TONIGHT! It's the last SmackDown of 2010 and nothing says "end of the year" like recycling a main event from two weeks ago! It's Kane and Alberto Del Rio facing Edge and Rey Mysterio. (An abbreviated) SmackDown is NOW!
WWE - The Champ Is Here
Here's a promo for the show we're about to watch!
Opening Credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Dig JTG in the opening credits! Opening pyro! Tonight, the aforementioned tag team main event.
Tony Chimel welcomes in Dolph Ziggler, who comes down with a distraught Vickie Guerrero. Your hosts are Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker. Striker makes more fat jokes, because they're funny to someone.
CATCHPHRASE! I SAID "CATCHPHRASE!" Vickie wants to file a complaint about John Cena, citing that he picked her up for an AA, unprovoked. We see the clip. Vickie cites that she now suffers from vertigo and she can't be over two and half feet off the ground. Dr. Dolph gives us the definition of vertigo and its symptoms. Vickie talks about her symptoms and...this kinda goes on for a while, until Kofi Kingston interrupts. Oh God, PLEASE don't put these two in a match again!
Kofi points out that Vickie managed to climb a ladder at TLC just fine. We see the accompanying stills. Kofi takes issue with the way that ladder match ended. Don't we all? That brings out Jack Swagger, for another rebuttal.
Swagger also takes issue with the ending of the match. We get a clip of that REALLY shitty ending. Swagger says he should have won the match.
The three guys go back-and-forth over who should have won the match and who deserves a rematch. Dolph says that he's the guest of honor at Teddy Long's New Year's Eve party, and SUCKER PUNCH! The fight is on and Kofi clears the ring of the heels until Teddy Long interrupts.
Teddy Long invites all three guys to the New Year's Eve party, but not until we get a Triple Threat match between Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, and Jack Swagger.
Later tonight, tag team main event.
THE BIG SHOW v. "DASHING" CODY RHODES This match comes from what happened last week, where "Dashing" Cody Rhodes wiped out Hornswoggle.
Show goes to work immediately with rights and big chops. Big hiptoss. SHHH chop! Here's a stinkface, why not? Cody rolls out of the ring, mortified, as you might expect. He has to go check himself out on his coat mirror, but Show palms his head and pulls him back in. Cody tries to fight back, to no avail. Show misses an avalanche and Cody hits a Beautiful Disaster. Cody tries to keep it coming, but Show takes him down with a big shoulderblock. Show calls for the Mayweather Special, so Cody takes a walk. And that's it at about 3 minutes.
WINNER: The Big Show - SQUASH! NEXT!
We go backstage to Teddy Long's New Year's Eve party, filled with Divas, jobbers, Drew McIntyre, and Hornswoggle. Here's Conor O'Brien, who creeps in and menacingly moves in towards Rosa's cheese. Oh, it's because he looks like a RAT! I GET IT! Alberto Del Rio comes and shoos his NXT rookie away, literally spelling out that he looks like a rat. Really, why not just call him "Rat Man" Conor O'Brien, as long as they're completely throwing subtlety out the window here? Teddy Long wants to call for some new year's resolutions, but Drew McIntyre cuts in and makes his own new year's resolution. He says that he'll become champion next year and offers to be a better person, as he looks at Kelly Kelly. Next to come up is Chavo Guerrero, who looks to be blitzed off the sauce! He rails against everyone in the room, until Teddy points out to him that the beverages are non-alcoholic. Good lord. PAGING WRESTLECRAP!
DREW McINTYRE v. TRENT BARRETA Just because he can't help himself, Cole buries Kaval one last time. What's one more potshot, why not?
Hey! Here's Trent Barreta, who's never on this show! It must be because he's about to get flattened like a cockroach. Yup. Drawn-out squash that ends by match stoppage, when Barreta completely misses on a SICK suicide dive!
WINNER: Drew McIntyre - Even Matthews points out that at least Barreta lasted longer than Kaval, but a drawn-out squash is still a squash. Thanks for showing up, Trent! See you in a couple of months, assuming you're not future endeavored first.
Post-match, McIntyre hits the Future Shock for fun. I'm starting to enjoy McIntyre in this role.
Later tonight, tag team fun! Triple threat fun!
Backstage, Chavo pours his heart out...to the Soaring Eagle! Good lord, next you'll tell me that The Hurricane and Gregory Helms aren't the same person! Hey, thanks for showing up, Kaitlyn! LayCool take the floor...and I tune out. Teddy Long books a tag match for later tonight.
Your hosts are Team NXT. Triple Threat IC Title match comes later tonight.
Edge makes his entrance. Matthews declares it a party now and Cole says it's rated R. That's funny, I thought it was still PG. Our main event is coming early and it's next.
