TONIGHT! The ad leading up to the show promises further buildup in the Undertaker/Triple H Wrestlemania match. You'll see the humor in that later. Plus, more buildup towards Edge/Alberto Del Rio. A Late SmackDown recap is NOW!
WWE - The Champ Is Here!
Opening credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Opening pyro! We are taped from Kansas City, MO! Tonight, the tag titles are on the line when Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel defend against Big Show and Kane.
We take a look at the production crew constructing Cole's Cube of Loudness (as opposed to odessasteps' suggestion of a Cone of Silence). Tony Chimel introduces Michael Cole, because Cole GETS A FUCKING ENTRANCE NOW, just to make this whole thing REALLY surreal and absurd. Matthews and Booker look embarrassed, as you might expect.
So we go from that to our first match.
"THE RATED R SUPERSTAR" EDGE v. BRODUS CLAY (w/ALBERTO DEL RIO & RICARDO RODRIGUEZ) Chimel's voice doesn't have the usual crack in it this week, so it merely comes out as "Rated R Soo-perstar", as opposed to "Rated R SOO-perstar".
Edge uses his speed to start, as he outmaneuvers Clay, who just lumbers around LITERALLY as Booker starts raving about Clay's quickness and agility. Yup. Edge wants a whip, but Clay's a BIG FAT GUY, so Clay powers Edge to the corner. He runs into a boot, however, which allows Edge to attempt a double axehandle. That gets caught and turned into the exploder suplex. Clay hammers away and begins some methodical offense, while occasionally grunting loudly. We hit the armbar, just to hammer home the methodicalness of Clay's methodical offense. Clay looks for an avalanche, but eats an elbow. Edge wants a tornado DDT, but you can only hit Brodus with that move so many times before he figures it out, so he shoves Edge off and waffles him with a clothesline. Clay looks for a BIG FAT GUY splash and misses! Edge wants the Impaler, but again, Brodus is a BIG FAT GUY, so he shoves Edge into the corner. Avalanche attempt fails again, as Edge hits an alleged drop toehold. Top-rope crossbody gets 2 and Edge rolls to the apron. Clay charges Edge, but Edge ducks and looks for the sunset flip. Edge is clearly not understanding that Clay is (say it with me) a BIG FAT GUY, so Clay reminds him of that by sitting on him. That gets 2. Clay sets Edge up for the Umaga running buttsplash, but Edge dodges it. Second-rope bulldog hits. Edge makes the Spear Face, which cues Ricardo Rodriguez to jump on the apron. Del Rio grabs Edge's leg. Edge shakes him off, but turns around into a running something-or-other from Clay, which gets 2. Christian runs out to get himself a piece of Del Rio, but Clay grabs him and pulls him up onto the apron. He takes him down with a headbutt, but Edge comes over and spears Clay for the pin at 6 minutes.
WINNER: Edge - I'm not seeing much out of Clay other than a lot of generic fat guy offense and occasional Mantuar mooing. It does fill a void, I suppose.
Post-match, Del Rio comes in for the beatdown. Christian comes in for the save and that fights spills to the outside, going all the way over the announce table, which takes out every announcer...except Cole, who yammers on without missing a beat. Sigh.
Teddy Long's music hits and the GM comes out onto the stage. He orders the referee brigade to break up the brawl. Long makes the long-awaited Del Rio/Christian match and puts it in a steel cage!
Coming up next, it's Champion vs. Champion, as King Sheamus faces Kofi Kingston. Remember when Champion vs. Champion matches used to be a big deal and were saved for a PPV? Remember when Champion vs. Champion matches were ANNOUNCED IN ADVANCE?
The WWE Smack of the Night is brought to you by Pep Boys - King Sheamus winning the U.S. Title from last Monday.
SHEAMUS v. KOFI KINGSTON: NON-TITLE CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION MATCH There's some confusion going on here. Sheamus comes out without the crown and robe and Chimel simply introduces him as "Sheamus", but the chyron and entrance video still say "King Sheamus", so Sheamus may or may not have dropped the king gimmick. We shall see.
