I'm apparently a big liar: But no one reads the website, so keep it under your hat.
In bold letters: I usually make my cries for help subtle. But then again, I haven't done RAW. Yet.
Open - I missed this, but I hear Hogan's out of this one too...
And I missed a vignette here where we saw the Halloween party for the first time - and Stephanie announced Rey vs Brock for the main event. Rey was happy.
Tonight's theme is Halloween (ah DUH) so we're going with the official Tazz colors - all traces of blue in graphics are orange, and instead of the SmackDown logo, we get a nice 3D rendered evil Jack O' Lantern. Your announcers are Tazz and Michael Cole, and why not start with a match....
Edge vs WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Benoit - And I missed part of this too! See, I tried to tape this on a second VCR because MTV can't start a show at the right time but of course the second VCR doesn't start and really, you don't care. But if I remember right, we started with the normal hammerlock/headlock mat stuff, with Edge getting a knee and a gutbuster to take early control, then kicking Benoit in the midsection in the corner to lead up to where I picked up -†††
Benoit power up quick and hits a chop. Edge walks away to the opposite corner, so Benoit gives him a turnbuckle smash there. Short clothesline. Corner whip, reversed, Benoit goes in chest first. Edge to cover one two no. Knee into the back. Benoit thrown out. Edge off the apron with an axhandle, and then a flapjack onto the barricade. Edge firmly in control - Benoit thrown in, cover one two no. Chinlock surfboard, which gives Cole time to cover the Scott Steiner issue. Edge lets go, better to kick the ribs. Edge punch, Benoit punch back! Chop! Chop! These will leave very large marks. Whip, quick reverse to a kick, suplex onto the ropes, Benoit's midsection landing on 'em. I didn't know faces were allowed to work bodyparts! Benoit end up outside, so Edge decides to knock him down with a baseball slide dropkick, but Benoit side steps just in time. Benoit grabs Edge's left arm just long enough to provide a clear shot for a forearm to the left shoulder. Do it again. Working on that shoulder for the Crossface, of course - wow, with Edge down near the steps, Benoit hit a running dropkick to the bad shoulder. You could loudly tell it hit far more steps, but it was a nice sudden move. Benoit pulls him back in - one two Edge get the bottom rope. Edge is feeling that hurt shoulder, Benoit not really having noticeable rib/midsection problems. Benoit bars the left arm again, the better to ram the left shoulder into the corner. Kick to the midsection, and now Benoit will do it to the other shoulder. Cole reminds us that this was the shoulder that Angle hurt (by standing there while Edge flew at him at a high rate of speed) but doubts that Angle and Benoit are talking enough for Angle to clue him in about this weakness. Benoit going back to a standing arm bar, with Edge forced to his knees on his mat. Benoit shortened it up all the way up the shoulder, but Edge id drawing form the crowd and coming back - armdrag escape. Benoit's right back up though, back elbow to the injured left shoulder. Kick to the discretion, shoulder run into the corner a third time. Back suplex - Benoit ends up a ways away on impact, so it's a second before the cover - one two no. Announcers notice that Edge is bleeding from the nose, and a close up camera shot (EW!) confirms it, though we're not sure when it happened. (Stepping back a moment, Edge reached for his nose after the last shoulder run into the corner.) Benoit with a stomp to the shoulder. Whip, drop toe hold, off the ropes, dropkick to the shoulder. Benoit is FOCUSED. Snap suplex one two no hooked leg. Benoit with kicks to the leg, as Edge is sitting in the corner. Benoit pulls him up, corner whip, Edge goes down, so Benoit just follows with a legdrop to the back of the neck. Right in the corner. Chop. Tazz: "Benoit has machine-like emotions." Cole: "Machines don't have emotions!" Tazz: "That's my point." Benoit with a corner whip, charge into a back elbow. Edge climbs to the second rope, but Benoit catches him there with a series of rights. Benoit climbs, in search of a superplex of some kind, but Edge meets him with forearms to the back. They exchange more strikes, with Edge seemingly winning out - second rope front suplex! Edge can't capitalize - both men are down and rolling to opposite set of ropes. Cole talks in that tone of voice which makes you KNOW there's a break coming - and there you go.
