TV PG DLV entertainment - if Stephanie's a heel now, shouldn't she have her picture here? is she still a heel? - Last Thursday Brock Got Suspended (1:00) open CC
American Airlines Center, Dallas TX. SAP. Brock is suspended, so we determine the new #1 contender - Angle vs Guerrero vs Edge vs Benoit in a Fatal 4 Way match for the title shot at Armageddon. But first...
Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs Albert (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) - no sign of the suspended Brock, according to Cole. Albert has new tights that are scientifically deign to make him look fatter, I guess. Cole and Albert had a chat about being stuck on Velocity, Cole tells us. You know, they're not the same size. Rey goes for punches to the sizeable gut but gets a knee. Whip, Rey sliding under a clothesline, dropkick to Albert's knee, dropkick to Albert's knee again and still he won't go down. Rey off the ropes and right into a goozle (Tazz calls it), but Rey slips loose, springboard dropkick! To the apron quick - slingshot springboard dropkick one two NO big kickout. Rey with punches as Albert gets back up - corner whip isn't going to work. It does fore Albert, and Rey rebounds out into the press slam into a powerbomb. Rey thrown hard into the corner. Right. Right. Knee. Knee. Yelling at Brian Hebner. Distracted by the Shave Your Back chant. Slingshot into the middle ropes - this is like every Albert Velocity match ever. One two No. We still need a corner smash and a scissors kick. Rey crawls to the corner, so Albert goes to check another spot off his list - running corner smash is sidestepped. Rey retreats to another corner, and Albert charges into a boot. And another. Rey slides under Albert and boots him into the corner. Rey going to the apron - springboard into a bodyscissors, Albert blocks the rollup so Rey tries for the bulldog, Albert tries to block that and push Rey off, but Rey (while still having the headlock on), bounces his feet off the ropes to turn it for a very Stratusfaction-like bulldog! One two NO you're not Trish Stratus. Right. Right. Rey looks for his next move - quebrada (Lionsault) bodyblock, but Albert catches him pretty easily - Rey slips loose, dropkick to the back of the knee, dropkick to the back of the knee, dropkick to the back and now Albert is on the middle rope. Rey runs - 619! Setting up for the West Cost Pop - but he's caught, Albert loads him up, over the shoulder kneeling backbreaker! One two THREE. (2:51) Tazz: "Talk about an upset!" Both Cole and Tazz seem a bit surprised, even given the weight advantage. Cole goes back to the conversation earlier - Albert want to make a point tonight and he did. And he's not done - there's that running corner smash we were looking for earlier! Rey is smushed. Albert sets Rey on the top rope, and punches him over so he's in the Tree of Woe on the outside of the ring, leaving Rey's left knee completely vulnerable to attack, which is what Albert is doing. Kicks, mostly. Hebner tries to get him away but Albert scares him away. Now Albert's going for a chair as the rest of the refs are trying to get him loose - CHAIR to the knee. And another. Is he done? Albert spots Edge running out and decides that he is done - walking off as Edge, the referees and the medical crew take a look at that knee.
"Subway club with hot peppers!" "Because we like it hot!" Stop sexually harassing the Subway people, please.
SmackDown! Live Hamilton, OT - Saturday Uniondale, NY - Sunday Atlanta, GA - Tuesday Jacksonville, FL - Saturday Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Sunday - Armageddon.
Bill DeMott, Mean Tough Enough Trainer (:15)
Funaki, SmackDown #1 Announcer, is standing by with Bill DeMott! Wow, it's like they planned that. "And Bill, I'm a big fan of Tough Enough III." "Cut the crap, Funaki - you got something to say, say it! Tough Enough III was my job, nothing more, nothing less. I've been in this business - ELEVEN YEARS - and I come off Tough Enough, and the best the SmackDown! can offer me is an interview with a guy who can barely speak English! [grabs Funaki by the shirt] I guess that's okay with you, huh Funaki, since you're a big fan, right? [grabs Funaki by the head with both hands, dropping the microphone but yelling loud to make up for it] BUT IT'S NOT OKAY, I'D SPEND ELEVEN YEARS BREAKING MY BACK TO BE INTERVIEWED BY YOU! I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!" Headbutt - Funaki rolls around in pain while Bill walks off. I bet Funaki's next question would've been "if you Tough Enough was nothing more than a job to you, why are you wearing a Tough Enough shirt?" but we go to
Moments ago, Albert won a match on SmackDown! No way. And then Rey's knee went to a better place.
