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22.8.14 0107
The W - Pro Wrestling - Smackdown #579 9-24019
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InVerse
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Since: 26.8.02

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.95
When I volunteered to take over this week's recap while It's False is working the night shift, I didn't realize that I would be recapping the most boring, lackluster Smackdown in recent memory. As such, I apologize for the boring, lackluster recap that follows, but if I hadn't offered to do the recap, I don't think I would have bothered even watching the entire show.

Tonight starts the build to Hell in a Cell. Next week ends the build to Hell In A Cell. Will this schedule be the worst promotional move of the year? Only the buyrates will tell.

Matt Striker and Todd Grisham welcome us to Smackdown and inform us that Kane will issue a challenge to the Undertaker tonight.

Right off the bat, Kane heads to the ring. But apparently he has a match first, so the challenge must come afterward. His opponent? The not-yet-future-endeavored Masterpiece.

Kane vs Chris Masters
If you polled the average wrestling fan before this match, I don't think you'd find a single person with positive expectations for this match. For the most part, a typical Kane match, barring the point where Masters actually gets in some offense and locks in the Masterlock. Kane struggles to break out of the submission and only manages to do so after backing the Masterpiece into the corner three times. Because he was apparently too stupid to realize that if he's standing in the corner, he can easily reach the ropes and force a break that way.

Match ends when Kane hits the chokeslam, followed by the tombstone. He goes for the old school crossing of the arms over the chest but the ref starts counting way too early and Kane looks like an idiot fumbling with his opponents arms while the ref makes the count. Kane looks legit annoyed by that after the bell.

Winner: Kane at 6:07.

If you polled the average wrestling fan after this match, I think most of them would say "Well, that didn't suck as much as I expected it to." but probably nothing better. Not a bad match, but nothing worth watching.

Grisham comments on Kane enjoying causing pain to his opponents. Striker responds that it's because Kane is a masochist, causing me to suspect that Kaitlyn was correct in her prediction that Striker wears tighty whiteys.

Kane cuts a promo talking about how the Undertaker is no different than everyone in the crowd. That just like them, Undertaker is afraid of Kane. The big red monster demonstrates his point by going into the crowd and cutting his promo next to a young boy who attempts to feign being afraid of Kane but is betrayed by the fact that nobody told him to stop chewing his gum. Kane informs us that he will be issuing his challenge to Taker later tonight.

Striker suggests we go to facebook.com backslash WWE. Which.... apparently actually works. Huh. Apparently I missed the point where sites started mapping backslash to work the same as slash. Kids these days...

Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs The Hart Dynasty
Well, It's False said in last week's recap that he wouldn't mind seeing these two teams go at it again, so here we go. Except how the hell does The Hart Dynasty's rematch clause allow them to jump shows?

Striker asks if Grisham has seen a better looking tag team than Rhodes & McIntyre. Maybe the Graham brothers, he wonders?

Another ho hum match that ends when Drew loosens up the turnbuckle and then elevates Tyson Kidd onto the exposed steel, allowing him to hit the Future Shock DDT for the victory.

Winners: Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre at 7:34

The Undertaker is sitting backstage, in the dark. He looks as if he might have Swine Flu.

Christian is also backstage. In the parking garage, actually, where he has apparently been jumped by Alberto del Rio. He reminds Christian that they would fight at a time of del Rio's choosing at that this was the time.

The Dude Busters are attempting to teach Hornswoggle to say Dude Busters but it's not working. Teddy Long interrupts, tells them it's a dumb idea to try to teach Hornswoggle English and then asks why they're dressed in coveralls. They inform him that they thought if they were to help with the move of Smackdown to SyFy, they might get a tag title shot. They start packing up everything in Teddy's office including the Bragging Rights cup, which Long tells them to be careful with because he intends to keep it for a very long time. (Foreshadowing!)

CM Punk is drawing the Xs on his tape when Luke Gallows enters the locker room. Punk tells him to get out, that Punk is done with him. Punk tells Gallows that he doesn't even deserve to speak. Gallows grabs Punk by the shirt, slams him against the wall and informs him that Punk isn't better than anybody else. Gallows doesn't believe himself to be better than anyone either, but knows he's better than Punk. And after he beats Punk, he's going to go out and celebrate by having a beer. (Since Festus was supposedly addicted to pain killers, I don't suppose that's actually overly offensive.)

Kaval vs Chavo Guerrero

Chavo is already in the ring as we come back from commercial. Kaval comes to the ring without LayCool. Kaval gets a majority of his spots in, aside from any variant of the Warriors Way, but falls victim to Chavo's second attempt at the frogsplash. These two are capable of a much better match than we got here. I'm getting the feeling that they're intentionally preventing anything exciting from happening on the last MyNetwork broadcast.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero at 4:35

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez who introduces Alberto del Rio who introduces the replay of him injuring Rey Mysterio. The same clip that played immediately before del Rio came out.

del Rio informs says that Christian has been begging him for a match, so he's ready to give it to him and asks where Christian is. He then informs us that Rey Mysterio will be returning next week, to almost no crowd reaction at all. He says that he's not going to fight Mysterio, however. Instead, he's going to kiss him on the chin. Uhh...