We start with a lock-up. Sheamus works over Kofi with a wrestling sequence. Sheamus misses a corner charge, which allows Kofi to go for the corner punches. This week, Kofi gives us 3...because he gets dropped on the turnbuckle. Sheamus hits a big clothesline for 2. Sheamus hits a hangman's neckbreaker for 2 and hits the chinlock. Sheamus hits a spinning elbow to take a charging Kofi down. Another hangman's neckbreaker is countered with a roll-up for 2. Sheamus charges into the corner and runs into Kofi's high kick counter. Frog crossbody hits, but Sheamus rolls through and powers Kofi onto his shoulders! Kofi slips out and hits a boot to the face. Kofi hits a Russian legsweep and a jumping clothesline. Buzzsaw Legdrop hits. BOOM BOOM BOOM! Sheamus rolls out onto the apron and hangs Kofi on the top rope. Kofi hits the S.O.S., but Sheamus grabs the ropes to save the pin. Both men are now on the outside, as Kofi runs all the way around and bounces off the steel steps for a clothesline. Sheamus stops the onslaught by booting the steel steps onto Kofi. Back in the ring, the Brogue Kick will end Kofi's night at 7:20.
WINNER: Sheamus - Really short match, especially considering we've got two champions here.
Your hosts are two idiots on a table and a dick in a box. We look back to the proceedings between Big Show, Kane, and The Corre.
That takes us backstage to Kane and Big Show. Show reminds Kane that they used to be tag team champions once and that they were dominant. Kane responds with a GOOZLE, so Show responds with one of his own. They each break each other's grips and Kane seems amused. Kane says "You complete me", just to completely cement how far he's fallen down the totem pole.
TRENT BARRETA v. CODY RHODES Cody has new music, with a solemn "WHOAAAA" followed by slow, generic rock. The "Dashing" references are all removed from his entrance, but the mirror remains. Cody comes out in full suit with a towel over his face.
Trent Barreta gets no entrance, because he's cannon fodder, of course. Headbutt, goodbye at 40 seconds.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes - SQUASH!!!
We look back at the long feud between Christian and Alberto Del Rio. They meet later tonight in a steel cage.
Ad break - Wrestlemania WWEShop.com promo
Triple H and The Undertaker meet at Wrestlemania. Because we've almost gone an hour without seeing a Raw segment in its entirety, here's the Shawn Michaels promo!
LayCool come to the ring for the next match. After the break, Layla faces Kelly Kelly. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAYLA (w/MICHELLE McCOOL) v. KELLY KELLY
WINNER: Layla - Well, I know what hell will look like for me. It'll consist of LayCool/Kelly Kelly matches on an ENDLESS, NEVERENDING LOOP!
Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater are on their way to the ring. The tag title match is next.
Ad break - The Chaperone promo
Here's a Sin Cara promo. He's coming soon!
HEATH SLATER & JUSTIN GABRIEL v. THE BIG SHOW & KANE: WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH For the love of cake, did they give The Corre guys new music AGAIN??? This has to be the 6th or 7th mix of this exact same theme song! STICK WITH SOMETHING ALREADY!
Kane powers Gabriel into the corner to start. Seated dropkick hits for 2. Kane wants a backdrop, but Gabriel floats over and makes the tag. Slater walks right into an uppercut. Kane hammers Slater in the corner and hits a side slam for 2. Kane works over Slater in the corner, but Slater's able to come back. He can't whip Kane though, so Slater dodges his corner charge and goes to work on the big guy's leg. Tag to Gabriel and Gabriel continues working over the leg. Tag to Slater, who does the same. Kane shoves Slater off, who makes the tag. Gabriel cuts off the tag attempt and tries to come off with a second-rope axehandle, but flies into an uppercut. Kane reluctantly tags Show, who comes in a house of fire. Show hits an avalanche and takes Slater down with a shoulderblock. He calls for the chokeslam and hits it, but Gabriel pulls out the ref for the LAAAAAME DQ at 3:30.
WINNERS BY DQ: The Big Show and Kane - Crappy finish, drive-thru. I am rapidly losing patience with this show.