Back, with Edge climbing to the top rope as Benoit is getting to his feet - missile dropkick is waved away! Crippler Crossface on the right shoulder! Edge is quick to the near ropes, grabbing the bottom with his right shoulder. Benoit takes advantage of the five count, then drops an elbow on that shoulder. During the break, we see that Edge nailed Benoit off the apron with a spear, sending Chris to the floor. In the real time, it's German Suplex German Suplex German Suplex. Benoit with the thumb across the throat, and he's going up. I really wish he wouldn't do this - swandive headbutt misses. Edge rolled out of the way. Both men are down and Brian Hebner is making the ten count - one two three four [seconds are long in Hebner world] five six seven - they're battling from their knees with cops. Benoit ducks one of Edge's, shoulder run into the corner, but Edge reverses to Snake Eyes at the last second - Edge-O-Matic! One two NO. Whip, Benoit appears to go for the arm bar lead into the shoulder smash, but Edge reverses into the Face Plant one two NO. Edge is still feeling that shoulder. Benoit pulled up for a chop. Whip, flapjack. Edge, with that left arm stuck to his side, gets in position for the Spear and waits for Benoit to stand - but Benoit side steps the charge and puts on the Crossface! Edge is about two arm lengths from the ramp side ropes, but Benoit is firmly planted to the mat this time. Edge is - tying up Benoit's legs? This last just long enough for me to wonder if he's all the sudden going to remember he knows how to do the Edgecator, but it turns out Edge was trying to get leverage to roll out of the hold. Problem is, Benoit keep rolling and now they're even more in the middle of the ring, with Benoit firmly in control. Edge is very desperate and grabbing at anything he can reach - that turns out to be Brian Hebner, which doesn't exactly break the hold. It does distract him, which means the referee misses Kurt Angle arriving at ringside and yanking Benoit right out of the ring. (I'm kinda surprised he didn't pull Edge in the Crossface with him.) Benoit looks like he's going to kill Angle, and Angle's telling him to hit him right in the face, which seems an odd tactic. Edge, not one to sit around while people are making no sense, decides to make good on that baseball slide dropkick he missed previously, this time making domino of Benoit and Angle. Edge goes from being smart to being not so smart, pulling himself to the top rope - suicide clothesline only hits Angle, as Benoit moves out of the way. To make it even better for Chris, Edge manages to land on that injured left shoulder. Benoit picks Edge up and throws him in hard. Clothesline misses - Edge hit the Spear. One two three. (15:28 - 'ccoriding to Mr. Ortega) Well that was sudden - the announcers go with "Kurt cost Benoit the match". Kurt's happy with himself, as you might expect. That early "work the midsection" thing was abandoned early, but I guess despite Benoit not really showing, it came home in the end?††
At the Halloween Party, John Cena honors Vanilla Ice's birthday with some bad hair and worse rhymes:†
Alright stop, collaborate and listen Ice is back with a brand new proposition your position is that of a failure I'm gonna nail you, to Jamie Noble's trailer and then I dare you, to run around and cause a scare give people the shakes, and make them to change their underwear I'm on top, it's my fault that you're under there. You want to bare? Have no fault, shave you back hair. I'm fast, I've got to go, it's been a blast came out of the locker room, stole Rey Mysterio's mask Tried to get 'taker's cast, but it was plastic, not my type Peace, I got to go, I'm off to hotwire his bike.
Jan the Makeup Lady and various others show their appreciation by booing. Jan's a wizard. Billy Kidman is the Phantom of the Opera. Funaki is Superman (#1 Superhero.) Chuck Palumbo is the Indian guy in the Village People. Torrie Wilson makes her way through the crowd - she's dressed as Tanja, Warrior Woman, which causes Tajiri a double take ("am I supposed to remember I broke up with her? - and why did this guy only mention one WOW joke") Tajiri's dressed as that 70's Guy Mike Awesome. We track with Tajiri (can't tell what Shannon Moore is wearing, you wouldn't think Reverend D-Von would be into Halloween but it looks like he's Huggy Bear) who decides to hit on two women at the bar, passing Stephanie (black witch of irony and unbelievably large breasts.) When it's two women who you can only see from behind and at a far Angle on this show, you know it's Moolah (Wilma Flintstone) and Mae Young (Marilyn Monroe), of course, and it only can go bad for Tajiri. Hey weren't they RAW talent or something? I don't really care. Elsewhere, we see Dawn Marie (cop in porn movie) and Al Wilson (the Fonz) arriving together. "Hey!" Tazz [cracking up]: "What the HELL is going on?"
Pudding match to come. Yep. Break.