Before he can expound further on this, Christian's music hits and out comes Captain Charisma, grasping his injured pectoral. Christian lands some shots to del Rio but is stopped when Rodriguez runs into the ring and wraps himself around Christian's ankle, allowing del Rio to knock him down and apply the Cross Arm Breaker. He then puts Christian's arm in a chair and slams him into the post, much like he did to Mysterio.

The Undertaker is still sitting on the darkened stairs backstage. Now he appears to have night sweats. Is he going through menopause?

The Gate Crashers are already in the ring. Apparently they're in a handicap match against The Big Show. I can't even be bothered to type the header for this match. Curt Hawkins starts out against the giant. His time in the ring ends when he goes for a corner splash and Show just slaps him on the chest, in mid-air, sending him crashing to the canvas.

Vance Archer tags in as Striker tells us that Archer claims this is the first time he's ever been in the ring with someone bigger than him. The first time I ever saw Vance Archer, he was in the ring against Abyss. Ten seconds later, Show has Archer in the Colossal Clutch and stretches him so far back that Archer can barely reach the canvas to tape out.

Winner: The Big Show in 1:16

Josh Matthews is backstage with Jack Swagger. They talk about how next week's live Smackdown will take place in Swagger's home state of Oklahoma. He points to his jersey and letter jacket, talking about his accomplishments in the state. Baretta and Croft, along with Hornswoggle, show up in the background and pack up all of Swagger's stuff. Josh tries to tell Swagger what's happening but Swagger tells him not to interrupt. And then his promo is cut off as they go to commercial.

CM Punk vs Luke Gallows
And thus starts the feud that Punk was building towards months and months ago when he took the pin in that six man tag match on Raw, rather than Gallows, because he didn't want Gallows to look weak once they started feuding.

Gallows goes on the offensive early. At one point, Punk is in the corner yelling "I can let you back in! I can let you back in!" Gallows dominates a majority of the match until he misses a corner charge and Punk hits the Go To Sleep, pinning Gallows clean. And thus ends the feud that Punk was building towards months and months ago.

Winner: CM Punk at 5:36

Taker is still backstage. Still in the dark. Still on the steps. Although now it almost looks like he's sitting on the toilet, looking all the world like he's constipated.

KAITLYN IS HERE!!! Perhaps business is finally going to pick up! Vickie Guerrero is here as well, of course, and she introduces Dolph Ziggler. Vickie finally seems to wake the crowd up a bit, they've been dead all night. (Unless it's written into her contract that she gets canned heat but they couldn't bother to provide any for anyone else.) "Why is Ziggler wearing a dog collar?" asks Grisham. "He's not. It's a Vickie collar," responds Striker.

Dolph Ziggler vs M.V.P.
Having finally dispatched of Kofi Kingston, Ziggler moves on to Smackdown's other black guy. (I assume he'll deal with JTG on Superstars at some point.)

MVP rocks Ziggler early and sends him to the outside, where Kaitlyn consoles him until Vickie comes around the corner, looking angry. "Hands off!" announces Ziggler.

After some more MVP offense, Ziggler is again thrown to the floor where Kaitlyn again comes to his aid. Vickie yells at her and tells her to back off. Kaitlyn responds by shoving Vickie to the ground and then walking off. As we go to commercial, Ziggler has been out of the ring for a good 30 seconds without getting counted out. Vickie heads off after Kaitlyn.

We come back to MVP missing a Drive By Kick. MVP is back to his old long sleeved singlet, incidentally. Ziggler goes on offense for awhile but MVP makes his comeback. As he goes for Ballin', Ziggler rolls out of the ring, grabs his belt and leaves.

Winner: MVP at 11:28

The longest match of the night, the main event, at that, and it's the only one that doesn't have a clean ending...

Rosa is jumping rope backstage. The Dude Busters come up, take her jumprope, pack it in a box and hand it to Hornswoggle who's in the back of a moving truck.

Vickie comes back and asks them if they've seen Kaitlyn. They say no but Hornswoggle suggests she's hiding in the truck. Vickie goes in to look for her and the Dude Busters quickly pull down the ramp and lock the doors to the truck. "We're so going to get in trouble for this!" "Well, Vickie has to move to SyFy also, right?" Did the Dude Busters just turn face?

Taker is still on the steps. Someone walks up to him off camera. He tells them to go away. "I said go away!" he says but his expression changes as he looks up. He stands up, the lighting turns to purple and his eyes roll back into his head as we go to commercial.

