TONIGHT! To set up Kane versus Edge at TLC, they're having...Kane versus Edge tonight. If you can make sense out of that, more power to you. Plus, we'll probably get some COMEDY with Paul Bearer in between. SmackDown is NOW!
WWE - The Champ is Here!
SyFy promo for tonight's show...that's about to come on right now. Yup.
Opening Credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? We do NOT get Opening Pyro, but we do see a ring filled with and surrounded by tables, ladders, and chairs. We are taped from Norfolk, VA!
The TLC-themed ring is the setting for Rey Mysterio to come out for the opening promo. As Rey stands underneath a ladder in the middle of the ring that towers over him, it's promo time!
"Monday night on Raw, Sheamus was crowned the 2010 King of the Ring. I would have loved to have been King of the Ring, but I didn't get the opportunity thanks to Alberto Del Rio." We get a recap of last Friday's main event and the ensuing Alberto-ference. "As much as I wanted to be King of the Ring, anyone that knows me knows that I'm not the type to complain. Instead, I took care of business." Now we get a recap of last Monday's ADR/Morrison match and Rey's distraction costing Del Rio the match. "You know, to be king, it's not just about power. It's not just about wealth. It's about...it's about being a leader. And it's about being fearless. It's about climbing so high...so high that you ain't afraid to fall. I see Alberto likes to ride around in fancy cars, but me...I prefer to fly."
Interruption comes from Alberto Del Rio, coming down in a black European-style Rolls Royce. ADR's already got a mic in hand for his rebuttal, but before heading down to the ring, he instructs security to watch his car. He even offers the guy a $100 tip. Now THAT'S generosity! With his car now guarded, ADR comes onto the ramp.
ADR: Rey, what are you doing? It's not about flying. The reason why people like you climb those ladders is to try and be on my level. But hey, that's never gonna happen. Rey, do you remember what happened to you last time you were around chairs and Alberto Del Rio? You end up in the hospital.
Rey: So you think that because you injured me, that I'm afraid of you? You're wrong, Alberto. You see, I have been injured by people who are twice the man you could ever hope to be. And on top of that, I always come back. Look at me, Alberto. I'm 100% and better than ever. And now that you're out here and that we're here man-to-man, face-to-face, maybe we should take care of business right now.
ADR: (climbing Rey's ladder) Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey...you are such an ambitious chihuahua. That's not gonna happen.
Rey: Whoawhoawhoawhoa, espera, esperaesperaespera, estas equivocado. Hey, you see, you're wrong, Alberto. I didn't call you out here with tables, ladders, and chairs to ask you. I'm here to TELL you, because no matter how rich you are, you don't make the rules. Not on SmackDown. You see, I crossed paths with Teddy Long and we exchanged words. It's official. At TLC, it's gonna be one-on-one, Alberto Del Rio against Rey Mysterio.
ADR: Rey, that's not gonna happen. I have no reason to fight you, because I already beat you.
Del Rio winks at Rey, so Rey responds by whacking him across the head with the mic. Del Rio falls off the ladder, but he recovers quickly and shoves the ladder down. Rey falls and ADR stomps away. He tries to dump Rey, but Rey hangs on. He starts fighting back and both men get caught on the ropes, leading to Rey headscissoring Del Rio to the outside. Del Rio lands on a table and Rey hits an apron legdrop through that table! Hit Rey's music!
Ad break - Legendary and Knucklehead DVD promo. Why restrict yourself to ONE piece of garbage, when you can own BOTH?
Earlier today, Dolph Ziggler listens to Vickie Guerrero vent about the ending of NXT. They walk in on Kaitlyn, who's setting up her stuff as SD's newest Diva. Vickie tries to storm off, but Dolph doesn't get the hint, as he congratulates Kaitlyn on her win. Vickie has to come back for him. Ha!
DOLPH ZIGGLER & DREW McINTYRE v. KAVAL & MVP The heels don't get an entrance, having to settle for that video package. Kaval and MVP coordinate their entrances, as Cole makes fun of them. Grisham starts grilling Cole about what happened on Raw. Cole reiterates that he'll address the situation this Monday.