During the break, Rey was carried to the back by Edge and medical personal. Trainer wants to take him to a hospital but perhaps Edge is slowing him down by HAVING A FIT. He's not happy.
SmackDown! GM Stephanie McMahon is out - why: "Now I'm just as horrified, as all of you over what just happened to Rey Mysterio. but Rey Mysterio and every other WWE superstar sacrifices their life for all of you. Just like I make sacrifices. Take a look at what I did Monday night." Awful nice of Eric to let Stephanie use his footage - I wonder if we're supposed to wonder about what Eric was sad about at the end her - Scott getting away or Stephanie with someone else. Someone took the commentators out of this. (:48) "I sacrificed myself to bring Scott Steiner, for all of you. And Big Poppa Pump will be here next week on SmackDown! to sign his contract. But not only did I make a sacrifice on Monday night, I'm gonna make a sacrifice tonight. Now, I stand by my decision to indefinitely suspend Brock Lesnar. Every SmackDown! superstar needs to understand that they work for me. Brock Lesnar defied my authority and he is suffering the consequences, however my sacrifice for all of you tonight, is to allow Brock Lesnar's his side of the story, live here tonight. But I hope that I really didn't misled you, Brock will be here live to explain his side of the story, but not in person. But Brock will be here, live via Satellite.
Lugz Noble's less than good attack on Scott Steiner
Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Nidia, 3) vs Crash (Salisbury, NC, 214 pounds, 5) - Jamie seems to be reassuring himself that he can win this week. Funaki has challenged Bill DeMott to a match tonight, and unfortunately, Bill has accepted. Crash is giving those new tights one more chance, I guess. Nidia joins the commentators, great. Noble attacks during Crash's entrance, that's not right. Stomp. Reverse neckbreaker. One two NO. One two NO. Kick to the back. Elbow to the neck. Tazz thinks he might know this Nunzio but Nidia doesn't want talk about him. Forearm. Slam. Legdrop one two NO. Turnbuckle smash. Tazz thinks he's 6 foot 5, 275 pounds - maybe we don't have the same guy. Forearms to the back, knee to the back of the neck, Nidia has enough of this and prefers to watch form the ring. Crash turned it around while we weren't looking. Whip, flapjack, clothesline. Calling for him up - kick is caught, Noble's kick is caught, he's turned, Crash Bulldog one two Nidia puts Jamie's foot on the rope. Crash gives her a look - and now he's out to have a chat - slap, blocked KISS! Nidia is freaked out. "It's been a while for Crash..." Chase is on - back in, and Crash walk into a kick. Double underhook - no, Crash backdrops, Jamie holds on for a sunset flip, Crash rolls through and loads him - Crash Landing! One two three (2:02) Jamie falls AGAIN. Tazz hasn't seen the move before, at least out of Crash - Cole does remember the name, but then he's the guy who made it up. Jamie is only some what coherent to Nidia after the week, but the gist is that he's got to bring in his cousin Nunzio next week. Nidia isn't happy but isn't fighting it.
Chris Benoit has stolen Alex Wright's jacket and he's talking to the camera "Tonight, I'm involved in a fatal four way elimination match, with Kurt Angle, Edge and Eddie Guerrero. And the winner of this match becomes the #1 contender to the WWE Title. And that's all I ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed off. All the sacrfices I've ever made - I broke my neck, the numbness, I still have. The divorce I went through. The two kids in Edmonton, David and Megan, that I rarely see. My wife, that I love, and leave every week, and kiss her goodbye, and my baby boy Daniel, that i kiss goodbye to go on the road. To do what I love, to be what I want to be, the WWE champion. And there's three men standing in my way - Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero and Edge. I've been wrestling for 17 years now, and I'm going to do everything I know and use everything I have, to go through them to tonight, to become what I want to be, what I've always dreamed of being since I've been three years old - a champion. THE champion. The WWE Champion."
Smack Down Your Mouth Fashion Show of Last Thursday.
Backstage - oh, let me save some time and just say Dawn Marie agreed to call off the wedding, if only Torrie Wilson would come to Dawn's hotel room later and have sex with her. Hotel key was dropped between Torrie's breasts. Al's out of town. Torrie seemed weirded out and a little disgusted, if anything.
Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) vs Bill DeMott (no hometown given, 280 pounds, earlier tonight) - Cole reassure me that it's about Dawn trying to get Torrie to compromise her values, not two women having sex. Hey, he's still wearing that shirt - though he takes it off on the stage, because Funaki's gonna pescado him as soon as this clip ends. Wait, he didn't, never mind. He was testing the ropes for some reason. Lockup - Funaki with a headlock, he's thrown down by Bill. Drop toe hold, working the back of the neck with forearms. Bill stands up and yells at Funaki. Corner whip, charge, corner splash. Yelling at Funaki some more. Face plant into the mat. Stomp. Stomp. "YOU SUCK" chant. Cover one two foot on the ropes. Right. Right. Right. Tazz is talking about Bill's career not going the way he's wanted it to, and WCW's "silly stupid ideas" for him - "this guy is not humorous, this guy is not a general rection, this is Bill DeMott, a bad tough dude from Jersey." Kick to the back of Funaki's leg. Yelling at him. Knee driver. "There's nothing wrong with using Tough Enough as a vehicle to success in the WWE - ask AL Snow! Ask Chavo Guerrero!" One out of two is okay. Right hands. Cole compares this match with Albert/Rey, but that match was semi-interesting. This, not so much. No update on Rey's knee yet, of course. Bill coking Funaki on the middle rope. This match is now longer than Crash/Noble. Jawbreaker by Bill. Cole says he's never seen Bill laugh. Right hands but I bet these down work well - yep, whip is reversed, powerslam by Bill. Wasting no time going up - moonsault. (2:31) No one says No Laughing Matter. "All those guys in the locker room, I'm sure they're watching the monitors - " oh, he's talking about Bill.
Backstage, Chavo Guerrero tapes up while Eddie shows up from off camera. Is he ready? "Tonight, ese, noche, it's a big night for Los Guerreros. Tonight man, when you become Crusierweight Champion, holmes - I'll be so proud of you, I can just picture it right now, the other championship, right across your chest - you're gonna have to get a bigger chest, vato!" "Haha, I'll borrow yours, esse" "And you know what, Esse, I'm gonna be NUMBER ONE NUMBER ONE NUMBER ONE NUMBER ONE contender ess! El Numero Uno!" "And I know you can beat the Big Show" "[Spanish - Eddie calls Big Show "fat man" somewhere in there] - can you imagine how proud La Familia gonna be - Simone, Conchita, Maria, Linda - Hector, Mando, Chavo - your dad!" "my dad's gonna be so proud, esse! And you know who else - especially Grandma!" "The real mamacita - Grandma, but you what Chavo? With all this, we got be FOCUSED, esse holems. [Spanish] TONIGHT, we show what the GUERRERO are all about! Tonight, we start dominating the WWE, esse, because if we are both the Tag Team Champion, Cruiserweight Champion and the WWE Champion, esse, there is NO NO STOPPING Los Guerreros!"
Coming up next - well, Brock speaks to us from Minneapolis, MN.
JVC not so suspended F5
Brock Lesnar joins us via wacky space age technology. "First thing first, Michael - I'm not here to make any excuses. I got what I deserved for even associating myself with that slimeball Paul Heyman. That doesn't mean I didn't learn from my mistakes, and that doesn't mean I'm not going to punish Paul Heyman in the most brutal fashion possible. As far as Big Show, he' just one big puppet in Heyman's game, and they're both gonna find out exactly what happens when they rip me of my most prize position. I think Tazz said it best - I got raped of the title. And Stephanie - Stephanie says she didn't screw Brock Lesnar, that Brock Lesnar screwed Brock Lesnar? WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL" oh that's the entrance music - WWE Champion Big Show and Paul Heyman - Brock is nice enough to look into the camera angrily but quietly as Paul and Paul walk to the ring. Heyman: "Brock, my - my friend - I can call you Brock, since we're so close, can't I? Hey, hey, lookie here, Brock, I just wanted to take this operant because I wanted to talk to you face to face like this, except you keep losing your temper, and Brock, I just wanted you to know, that title, that title was taken away from you because you're just like a petulant child, that keeps on defying the parent. And Brock, you had to be spanked, and who better to spank Brock Lesnar, than my seven foot tall, five hundred pound client. Who better to spank you then the new WWE champion, the Big Show?" "IS that it Paul? Are you done? Are you done, Paul?" "Am I done? With you Brock, hardly. Brock, let me let this perfectly clear: as much I admire and respect Stephanie McMahon, Stephanie McMahon is wrong - Brock Lesnar did not screw Brock Lesnar, WE screwed Brock Lesnar! And we did with malice and forethought! And not only did we screw you Brock, we enjoying screwing you! We liked doing it! And, not only did we like doing it, if we could turn back the clock a week before Survivor Series, when Big Show and I thought this whole plan up, we'd DO IT AGAIN! Now, I don't want you to loose your temper any more, Brock, so sit back, enjoy your suspension, and tonight you can watch Kurt Angle, Edge, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit battle for the right - the mere right - to be the #1 contender, so that one of those four men, anybody but you, I might add, can challenge the Big Show at Armageddon for he WWE Title." "Wow Paul - just think, the Big Show defending his title, against either Kurt Angle, Edge, Chris Benoit or Eddie Guerrero? That sounds like one hell of a title match Paul. I can't wait to see it. [Shot of Show and Paul - they're slow] IN PERSON!" Now, now they get it. Brock throws down his mic and walked off - while Big Show makes the case that Brock is suspended and he's the Champion.