Moments Ago - Angle and Benoit had problems, which took Benoit out of his groove, and Edge got the win. Angle laughs in slow motion.†
Back at the party, Chris (Chris Benoit, an angry man) has arrived, and he wants to know where Angle is hiding. Benoit yells for Angle, asking people - including a guy in a Scream Villain outfit - if they've seen him. No dice, but that doesn't stop him from yelling. Who's the guy in the Crash Dummy outfit? Benoit leaves, and we pan back over the Scream Villain to reveal - yep, it's Kurt.
Backstage, Brock Lesnar walks with his belt, past everyone hates Marc Loyd. As part of his ritual hazing, Marc's opted to dress as a very ugly woman and asks who Brock is supposed to be dressed up as. "The WWE Champion, that's who." That's not very creative. Brock walks into the locker room, where Paul Heyman is waiting to talk to him. "Brock, let me talk to you for a minute. I've been eying to figure out how to address you about this, because it's been eating me up inside. You know, when I was a kid, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier had a boxing match. They called it the Thrilla in Manila. And the match was so good, so violent, that it beat the greatness out of both men. Neither man was ever the same. Well, this year's equivalent of the Thrilla in Manila is called Hell in a Cell. And the two participants were the Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. Now, I saw the Undertaker last week, and he wasn't the same man he was walking in the cell. And Brock, Brock, you're not the same man either. We don't know the damage that match did to you, yet. You won't go for any tests! Brock, you wanna go go go, you want to take on the Big Show, and Brock - he's seven feet tall and he's five hundred pounds, and you want to manhandle this guy just to prove to it yourself that you can, but you can't manhandle the Big Show. And you can't suplex the Big Show, he's too big. And, I don't think you can get him up for an F5. And if you can't manhandle the Big Show, and† you can't suplex the Big Show, and you can't F5 the Big Show, Brock - Brock, you can't beat the Big Show. [Brock turns to face Paul for the first time.] And I know that's an assessment you want to hear, but it's what you pay me for. And it's why people like me make decisions for people like you. [Brock stares...and says nothing.] Break.
NBA 2K3 big fat chokeslam of last Thursday
Big Show is out - and in sliming black street clothes. They make jeans that big? I guess so. Sadly, this means he's out to talk. Big Show vs Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series! Call your PPV providers now. Wait, there's Korderas in the ring - oh, he's finally gotten better looking gear (anything)
Big Show vs Rikishi - Rikishi is all business on the way to the ring - and ducks a Show right as he comes in. Right right right - Show with a goozle, but Rikishi shoves it off and hits the thrust kick. Show is staggered but not going down. Another thrust kick, and Show is knocked through the rope toe outside. Rikishi out to follow - but Show turns on him, goozle and shove into the ringpost. Big open hand slap to Rikishi's chest. Rikishi thrown back in, and Show comes in over the top himself. Elbow top to the back of the neck. Back of the neck. Rikishi pulled up for a headbutt. Corner butt smash. Clothesline flips out Big Show. We still don't know how Big Show was traded for. One two no. As Korderas checks on Rikishi, Big Show quickly and savagely rips off a top corner buckle, then a middle one too. No untying, just yanking it off. Big Show goes aback to Rikishi and he's whipped into the exposed steel. Corner smash to make it feel even worse. Show easily picks up Rikishi over his shoulder - walking powerslam. Show waits for Rikishi to get up, killing the time by practicing his scary faces. Show finishes the medley with "eyes intensely popping out of sockets" - goozle, chokeslam. One two three. (2:25) Okay, now he's gonna talk. "Hey Brock, I know you're back there watching. What I just did to Rikishi is only a tenth of what you can expect at Survivor Series. Maybe you can't wait Brock. Why don't you come on down here? [totally out of breath at the end of sentences now] And I'll show you face to face what I'm capable of. Hey, I'll be right here waiting, little man."
In the back - we look at the door. Brock comes out, with Paul yelling behind him. "Brock, if you got out there, it's the biggest mistake that you'll ever make. Brock, please listen to me!" Brock is standing and thinking. Break.