Post-match, the fight continues. Jackson comes in and wipes out Show, while Barrett takes out Kane. The beatdown is on! Barrett HITS WASTELAND ON THE BIG SHOW! It looked really ugly, but it did hit. Kane tries to fight off the heels, but the numbers overtake him, too. Kane gets whipped into the steel steps. The Corre whack the large guys with the steel steps. The announce table gets cleared off, which again takes out the announcers and NOT Cole. Barrett and Jackson pancake Show onto the announce table...which DOESN'T BREAK! YEEEE-OWCH! Should I even bother to point out that the post-match beatdown lasted longer than the actual match?
Backstage, the demoted Todd Grisham talks to Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio promises bad things for Christian for trying to interfere with his destiny.
Ad break - Wrestlemania: The True Story DVD promo
"THE ALL-AMERICAN AMERICAN" JACK SWAGGER v. "THE MASTERPIECE" CHRIS MASTERS We take a look at what happened last Monday with Cole and Swagger running wild on JR and Jerry Lawler.
Masters doesn't get an entrance, because he's cannon fodder, of course. I really, REALLY shouldn't have to type that twice in one week. Anklelock, goodbye at 2 minutes.
WINNER: Jack Swagger - This lasts about as long as you might expect.
Post-match, Cole hits the An-Cole-lock on Masters, just for fun.
Here's a video package on Chris Jericho! He's doing Dancing With The Stars, you know! Jericho talks about how much of a challenge it was to be the first WWE Superstar to be on the show. For the sake of argument, everybody pretend that Stacy Keibler never existed!
Rey Mysterio is walking towards the ring. His match is next.
The WWE Rewind is brought to you by KFC - Here's another recap of the Rhodes/Mysterio saga.
REY MYSTERIO v. TED DiBIASE (w/MARYSE) DiBiase comes out with SmackDown chyron. When the hell did HE get traded to this show? And more importantly, WHY did he get traded to this show? And why is Maryse STILL with him? Haven't they broken up a billion times already? Announcers don't answer ANY of these questions, naturally, because that would imply that they're any kind of useful.
DiBiase starts with an aggressive flurry. Rey headscissors him into the turnbuckle to stop that nonsense. Rey comes off with a top-rope crossbody, but it's caught with a DiBiase dropkick! That gets 2! DiBiase follows up with nothing interesting. Clothesline gets 2. Announcers argue about Rey and Cody for the hundredth time, just to piss me off. DiBiase hits a backbreaker to the knee. Rey comes back with an UGLY tornado DDT. Headscissors (Booker T: HURRICANE...rana!) hits, but a second attempt is caught and DiBiase turns it into an inverted sitout powerbomb! That gets 2! Rey counters Dream Street and is able to get DiBiase into position. 619 hits. Top-rope splash hits and gets the pin at 3:30.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio - Another short match in a series of them tonight. DiBiase shows again why everyone's so frustrated with him, as he shows flashes of brilliance, but nothing substantial. The change of scenery might help him, though.
Post-match, Maryse walks out on DiBiase again. Man, we've NEVER seen THAT before! It begs the question: Is DiBiase the loser for falling short so much? Or is Maryse the loser for always coming back?
We take a look at the Elimination Chamber PPV and Christian's big return. Later tonight, Christian and Alberto Del Rio face off in a steel cage.
Here's a recap of Snooki's appearance on Raw and the publicity whoredom that ensued. Wrestlemania card rundown follows that.
The steel cage is coming down, so our main event is next!
Tony Chimel welcomes in Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio. This week, Alberto Del Rio joins us in a 2011 Bentley Flying Spur. He poses for Christian's pyro with INTENSITY!
ALBERTO DEL RIO v. CHRISTIAN: STEEL CAGE MATCH Christian hammers away to start, but Del Rio fights back and puts Christian down quickly. Christian goes next and hits a back bodydrop. He can't chuck Del Rio into the cage, though. Del Rio nearly falls to the Killswitch, though. Del Rio shoves Christian into the corner and hits a corner clothesline. Corner whip is reversed and Del Rio tries to use that momentum to scale the cage. Christian chases and they fight atop the cage. Del Rio tries for a top-rope German suplex, but Christian hangs onto the cage. Christian elbows Del Rio, but Del Rio gets him in the fireman's carry. TOP-ROPE SAMOAN DROP! That takes us to our final ad break of the night.