Here's the outside - it must not be freezing yet because that fountain is still going. Fatal Four Way to come up later.
RAW Retro: RAW/Nitro simulcast, Shane buys WCW and/or tells Worf to fire, 03/26/01 (1:05)
Tazz remembers that night - how Cole got a wedgie from DX too. Cole tells us to go vote on WWE.com
Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds, 1) vs WWE Crusierweight Champion Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 213 pounds, 8) for the WWE Cruiserweight Champion (3rd Title Defense [in 3 weeks]) - Cole says Kidman is a fighting champion, which I guess explains why Bottom of the Ladder (because he hasn't fought a cruiserweight since - 10/12?) Chavo is getting a title match here. Cole recaps the show so far for those of you who were watching something else. Circle. Coming later - a hop hop challenge between Cena and Rikishi. Kidman has an armbar, Chavo with a single leg into a headlock, Kidman out into a hammerlock. Chavo looks for an escape, back elbow, back elbow gets him free. Off the rope, hiptoss blocked, Chavo' hiptoss is blocked, Kidman with a knee, headscissors takedown. Whip, reversed, Chavo misses a clothesline, misses a clothesline. doesn't miss on the flapjack gutbuster. Stomp. Stomp. Right hands. Whip, head down too son and it's kicked. Tazz and Cole make fun of Oklahoma's football team. Kidman with a front facelock, but Chavo with knees to break it up - Canadian backbreaker lift into a chest first drive into the corner. Chavo leaves him hanging for some kidney shots, then Kidman falls back to the mat. TV PG DLV. Kidman's hurting. Stomp. Gutbuster. One two NO. I think he's working the midsection. European uppercut. Abdominal stretch! It actually makes sense here. Is he gonna grab the ropes? Yes - Brian Hebner does not see it the firs time. Kidman tries to back elbow out - but Chavo stops him with a knee. Gory Bomb, Kidman slips through for a roll but Chavo's in the ropes. Right, corner whip, rebound clothesline no Chavo catches him with a knee. Tazz notes that was a patented Kidman move that Chavo was ready for. Turnbuckle smash. Forearms to the midsection. I guess he's not using the brainbuster as a finisher, huh? Whip, Chavo lifts and Kidman hits a dropkick. Chavo misses a clothesline and Kidman hits a jumping back elbow. Kidman yells for Chavo to get up - backdrop. Whip, reversed but Chavo hits a short clothesline. Fireman's carry knee neckbreaker one two NO. Suplex - no Chavo rolls behind, reverse rollup one two NO. Corner whip, reversed, Kidman charges into an elbow. Tornado DDT? NO, he's shoved, off, right hand misses, short powerbomb one two NO. Tazz pronounces Chavo "quadruple tough". Corner whip, reversed, Kidman kips out, Chavo kips into a springboard swinging DDT one two NO! That's always nice looking. Stomping. What's Chavo going to do here? Shot to the back. Slam, no Kidman goes behind - Kidman with a kick. Chavo whipped into the corner, Kidman charges in and he's backdropped to the apron. Chavo with a right and turnbuckle smashes. Now Chavo is going out to the apron and climbing up the corner while punching Kidman. Kidman being brought up to the second rope but now he's punching back. What's Chavo going for - they both punch, and they both fall to the floor! Lugz replay as both men recover on the floor - Billy is up first and throwing Chavo in. Billy to the top but Chavo is up quick and punching him. Second rope superplex is blocked - Kidman is fighting back and pushing him down. Chavo falls into position - Shooting Star Press MISSES! GORY BOMB! One two NO! Foot on the rope, just the toe on the middle rope but it's enough. Chavo is frustrated. Chavo tries to follow up but Kidman sneakily pulls the tight to leverage him out of the ring. Chavo decides that while he's out there, he might as well grab his tag team title. Back to the apron, but Kidman is up quick and knocks Chavo, causing him to the drop the belt. Sot to Chavo's back and, Kidman with a reverse mat slam, pulling Chavo over the ropes and right into position. Going up one more time - Shooting Star Press one two three. (7:51)