Show is right where we left him, in the middle of the ring. "I got all night long. And hear me - SmackDown! will not continue until you come out here. Now maybe you're a little scared after what I did to Undertaker last week. And while we're waiting, let's roll the footage of what I did to the so-called American Badass." Well there you go. BOUNCE. Big Show makes Undertaker look thin, which is no mean feet. Also he lifted Undertaker like that. "That was nice. Now Brock, you want to talk about physical dominance. Last week, in a matter of seconds, I accomplished something you couldn't do in a matter of weeks. I took out the Undertaker. When I had the Undertaker, over my head, and he was screaming like a little child, I thought of you Brock, because you are a child. You think can do anything you want to, but take it from someone who knows about being the Next Big Thing. When you last expect it, reality will walk up and slap you in the face. And you reality is a seven foot tall, five hundred pound Giant. Brock, you can't beat me. I know it. These people know it. Even your own manager knows it. Everybody knows it but you. You see, you can't beat the Big Show. You can't beat Paul Wight! And you can't beat a Giant!" Brock Lesnar CAN get someone to play his music, so here he comes, belt in hand. Brock wastes no time in going nose to nose - well, nose to chin. Brock borrows the mic. "Show, I want to let you know something. I agree with you on one thing. You are a giant. You're a giant piece of [pause] [bleep]t." Show smiles, wipes his face, takes the microphone, and takes his leave. Brock shows his the belt, as he talks one more time. "You know champ, I've been advised not to beat your ass till Survivor Series, when I take your title. You know last week, I did something to the Undertaker that's never been done before. And tonight, I'm going to do something to you that's never been done before." Play his music. Brock points out the belt on his shoulder, but Show seems awful confident. Tazz made note of the word "advised", so we'll have to wonder about that.
And wonder why Torrie happened to be doing that particular stretch as she got ready for her Trick-Or-Treat match, next.
Lugz non-breakup kiss of Thursday
Dawn Marie vs Torrie Wilson in a Trick or Treat match - Oddly enough, the TV PG D L V (no S) box shows up just in time to show the usefulness of that system. We take a look at some of the fans who got dressed up themselves tonight, but nothing good enough for me to type about. If you've seen one match in a large pool of questionable brown liquid, you've seen them all. Yes, Mike Sparks gets dragged in. Wow, a suplex. While Torrie's not wearing all that much that keeps her covered to begin with, Dawn is relieved of her shirt. Both are wearing short skirts that manage to ride up very easily. They manage to splash liquid on two of the cameras in no time. Yep, the work in the referee gets rolled over by the women part. It's Falls Count Anywhere, but we all know it's really "first one to fall out of the pool is getting pinned", and after a final chop, Torrie gets the one two three. (1:46) Just to make sure all that chocolate didn't go to waste, Torrie throws Tony Chimel into the pool on his way out, splashing yet another camera.†
Back to the party. Tajiri tries to make his escape but it looks like he's out of luck. All these faces and heels hanging out, I guess you've got to put aside personal rivalries to celebrate a holiday as meaningful as Halloween. Lights out! Familiar music plays, and when the lights come back on, we see Matt Hardy (Version 1) has brought a boombox to play his music upon entering rooms. "Matt Hardy, Version One is here, and I think what this party needs is to be injected with a dose of Mattitude. [Boos] Tajiri, don't you know have match with Matt Hardy tonight, and you're sitting in here flirting with Mae and Moolah, Versions BC? Have you lost your mind? They don't have any Mattitude! Or if they did, it's definitely dried up by now. Tajiri, I suggest you get ready, because you're [pulls Tajiri's afro wig off] gonna get a Mattiude adjustment!" "You can't do that to my boyfriend!" "Boyfriend?!?!" "Boyfriend? Whoa. Don't worry, Marilyn, I'll send him back, after he suffers a very unfortunate Twist of Fate!" Matt Hardy has left the room. Mae reacts the only way she knows how, with a big deep kiss for Tajiri. This would probably take Tajiri out of his game. Hey, who's wearing the Rock mask? Hmm.
Rebellion Highlights (:39)
Back to the party. Nidia (dressed as Jamie Noble) bobs for apples as Jamie Noble (Nidia) roots her on. A few feet over, Eddie Guerrero (Zorro) and Chavo Guerrero (Tonto) go to talk to Stephanie, though Eddie has to remember to get over the extreme low cut and push up bra Stephanie's wearing, her being his boss and all. Eddie and Chavo would like a shot at the tag team titles after he beats Angle. Stephanie says she'll think about it, but he should get ready for his match. "Zorro's always ready!" Let's note Albert (Julius Caesar - the costume of choice for the cheap) and I think that's Bill Demott way in the back (tie-died shirt and Viking helmet - the costume of the clinically insane) before we get another rap session from Cena: "The old man's got a plan/he's chilling in the building/did I tell you I'm like a beer/chilling, less filling." Stephanie asks for that in English - apparently, Vince is waiting for Stephanie in her office. "Are you sure it was him?" "He's in your office and wants to see you." Stephanie takes off. Albert and others (who's got the Scarecrow outfit?) stand at a distance and prey on Cena's insecurity.