We start off with McIntyre and MVP. Both men lock up and MVP gets a shoulderblock and a kneedrop. Kaval tags in and both men whip McIntyre into the ropes, where MVP picks Kaval up in a back suplex position and Kaval comes off with a dropkick. Nice. That gets 2. McIntyre quickly recovers and tosses Kaval down, but misses a legrop. Tag to MVP, but Kaval leaves McIntyre with a quick Low Ki kick before MVP gets his running kick for 2. Corner whip is reversed and McIntyre counters a leapfrog with a kick to the gut. Tag is made to Dolph, but he runs right into a clothesline. MVP gets a drop toehold and hammers away. MVP gets a bodyslam and tries to come off the ropes, before opting to knock down McIntyre. Dolph tries to take advantage, but he gets dumped. Tag to Kaval and he comes off MVP with a tope to the outside. That'll take us to our next break.
We come back with Dolph working over MVP. Dolph goes for a back body drop, but MVP comes back with a kick and clothesline. MVP pancakes Dolph and hits the facebuster. Ballin' Elbow hits. McIntyre distracts the ref, allowing Dolph to clip MVP and tag out. McIntyre starts working over the knee. Tag back out to Dolph and we get a wishbone. Dolph covers for 2. Dolph continues working over the knee and tags back out. Drew works the knee over, before MVP attempts to tag out. Dolph is tagged in and cuts the hot tag off. Dolph tries to pull MVP back over, but gets shaken off and the tag is made to Kaval. Kaval is the proverbial house of fire, hitting clotheslines and Low Ki kicks. "HERE WE GO!" Kaval rushes in and gets backdropped, but he lands on the apron. Springboard kick to the head knocks Dolph down. McIntyre breaks up the pin and MVP chases him out. Dolph goes for the Sleeper Hold. Kaval holds him off, so Dolph goes for a suplex, but Kaval reverses that into the Dragon Sleeper. Vickie Guerrero's got the ref distracted, allowing McIntyre to waffle Kaval from behind. Dolph will hit the Zig Zag and that'll do it.
WINNERS: Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre - A pretty good tag match. That's not the worst way in the world for MVP to go out.
Post-match, Kane's pyro and music hits. Kane storms down to the ring, as the heels clear out. Kane hits the ring and kills MVP dead with a chokeslam. I take back what I just said. Kane picks Kaval up and hits him with a Tombstone, because he clearly hasn't jobbed HARD ENOUGH! Kane grabs the mic. Promo time!
"Edge, this has gone on long enough. This show will NOT continue! Unless you give me back Paul Bearer! Do you hear me, Edge? If I have to walk through..."
Interruption comes from Edge via the TitanTron.
Edge: Kane...Kane, up here, big fella. Listen, I heard you, and you've got a point. This has gone on way too long. And I'm pretty sure that Paul wants to go home. He wants to go home, right? So I tell you what, no more games, no more chicanery, no more tomfoolery. Come on out here and get Paul, he's in the loading dock.
Edge takes the tape off and Paul Bearer screams for Kane. Paul Bearer screams for Kane as we go to...
Ad break - Slammy Awards Raw promo. Do we really need ANOTHER 3-hour Raw?
Recap of the John Cena/Nexus angle.
Back at the loading dock, the Kane Komedy Klassic continues, as Kane's looking for Paul Bearer. Kane sees Paul Bearer with Edge, as Edge makes a run for it with the wheelchair. Kane runs in their direction, but loses them. He quickly finds them behind a truck and goes to intercept them. He finds Paul Bearer and watches a heavy load (not to be confused with a Heavy Lourde) crush him, but...oh gee whiz, it was just a dummy. Edge runs away from the opposite end. Well, Edge promised no games, chicanery, or tomfoolery, but apparently didn't promise there wouldn't be OFFBEAT SHENANIGANS! Lance Storm would not approve.
Later tonight, Kane faces Edge.
KOFI KINGSTON v. "THE ALL-AMERICAN AMERICAN" JACK SWAGGER": INTERCONTINENTAL #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH No Swagger Soaring Eagle, since he was...eaten, I guess.