Backstage, everyone hates Marc Loyd talks to Edge - Rey's hurt, but he's still got that #1 Contenders match. "You know, when I woke up in the morning, my only focus my only goal was to become the #1 contender for the WWE championship. But after what Albert did to Rey tonight, my focus - it kinda shifted a little bit. Now don't get me wrong - look in my eyes - the only thing I put my body and my soul and my mind into every night is to reach that next level here in the WWE, to get that championship. So I'm not gonna loose that focus. But if anything, this match tonight is going to be the aggression that I'm gonna take out on Albert when get my hands on him." Edge spots something and takes off - ah, Albert was at the food table and Edge isn't going to wait till later to take out that aggression - scaring the heck out of Jamie Noble and Nidia in the process. They brawl, and it takes security, agents, Noble and Shannon Moore (hey he's still here!) to start to break them up.
Moments Ago - Edge and Albert don't get along.
Tazz: "It's time for the first ever Hip Hop Challenge." ARGH. Tazz makes fun of John Cena having no home town - so here he is with B2. I think Cena got one of Saturn's old hats. I don't think I'm transcribing any of this, well - "Hey, John, I don't know if you realize, but you're actually on TV right now and you're dressed like that." Actually, besides the hat and perhaps the chain, that's not all that bad. His competition is Rikishi. Cole says this will be fun - Cole is LIAR. Tazz explains the rules. You know, I'm pretty glad this isn't a bikini match, because it's the same rules. Cena raps:
"This ain't the down it's the upbeat Make it complete So what's the story? Guaranteed accuracy enhanced CD Latest technology, Darts at Treble 20 Huge non-recuparable advance Majors be vigilant I excel in both content and deliverance So let's put on our classics And we'll 'ave a little dance, shall we? No sales pitch, no media hype No hydro, it's nice and ripe I speak in communication in bold type This AIN'T yer archetypal street sound Scan for ultrasound North, South, East, West And all round and then to the underground"
Rikishi raps about dying and the place they're in and such - let's just push things forward to B2 and Cena attacking Rikishi, Tazz trying to get involved and getting punched, Rikishi rallying back and Tazz putting the Tazzmission on Cena. Is this gonna be a tag match down the road? Someone really shouldn't have been allowed to see 8 Mile. Oh no, don't make him dance, Rikishi! Rikishi is one evil dude. Tazz is trying to do Riksihi's move and sneaks off camera as soon as possible.
Backstage, Loyd talks to Kurt Angle as Angle puts on his knee brace: "My thoughts? My thoughts? My thoughts are on wining the title for the third time. My thoughts are proving my superiority over Chris Benoit, again. My thoughts, are showing Eddie Guerrero why I won these little bad boys in the Olympics. My thoughts are proving Edge - and everyone else for that matter - why I'm not just the greatest superstar ever in the history of SmackDown!, why I'm just not your Olympic hero, but also your next WWE Champion. Oh it's true - it's damn true - and I'm about to prove it, right now.
you think you know Edge (Toronto, ON, 241 pounds) vs - well, maybe not right away, because Albert is in with a chair - chair to the back! Waiting for him to get up - shot to the left knee! Edge rolls to safety out of the ring, but he's in an incredible amount of pain while Albert stalks in the ring. Edge is not getting up - his title match is next, but now, a break.
Moments Ago - Albert attacked Edge. Hmm, I guess that first shot was to the knee too. Looked higher form the other angle. During the Break, Edge has been taken to the back for medical attention, and may or may not make it out of this match.