Kane's music & pyro brings us back. The World Heavyweight Champion comes to the ring and cuts another promo over the top of music, though the music is much more prominent, with noticeable drums, than in the past.

He talks once more about having taken the Undertakers powers and says that the reason he didn't destroy his brother at Night of Champions is because he wants their final battle to take place in the very structure in which he first left his brother lying in a mangled heap. He challenges Taker to Hell in the Cell.

The gong strikes and druid music plays. Six druids walk out and lift a casket that is sitting on the stage. They place it at ringside. As the lights come up, Kane states that those games don't work anymore. He flings open the casket but staggers back as he finds Paul Bearer, complete with urn. "It's the father of destruction!" announces Striker.

The lights go out and Paul Bearer is now standing in the ring, face to face with Kane. Kane turns to find the Undertaker standing behind him, no longer appearing weak. Taker commences to beat down Kane but the big red machine avoids the chokeslam and high tails it up the ramp.

As Kane stands on the stage, yelling No! No!, Taker turns to Paul Bearer. Bearer raises the urn above his head and Taker kneels before him. Taker's music plays as we fade to black.

--

Well, most of the show was ho hum but the ending definitely picked things up. Also, apparently next week's Smackdown will be live, with guest appearances from John Cena and Nexus. I would think Cena, Taker and Rey on the same show would guarantee a decent rating, but we'll see. Hopefully, there will be a bit more excitement next week than what they brought tonight. (And a bit more LayCool. And some Kofi, too, I hope.)
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used2bcool
Bockwurst








Since: 5.11.08
From: Lake Forest, IL

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.94
No block of cement is strong enough to hold Paul Bearer!
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 18 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.77
I like to believe that he's spent the last six years slowly pounding away at the walls of that concrete, like Doomsday in his cell.
It's False
Scrapple








Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 1 day
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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.66
Dang, and here I thought I'd get to be the first one to make a joke about Paul Bearer and the cement. Does anyone think he even remembers that UT's the one that put him in the cement in the first place? I can't help but wonder if Paul Bearer turns on him at the PPV?

Love that they wrote out Christian in the same exact way they wrote out Rey. At this point, we should just start calling it the Arm Pillmanizer, for how effective it's been against guys' arms. Of course, now they've got a bit of a dilemma. Between Rey and Christian being out and Matt Hardy's departure looking more inevitable by the day, SD's heels are noticeably outnumbering the faces. No wonder they had to throw the tag belts on McIntyre and Rhodes. If they didn't, they'd get lost in the fold just like Jack Swagger. Who does ADR move on to now? Kofi Kingston?

I will say one thing, if Cena's making a cameo on the big Syfy debut show, now's the time to book a Cena/ADR match for that show's main event while the iron's hot.

A big thanks to Inverse for filling in for me this week. See you all for the big Syfy debut.

(edited by It's False on 25.9.10 0255)



"Up and at them!"
Psycho Penguin
Liverwurst








Since: 24.6.07
From: Greenacres FL

Since last post: 1412 days
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Y!:
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.95
It was an ok show.

By the way the Hart Dynasty were actually on Smackdown before, just the titles let them be on RAW.

Oh and the Dude Busters turned face recently on Superstars I think.

(edited by Psycho Penguin on 25.9.10 1013)


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"Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my Pixar DVDs."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars & Wall E but Im never gonna give you Up"
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.95
    Originally posted by Psycho Penguin

    By the way the Hart Dynasty were actually on Smackdown before, just the titles let them be on RAW.

    Oh and the Dude Busters turned face recently on Superstars I think.


The Hart Dynasty got drafted to Raw like the week after they won the titles.

And I've been slacking off on my Superstars watching. Time to hit the DVR, I suppose.
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 18 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.77
Drafted to Raw but since they lost the titles to a Smackdown team, doesn't that mean the Harts are SD property now?

/pretends the WWE's draft rules mean anything
Psycho Penguin
Liverwurst








Since: 24.6.07
From: Greenacres FL

Since last post: 1412 days
Last activity: 1408 days
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Y!:
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.95
Or maybe they just assumed everyone forgot. They were on RAW too actually.



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"Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my Pixar DVDs."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars & Wall E but Im never gonna give you Up"
ekedolphin
Scrapple








Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 64 days
Last activity: 9 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.77
Kaval lost to Chavo Guerrero?! I love Chavo, but when was the last time he won a match? And isn't he like 1-12 against Hornswoggle?



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Since: 10.12.01
From: LA

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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03
    Originally posted by Big Bad
    Drafted to Raw but since they lost the titles to a Smackdown team, doesn't that mean the Harts are SD property now?

    /pretends the WWE's draft rules mean anything


Why would it mean that?
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 417 days
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#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.91
    Originally posted by AlbySure
      Originally posted by Big Bad
      Drafted to Raw but since they lost the titles to a Smackdown team, doesn't that mean the Harts are SD property now?