Matt Hardy (Version One) vs Tajiri - Fun Facts: Matt always got more Halloween candy than his brother, and has seen all of the Friday the 13th movies. Tajir has shed his disco outfit (and girlfriend), which would seem to be a good idea. Circle. Lockup, no they step back. Lockup, Matt with an armdrag. Celebrate! Version 1. Tajiri watched. Circle. Lockup, Matt side headlock, float around into a hammerlock, Tajiri reverses to hammerlock, than to the side headlock. Matt looking for an out - going to reverse the wristlock, battle for leverage, Tajiri's pushed back but manages to bridge back, then flip over to reverses to an armdrag. Another armdrag, handspring kip up, version one! Matt is not amused. Tajiri is! Circle. Lockup-, no Matt with an inside cradle (with tights?) one two NO. Matt takes a moment to let the front row fans he was that close. Tajiri stands and watches, so Matt tells Tajiri how close he was right there. Tajiri responds with a kick to the face, which seem fair. Matt out, Tajiri following with a baseball slide - Asai Moonsault! Tajiri with a stomp as we replay that kick to the face from a moment ago. Matt thrown in, Tajiri to the apron, shoulder to matt's gut, slingshot roll in and over, Tajiri tries a clothesline but Matt drops him with Side Effect. Oh my, Cole actually called it. One two NO. Shots to the back of the neck by Matt. Tajiri tries to pull himself up by the ropes, so Matt applies a modified camel clutch through the ropes. Mike Choida reminds him that's not quite legal. Matt lets go, then pulls Tajiri by his hair in the corner. Forearms to the upper back while Tajiri is stuck in the corner. Choida tell shim to let go† - Matt reminds him that he's Version One. Choida is not impressed. Back to Tajiri - big open hand slap. How about a chop? Tajiri fighting back with open hand slaps of his own, but Matt stops that with an eye rake (hurting his hand in the process.) Matt with the flapjack on the ropes. And a - I think I decided that was a back suplex into an elbow driver. One two no. 3/4 bulldog hold by Matt, kicking the back of Tajiri's knees to force him down to the mat. Tajiri looking to rally back mat cranking it in. Tajiri looking to draw form the crowd and they do get behind him - Tajiri back to his feet, right, right, right, off the ropes, into the back elbow, legdrop follow. Matt grabs his leg coming up, but he seems okay. Matt tries to pull up Tajiri, but Tajiri is a lot of dead weight. Slam. "Now we go here!" Second Rope Legdrop...takes too much time, and Tajiri rolls out of the way. Both men down. One two three four Tajiri with a right, Matt with a right, Tajiri with a right, Matt with a right, Tajiri with a right, Matt with a right, Tajiri with a dropkick to the head to trump all. Matt up, clothesline misses, Tajiri's back thrust kick does not - one two NO. Whip, reversed, watch a replay of that kick while Tajiri hits the handspring back elbow.† Matt up, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip, Matt sits down, Tajiri bridges out and nails Matt with a back heel kick to the back of the head! Rolling him over, one two NO. Both a little slow up, Tajiri a bit frustrated. Tajiri with a kick to the midsection, corner whip, reversed, Tajiri kips up into the Tarantula but Matt reverses (that way never works) into a huge wheelbarrow suplex! one two NO. Matt pounds the mat in frustration. "That was three!" "It was two, it was close, he got it up!" He's working on getting an NFL job, you see. Matt with a right for Tajiri. Tajiri tries a kick, Matt catches it, Matt punches, Tajiri ducks, Matt spins himself around and Tajiri applies the bodyscissors to pull Matt into the Tarantula - Tajiri cranks in for as long as he's allowed. Sizing up for the KO Kick - ducked! Matt with a kick to the midsection, Twist of - reversed into a backslide, but Matt puts a stop to that with a low blow mule kick (seemed to hit one of Tajiri's leg's on the way up, muddled). Twist of fate one two three. (7:37) I guess Mae won't go home happy tonight.†
Backstage, Stephanie looks in the office - and finds someone wearing a Vince McMahon mask. "If it isn't my little daughter, Stephanie." "What do you want?" "Well, since the new of Scott Steiner broke, it appears to me that he's going to be joining, RAW." "Oh, what gives you that idea - Vince." See, even Stephanie figured it's Eric Bischoff under the mask (of irony), and Eric pulls it off to clear it up for the slow people. "Because I'm the guy, who's going to sign him." Stephanie goes for the feared slap, but Eric has her scouted and blocks. And then he...kisses her? Deep.† Stephanie fights it off for a bit...and then gets into it. I think my best description would be a sustained and loud "EEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" Stunned silence as Eric leaves - Stephanie isn't quite sure what happened. I wish I wasn't either. This was better when Eric as Kurt. Kinda.