Edge (maybe - he's not out there, yet) vs WWE Tag Team Champion Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds) vs Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, PA, 237 pounds) in a Fatal Four Way (give or take one) Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Title - Angle gets pyro, which scares Cole because that pyro budget has been way down lately. I was assume Edge would have to come out right now if he's still in this - ah, there he is, limping his way to the ring. Angle seems happy about that, and all three guys watch Edge as he comes in the ring, then scope out each other as - we go to break.
Wow, a three segment entrance, that's something. Hopefully that means a long unbreaked stretch here.
RAW Live - you ever notice how the SmackDown! promo spot say something along the lines of "come see the best brand in Sports Entertainment" while RAW's promo is "come see the WWE - LIVE!" Friady - Richmond Saturday - Pensaclola, FL Sunday - Chattanooga Monday - Knoxville Next Friday - Old Dominion Next Saturday - Ft. Myers
Edge vs Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle for the WWE Title shot at Armageddon, Joined In Progress - Everyone who is not Eddie is on the mat, with Eddie doing a lot of stomping. Edge is caught up in the middle rope, leaving his injured leg way open for stomps. We see how the match started - Benoit and Angle went right for Edge, beating him down in the corner while I guess Eddie hung back at let those two do the work. I guess I should remind that Fatal Four Way = Elimination Rules. Back live, Edge manages a backdrop for Eddie, a flapjack for Benoit and a backdrop for Angle before Eddie hits a dropkick to the back of that hurt left knee to take him out. One two NO. Benoit back elbows Eddie, who rolls to to recover. Angle and Benoit work over Edge's knee, with Benoit doing some sits on it while Angle chokes. Stomping that injured left knee. Angle and Benoit seem to be working well together. Angle with an armbar and Benoit works the knees. Eddie's sunk back in - inside cradle on Angle one two NO. Angel clotheslines Eddie. Forearm. Forearm. Benoit with a knee driver on Edge. Angle working Eddie over with punches. Whip, Eddie grabs the ropes, Angle charge a and is backdroppped to the floor, Benoit clotheslines Eddie out. Back over to Edge - Benoit stands him up and chops him down. Legdrop on the bad knee! Benoit's versatile. Corner whip, reversed, Benoit rebounds into the Faceplant one two NO. Eddie back in and stomping on Edge. Right hand. Thrown out to the floor - Edge is grabbing his knee. Suplex for Benoit - it takes him the floor! Angle back in and working over Eddie - turnbuckle smash after some punches. Suplex, float over one two NO. Turnbuckle smash Angle with a right, right, right, right, right, Eddie manages an eye rake. Forearm to the head, stomping Angle on the mat. Picking him back up for right hands and elbows to the head. Suplex. One two NO. Eddie with a kick to the good knee, whip, reversed, Angle grabs him - overhead belly to bell suplex. Kick - Olympic Slam but Eddie armdrags out! Kick, back suplex! He's not wasting time - FROG SPLASH! One two NO! Eddie can't believe it and neither can I - Benoit in with a forearm for Angle, with allows Angle out - German Suplex! Benoit in a hurry to the top rope - SWANDIVE! One two NO. Edge pulling himself in and up - but with a massive limp. EDGECUTION on Benoit! one two NO! Well I kinda figured after the last two. Angle in - Angle thrown out! Eddie knocks Edge out of the ring too, clothesline for Benoit missed, German Suplex German Suplex - Benoit is ready to do another but sees Edge coming - SPEAR on Eddie! Benoit chucks Edge, CROSSFACE on Eddie! Eddie has no chance - (5:26) Angle attacks Benoit while he still has the hold in, making sure he can't get up. German Suplex German Suplex German Suplex - Angle turns to celebrate, but Edge nails him with a missile dropkick! Of course, he landed on that knee - cover anyway one two NO. Edge stands up - just in time for Benoit to clip him in. Angle with a clothesline for Benoit but that's not who he wants. One strap down - Angle's pumped - Olympic Slam no Edge lands behind, Edge-O-Matic! One two Benoit breaks it up (maybe he remembered no one gets pinned by that move) and puts Edge in the Crossface! Angle breaks that up (that, I don't know why) - Anklelock on Benoit! Benoit manages to turn and kick him away, but right into Senior Referee Mike Choida. Hey, Eddie's still around, and he's got his tag team belt - smack to Benoit's head. SPEAR for EDDIE! SPEAR for BENOIT - one two three! (7:10) Angle right in with the Anklelock on Edge - he's screaming in pain and not moving. He's starting to try and go but not at a high rate of speed - can he get the ropes? Just out of his grasp - and Angle pulls him back! Angle goes to one knee to try and crank it in - Edge moving again, rolling and Angle is thrown out of the ring! Edge can't get up, though. Both men slowly up, Edge goes to pull Angle in but it's Angle pulling him out - head into the steps! Angle collapses, and with both men down - why not another break. (8:36 shown so far)