"THE RATED R SUPERSTAR" EDGE & REY MYSTERIO v. ALBERTO DEL RIO & KANE This week, Alberto Del Rio joins us in a vintage white Rolls Royce. He does NOT get Christian's pyro this week! Sacrilege! Kane comes down without Paul Bearer, because he's...you know...still dead.
We start off with ADR and Rey, as Rey gets a head scissors and tags out. Edge hammers away on ADR and clotheslines hi out. Kane tries to rush in, but the faces take him out with a double dropkick. Edge dumps Rey onto the heels to take us to our next ad break.
We come back with Kane working over Edge. Edge fights back and goes for corner punches, but Del Rio takes Edge out at 6. Kane tags out and Del Rio gets a snapmare and seated dropkick for 2. Del Rio stomps on Edge's head and chokes away on the ropes. Kane offers up a cheap shot and Del Rio gets 2. Kane tags in and stomps on Edge some more. Corner charge eats boot. Kane tries to scoop Edge up, but Edge counters with the Edge-O-Matic. Rey gets the hot tag and works over Kane before taking Del Rio out. Mysterio looks for a springboard cross body, but falls right into an uppercut. He dumps Rey out, allowing Del Rio to get a cheap shot in. Kane chucks Rey into the barricade. Del Rio tags in and gets a soccer kick for 2. Fireman's carry gutbuster gets 2. Now we hit the body scissors, as Del Rio goes for the mask again! Rey comes back with some kicks, but runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Kane is tagged in and he gets a backbreaker and works it into a submission hold. Kane's corner charge eats boot and Rey counters a scoop into a reverse DDT. Tags are made on both sides and Edge hits Del Rio with clotheslines and a pancake. Edge-O-Matic is countered, but that counter is turned into the Impaler. Edge makes the Spear Face, but Kane walks in with a GOOZLE, but Edge dumps Kane before the chokeslam hits. A seated dropkick takes Kane out while Rey hits Del Rio with the 619. That sends Del Rio into the spear. Edge covers to win it for the faces.
WINNERS: Edge & Rey Mysterio - Pretty good tag match. A nice change of pace from the squashes we've gotten tonight.
Back to the New Year's Eve party, as Chavo offers to liven things up with helium. Unfortunately, the balloons are filled with air. Meanwhile, Chris Masters shakes his pecs for no reason. Big Show tells Kelly to be careful with Drew. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes takes the mic and vents aggression towards Show. Teddy Long says "thuggin' and buggin'" and books Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio in a 2/3 falls match and Kane and Edge in a Last Man Standing match for the title! OOH!
Later tonight, a match that isn't nearly as fun as what was just announced.
Ad break - Knucklehead and Legendary DVD/Blu-Ray promos. And not one, but TWO Raw promos! It's such a big Raw that they had to show the exact same promo twice!
LAYCOOL v. "THE GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX & NATALYA LayCool doesn't get an entrance.
We start with Beth and Michelle and the Beth dominates. Natalya's tagged in and Michelle doesn't fare much better there. Michelle tries for the Faith Breaker, but Natalya grabs the ropes, so Michelle kicks her in the head, instead. That takes us to another break. Already?
We come back with Layla applying the provocative body scissors. This...doesn't look painful, I'll just put it that way. Natalya powers out of it, but Layla falls on top for the near-fall. Layla hits a dropkick, but misses a corner charge. Tag is made to Beth, but her flurry doesn't last long, as Michelle opens the ropes to send Beth crashing out. Michelle gets tagged in and works over Beth with a dazzling chokehold. Here's some more choking. Now Layla chokes away. Worn out from all that choking, Michelle tags out. Layla applies a crossface, but Beth powers out of it with a snapmare. Beth makes the hot tag and Natalya hits clothesline of fire. Big bodyslam and seated dropkick get 2. Natalya looks for the Sharpshooter, which is blocked. Layla keeps trying to block it, so Natalya uses the Summerslam '91 method of applying the Sharpshooter! Michelle breaks it up with a kick to the face and Layla tags out. Natalya tags out and Beth doesn't waste time in hitting the Glam Slam on Michelle for the pin.
WINNERS: Beth Phoenix & Natalya - Poor Matthews tried his absolute best to keep this together on commentary, but Cole and Striker are DEATH during Divas matches, as there were noticeable moments of silence throughout the match.
Backstage, Teddy Long congratulates everyone on a great 2010. He's proud of having a party that didn't devolve into a fight. Chavo declares this the lamest party ever, so Show pours the punch bowl on him. Chavo decides to slam Hornswoggle's face into the cake. And it all goes to hell from there. Naturally, the last word goes to Hornswoggle, who slams a piece of cake into Chavo's face.