Subway Eddie helps Benoit beat Angle.†
WWE Tag Team Champion Kurt Angle vs Eddie Guerrero - Eddie has green tights this week, which isn't as cool as any of his other ones. Eddie also prolongs the entrance so we can take a look at more fans in the audience. Bell. Eddie respond by going to yell at the front row fans. Circle.† Lockup, Angle goes for a single leg, then gets a waistlock, Eddie slips out, Angle back with it again, Eddie slips out, Angle back on it again, Eddie to the ropes. Fans have decided that Eddie sucks. Circle, lockup, Angle with a waistlock, headlock on Edge, off the ropes, shoulderblock and down goes Eddie. off the ropes, hiptoss, Angle with a hiptoss the other way. Armdrag. Angle picks up Eddie high in a double leg lift, and flips him over backdrop style Eddie isn't happy, and takes a movement outside the get out some of that anger. Brian Hebner keeps Angle from coming out, and thinks about actually counting out Eddie - wow, he's really doing. Eddie back in at 3. Lockup, Eddie goes for a single leg, but Angle is quickly behind in that waistlock again. Eddie gets the ropes, Angle is slow to let go so Eddie tries to battle up, then uses Hebner as interference to land a right. Right, right, right right, kicking Angle down in the corner now. Eddie over him with another punch before he's pulled back by Heber - Angle out with a clothesline! Whip, back elbow, reversed, Eddie misses a clothesline but Angle does not misses the jumping forearm. One two no. Eddie backs away from Angle, so Angle charges at him - right into a drop toe hold into the middle corner buckle. Angle rebounds out, right into a back suplex, flipping Angle over in the process. Here's a replay - Angle was turned to the side on that move but Eddie managed to drop him on his back. Back to "live", where Eddie is working a boot choke in the corner. Now he's gone back to punches - holding Angle in place with his own tights while he uses the point of his elbow on Angle's bald head. Front facelock on now, Eddie quickly spinning around and onto Angle's back to put on the chinlock. Eddie's full weight on Angle's back, but the crowd has turned in his favor with a "Let's Go Angle chant." Angle to one knee, getting up, elbow, elbow, elbow and he's free. Right, but Eddie gets an headlock, Angle shoots him into the ropes, Eddie comes back with something in between a clothesline/shoulderblock that takes Angle by surprises. Eddie immediately goes back to the reverse chinlock. Tazz thinks Angle was knocked goofy by that back suplex, and he's still suffering. Angel again elbowing out. Whip, powerslam, but Angle cant' cover. Eddie up right - dropkick to the knee, dropkick to the back of the head. Boot choke, leaning on the ropes to crank it in. Hebner counts to three, than forces the break - someone should tell him that it's a five count. Eddie with - let's call it a reverse leg choke on the ropes. Kinda neat. Angle on the apron, so Eddie suplexes him back in. One two no. Eddie back to the rear chinlock - Angle trying to keep it from getting to tight. Fans chant Angle, and he's responding - back to his feet. Back elbows out, off the ropes, into a knee lift. Eddie firmly in control - figure four leg sleeper! Eddie has a hold of Angle's left arm, just to make sure Angle can't turn it, then he grabs the middle rope to get more leverage. Angle not showing any hope of getting out, and Hebner has to check if he's still there. One arm drop. Two arm drop. Three - wait, no, he got it up. Angle is trying to turn it - flipped over and right into the anklelock! Eddie kick shoves Angle away after an instant, and a clothesline knocks him back down. Eddie waits for Angle to get up - chinlock, dropkick to the back of the head. Eddie with rights in the corner, beating Angle down to the mat hard. Eddie yells at the fans. Eddie hopping - back to work on Angle with a right. Corner whip, no reversed to a short kick by Eddie. Corner whip and Angle goes in chest first, Eddie getting a waistlock on the rebound, but Angle recovers to switch to his own waistlock - low Angle release German suplex! Eddie lands on his front side! Both men down, and Hebner is making yet another ten count. Replay of the suplex, as Eddie and Angle start to move. It's a punch battle - Eddie with right, Angle, Eddie, Angle, Angle, Angle, whip, clothesline hits. Clothesline. Whip, big backdrop. Angle is rolling. Eddie misses a wiled clothesline, Angle gets a wristlock, Eddie desperately