We come back with Del Rio on the offensive. Christian charges in, but Del Rio sends him into the cage. Baseball slide puts Christian further into the cage. Back suplex gets 2. We hit the chinlock. Del Rio tries to climb the cage, but Christian catches him and ADR gets guillotined along the top rope. Del Rio comes back with a soccer kick. ADR tries to javelin Christian into the cage, but Christian puts his hands up to stop the momentum. Christian slips out and hits his DDT. Christian comes back with a second wind and chucks Del Rio into the cage for 2. Christian goes for the door, but gets caught. Christian stomps Del Rio and climbs the cage. Del Rio pops up and catches him...then brings him down with the pop-up enziguiri! It gets 2 and Christian's able to catch Del Rio before he escapes the cage door. Del Rio goes for the swinging jujigatime, but Christian counters into the Killswitch! It only gets 2! Christian tries to climb the cage, but gets caught again. Del Rio shoves Christian into the cage repeatedly and tries to springboard off Christian and climb out of the cage. Christian catches him, though. Both men are on top of the cage. Del Rio gets the better of the exchange and looks to climb down, but Christian hangs on his back. Del Rio elbows him, which has Christian teetering. And sure enough, Christian takes a spill...which wins him the match at 9 minutes shown!
WINNER: Christian - That was a very nice cage match between these two! Bravo!
Post-match, Del Rio attacks Christian from behind. Del Rio picks up the mic and vows to destroy Christian, the same way he's going to destroy Edge. Suddenly, Del Rio's car starts honking repeatedly. That's because Edge is in the front seat! Edge comes out with his own mic and compliments Del Rio's choice of vehicle. Del Rio's about to give chase, but Edge holds the car hostage! Edge brings out a chair from the passenger's seat, but gets taken down from behind by Brodus Clay! Clay wipes Edge out with the chair! Del Rio joins in on the fun with an ARM CON-CHAIR-TO! The referee brigade come out too late, as per usual. Show ends with the referees tending to Edge.
The main event cage match and post-match angle nearly saved this show. That was about as good as the show gets these days. Of course, before that, the show was bogged down by squashes and bad finishes.
And of course, the Syfy promos that promised buildup between Undertaker and Triple H was naturally all building up to...wait for it...a segment from Raw! Yup.
I noticed I spent most of this show sharing phone apps with my friend. I liked what I saw but most things didn't even need my full attention.
The new Cody music seems to be a less happy sounding version of his old one. Because he lost his dashingness of course. I like it.
Not sure if DiBiase is now SD, I doubt it. But yes he showed that he isn't really that bad in the ring. Then again, I do wonder if him having this match is sort of like a reminder to him. "You do a quick job to Rey, your former partner (the one we gave the weird gimmick) will wrestle him at Wrestlemania"
The main event was decent. Lots of cage slamming action. I liked Christian's cleverness by sorta just hanging on to Alberto. Thus making sure that if ADR let go, Christian would have to let go and reach the ground first (which he did)
A decent show aimed at building up WM. Nothing spectacular.
As a Vader fan, I do not appreciate Clay described as a mastodon.
Why isn't Cody's mask opaque? I do like that his pinfall sees him cover the opponent and his own face. Also, when he wins, the lights go DOWN for his exit. I don't mind him wrestling in street clothes seeing as how short the matches have been.
Del Rio seems like a new man now that this feud has heated up. That WAS a nice cage match.
Cole's AnCole Lock is sloppy.
I again denounce the lack of wrestling from Taker and Hunter. The feud is carried by somone who so far isn't scheduled to be on the card.
Should we read anything into Rey wearing Sin Cara's colors? Those are also the colors of his hometown football team. OR ARE THEY?
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
I may be totally delusional, but lately I've actually been kinda enjoying Slater and Gabriel as a team. Enough so, at least, that I wish they could actually do something with the titles other than serving as fodder for the ongoing Big Show/Corre feud.
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?"
Originally posted by It's FalseHere's a video package on Chris Jericho! He's doing Dancing With The Stars, you know! Jericho talks about how much of a challenge it was to be the first WWE Superstar to be on the show. For the sake of argument, everybody pretend that Stacy Keibler never existed!
Nous ne nous pouvons pas sortir. Spanish speaking users: Was I the only one amused by the "Alberto Pendejo" sign?