      /pretends the WWE's draft rules mean anything


    Why would it mean that?





In one view, being a floating champion overrode what show they were on, thus they replace the slot the now opened by the new floating champions. That's not the rule, but it would be more interesting, especially if they do decide to continue unifying belts.
Considering the money making aspect of the Undertaker (and Kane to a far lesser extent) to the family McMahon for almost 2 decades, wouldn't it have been better to bring back Paul Bearer for him to debut an Undertaker Jr. to help the company for the next decade? Odds are it would have bombed, but, at some point they will probably try it and the use of Percival Pringle III in that situation would have helped the convoluted logic of the Taker family history.
Psycho Penguin
Liverwurst








Since: 24.6.07
From: Greenacres FL

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#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.95
    Originally posted by ekedolphin
    Kaval lost to Chavo Guerrero?! I love Chavo, but when was the last time he won a match? And isn't he like 1-12 against Hornswoggle?


He beat JTG on Superstars recently.. plus it was a good match which is more important than a win for Kaval. He'll get over.



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BigDaddyLoco
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Since: 2.1.02

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#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.68
    Originally posted by ekedolphin
    Kaval lost to Chavo Guerrero?! I love Chavo, but when was the last time he won a match? And isn't he like 1-12 against Hornswoggle?


I was thinking the same thing. I know the WWE likes to start guys out with some losses, but they couldn't find anyone other than Chavo?

Funny how the return of Paul Bearer makes me somewhat giddy about the Kane/Taker feud.

    Originally posted by It's False
    I can't help but wonder if Paul Bearer turns on him at the PPV?



There's something wrong with me when the thought of this is bringing me so much joy.

Tyler Durden
Landjager








Since: 22.2.04
From: Frankfurt, Germany

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#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.09
    Originally posted by ekedolphin
    Kaval lost to Chavo Guerrero?! I love Chavo, but when was the last time he won a match? And isn't he like 1-12 against Hornswoggle?


Kaval is a "rookie", you know? And Chavo is a "veteran"! ;)
kentish
Andouille








Since: 19.8.05
From: My Old Kentucky Home

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#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.62
Even if I have complained a little on this board about Kane-Taker being stale, I marked out a tad when Paul Bearer returned. Nice old school moment.

Still loving ADR, and still shocked by that fact after those annoying, endless vignettes prior to his debut.




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CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 2 days
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Y!:
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.32
    Originally posted by InVerse
    Josh Matthews is backstage with Jack Swagger. They talk about how next week's live Smackdown will take place in Swagger's home state of Oklahoma. He points to his jersey and letter jacket, talking about his accomplishments in the state. Baretta and Croft, along with Hornswoggle, show up in the background and pack up all of Swagger's stuff. Josh tries to tell Swagger what's happening but Swagger tells him not to interrupt. And then his promo is cut off as they go to commercial.
This annoyed me enough to head over to Hulu to see if they had the complete clip there, and by gum they fade away IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT. So now we'll NEVER know what the punchline of that skit was.

(Interestingly, if you try to watch the "full episode," this bit is completely edited out - I had to find it in the "clips" section.) (And when I say "interestingly," I mean "to nobody except myself")



Moss
Summer sausage








Since: 23.9.10
From: Calgary, AB

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 1 day
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.75
    Originally posted by Big Bad
    Drafted to Raw but since they lost the titles to a Smackdown team, doesn't that mean the Harts are SD property now?

    /pretends the WWE's draft rules mean anything


That was a rule???

Marked out big for KAITLYN (natch) and Paul Bearer...about the only parts of the show I paid real attention to. Probably wishful thinking to say this is the beginning of managers/valets making a comeback.

Kaval's losing streak gimmick is really dumb, unless that's the motivation for him to join Nexus...but that means Cena will have to join Nexus, which seems unlikely to me.



Shut up, Josh!
The Game
Boudin rouge








Since: 5.5.09

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#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.39
I guess we went back in time (probably at least 10 years) to the Undertaker's "original" source of power.
dMp
Banger








Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

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#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.78
    Originally posted by The Game
    I guess we went back in time (probably at least 10 years) to the Undertaker's "original" source of power.


Which is cool, because that would coincide with the moment Kane started his plan. (which is erhm...wait...)

I think the addition of Paul Bearer made the story a lot more interesting, just because of the presentation.




Avatar Mud
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 15 hours
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#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.98
Waaaaaaaaait a minute. Wasn't that urn made into a necklace?



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
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I wouldn't even say pretty good. I was straining to hear a pop, and I was expecting one with the good one they got last week. Crowd sounded dead to me when they came out.
- Kevintripod, RAW #700 10/23/06 - Federline, yo (2006)
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