this NOW? Are they TRYING to waste our time?!
Back to Atlanta again. More Fan Axxess. Now here's a video package for Snooki. I'm so tempted to just call it a night, because this is becoming a clear waste of time.
Ad break - WWE Hall of Fame promo
Back to Atlanta yet again. Grisham: "Ladies, since this IS SmackDown..." IT IS? I wouldn't know it by the sheer amount of INSIPID GARBAGE that I'm watching right now!
That leads to an Edge/Alberto Del Rio video package. Bite me.
Up next, Cody Rhodes is apparently wrestling. What a concept!
WWE Rewind is brought to you by Crysis 2! If you're reading this, your PC probably can't run Crysis 2! It's Rey Mysterio and CM Punk from last week. Why yes, we DID already see this earlier tonight, why do you ask?
CODY RHODES v. "THE MASTERPIECE" CHRIS MASTERS Cody Rhodes actually comes out in black trunks this time and not in a full suit, which takes a bit away from the awesome character he's built to this point. He looks like an anorexic Steve Austin.
Well, I guess we ARE getting Chris Masters tonight. Too bad he's cannon fodder, of course. Cross-Rhodes, goodbye.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes - Well, I thought we were getting wrestling, but APRIL FOOLS! Just another two-minute special.
Post-match, Rey Mysterio runs down and gets a piece of Cody. Cody tries to take him down a peg, but Rey gets him in the 619 position. Rey then rolls up his pant leg to reveal a knee brace! Rey wants the knee braced 619, but Cody escapes! Play Rey's music! Even the beatdowns are feeling rushed, because God knows we have to go back to THE BELLAS!
But first, here's Chris Jericho on Dancing With The Stars to waste even more time.
Ad break - Wrestlemania promo
Back to Atlanta, where Todd Grisham ends the show, ever so appropriately, with a segment from Raw. Here's Rock/Cena/Miz in its entirety.
If this recap seemed short, that's because it was. I wasn't half-assing it (much) this time. This show was literally "video package, ad break, video package, ad break, video package, ad break" for well over an hour! I get that they taped SmackDown right after Raw, but was that honestly the best they could do? They couldn't save the Axxess junk for Superstars?
What a complete and utter waste of two hours. Six minutes of wrestling and 90+ minutes of total filler. This show can kiss the fattest part of my ass.
Originally posted by KoRnhornioI think I even saw a sign in the crowd that said "this is the best birthday ever!!!" That just makes me sad.
Yeah, but this week's SmackDown was taped immediately after RAW, which was an awesome a pretty good show. I assume (and hope) that the sign's referring to RAW.
Once I saw what I was getting, I changed the channel. Figures one of the few times I get off of work soon enough to watch SmackDown, it's, um, basically a glorified version of the WrestleMania preview we hear for two or three hours on the pay-per-view channel right before the show.
(edited by ekedolphin on 2.4.11 0417) "You are boring me to death, and I'm already dead. You're boring me back to death." --Zombie in a Starburst commercial
Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals
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Co-Winner of Time's Person of the Year Award, 2006
How awesome were the Bellas? When Brie fainted into Nikki's arms at the thought of Alberto Del Rio - the lightbulb went off. They MUST put the Bellas with Del Rio. (And Ricardo would get one too, I hope. Or Brodus.) Plus the look Brie shot Grisham when Grisham claimed he drives a nice car. AND THE BELLAS DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT JOHN CENA'S ISSUE WITH THE ROCK AND WANTED THE FOCUS ON THE MIZ. I love the Bellas so much.
I don't know how many people remember this since it was a year ago but I stopped watching wrestling for a while and decided to get caught up. Earlier this week I watched last year's "go home" show before Wrestlemania and it was exactly the same. Three matches (one was three minutes), none of the top wrestlers in action, video packages and Axxess highlights. I guess this is what we should expect from now on.
Originally posted by John OrquiolaHow awesome were the Bellas? When Brie fainted into Nikki's arms at the thought of Alberto Del Rio - the lightbulb went off. They MUST put the Bellas with Del Rio. (And Ricardo would get one too, I hope. Or Brodus.) Plus the look Brie shot Grisham when Grisham claimed he drives a nice car. AND THE BELLAS DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT JOHN CENA'S ISSUE WITH THE ROCK AND WANTED THE FOCUS ON THE MIZ. I love the Bellas so much.
That's exactly what I thought!
Originally posted by ekedolphinbasically a glorified version of the WrestleMania preview we hear for two or three hours on the pay-per-view channel right before the show.
That's exactly what I thought!
BTW while I haven't watched them in a while, the free PPV pre-shows are one of the few things TNA has done better than WWE.
Originally posted by HokienauticYou realize, I hope, that the people who watched it live in the arena didn't have to sit through all the filler material, right?
Nope... didn't know it was taped right after Raw either. With all the shots we've seen lately of the live crowd watching The Rock live via satellite (which was Wrestlemania hype), and pre-recorded Shawn Michaels videos (also hype), I wouldn't put it past WWE to show the latest batch of filler to the live crowd as well.
OK, I see where you're coming from, and I halfway agree with you. I think we're talking a lot more about our personal taste than the mystical qualities that cause high buyrates, but I'd rather talk about our personal tastes anyway.