TV no es PG en Español? Que?
I think if Christian's being added to the Championship match it's awesome for his bank account, and even better for Edge, because Captain Charisma will take the pin so Edge can lose the title without losing.
Originally posted by Amos CochranCody Rhodes is so Goddamn awesome right now.
EDIT: Word on the internet streetz is that Christian may be getting added to the WHC match at WrestleMania. Not sure how I feel about that.
(edited by Amos Cochran on 21.3.11 0439)
I see no downside to this. It gives the match more possible interesting outcomes. - ADR pins Christian, Edge blames Christian for losing the title. - ADR pins Edge, Edge blames Christian for being in the match in the first place and costing him the title. - Christian wins. Minds explode. there's more but I'll stop at that.
Plus it's a good spot for Christian. I don't care if it's panic booking for lack of heat or whatever. I like it.
Slater & Gabriel have -always- been awesome btw. A solid working tag team who would benefit from a few good matches/feud to establish that (instead of Corre run-in crap)
Originally posted by Amos CochranCody Rhodes is so Goddamn awesome right now.
WHOA OH like a choir from Hell
Word on the internet streetz is that Christian may be getting added to the WHC match at WrestleMania. Not sure how I feel about that.
Everything I feel about world title singles matches at Wrestlemania and Del Rio getting a signature establishing win go straight out the window if Christian gets a huge break like that. I'll believe it when I see it though.
Yeah, to go from Matt Hardy V3.0 to competing for a world title at WrestleMania would be baffling and amazing for him. I'm not sure what adding him to the match does, though - are they worried the Edge/Del Rio feud isn't working? Is Edge hurting and needs someone to share the load? Or do they genuinely want to make Christian into a main-eventer?
I honestly have no idea. But I'd probably be much more invested in the match if there was even an outside chance of Christian becoming world champ for the first time.
I honestly can't believe how much I'm enjoying Rhodes' act. And I'm also hyped for the fact that there are actual midcard matches with feuds and bad blood happening at WrestleMania.
Originally posted by Amos CochranI'm also hyped for the fact that there are actual midcard matches with feuds and bad blood happening at WrestleMania.
I agree, and this is exactly why I don't like MitB at WM. As the number of participants grew each year, so did the lazy writing safety net.
Originally posted by John OrquiolaYeah, but I can't help but wish someone on the show would fight over who gets to star in a shampoo commercial. You know, for old time's sake.
During the intros for the 12-man tag on SD600, Booker T was talking trash about King Sheamus. I wonder how close we really were to this.
Originally posted by Amos CochranI'm not sure what adding [Christian] to the match does, though - are they worried the Edge/Del Rio feud isn't working? Is Edge hurting and needs someone to share the load? Or do they genuinely want to make Christian into a main-eventer?
Is Vince McMahon still in a coma? I can't answer your question. I do think an Edge-ADR singles match would've played to a dead crowd. Adding Christian would alleviate that, I feel.
It would be awesome for Christian to be added to the WM match since I am sorry, ADR is just not working for me. I would rather see Christian winning then ADR then you could turn Edge to being a heel or vice versa. Either way, I think its too soon for ADR and if it allows Santino or Kozlov to take a non-dark match Wrestlemania spot against the Corre, I am all for it. The downside would be Nash taking Christian's spot.
Is two weeks enough time to tease an Edge/Christian split for a WM main event? If he was joining the match, why wouldn't it be a handicap bout? We're all thinking the same thing: Christian would turn heel to help ADR. The PPV audience would smell that coming miles away.
And if it's a real triple threat and Edge/Christian are bros forever, why wouldn't they just toss ADR outside and have Christian take a quick pinfall to keep the belt on Edge?
They've got a nice thing going here with Edge/Del Rio. Christian can challenge champ Alberto at Backlash.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
I don't think Christian would just lay down in the WrestleMania ME for anyone. If DX couldn't work out a similar agreement for Survivor Series '09 I'm pretty sure all it would take by way of explanation is Christian saying "Edge is my best friend, but winning that title is my dream."
If they really must give Tommy Dreamer an ripoff gimmick from MTV, they should've had him take a camcorder to the streets and do skits where he annoys the hell out of people. Maybe give him new music, "This is the Tom Dream show.