We start off with a wrestling sequence, which Swagger wins again. We get a stall session, as the referee separates them in the corner. Lock-up, and a rather long one, results in a Kofi monkey flip. Swagger misses a clothesline and we get more stalling. Another lock-up and Swagger nearly gets the anklelock before Kofi shakes it off and nearly hits Trouble In Paradise. MORE stalling! Swagger hammers away, as I listen to Cole blather on about Miz, because lord knows there isn't much action going on. Kofi hits a series of kicks, but a whip is reversed. Kofi gets a running seated dropkick. Swagger tries to dump Kofi, but he lands on the apron. Spear from Swagger misses, allowing Kofi to kick him a couple of times. Kofi climbs up, but Swagger quickly hits the pop-up superplex for 2. That'll take us to our next ad break.
We come back with Swagger hitting a legdrop for 2. Kofi tries to come off the ropes, but Swagger clips the knee. Another clip gets 2. Swagger chokes away in the corner. Stomping. More choking. Hit the armbar. Kofi fights back up and tries to come off the ropes, but Swagger reverses that into the abdominal stretch, just to really pick up the pace. Swagger and Kofi go at it on the ropes and Kofi backflips over to take Swagger down. Both men on the outside, Swagger tries to battering ram Kofi into the steel steps, but Kofi leapfrogs the steps and Swagger hits them headfirst. Flying forearm off the steps takes Swagger down. Both men beat the count back in and now trade blows in the ring, as Kofi gets the better of that exchange. Kofi hits chops and a high dropkick. Swagger catches the flying forearm and shoves Kofi away, but a running clothesline is reversed into the SOS! That gets 2! Kofi tries to whip Swagger into the ropes, but that's reversed and Swagger tries to turn it into the Swagger Bomb! Kofi gets out of it, but runs right into a big boot! That gets 2! Swagger chucks Kofi across the ring and goes for the running Vaderbomb, but Kofi trips him up, sending Swagger crashing down into the turnbuckle! Kofi goes for the corner punches - this week, we get 3. That's because Swagger's got Kofi caught and shoves him off into the corner. Swagger charges in, expecting Kofi's high kick counter, but Kofi's a step ahead of him and hangs him across the top rope instead. Kofi climbs the ropes and hits the frog cross body for 2. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Trouble In Paradise misses! Swagger goes for the big boot again, but that misses! Kofi tries Trouble In Paradise again, but Swagger tries to turn that into the anklelock! Kofi won't go, though, so Swagger shoves him to the outside. Swagger tries to follow, but Kofi meets him halfway with Trouble In Paradise! Kofi crawls back in and gets the pinfall.
WINNER: Kofi Kingston - Matches don't start any slower than that, but these two gave us another hot finishing sequence. But God help us all, we're getting Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston again! Didn't they just have no less than a dozen matches over the summer and didn't they all suck? Of course, since Kofi's the only credible midcard face left on the roster, what else can they do?
We go to the arena entrance, where Kane's still chasing Edge. Edge runs away with the wheelchair and shoves it down the stairs. I shouldn't have to tell you by now that it's another fake. Good lord, ENOUGH ALREADY!
Ad break - John Cena DVD promo
"THE MASTERPIECE" CHRIS MASTERS v. "DASHING" CODY RHODES Masters doesn't get an entrance. We get a passing mention that he'll be a Pro on NXT Season 4.
Cody ambushes Masters to start, but Masters quickly overpowers him. Cody ducks out to the apron before Masters can hit him in his gorgeous, gorgeous face. He faces the crowd and throws his arms up, which in Masters' world means "Put me in the Masterlock!" So he does. Ref counts to 4 and Masters breaks the hold. Masters swings wildly and misses, allowing Cody to hang him on the ropes. Russian legsweep gets 2. Cody hits the chinlock before Masters powers out. Cody takes him down and opts for the armbar instead. Masters powers out of that, too, and hits a Samoan drop. Masters nails a chop and a clothesline. Big back body drop. Another chop in the corner. Corner charge gets nothing, as Cody gets a leapfrog right into the Beautiful Disaster, which Masters sells BEAUTIFULLY! Cody doesn't waste any time in hitting Cross Rhodes for the pin.
WINNER: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes - Cody manages to go the whole match without getting hit in the face! Huzzah!
Later tonight, Edge faces Kane with the winner picking the stipulation.