We're back to see Angle working over Edge with right hands, which gets a warning from the referee. Looks like Edge is somewhat bleeding from the head but not very strong - short clothesline one two NO. Suplex one two NO. Edge putting up no defense at this point, not being able to get up anything but slow. Angle with a knee choke on the ropes. Angle getting a little cocky - boot on the middle rope. Edge up - chop chop chop right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right YELL Edge is barely standing but so is Angle. Corner whip, reversed, Angle runs into a boot, Edge walks out into the overhead belly to belly suplex. Angle is pumped. He takes a moment to look at Edge , so we take a moment to enjoy that suplex again. Chinlock, Angle all the way down on the mat. Tazz is surprised that he didn't go for an Anklelock right there. One arm raise, one arm drop. Two arm raise, two arm drop. Three arm raise - and it stays up. Angle talking trash as Edge gets up (I guess) back elbow escape, whip, Edge's clothesline misses - but HE hits the Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex! Edge is down and grabbing his knee, though. Both men are down - one two three four five what happens if it's a draw? six seven Tazz wonders that too eight - Angle up right blocked and Edge hits his. Repeat. Edge with a right, right, whip, clothesline. Clothesline. Whip, backdrop. Edge-O-Matic one two NO. Edge goes to pick up Angle - no, Angle with a waistlock - German Suplex German Suplex German S-no, bodyscissors cradle one two TH-NO! Edge misses a charging clothesline, off the ropes, SPEAR! One two NO! Crowd thought he had it on that one. Edge up first - kick wham Ed- NO, Angle out, kick wham OLY- no kick wham EDGECUTION one two THR-NO! I don't know about that one - the crowd wasn't sure about that and Tazz expresses doubt but the referee's decision is finale. Edge is pulling himself to the ropes, and now he's going up, which Cole thinks is the worst idea in the world. Angle is up but staggered - now he spots him - run up suplex is blocked and Angle is pushed down - MISSILE DROPKICK! one two THRE-NO! Edge pulling himself in the corner - ah, he's getting ready for the SPEAR - charge, but Angle hits a boot to the face! Olympic Slam! One two thre-NO! When the heck did Dallas get moved to Japan? Angle up first and yelling about that count. Pulling down both straps now - ANKLELOCK! Edge in pain but not really moving to the ropes. If he goes to his side has has not that far to go but of course they never go to the side - rolling through into a cradle one two NO! Angle with a drop toe hold, ANKLELOCK! Edge is yelling in pain - doesn't have more than two arm reaches to go - trying e rolling and pushing Angle off, but Angle holds on and keeps it on. Edge not moving but it's just a hand away - he's got it! Angle won't let go, so Edge uses the rope to pull himself up - enzugiri! Angle is on his feet but out - EDGE OLYMPIC SLAM! ONE TWO THRE-NO! This match will never end! Edge pulling himself to the apron, pulling himself up the ropes, I don't know about this - Angle up - he spots him - OFF THE TOP ROPE OLYMPIC SLAM! Angle drapes an arm on top but I don't think he knows he's doing it One two THREE! (18:34 shown) Wow, the Big Show got to the ring almost before Angle's music started playing - sizing angle up - goozle, talking trash, CHOKESLAM. Paul's in to give him the belt. Show raises it up and stands over Angle. Paul talks trash and...
Torrie waits at a hotel door. Knock. No one answers. She opens the door, and finds Torrie sitting on the bed in a rob, creepily holding a glass and waiting for Torrie to come in. Hey, I bet if Torrie would just show Al a copy of this show, he'd find out the truth about Dawn and no sex would be needed. Torrie seems creepier out - and starts to leave, and Dawn says "I guess you don't love your father after all" and really, what a nice way to brush off that match by tacking this on last. Torrie's back and Dawn's brushing her hair and what a better way to end it.
I always love the Satire, but words cannot describe how much this one ruled! The wait was worth it... BTW, Matt, judging from the Teaser, or montage, I get the feeling you watched a bit of Nickolodean in your younger days. Am I correct?