back elbows out, then pushes aside Hebner to bounce of the ropes - but runs right into Angles' overhead belly to belly suplex one two Eddie gets his foot on the bottom rope. Angle with a right. Corner whip, reversed, Angle rebounds out into an Eddie kick. Brainbuster - no, Angle goes behind, German Suplex German Suplex German Suplex! One two NO. Straps down, Angle setting up for the Olympic Slam - but Eddie reverses to a Oklahoma Roll one two no! Angle up quick with a clothesline to reassert control - corner, whip, Angle charge into a back elbow. Eddie jumps to the second rope, turns in mid-air and hits a off the second rope Tornado DDT (I think you could call it a "springboard off the second rope DDT with a twist" but that's wordy - maybe someone can make up a cute name like "Dust storm DDT" to save typing - or maybe they shouldn't) one two NO! Eddie pounds his chest, and grapevines the legs - Lass from El Paso, although Eddie has some initial trouble getting his lower back leg on Angle's head. Angle takes advantage, grabbing that back leg, and pulling Eddie right into the Angle lock. Eddie battles with the movement he can make, and grabs the ropes. Angle goes for a waistlock, but Eddie's got the ropes, then he's got Hebner, and finnaly he's got a much better low blow mule kick. Eddie stars to go out, then comes back in - "brainbuster like vertical suplex". I think he's feeling froggy - so does Tazz! Eddie a little slow up, and Angle recovers just enough to shove Hebner into the ropes, crotching Eddie. Referee went a long way for Angle being almost out. Eddie's hurt on the top rope, but Angle is slow up. Angle to his feet, but here's Chavo Guerrero - and one forearm later, Chavo gets a trip to the floor. Angle turns back to Eddie, and running top rope overhead belly to belly toss from the top is stopped gold by a Chris Benoit belt shot! Where did he come from? Eddie picks up where he left off - Frogsplash! One two three. (13:23) Eddie's thrilled - he won, and he's friends with Benoit again. Benoit gives him a look -a the belt upside the head! Benoit out to check on Chavo, and knocks him back down with a third belt shot! Chris seems pretty pleased with himself - I guess he's on his own side. Which doesn't work well when you're a tag team champion, but I don't think he's thinking about that right now. Replay of Benoit nailing Angle - he must've jumped the barricade over by the announcers.†
"Always" by Saliva is your Survivor Series theme song. And here's some MSG footage that you saw on RAW - Cole says it's a joint RAW/SmackDown production.†
Back to the party - ah, it was Crash (Test Dummy), with the most logical costume of the group. I think that's Shelton Benjamin in the clown suit (mostly because the number of skinny black guys on this show is very small), which is certainly one way to mention he's switched from RAW to SmackDown! otherwise unannounced. Who's the guy in the big bear suit? The guy dressed like Angle who just walked in seem to be Kurt Angle, and he's not happy that everyone is partying while he's getting laid out. Shannon Moore (Devil) almost gets his first lines, but serves mostly as the guy in the wrong place at the wrong time - thrown into a table. "No body goes anywhere till I find Benoit! Stay right here! Get in here! Benoit! Benoit! Shut your mouth!" Angle spies a (somewhat obviously large) guy in Angle's Scream Villain costume, and Angle is SURE it's Benoit. Angle pulls off the mask - "I loooooooooove you!" What the heck, it's Brother Love. That makes absolutely no sense! (I thought it was gonna be Rikishi.) Now the guy who just punked out Angle from behind, I'm pretty sure he's actually Benoit. Or that's a pretty good costume. Angle bobs for apples (and actually comes up with one), then gets it slapped out of his face. Angle coming back with a knee, rights, and throwing Benoit into the wall. Benoit breaks a chair on him! Crossface! The costumed crowd is kinda rooting on this brawl now - Angle's reversed it into an Angle lock. Jamie Noble is yelling for Benoit to get up - I guess he wants to see more. Benoit is yelling, then kicking Angle away. Angle grabs Benoit from the floor - Olympic Slam, but Benoit's picked up a bottle and cracks it over Angle's head as Angle drops him, causing Benoit to go flying into a table and Angle to be KOed. Both men unconscious was probably the only way this brawl way going to end. Jamie is loud.
Coming up next - Rey Mysterio vs Brock Lesnar.