Ad break - WWE supports the Make A Wish Foundation.
We get a video package of the Paul Bearer kidnapping saga. WHY?! This is another 2 and half minutes I'll never get back.
ROSA MENDES v. LAYLA (w/MICHELLE McCOOL) Speaking of wasted time I'll never get back. On the upside, at least this is a fresh match, which is a rarity these days in the Divas division. Rosa boots Layla in the ass to start before we get the standard hairlock takeover. Layla comes back with a kick and clothesline. Layla talks trash, so Rosa gives her a bitchslap. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmybitchslap. Michelle gets on the apron, allowing Layla to take the opening. But Rosa swings Layla over and launches her into Michelle, knocking her down. That gets 2, as Layla quickly gets a kick to the head before Rosa can get up. The Lay Out finishes this painlessly, in a nice two-minute special.
WINNER: Layla - Quick and painless.
Post-match, LayCool takes it to Rosa some more, but Hornswoggle runs in for the save. Layla goes for the midget beatdown, but Michelle holds her back for some reason. Oh, it's because they want to make fun of him some more. The fun stops when Beth Phoenix's music hits. She wipes out both Layla and Michelle. LayCool flee the scene, but now we get the Swagger Soaring Eagle coming to the ring. Apparently, he wants revenge for that arrow in the ass from last week. The Swagger Soaring Eagle wants a boxing match and...WHY AM I RECAPPING THIS? Fast-forward a minute or so to Beth Phoenix putting the Swagger Soaring Eagle down with the Glam Slam and Hornswoggle hitting the Tadpole Splash. I am rapidly losing patience with tonight's show.
Later tonight, Kane faces Edge.
Raw Rebound, to waste even MORE time!
Your hosts tonight are Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, and Michael Cole. Cole tries to reiterate that he'll explain his actions this Monday on Raw, as we get a loud (or piped in) "Cole, you suck!" chant.
Kane makes his entrance for tonight's main event. It's next!
KANE v. "THE RATED R SUPERSTAR" EDGE: NON-TITLE MATCH Isn't it kind of counterproductive to hype a match for the PPV...by having that match on free TV? Stipulation or not?
For anyone that still cares, Paul Bearer is not out. Kane chases Edge around, as Edge fends him off with a seated dropkick. Kane eventually catches Edge on the outside and drives him into the apron. Kane hammers away and brings Edge back in to pound away in the corner. Edge fights back, but Kane overpowers him. Edge brings Kane down by his knee and stomps away. Kane goes to the outside and he catches Edge coming in with an uppercut. Kane covers for 2 and gets a seated dropkick for another 2. A series of elbows take Edge down another peg before Kane chokes away. We hit the chinlock. Kane whips Edge into the ropes, but runs into a big boot. He tries charging in, but get lowbridged and Kane falls out. Edge spears Kane on the apron, which sends us to our last ad break of the night.
We come back with Edge climbing the ropes before Kane trips him up. Kane goes for the second-rope superplex, but Edge headbutts him off. Edge comes off the top, but flies right into a Kane uppercut. Back to the chinlock. Edge hammers back and tries to take Kane down with forearms, but gets dumped. Kane chases him out and goes for a slam, but Edge shoves him into the steel steps. Edge follows up with a clothesline off the steps. Edge rolls Kane back in, but when he comes back up to the apron, Kane meets him with a GOOZLE, so Edge hangs him up. Edge climbs the ropes and hits a flying forearm for 2. Edge gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Kane tries to get a slam, but it's reversed into the Edge-O-Matic for 2. Edge tries to whip Kane into the ropes, but Kane powers him into a side slam. Kane gets his top rope clothesline and sets up for the chokeslam. GOOZLE, but Edge reverses into the Impaler for 2. Edge makes the Spear Face, but the spear is countered with a clothesline. Kane calls for the chokeslam again, but now Paul Bearer's calling for Kane from the TitanTron. Kane runs onto the ramp, as Charles Robinson's counting fast. Kane makes it back into the ring at 9, but runs right into the spear! Edge wins this one.
WINNER: Edge - Crowd wasn't really into this one and neither was I. Just a bunch of stuff going on until the angle took over.