Ad break - BOBBY HEENAN DVD PROMO! YES!!! BUY THIS!!! BUY THIS A MILLION TIMES!!!
Here's a Raw Rebound to kill some time, opening with Punk's ominous quote from the Slammy's.
It's time for the last main event of 2010. All three men make their entrances, as we go to our next...
KOFI KINGSTON v. "THE ALL-AMERICAN AMERICAN" JACK SWAGGER v. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKIE GUERRERO): INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH We start off with all three men going at each other, before the heels settle for laying out Kofi. Swagger smears Kofi's face on the mat. Kofi tries fighting both guys off, but it doesn't work. Swagger bangs Kofi's knee and Dolph chokes away. Dolph hits the jumping elbow and Swagger follows with a jumping legdrop. Kofi tries to fight back again, but there's too much heeldom dominating him. The heels hit a double suplex, as the pace slows down. Kofi makes the comeback with a monkey flip on Swagger and corner punches for Dolph - this week, we get 4. European uppercut sends Dolph out. Swagger charges in and gets low-bridged. Kofi hits a suicide dive on both guys to send us to our last ad break of 2010.
We come back with Kofi applying an armbar with Dolph dumped on the outside. Kofi follows that with a jumping clothesline, but gets tripped up and pulled out by Dolph. Dolph hits a clothesline, but gets pulled in by the hair by Swagger. Dolph hangs him up and quickly follows with the Rocker Dropper for 2. Swagger rolls to the outside, so Dolph focuses on Kofi. Hangman's neckbreaker gets 2. Dolph hits a jumping elbow for 2. Dolph hits the headlock and chucks Kofi down for 2. Dolph runs the ropes and knocks Swagger off the apron to keep him out, so he can continue with the headlock on Kofi. Kofi stomps on the foot and tries to mount a comeback, but Dolph re-asserts control. Corner charge misses and everyone's down. Kofi hits some chops and a dropkick. Jumping clothesline and Buzzsaw Legdrop hit. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! He looks for Trouble In Paradise, but gets caught halfway in a waistlock by Swagger! German suplex hits and Kofi and Dolph bump heads midway through the move! Realizing this, Swagger tries to cover DOLPH! That gets 2! So he covers Kofi for another 2. Swagger sets Kofi on the turnbuckles, but Kofi shoves him off. Dolph runs in, though, but the superplex is blocked. Tower of Doom (called by Striker) is set up, but Kofi hangs on, so we just get Swagger powerbombing Dolph. Kofi waits for Swagger and hits him with the frog crossbody for 2. Kofi wants the S.O.S., but Swagger shoves him into the ropes and clips the knee. Swagger gets the anklelock, but Kofi gets out of it. Trouble In Paradise misses and Swagger gets the anklelock good this time! Suddenly, Dolph runs in and nails the Zig Zag on Swagger! Kofi's able to break up that pin attempt. Everyone's down again. Kofi and Dolph are up and hammer at each other. Swagger charges in, but Kofi counters and gets a jumping DDT! It gets 2 when Vickie puts Swagger's foot on the ropes. Swagger looks for the Swagger Bomb, but Kofi floats out and hits Trouble In Paradise! Then out of nowhere, Dolph swoops in and rolls up Kofi for the 3!
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler - Because we can't have an ending to a match with Dolph Ziggler and Kofi Kingston without some sort of shenanigans. Having said that, this was a really dull match, hot ending aside. Just so many restholds and dead spots.
Show ends with a look at next week's matches and a shot of Dolph Ziggler.
This year did not need to end with Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler in the same ring again. I really hope that blows off this feud, once and for all, and all three guys can move on to something new, but with STILL more shenanigans, I guess that's too much to hope for.
It was a fairly good 2010 for SmackDown, but MAN this last month was brutal. Hope it can rebound next year and from the looks of next week's show, it's already off to a good start. Happy 2011, everyone!
I like Drew Version Two. He's smoother, more at ease with carrying the gimmick. He's fun to watch. And Trent is the Hardy Boy Matt couldn't be anymore.
Swagger impresses in another loss, and the time is now to change Dolph's feuds. I'm cynical that Ezekiel will win the IC belt in a squash. I'm over Alberto vs. Rey. It's stale, and it makes Alberto tread water.
There are good performers throughout this show, but they're mismatched. A mass shake-up would be welcome.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
UPDATE FROM THE TORCH: Randy Orton Update - PWTorch.com reader Chris Sharpe of St. John's, NF writes: While I was at the WWE show at Mile One Stadium, a friend of mine happened to be at the Emergency Room last night when Orton was there.