Moments ago, the fight in the party room. They managed to spot shadow (Tazz's insider lingo) the bottle on the second slo-motion replay.†
Rey Mysterio vs WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) in a non-title match - Brock takes his belt off at the bottom of the ramp, shoves it to Heyman, and does the normal leap to the apron - but Rey's slid out under him, to the floor. Brock hops down to chase him, Rey slides in the ring and nails Brock with a second rope leg drop as Brock comes in - Brock is knocked out of the ring, but mostly unphazed. Brock dives back in, Rey runs but Brock catches him - hard throw into the corner.† Corner charge but no one's home - inside cradle but Brock blocks it by grabbing on to the ropes, then tries to stomp Rey's lights out but Rey ducks back out of the ring. The chase is on again - Rey circles around the ring with Brock a turn behind, then stops behind a set of steps and ducks out of camera view. Brock slows down, having noticed where Rey hid just before he got out of view - big kick to the stairs, but no one's there. Where did Rey go? Tazz: "It's a mystery! Get it - mystery, Mysterio..." Anyway, Rey crawled under the ring and around that corner, and now he's up on the top rope with Brock turning to see him - top rope Thesz press! Brock pops right back up! Rey identifies this as a Very Bad Sign if the facial impression is to be believed. Brock charges with a clothesline to the base of the ramp, but Rey runs towards and under, hop to the apron, turn and a 'rana - is blocked! Rey's left hanging - swung sideways into the ringpost! He stole that from Blackman! Kinda. Replay as Rey lands down, grabbing his shoulder. Brock breaks the ten count, then throws in Rey. Brock pushes Rey around with the tip of his foot. Double underhook lift into a over the shoulder back breaker - Brock just walks around with Rey on his shoulder, cranking it - and there's the drop into a face first slam. Brock standing over Rey, in no particular hurry. Pushing around Rey's head with his foot again. Brock's telling Rey to look into his eyes - double choke lift, thrown up, caught, overhead belly to belly suplex! Rey is getting destroyed. Brock again taking his time following up - Brock pulls him up with a double choke again, then gets right in his face. Shoulder to the gut, and Rey goes down. Brock pulls him back up. Cole tells us that Rey challenged Brock. Brock backing up - shoulder charge meets post. Rey runs - 619 to the midsection! Dropkick to the back of the knee. Dropkick to the knee, dropkick to the back. Brock's in position - 619 is caught by the Big Show† though Brock might have been moving just in time. Big Show picks Rey up into a pr3ess - and he's thrown four rows deep! Well, that's a DQ. (3:57) Brock is out and after show - forearm, shoved into the post. Brock with a kick, whip, no Show reverse it into a spinebuster pickup - Brock back first into the post! Big clothesline. Show setting up - goozle, chokeslam through the announce table! Show either lost his grip on the neck or changed to holding the midsection to get better leverage while he had him up, but it still looked okay. Show is happy with his work, and scares away the referee when he tries to get him way. Replay of Rey getting thrown - we still don't know where he landed, but it seemed as though someone caught it. And there's the modified chokeslam. "I will destroy you! Give me the belt! GIVE ME THE BELT! IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE!" Play his music - here's another replay - is there enough of Brock left over from HitC to beat the Big Show. "It's all mine! It's all mine! IT'S ALL MINE!"††
Thanks for transcribing Cena's raps and identifying all the people you could at the party. I heard the guy in the bear costume was Mike Awesome in his last contractual appearance! And why wasn't Mark Henry there? BECAUSE HE'S JUMPING TO RAW! You heard it here first!
Thanks a metric ton for the recap, though I can really understand why you wouldn't want to do it on a regular basis. Is anyone trying to hammer out a system for [slash] people to fill CRZ's shoes? I've been checking the web for a new recapper, and they all suck.
It seems that I'm the defacto RAW Recaper, which kind of sucks because all I'm doing is making fun of it (well, at the very least you get to know the basic angles and matches, I guess...).
I don't mind having two Smackdown Recaps, though, it's just another level of opinion. Plus if somebody can't do it one week, the other one is there to cover.
Then again, if you want to take RAW Gugs, go ahead with that. The Satire stuff is pretty weak aside from a pure humour stand point.
Unless, that is, you'd like to believe that Test's current angle REALLY is about beastiality.
(edited by Excalibur05 on 4.11.02 2140)
Since everyone else is doing it (ok, not EVERYONE, but...)
Vikings (2-6) - Um...yeah. Way to go Defense? Never mind... Badgers (6-4) - Umm...Still over .500...Yeah... Buffy 7.1 earns a hey...I saw this last week. Where's my Halloween episode? This week's had better be good.