Post-match, Edge opts for...wait for it...A TLC MATCH! My God, I never would have imagined that he'd pick a TLC Match for a PPV called TLC!
And just because we can't end this show without MORE nonsense, Edge wheels out a wheelchair with "Paul Bearer" noticeably having his back turned to Kane. Kane runs up and it's a fake Paul Bearer. He beats up the fake, as the real Paul Bearer calls from the TitanTron. He's chained to the back of a truck. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" You said it, brother! Kane runs to the back, but the truck drives off. Kane yells as the show ends.
Great googly moogly, this show was terrible! The midcard's on life support, the main event has become a series of juvenile skits, and Hornswoggle's fighting mascots. A total stinker this week.
Is it safe to say that in the War on Stupidity, Edge has acquired Stockholm Syndrome?
Originally posted by CRZSo what do Edge and Paul do the other five or six days of the week?
Well; a former goth/vampire and a mortician who managed a zombie with superpowers must have some common ground in the relm of 'spooky stuff", right?
Considering I had the chance to meet Uncle Paul & get a rub on my undercover gimmick from him we occasionally exchange a tweet or two. So should seriously ask him the questions above @CRZ or just send the link.
Originally posted by It's FalseBack at the loading dock, the Kane Komedy Klassic continues, as Kane's looking for Paul Bearer. (edited by It's False on 4.12.10 0049)
Now granted, Kane looks like a white supremacist. But I highly doubt this would fly in today's PG WWE. In any event, I'm more offended by Edge. Didn't he promised to get rid of stupid things, not keep on doing them? More importantly, is it just me or has he been all around awful this year? I've never been that big a Edge fan, but he has really fallen off since coming back at the Royal Rumble. His wrestling has dropped off big time, his personality is really irritating, and he's becoming a modern-day Lex Luger with all these face/heel turns he has every couple of months. I can barely stand him anymore and the TLC match against Kane sounds like one of the worst title matches in a long time.
Were they intentionally going for the Bugs Bunny joke when he is being chased in the hallway full of doors?
Originally posted by supersalvadoranNow granted, Kane looks like a white supremacist. But I highly doubt this would fly in today's PG WWE. In any event, I'm more offended by Edge. Didn't he promised to get rid of stupid things, not keep on doing them? More importantly, is it just me or has he been all around awful this year? I've never been that big a Edge fan, but he has really fallen off since coming back at the Royal Rumble. His wrestling has dropped off big time, his personality is really irritating, and he's becoming a modern-day Lex Luger with all these face/heel turns he has every couple of months. I can barely stand him anymore and the TLC match against Kane sounds like one of the worst title matches in a long time.
I don't know if Edge knows this is a stupid angle and isn't putting in the work, if he is just sick of being jerked around character wise, or if he has just become lazy in general. Five years ago he would have brought his own twists to something this bad and made it at least interesting, ala Jericho, but now he just seems content to go through the motions.
Originally posted by supersalvadoranMore importantly, is it just me or has he been all around awful this year? I've never been that big a Edge fan, but he has really fallen off since coming back at the Royal Rumble. His wrestling has dropped off big time, his personality is really irritating, and he's becoming a modern-day Lex Luger with all these face/heel turns he has every couple of months.
He's been lackluster, especially compared to the Wrestler of the Decade candidate level he was at from 2006-2009, but you have to keep in mind that he rushed back early from a very serious, mobility-affecting injury. Most of the effort of which ended up being pointless when WWE dropped the Jericho/Edge title feud out of nowhere to start the illustrious Jack Swagger era. After that he was moved to Raw even though they didn't need him there or have anything for him there, and really hadn't had anything to sink his teeth into until this Kane thing, and everything Kane touches turns to garbage.
He's getting old and worked a physically-taxing style with ten years of hard gimmick matches, so there might be no getting back to where he was as a worker, especially if his Achilles' never fully heals and he can't move in the ring like he used to. As a performer, though, I wouldn't write him off yet, unless WWE turns him another three times in 2011 without angles to turn him.
Let's all ignore certain people and their stupid, sexist, stupid opinions, and focus on the most pressing issue here; namely, The W™ message board has become sentient and has issued its own opinion on the topic at hand: